This week is OFF school for us here in Saskatchewan, and thanks to some banked holidays from last year, Brady was able to take this week off of work as well! I am SO grateful for this opportunity to have a week of holidays all together during our heaviest month. I feel like we’re over the hump of struggle, and my body and brain are feeling a bit stronger than they were over the last couple of weeks. This week together came at the perfect time 💜
The week holds a little bit action towards the end, but first we have a few lax days, and today is one of those days. There are still things to do, of course, but nothing pressing or large. I need to cut up granola bars I made yesterday. Brady is gutting the bottom of the freezer. I wrote an important email, and I’m (ready?) blogging. I prepped for a blog for later this week, all the while having Frozen Jr pumping for Laela’s benefit. I have to wrap a gift, and I’d really like to finish up my current crochet project. I have a few on the go and this one is well within my grasp to finish in one day.
So you see, there are things to do, but they’re all very low pressure things. No one feels rushed or locked into anything. In fact, its quite peaceful thus far. Rowan set up his spirograph, in kind of a weird location, mind you, and started making everyone necklaces.
There is also lego and colouring spread all over the table and island, and I am LOVING it.
We had things that needed doing during afternoon quiet time, but they are temporarily on hold, so thats off the list too! Even one less thing to do today! Lol!
Whether you’re at home, work, school, or somewhere else, I hope you’re all having beautiful days 💜
I think we can all agree that the kids are stinking cute in their glasses, and that patching is going well! We are optimistic moving forward that our new normal will be decently smooth. Of course, there is more work to come for Rowan. His contact is still in the mail. And he needs some vision therapy, but it happens to be readily available and close by. So, wins all around.
I figured I’d share a few more cute pics with you 🙂 Because I can’t not.
This picture of Solly is the lock screen on my phone. Because he is straight up irresistible.
Rowan has fallen into patching quite seamlessly, and he is still a goof when while he has it on. What a relief to all of us!
The kids are no longer strangers to the glasses fog! I thought they’d be frustrated, but they handle it so easily.
Happy Family Day, friends 💜 We are spending it doing laundry, playing, listening to music, and keeping an especially low profile. Laela got her script for school before the break, so I imagine she’ll do a lot of familiarizing herself with that!
Doesn’t she look so much older?? 🥺 Man.
I hope you have a beautiful reading week, local friends! And for the rest of you suckers, enjoy your thoroughly normal week of life stuff! I am beyond grateful that Brady was able to have this week off! So many fun things to come 💜
To continue off of my last post, let’s talk about what else is going on alongside the glasses wearing!
You may remember that Rowan’s poor vision was a big surprise for all of us, including Rowan. Conveniently, he really likes his glasses, so that hasn’t been a struggle. But he was incredibly apprehensive for wearing a patch, understandably. But we had talked a lot about it, and he knew there was no leniency with it. The rules are the rules. Patching at home, no matter what. Not at school, or church, or Saskatoon, or a friends house. But at home – always. Deal? Deal. So I showed him his options (He LOVES options now, whereas they used to overwhelm him horribly) and he chose some patches off of Amazon. They arrived before his glasses did, so they sat and waited for him. The evening he brought his glasses home, we left him to just adjust. That might’ve been just so cruel to force the patch on him that same day! But the next day, he came home from school, and we put the patch on.
And he cried and cried. It was horrible.
He begged to take it off but I just held him and let him cry really good and proper. I held him until he calmed right down. I offered him a freezie, and he was interested, but he was shaky on his feet and super bummed. He did NOT want to wear his glasses yet on top of his patch, but I persisted and convinced him it was truly the only way he would actually be able to see out of his left eye. So he gave in, got his glasses on, and got up. Immediately Laela told him how cool he looked. A VERY nice big sister move 💜 Rowan, upset, bypassed her compliment and sat at the island quietly with his freezie. I let him be. I did, however, join the party. It helped a little. You can see here that his glasses are all fogged up from crying 💜
After a while, Rowan asked quietly if he could pull out some lego. Once he was settled playing, Laela pulled out a game and went to sit with him. It was a pretty cute scene, because she didn’t really play as much as just be close to Rowan and give him some company. I LOVED it.
At the end of the day, he peeled the patch off on his own and was SO relieved. I won’t lie. It was a HARD start to the patching game.
The thing about wearing the patch 100% of his home time is that it includes the morning. So Friday morning, I made him a deal. Fabric patch in the morning, sticker patch in the afternoon and evening. And he happily agreed!
