Tuesday night wrapped up Brady’s ninth cycle of chemotherapy. It proved to be different than all the rest, in lots of ways, and we are thankful to see it over with for the month!

There was SO MUCH LEAD UP to this cycle! With covid spreading through the house, we lived in some decent fear that Brady would catch it. Many of you have read along, and you know we couldn’t get any kind of straight answer from anyone about whether or not covid would mess up our plans for chemo. In the midst of that mess, we learned that Bradys white blood cell count is incredibly low. A pretty minimal amount of effort concluded that his count was likely down because his body was fighting harder than usual. Which lined up pretty appropriately with fighting to stay covid-free. When the day of chemo came, and Brady had his chemo review appointment with his oncologist, they seemed to think everything was totally fine, and onward we went! We only got covid results halfway through the chemo cycle, but regardless, they were negative! Wouldn’t have mattered anyway! Whew!!

I imagine, due to fighting illness and having a low white blood cell count, Brady was much more tired this particular time around. He was significantly less stable on his legs, and he wore out really fast when he would do his regular workouts. I would say it was his most challenging cycle of chemotherapy thus far, yet in the grand scheme, we are SO fortunate with how easily Brady tolerates the treatments. Thank you Lord, for keeping this huge challenge more gentle than we could have ever imagined.

I have to catch myself. I am SO eager for it to be over, and I don’t want to wish time away. But goodness. Guys, there are only THREE treatments left! As soon as we rounded the halfway point, I started to feel gleeful. While I don’t want to pretend I’m unhappy when I’m actually happy, I want to keep calm and to be able to roll with the punches. The punches being roadblocks, like Brady’s white blood cell count getting lower and needing to delay chemo. I need to be ready for those things. But I am still hopeful 💜

February is a BIG month. If you think of us and want to know how to carry us in prayer, please pray for this upcoming month. Most of our kids are still home, and they’ll likely go back just in time for February break – a whole week off. That will be an upside-down time, I assume. Also, this month holds our anniversary. Rowan’s birthday. Another chemo cycle. And the icing on the cake – the anniversary of Brady’s surgery. My whole body shivers with dread even as I type about it here. What a life altering time. And its SO soon.

So. Many. Deep. Breaths.

Thank you God for bringing us through chemo cycle #9, and every day before and since then 💜 We trust you, Lord.

It was around the time Dekker first came down with covid that I learned Joann’s Fabric ships to Canada. I tried for a solid six hours not to go on that website, but lo and behold, I gave in and was not mad about it. The prices were totally comparable, if not better. There was a blanket 20% off sale, plus free shipping if you ordered over a certain amount. So I was pretty stoked, and I started just daydreaming, and putting yarn in my cart. Just to see. I looked through everything they had for yarn, and I put in just about everything I wanted. Not like everything everything, but things I was excited about! Things I had never seen before. Things that were amazing prices. Things I could not find for the life of me locally. The cart was right around the right dollar value for free shipping when I realized I hadn’t added the coupon code yet. So I did that, and it brought the cost down, but the free shipping still remained. I wasn’t about to turn that down.

In all the back and forthing and hemming and hawing, the coupon added twice. Which never works. But it DID!!!

So, I present to you my beautiful yarn haul 😍

Shall we begin?

First we have these. They’re called “Feels Like Butta” and they absolutely do! They are crazy soft. I saw them at Michaels ONCE and have never seen them since. I have baby dreams still floating around my head, and I have some delicious goals with these. I bought four of each color – pink, blue, and grey.

Now this line of yarn is SO COOL! Its a fairly basic worsted weight yarn, but the colors are meant to mimic skin tones! Isn’t that cool? Really wonderful for people who make dolls or amigurumi figures. I, however, bought them because I think this carmelly color would go super nicely alongside the red/black/buffalo plaid. I bought four.

This yarn is called Big Twist, and they are also CRAZY soft! I ordered four of each of these colors. I only received one of the pink ones. Two are still shipping and one was cancelled. Don’t ask me why. But I received four of the second color and I like it WAY more, which I never would’ve expected.

This one doesn’t look like anything too special. Red Heart is a very cheap, basic brand that is everywhere. However, I have been on a hunt for peach yarn that is not baby yarn. Baby yarn tends to be VERY fine, and I like good beefy yarn. This yarn fit the bill! I ordered four (surprise) and they sent three, with one still in the mail. Again, don’t ask me why.

