Hailey has asked me to give my perspective on life with a spinal cord injury now that we’re two years in and kind of in a groove. I’m going to break this into two parts so you can understand how I feel as I look back at that day two years ago as well as how I currently feel about being paralyzed.
Part 1 – Feb 10, 2021
We knew going into the surgery that this was not a run of the mill situation because of the haste with which my surgeon had me into his office after my second MRI and then into surgery.
It was three days.
Feb 8th I had a second MRI (with contrast) to get a clear picture of what exactly was going on in my spine. This MRI was first thing in the morning and we spent most of the day worrying. I had a call from my surgeon around 3pm asking me to come see him at his clinic in the hospital the next day.
Feb 9th Hailey and I went and met my surgeon at his clinic late in the morning. He ran through a number of the same tests I had been put through for months by various medical professionals, all of which had said I had a herniated disc in my back. After going though these tests my surgeon showed us that I had a large tumour growing inside my spinal cord and said he needed to operate to remove it. If left, it could continue to do damage, possibly irreparable damage such as paralysis. We both said we were prepared for me to be in surgery that afternoon but he said we should be together as a family for one more night.
Feb 10th we sent the kids off to school with some big hugs and kisses and told them that I was going to have a surgery and I probably wouldn’t be home for a few days. Little did we know. hahaha
Hailey and I drove into the city in time to be checked in for my surgery around noon. This was right in the thick of Covid so the hospital was moving slow and everyone around us was masked and gowned and distant. We “ran into” a wonderful friend of ours who works in the hospital, right before I headed off to be prepped and checked. We got a picture together, had a quiet moment and then parted ways, not knowing the entire time we were separately preparing for this to be our last moment together before heaven.
Deep breath.
I spent the next 2 hours in an exam room by myself for the most part. A nurse come in and took all my vitals, asked me a bunch of questions, and performed a rapid covid test on me. Remember back when covid tests took days to come back? This was right at the beginning of the rapid tests and they needed to know before I was approved for surgery.
I spent the rest of that time trying to go through every account I could think of to type out all the important passwords and information regarding our life, banking, bills, etc into a note on my phone for Hailey to find. I’m glad this only occurred to me when I was already in the hospital otherwise we could’ve had a much more dark and sad last evening together.
They moved me down a floor and into a waiting area outside the operating room I was to be operated on in. I waited another hour there scrolling, wondering, anxietiating. Finally my surgeon came and sat down in my little curtained area. He just sat, we chatted a bit, he asked about my family, my worries, took time to explain what I could expect in the coming days and offered to answer any questions. It was peaceful. A calm before the storm, so to speak.
I’ve been asked numerous times by a variety of people over the last two years, “Did you have any idea that the surgery was going to cause paralysis?”
The answer is yes, but not definitively. We were told that paralysis was a possibility but there was only about a 20% chance.
After my surgeon left to get prepped, I was brought (walked) into the operating room where there were so many people and so many machines. There was a narrow path through the technology from the door to the side of the bed they asked me to sit on. I climbed up on the bed while having a lovely conversation with the nurse that brought from the waiting room. And I don’t remember what we talked about in the slightest. She told me that they were going to insert an IV in my arm in order to administer the anaesthetic but that they would give me a mask to breathe into which would make me drift off to sleep first. I don’t remember them giving me a mask.
I woke up slowly to the sight of a dimly lit, white, suspended ceiling. I knew instantly that i couldn’t feel my legs, that I couldn’t move my legs, that I was paralyzed.
But…
I woke up.
A nurse came into view from one side with a smile and probably said something comforting, or maybe not, I don’t remember. A second nurse was in and out of view doing nursey things as the first nurse started to ask me if I could feel my legs and told me that I was paralyzed but that the surgery had gone well. They gave me a popsicle I think and I tried so very hard to be pleasant and conversational.
Eventually they passed me an old cordless phone and with it came the voice of my wonderful wife, Hailey. I don’t remember most of our conversation but I do remember telling her that I was trying really hard to remember everyones names. She remembers it better than I do, unsurprisingly. lol
The next number of hours blurred together while I slowly became more aware and less drugged. I was brought upstairs to an overnight recovery room where there was a nurse and three other people under full-time observation. At one point I remember trying to call a nurse because I was thirsty or in pain or something, but my voice was so faint from being intubated during surgery that she couldn’t hear me. Eventually the guy in the bed across the room from me heard me and called the nurse for me. We’re still in touch, me and that guy. Kidding. But he helped me that one time. Nice guy.
When I woke up in the morning they moved me into the neuro recovery ward where I spent the next 8 days healing from the surgery itself and coming to grips with the big ole left turn we took that day.
In the next 8 days I went from laying flat on my back unable to lift my head without a headache and dizziness, unable to move or feel my legs at all, unable to eat without assistance…
To standing and walking in the parallel bars (with lots of assistance and support mind you) and being transferred to the physical rehabilitation ward at a different hospital to learn how to walk and function and live with my new disability.
I think it’d be pretty easy for me to keep rambling on about what came next so I’m going to stop there. That’s my perspective, what I remember, of my surgery day.