Fabric patches are more comfortable, but they have more room for error, so to speak. There are often little uncovered areas that kids can look around, or just move their glasses to see over the patch. Even subconsciously, the light getting under the fabric patch can distract from the process. They are good to have, but the sticker patches are ideal.
The afternoon came, and the kids made their way home from school. Rowan ran around and did his things – washing up, putting away his backpack, etc. – and then I heard him say “Time for a patch!”
😳
He was so casual about it! Like, it was no big deal. He chose his patch, and passed it to me. I didn’t make a stink about it, and just put it on his face and passed him his glasses. And he thanked me and took off to go play.
It. Was. Bonkers.
These children just surprise me absolutely constantly. Sometimes I’m ashamed of myself for being surprised at how amazing they are. They just get better and better.
Thank you Lord, for our experiences and for guiding us along the way! We are ONLY strong because of You!
On February 15th, I received a text from the kids eye doctors office, informing me that Laela and Solomon’s glasses had arrived! It requested I make an appointment to bring them in, to get them all fitted and set up for success! I booked them a slot for after school that very day.
The kids were jazzed when I told them. They wrapped up their homework quickly and we were out the door in time to make it to their 4:15 appointment. Me plus five. Here we go!!
The super sweet woman who helped them choose their glasses initially was paired off with us again to get them all fitted properly. She is VERY warm with the kids, and reassuring.
Laela hopped in the hot seat first, unsurprisingly. Her glasses were slipped on, and slipped off quickly again, whisked away for adjustments. While we waited, another lovely staff member came forward, grinning from ear to ear, holding another pair of glasses.
“Do we have a Rowan here as well?”
Rowan lit up and bolted in her direction. No, I’m not kidding. They were that excited about their glasses. And guys, they turned out SO well!!!
Rowan chose a matte black pair of Ray-Bans, and I swear, they were made for his face!! I had some fears that he’d have a bit of a non-lens on one side, and a coke bottle on the other, but you just would never, ever know unless you were truly looking for it!
His glasses disappeared for some very minimal adjustments, and in that span of time, Laela got hers adjusted appropriately, and they were finally hers.
She has wanted glasses for years, and she finally has them. She insisted on “Shiny gold ones, like mommy’s.” And thats what she got! With a pop of purple 💜 As she do. They are perfect for her.
Once her glasses were established, Solly’s turn came! His took the most tweaking, for sure, but he was very patient and sat tight! We had been advised to get him nanos, which is one of those indestructible brands. I think that was very good advice! The arms don’t have common hinges, but they’re a bit more rubberized and can handle some twisting. He only tried on a few pairs before he fell HARD for these ones, and he was SO happy to get them on his face for keeps, finally!
My goodness, guys. He is the CUTEST thing! The missing teeth are just gravy! They fit his face very well, and they are bent nicely around his ears, so they stay on well!
While all the adjustments were happening, our eye doctor surfaced, and we got to chat a little. She was SO happy with Rowan’s glasses and how they had come together. I told her my coke bottle fear, and she told me she had the same one. After we had chosen glasses, she had done some further research and changed a few things, making the lenses better, thinner, and clearer for such high prescriptions. She made her rounds and touched base with each kid as they took over the whole optical centre, seeing how things felt and fit. It was very kind of her, and made me feel at ease. She reiterated the importance of persisting, even if and when the kids were tired of their glasses or a little uncomfortable. I felt good to be able to reassure her that I’m not afraid of that, and she believed me.
Laela stumbled a little on the way out. Being our one near-sighted kid in glasses, her depth perception was a whole other thing, and she was seeing everything as sloped away from her, including the ground! Yikes! But we got her moving and she was giggling all along the way. You don’t have to take my word for it when I say they were SO happy. See for yourself.
I didn’t force any kind of anything for this picture. They were just SO beautiful and SO content.
I’ve been resisting blogging to wait for Dekker’s new specs to come, but you know what? These are the newbies, and they can have their own post. Dekker will definitely get his airtime too 🙂 For now, we celebrate with the middles!
They are a couple of days into their glasses and I am SO happy with their results. They don’t play with them much, or take them off unnecessarily. I think all three of them see improvement already, and they are very happy for their glasses. Aside from Laela’s friend who immediately told her she looked like a nerd 🙄 everyone has been incredibly well received and has felt celebrated and cared about!
I’m very proud of my sweet kids, taking yet further change in stride.
And there is more to come! We’ll talk about Rowan’s patching soon!