This yarn I was positively pining for, but it was sold out all over Saskatoon. Its called spice market and the colors are just unreal. The pictures don’t do it justice. I wish I could buy twenty of these and make a stack of beautiful things for next Christmas. But I did not. Can you guess how many I ordered?

Four. The answer was four.

And then I got these, lol!

Lol! So this I was just excited about because its a LOT of yarn in one skein. I really love the color of these that I chose. They’re really soft. In this case, I only bought two, because they’re huge.

Believe it or not, I practiced great restraint while making this order. By then end of it, I will have 33 balls of yarn, and my entire order came to $140. No excuses left. Time to make some beautiful things and put some up for sale!

So you may have noticed Cher teasing me over Facebook, saying I should blog about my leg hair. So. Here you have it!

I have waxed my legs since I was about 18. I have always been bad at shaving. While so many of my friends could quickly shave in the shower, I would have to set in a bath for a solid half hour and I would still come out bleeding. Yes, even with good razors. I was just SO bad at it! While I’m an adult and could probably do a much better job now, I chose to wax, and I vastly preferred it!

So I’ve been doing that consistently since I was 20, so thats 13 years. There have been long spells where I’ve neglected my legs, but my waxing girl just laughs with me and she cleans me up all nice. Zero shame in it, thank goodness.

I neglected everything over covid, as I think many people did. But I caught up. And then this last year, I think I waxed my legs twice?? Like hardly. When I think of it like that, I sound like a total monster. But I’m realizing how I can so easily forget!

Get ready.

I last waxed my legs in October. OCTOBER!

Yes. Its LONG. I know. But look how little there is!!!!

This picture is sharpened so you can really see whats there, but guys, thats all there is!!! Its way less coarse. Its lighter. And its WAY sparser.

I think my 13 years of waxing have finally started to pay off, and I have fewer hair follicles to deal with. Absolutely worth it!

Maybe some day, normalcy will restore and I’ll actually be in the city once in a while, and I can get back to going in more regularly, to even do my pits!! Because those suckers are just as neglected as my legs but they do not look quite so sparse 😬

Well. There you have it. My bare hairy legs. You’re welcome.

*takes bow*

*falls flat on face*

Rowan and Brady had PCR tests last Tuesday and we FINALLY got the results yesterday evening! Goodness! I think Brady must’ve checked his ehealth account every hour or two, but while we were eating supper, Dr. Guselle texted to confirm all that we had been believing to be true.

Rowan is covid positive.

Brady has remained covid negative!!!

This helps me feel SO much more content about Brady having gone forward with his chemo round without having answers. And it clarified what we already believed about Rowan.

This does mean, however, that we are under lockdown even longer :/ Ugh. All the boys are allowed back at school before the week is out, but Laela – being the one school aged kid who didn’t get sick – has to stay home the longest, as she’s been exposed the entire time. Really, it feels like she’s being punished for staying healthy 😆 I know its for her health and wellness, but my goodness its been SUCH a long stretch! Lucky for us, she is one who is happy to do work from home. So that helps. But she for sure won’t be back to school before February.

They’re making the most of their time together, though, so I really can’t complain. They play hard while Brady does his thing…

And I do mine.

Happy Monday, friends. I hope your week is starting strong and that you feel capable! And also that you didn’t dump your coffee down your shirt this morning like I did. *le sigh*

It seemed like a simple enough day. I enjoyed how peaceful it was and how well the kids did. Brady enjoyed being productive in the garage. The kids played outside for a bit and seemed to play well inside as well. They colored and kept busy.

I crocheted and wrapped up part of an order that I was really excited about.

We did a little reminiscing, as we’ve been trying to make space on the laptop to help it run better. It was nice to see summer and remember how good it was.

Goodness I cannot wait for nicer weather.

We ate breakfast for supper, which we’ve really been enjoying recently. Bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns. Boring for some but our kids LOVE it, as do Brady and I. Though. We did suffer a great loss.

*sigh* My favorite whisk. Tis a sad day. But supper still tasted good.

Aaaaand then the day when down the crapper. It was a serious doozy of an evening. NOT our best, or even close. Truly one of the worst. I haven’t felt this shaky on my feet in a good while, and I’m glad the kids are down for the day now and I can rest my heart, brain, and body.

It doesn’t hurt that our friends brought us some (a lot) of their birthday cake to wash the day down.

If hard days could always equal cake, I might be slightly less rattled when they come along. I don’t care to relive this evening, but I do care to relive this cake. And I still can! Its not over.

