The Daily Hailey

I really appreciated the love and concern on my post yesterday about not sleeping. I’m very happy to say that I slept WAY better last night. There were factors to it.

Factor one was exhaustion. I was completely shot from the night before, so that helped.

Factor two was the hot bath I had before bed. It was juuust hot enough that I was really comfy and I didn’t overheat.

Factor three was a chat on the phone with my mom before bed. I love her.

Factor four was a change with Rowan. I haven’t gotten into a ton of details with some of the things we’re struggling with Rowan about, but yesterday evening, he didn’t get up once, which was instrumental in Brady and I being able to be comfy and truly let down. There’s a lot more to that, but just trust me when I say we were all better for it.

Factor five was likely the Nyquil I took, despite a lack of cold, but as a necessity.

I’d say those were the factors, but there was one more. Rowan appeared up in our room in the wee hours of the morning, saying something about a weird taste in his mouth. I told him to just take a drink and go back to bed, which he did. I remember him surfacing again, saying his mouth still tasted funny, or something along those lines. Brady intercepted him and brought him downstairs so I could keep sleeping. I believe he came upstairs even a third time, but again, Brady made a point to snag him before he woke me fully, because he knew how badly I needed that nights sleep.

And he was right. I slept hard all night long. I still feel pretty zombie-like today, but I imagine it’ll take another night or two of real sleep to truly catch up on that entirely lost night.

As terrible as it sounds, I’m actually a bit relieved, but Rowan woke up feeling pretty under the weather. Not that I’m happy he’s sick at all, but I’m happy he wasn’t just waking us up in the night to mess around. While we had friends over this morning (a friend and her son) Rowan lurked on the couch and was pleasant but somewhat antisocial. He didn’t even want any of the freshly baked pear loaf they brought! When our company headed home, it came time to tidy up for lunch. Rowan cried all through tidying, complied with my request to at least eat a banana, and he went directly to bed with no fight whatsoever. Poor little guy.

I had a really nice morning. I’m so fortunate that, when times are tough and I’m the downerist of downers, people still come around me and let me just be, however that looks. Today felt uplifting, even though the grief is still in full swing and the frustration is bubbling at the surface. I’m SO thankful my friends are willing to take that risk and be here when I’m so far from at my best.

Brady’s work day ran short, and he is on his way home. My house is in full nap more, and the dishwasher is even running, because I even did the dishes! Look at me still doing stuff! The show must go on, right?

Right.