I haven’t updated anyone on my crocheting recently, so here I am, doing exactly that! Not in a photo-heavy way, but it still counts.
I think I’ve been quieter about it because I’ve felt a little weird about it. I’m making baby blankets these days. They’re just sitting. Waiting. To be gifted to babies who need them or who I want to bless. I’m not sure why I feel so pressed to do that these days, but I do. So, I am. And they are beautiful, if I do say so myself!
I have a couple of pending orders that I’m getting things organized for. I can’t quite find the colors I need, and since I have a bit of a longer timeline on them, I’m not diving in with colors that might work but aren’t ideal.
In the meantime, I actually was offered to test out a new pattern for a designer! Thats a VERY fun thing for me!! I’d show you a preview, but thats strictly against the rules, haha! Yes, there are rules. Its a very official thing. With being a tester, I am given a pattern in the state its in, and I’m to go through it, line by line, crocheting the product, and sending out any corrections I may have found. So I’m doing a good chunk of work, in this case, but I get the pattern for free, plus I feel I’m paying some dues in the world of crochet 🙂 Also, it was convenient that I could end up using a bunch of scraps without it just looking like a scrappy mess, hahaha! Usually scrap projects are pretty obvious, but this is all working out SO well! Get excited to seeeee iiiiiit! End of March, I believe, it when it should be released.
Aaaaanyway. I have some food things to do this morning before I duck out for an appointment! So. Many. Appointments. These days have been slammed full! Did I mention that three of the kids new glasses came in the other day? 😏 I’m waiting until they’re all in to share, but MAN its hard to wait! They are SO CUTE!!!
This year, the scheduling has changed up a bit, and I have fewer slots as the preschool helper. I won’t lie – it definitely helps me out and frees up some time. We rock a lot of appointments around here, and while I can’t fit appointments into that span of time, its a nice time of rest for me.
When I do help, however, I always really enjoy catching up with the teacher, who has definitely become a friend of mine over the years 💜 Today, the kids played really well, and the environment was pretty relaxed! Its always nice, also, to be so welcomed by Waverly. She is happy to have me there, and I like that feeling.
Wavy had some artwork on the wall that felt worthy of a mention. Mat man, to be specific.
Mat man resembles a pez dispenser that just went down a tube slide and is positively prickly with static. He seems a little concerned about things. I love him lol!
We loaded up and went home, craft in hand. They colored themselves with a friend. Wavy chose Sadie from the lake 💜
We miss you, Sadie from the lake, and the rest of your family!!!
So we’re had a LOT of surgery talk recently. February is not a gentle month for us. Not for a second. But I cannot not share with you some of the funnies along the way. And the CUTEST thing happened on Monday.
Well. It didn’t start cute.
The kids came home in a bit of a fury, which is always hard on everyone. They were fighty, had reading to do, backpacks to unpack, valentines to fill out, chores, etc etc etc. It was NOT smooth, but we were making it. Once Rowan was done his reading, he headed to do valentines, and Solly asked if it was his turn to read. I was pretty beat at that point, and told him he could finish his cards first. But he wanted to read. So he read. Two books, in fact. Then he brought me his day planner to sign, and upon opening it, I found a small ziploc bag taped inside it, holding a TOOTH! I looked at Sol, and he was very clearly missing a front tooth! I whooped and made a scene about it, while also being internally riddled with guilt from clearly not even having looked at his face since he got in the door. Man.
As I was making a whole big scene about his missing front tooth, it was clear that his other front tooth was hanging by a thread. I asked if he wanted me to take it out, and he said no. I had already pulled a kleenex, so I just passed it to him, and he incredibly casually reached up and pulled it out easily.
We are left with this!
So we have been LOVING this, hahaha! Solly is rocking an incredible lisp ever since, and the best thing about that is that he also enjoys it, hahaha!
I know not everyone loves Valentine’s Day. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, I definitely agree that this is not the only day a person should be shown love, nor should it be the only day you show love. Of course not. Thats obviously not healthy.
Each morning, I have a little heart skippy moment when I realize how good I have it. Truly. It comes to mind every single day. As we wake up slowly together, there is often a moment where one of us rolls over and bumps into the other, and a hand will be squeezed, a “good morning, love” uttered, or a little snuggle.
Each morning, I get up with Brady instead of at the last possible second to get the kids up. Its not like I’m wide awake or a conversationalist at that point, but its something.
Each morning, Brady brings coffee upstairs for us. This is a feat, don’t I know it, and he does it every single day.