Tomorrow, some normalcy will reappear around here. I’ll talk more about it tomorrow 💜

I’ve talked a lot about how we’ve been feeling, and how I’m tearing my hair out, waiting for ANY answers. But I figure you’re all probably ready to hear about the kids! There isn’t a ton to report, but I’ve got a little.

Now that Dekker is feeling better, he’s back at his usual stuff. Today he made a whole brochure about remote control cars. If you ever want to know, just ask him. He is bursting with information.

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Laela was at the island a lot today, being artistic and crafty. I am the very proud of recipient of her gifts today. She is both incredibly artsy and also incredibly soft and warm and loving.

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“She is always the princess” caught me in the heart. Oof.

Rowan has been incredibly low key these days. Doing lots of reading on the couch. Occasionally humouring Laela and playing downstairs with her. Today he even went outside for a little bitty bit! He’s definitely still himself!

Solomon is also quite low key these days. He’s been playing lego like crazy, which has been really awesome for him! But I don’t have a whole bunch to report there, either. He’s been relaxed.

Aaaaand Wavy. Her top priority is FASHION! Hahahahaha!! She’s terribly cute, and is always changing outfits and accessories. She is such a ham, and a very real source of entertainment around here.

We’re honestly having a really nice time being together 💜But I think all of us will welcome the structure of school when the time comes.

Dekker can go back on Monday. Solly on Tuesday. The rest remain home until further notice. Which will hopefully be very, very soon!

Aaaaany minute now…

We’ve received a lot of love and care this week. Maybe people poking their heads in to ask what we need, or what might help us get through time more smoothly. And realistically, all we’ve needed is time. Friday has been the day we’ve aimed for. And its finally upon us.

And guys, we still don’t have all the answers!! My gosh!

Brady starts a chemo cycle this weekend. We’ve been lying in wait, unsure if the cycle can go forward if there is covid in the house, or if Brady has symptoms, or if he actually shows positive for covid. I am both frustrated with and for the people who all work at the cancer centre. Yes of course we are frustrated with their lack of answers for absolutely anything but I do believe that just about everything is on a case-by-case basis and they really can’t say much. Still. It is maddening to receive little NO information to give us ANY indication of what direction things MIGHT move in! GAHHHHH!

Aaaaanyway. We’ve been waiting for covid results for Brady and Rowan since they were both swabbed on Tuesday around noon. No answers. No information.

With that, though, Dr. Guselle texted Brady yesterday evening and said she didn’t have their PCR results. However, she did have his bloodwork back. This is a standard blood draw that happens a few days before ever chemo cycle. We’ve never had any feedback on how it turns out. But she noted that his white blood cell count was very low, and inquired if Brady’s oncologist had mentioned it. He told her his appointment was the next day, and he would ask.

Now. Chemo is a scary ass thing. No secret. You know when people say things like “It wasn’t the cancer that killed them, it was the chemo.” Thats what happens when your white blood cell count gets so low that your body can’t fight sickness anymore. Thats a really scary thing that can come from chemo.

So naturally, I was reeling. Did NOT care for that ONE BIT.

Friday finally came. Brady had his chemo review appointment, and they said he is good to go for his round! They said while he is definitely on the lower end in terms of white blood cell count, he is still above the line where they would talk about considering delaying his cycle. So forward we go!

We still don’t have results for Rowan or Brady’s PCR tests, but regardless, we’re all living that masky life, with all the extra handwashing and cleaning, for at least a few more days. So nothing big will change if their results are positive.

Except that Brady’s chemo cycle might change if his was positive. But we don’t get to know if it would or wouldn’t confidently. So. We shrug. And we go with the flow.

The flow of Brady’s cycle.

You guys hear it, too, right? His chemotherapy just sounds like his period 😆 Yes, I’m allowed to joke about that. He knows.

If the results are both negative, we are OUT of this covid hole in just a few days!!! 💜 Please carry us in prayer.

Any one has been close to us for any real length of time knows we are a Hamilton family! I have a very real love for musicals and theatre, and that has passed along to my husband and our family. No. No one is just humouring me. We really, really enjoy it! Brady and I weaselled both my mom and Cher into watching it with us, and while both went in very politely, not expecting to really care for it, both loved it. We listen to the soundtrack almost every day, and the kids sing along with it. They know it very, very well. Its possible we have a little bit of a Hamilton problem over here.

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Yes, you read it correctly. I am in the top 0.005% of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s listeners last year. If that doesn’t say #1 fan, I don’t know what does.

