Its not a secret that we’re bad at getting to church. On one hand, its a busy stage of life with the kids, and its SO much easier to just not go, but its also really hard to get back in the habit of things once you stop. And we WANT to be there! Brady and I have been feeling like its time to get back into the swing of it recently, and the kids have even been asking to go! I’ll take the blame, though, and say that I haven’t been ready to go there and face a crowd of people who all show us SO much love and concern, because I knew I’d just weep through it. However, the time had to come, and we were on the schedule to help lead worship this Sunday. So, today was the day.
I choked my way through our music practice pretty badly. It just felt so emotional to be back, and leading people, of all things, at such a weak time of my life. But I see a lot of value in being vulnerable, too, and I don’t think being in a position of leadership means you have to be strong 100% of the time. Or 50%. Of even ever. God called us here and works through us, wherever we’re at. Or at least thats what I prayed for.
The actual worship leading went well. I only choked up once or twice, and that was fine. People sang with us, and I was reassured many times that people were happy to see us back. There was lots of love and concern sent our way this morning, and that was amazing.
I’ll admit, though, I am completely spent after this morning. Beyond leading singing and being back at church for the first time in a long time, add to that a couple of temperamental kids, a baby who will not sit still but will also not be set down, a bunch of snot, and a full luggage set of emotional baggage. I. Am. Tired.
So as I lay snuggled up in bed, Brady is about to take Dekker to a birthday party, the two little boys are napping, and Laela is sitting at the table heading up her one-woman hunger strike. I’m chilly and dozey and feel like I can’t hack a whole lot else today, but I also feel good. It was good to be at church. The air there is clearer, and even though the kids were hands on enough that I didn’t catch any of the actual message of the service, the community felt refreshing.
I’m looking forward to what the rest of the day has to hold. That being a visit with my parents, pancakes for supper, happy playful kids, and more relaxing.
Have a lovely Sunday.