Each morning, once Brady is dressed and brushed for the day, he plunks down on the bed, and we have a good minute or two to just hold onto each other. Because we would always rather be together than apart, and its so good to be close.
Each morning, I am reminded of how good we have it, and we owe that ALL to God.
There is simply no one else I’d rather do life with.
Happy Valentine’s Day, honey. Enjoy your botox. Save me some.
So now that you know how I look back on my surgery day, or my day of injury as it’s known in the SCI (spinal cord injury) community, I’m going to try to explain how I feel about my paralysis/cancer journey now.
Life is very different now, lots of times it’s a lot harder and I get really frustrated that I can’t function how I used to, lots of times it’s full of joy and I’m actually really thankful that life has turned out this way. I don’t think it’s ever been easy, physically. Everything, whether small daily tasks or big out of the ordinary challenges, everything is harder than it used to be, physically.
But I am happier with the person that I am because of my cancer and my SCI. I am happier to have my wife and to see how our relationship, our marriage, has grown and strengthened and refined. I’m happier to have my kids close and to see them be challenged and grow as they watch their Dad figure out how to be paralyzed. I’m happier to see my kids become more compassionate towards people who are struggling. I’m happier to not be struggling with my sudden disability in a negative way. I’m happier to be a generally joy filled pleege. (My super dark nick name for my paraplegic little butt).
I’m not saying that I’m always happy or that I don’t struggle with losing most of the function in my legs, but I am very fortunate to still have some leg function, to have moved out of my depression (we’ll talk about that in a bit), to have a more authentic relationship with God, and to be alive, to be here with my family. Dang that would’ve sucked if I had died.
For those of you who don’t know, I am now working full time again. I was hopeful for a large part of my time in rehab that I’d recover fully and be able to go back to work as a contractor. I specifically remember mentioning to my physiotherapist that I had goals to be able to stand on a 5 gallon pail again, as I cut in walls while painting houses. She smiled and nodded while knowing my new reality before I did. It was that goal that kept me pushing in the first weeks of rehab.
Probably around the halfway point of rehab was when I realized I’d never have function to that extent again. It was while watching a youtube vlog of a walking paraplegic who chose to function in a wheelchair even though he could walk. Why would he choose to use a wheelchair when he had gained back the ability to walk. I knew what I would do.
His answer? While he COULD walk, it was not easy. In fact, it used a lot more energy and concentration than he could afford in a day. For the sake of energy, he uses a wheelchair to move around his house, to move around in public, to go to work, everything. The most efficient way for him to function is in a chair.
This was a turning point for me. I remember pausing the video and staring at the far wall of my room while I processed the fact that I too would most likely always function most efficiently in a chair. I had a little cry and called my wife and told her where I was at. If I remember right, she was already there. She had already realized this and was totally supportive and loving. She’s the absolute best, you should all be married to her. 😉
With new motives, but the same determination, I kept pushing to get better and more stable at walking, to get to the point of climbing stairs and standing at a counter while working. My new goal was to be able to function independently in daily life.
And I am.
I can go to work, drive, get groceries, cook, parent, woodwork, construct, husband, I can do just about everything that I would like to be able to do. Realistically, I do have limits and there are things that I can’t do anymore but I am very fortunate to be as able as I am.
I had a period of time after I came home from the hospital, about a week, where I had unrealistic expectations for myself. I had decided that I would only use my chair outside of the house and I would use my crutches to walk around the house. I was not stable enough yet at this point to move around the house without unnecessary difficulty. I was wobbly and needed Hailey to walk with me as I moved up and down stairs. I ended up spending a lot of time in an arm chair watching my life move all around me wishing that I could be part of it. I didn’t realize it in the moment but I was depressed, I was incredibly low. It was only a week after coming home that Hailey and I decided to try bring the chair into the house.
That was a game changer. I could carry my own dishes from the table to the sink, I could move as far as my kids rooms to spend time with them, to tuck them in. I could chase them around the house. I could make popcorn. I could go to a crying kid when there was an injury. It was totally worth the ego hit of using a wheelchair and not crutches in the house to be more able. The crutches only rule I had set for myself was unrealistic and limiting. I was noticeable happier and less tired at the end of that day. And I have used a chair at some point in the day every day since then, one year, eleven months, and three weeks ago.
I do not wish to go back to a time before my surgery. If I was offered full use of my legs again, I’d take it in a heartbeat. Don’t get me wrong. But I have no ill-will or hard feelings about my paralysis. There are so many amazing things that have happened since and because of sneaky little guy (my tumour). I wouldn’t wish to go back for a second.