A while back, when we just found out Dekker had covid, we said if everyone came down sick, we’d all hole up downstairs and watch Hamilton together. While we are not ALL sick, Dekker will go back to school next week and we’re not sure if the others are going with him or not. Still awaiting some results. But we figured, if there was a time to do it, that time was now!

So today, after breakfast, we surprised them all and everyone snuggled up downstairs for a movie day.

Not only was this special because its a movie we’ve talked SO much about, or that they already know it backwards and forwards, but its also a real treat for our kids who almost never watch tv.

I have to admit, I was actually a little teary as we started watching it. My heart so badly wants them to love theatre the way I do. Even just one of them! Whoever I can get! Hahaha! I want them to love what they love, but I have such an ache for theatre, and I hope they do too.

I can tell you one thing – they were fascinated by the setting! The fact that it is acted in the setting of a broadway play rather than your standard movie was something I figured they’d either really like or really hate. But they were focused.

This won’t make sense unless you’ve seen it, but…

Dekker LOVED the king. LOVED the king. He caught lots of the jokes and belly laughed his way through those songs.

Laela loves the Schuyler sisters. All of them. She actually told me she loved them before they even came on screen, so it wasn’t just about their dresses or dancing. She knew them from the songs. Those sisters are powerhouses, so she is bang on correct for loving them so much.

Rowan was glued to the screen 100% of the time. I could hardly get him to speak to me. He was so swept up in it. My little lefty. My artist. Naturally he’s the one whose gaze I could not break.

Solomon had a stronger attention span for it than I thought he would! He said he really liked the kings “stick” (his sceptre that he carried) but that is VERY Solly. At one point, Solly sang along loudly with the lyrics. He said “What time is it?” And the rest of the kids sang back, with the actors, “SHOWTIME!” I loved that so much.

Wavy was just enamoured. She loved everything. The king – his crown was really cool. The sisters – they had nice dresses. George Washington – he looked sad. She wanted to know why. She was just swept right up in it. At one point, Dekker moved to sit somewhere else, and Wavy moved into his spot so she could be closer.

I tipped the kids off along the way as to what was happening. The entire play is in song, so there isn’t lots of clear dialogue to help the young ones out. But it didn’t matter. They knew the words, and could just watch and enjoy it.

It was an incredible way to spend the morning. We watched the first half of the movie (Its THREE HOURS!) and we plan to watch the rest this afternoon. I’m so looking forward to it. We don’t do much tv here at all, but its incredibly enjoyable to make it into a family event.

Lastly, my plug for Hamilton. Its on Disney+, and it is incredibly enjoyable. If you actually want to understand it, and don’t know the history behind it, give a super quick read to know who Alexander Hamilton was, who was in his life, etc. And then just soak up the musical. Because its genius! Informative, cohesive, hilarious, suspenseful, etc. The list goes on. Cannot get enough of this.

I hope today is restful for you in some way. If not, I suggest you wind down tonight with a movie. Perhaps after…

Some of you get it 😉

Its been an unreal time of change in our home. In our family. In our life. The last year has been an unreal shakedown. The last few weeks have been on par. And some days, its hard to see past our front door. Our cute purple front door. The one with the big fat threshold that gets in Brady’s way.

A lot has been weighing on us recently. Brady and I are both feeling that nagging to get our obvious big life stuff figured out. But you can’t just fix it. It doesn’t happen that easily. I’m feeling an itch to find a job to we have some income. We are still stable financially, but living out of a lump sum doesn’t provide the longevity we’d all like to have. And it certainly doesn’t cover us on paper to build a house.

Quick recap on house stuff:

We are looking to build a barrier free, universally designed bungalow. Universal design means it is accessible to everyone but it doesn’t look like a hospital. Picture wide doorways, no thresholds, customized kitchen, and a driveway/front walk that go smoothly into the house with no roadblocks. Anyone could live there. We would have ALL fridges, freezers, and laundry on one floor. The entrance wouldn’t be cramped. We’d have a separate shower unit, again barrier-free, for Brady.

We do not qualify because we don’t have proof of permanent income, nor do we have 300K *gulp* to put down upfront.

We will have income, but we can save a small fortune by contracting the build ourselves, which is a pretty huge job on its own, so ideally that would come after.

Building in a few years is feasible, though Brady’s condition will likely not progressively get better and better with age.

At the current point in time, we have two good tax years to show the bank. Very soon, we will not.

The time is NOW.

Yet, as far as we can tell, apparently it is not.

I wish there was a way where our creative ventures could pay for our life. And honestly, I do feel thats the route we may land on over time. Yet its time we don’t have in terms of building our home anytime soon. Its now, or way down the road.

I trust the Lord. As I feel so held back some days, I look around and see we are abundantly loved and cared for. God shows His love through people often – always. We have not been without anything we need. Brady has been showered with gifts of tools and equipment to be able to make his living in a way he loves and is capable of!! I have resources and skill and encouragement to be able to create some things on my own, as well. Our children have books and toys and games and puzzles coming out of every corner. My pantry and chest freezer overflow.

I cannot be wanting anything more.

Truly, in my heart of hearts, I do believe we will move, and things will change for the better. I need to be better with my focus. God knows our plans. And truly, we know some of them! We had some big things in the works behind the scenes where we were definitely answering Gods call, so when everything fell to pieces, they have been on pause. But I do believe our time will come again, and it will not work here. So we wait, not always so patiently, for something to work. The right thing is rarely the easy thing. I am learning endurance like never before.

I trust you, Lord.

Its been a strange day. And its not even over.

Wavy was looking terribly cute tho!

So today was a day we took yet another kid in for a PCR. This one.

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Mr. Rowan spiked a fever out of nowhere a couple of days ago. REALLY hot, REALLY fast. He didn’t cry or complain, but he was just suuuper low key. Very sleepy and snuggly. We had plans to get Brady a PCR today, so we just lumped Rowan into that without issue.

You may have noticed we’ve been able to get PCRs a lot quicker than many. Yes, we have found a way, and we are overwhelmed with gratefulness yet again to have so many people looking out for us and loving us the way they do 💜

So that was all today! First, we took Brady for his chemo bloodwork. They usually send out the info and blood req weeks before we need it, and we’ve often forgotten it at home, leaving Brady outside the blood clinic, calling for forms to be faxed on the spot. Its not fun for anyone. So the last couple of months, I’ve taken his blood form and stuck it right into the glove box in the van so we don’t forget it. This time around, on our drive in, I pulled it out to make sure we had the right one, and it was the right form, but they had handwritten the wrong dates on it! So we were left scrambling anyway. But it all came together in the end.

For those wondering, yes, you can still get blood drawn if you’re a close contact. Or even if you have covid! Which, up to this point anyway, Brady does not. He just called ahead and as he got in, they cleared the entire waiting area and put him through immediately, everyone dressed in full PPE. I’m sure he felt like he stood out a lot, but frankly, thats something we’re all used to now, so its not a big deal. At least it got done.

Then we found our way over to get PCRs. Brady went first. Easy peasy. Rowan was next, and I will admit I was the most nervous for his. I had him on my lap, and he had a stuffed toy in hand. And he didn’t flinch. I swear, my jaw hit the floor. Like he didn’t move AT ALL. He didn’t even make a sound. He just was fine! There was a little resistance with the swab, so I know it didn’t feel good, and he handled it like a champ!! Amazing job, Rowan! I could not be more proud of you!!!

When we got home, we got all the kids inside and Brady helped them get a snack. I went back out and shovelled. Now, to be clear, I have BARELY had to shovel this season! We are SO well cared for! But today it was just clear that there was too much snow and Brady couldn’t safely get in and out of the house no matter which direction he went. I carried his wheelchair from the back of the van, through the drifts, up into the entrance, and then up into the house. Doing it this way makes life SO much easier for Brady in terms of trying to get it past everything and everyone, plus it didn’t get set anywhere wet once. So this ideal, but its a decent haul. Once that was done, I went back to shovel. And I’ll admit, I had a big fat cry as I did it. Not because I was having a pity party. But because its just hard here. Not to put too fine a point on it. So many things would be made easier in our next home if we could just build it. It would be landscaped in a way where the driveway would lead to a bigger garage that could fit our bus in it, and it would be completely level with the house, entrance, and main floor. We’d be able to back into our garage, and Brady could get in his chair right from there and go right into the house. Easy. SO much easier. No rocks to try and shovel over, either. Man. I know God has a plan, and I trust it, and Him, completely. But I admit, I’m eager to know what it is.

We cannot always have what we want the moment we want it. And thats ok. But it doesn’t mean we can’t have a cry (or a million cries) along the way.

There is lots to be thankful for. So if you’re looking for me, I’ll be crocheting and listening to Hamilton. Thank you to ALL the lovely people who gifted us Starbucks money while Brady was away 💜 I still have a little left, and could afford myself a latte. What a treat!