I hope this makes sense, even if it doesn’t resonate, this is where I’m at. I’m alive and God is great.
If you happen to have questions about any of this, or anything regarding my SCI/paralysis please ask me!! I’m an open book. Ask away!
💜 Thank you, Brady, for the part two. We all appreciate having YOUR version of things on here 💜
Hailey has asked me to give my perspective on life with a spinal cord injury now that we’re two years in and kind of in a groove. I’m going to break this into two parts so you can understand how I feel as I look back at that day two years ago as well as how I currently feel about being paralyzed.
Part 1 – Feb 10, 2021
We knew going into the surgery that this was not a run of the mill situation because of the haste with which my surgeon had me into his office after my second MRI and then into surgery.
It was three days.
Feb 8th I had a second MRI (with contrast) to get a clear picture of what exactly was going on in my spine. This MRI was first thing in the morning and we spent most of the day worrying. I had a call from my surgeon around 3pm asking me to come see him at his clinic in the hospital the next day.
Feb 9th Hailey and I went and met my surgeon at his clinic late in the morning. He ran through a number of the same tests I had been put through for months by various medical professionals, all of which had said I had a herniated disc in my back. After going though these tests my surgeon showed us that I had a large tumour growing inside my spinal cord and said he needed to operate to remove it. If left, it could continue to do damage, possibly irreparable damage such as paralysis. We both said we were prepared for me to be in surgery that afternoon but he said we should be together as a family for one more night.
Feb 10th we sent the kids off to school with some big hugs and kisses and told them that I was going to have a surgery and I probably wouldn’t be home for a few days. Little did we know. hahaha
Hailey and I drove into the city in time to be checked in for my surgery around noon. This was right in the thick of Covid so the hospital was moving slow and everyone around us was masked and gowned and distant. We “ran into” a wonderful friend of ours who works in the hospital, right before I headed off to be prepped and checked. We got a picture together, had a quiet moment and then parted ways, not knowing the entire time we were separately preparing for this to be our last moment together before heaven.
Deep breath.
I spent the next 2 hours in an exam room by myself for the most part. A nurse come in and took all my vitals, asked me a bunch of questions, and performed a rapid covid test on me. Remember back when covid tests took days to come back? This was right at the beginning of the rapid tests and they needed to know before I was approved for surgery.
I spent the rest of that time trying to go through every account I could think of to type out all the important passwords and information regarding our life, banking, bills, etc into a note on my phone for Hailey to find. I’m glad this only occurred to me when I was already in the hospital otherwise we could’ve had a much more dark and sad last evening together.
They moved me down a floor and into a waiting area outside the operating room I was to be operated on in. I waited another hour there scrolling, wondering, anxietiating. Finally my surgeon came and sat down in my little curtained area. He just sat, we chatted a bit, he asked about my family, my worries, took time to explain what I could expect in the coming days and offered to answer any questions. It was peaceful. A calm before the storm, so to speak.
I’ve been asked numerous times by a variety of people over the last two years, “Did you have any idea that the surgery was going to cause paralysis?”
The answer is yes, but not definitively. We were told that paralysis was a possibility but there was only about a 20% chance.
After my surgeon left to get prepped, I was brought (walked) into the operating room where there were so many people and so many machines. There was a narrow path through the technology from the door to the side of the bed they asked me to sit on. I climbed up on the bed while having a lovely conversation with the nurse that brought from the waiting room. And I don’t remember what we talked about in the slightest. She told me that they were going to insert an IV in my arm in order to administer the anaesthetic but that they would give me a mask to breathe into which would make me drift off to sleep first. I don’t remember them giving me a mask.
I woke up slowly to the sight of a dimly lit, white, suspended ceiling. I knew instantly that i couldn’t feel my legs, that I couldn’t move my legs, that I was paralyzed.
But…
I woke up.
A nurse came into view from one side with a smile and probably said something comforting, or maybe not, I don’t remember. A second nurse was in and out of view doing nursey things as the first nurse started to ask me if I could feel my legs and told me that I was paralyzed but that the surgery had gone well. They gave me a popsicle I think and I tried so very hard to be pleasant and conversational.
Eventually they passed me an old cordless phone and with it came the voice of my wonderful wife, Hailey. I don’t remember most of our conversation but I do remember telling her that I was trying really hard to remember everyones names. She remembers it better than I do, unsurprisingly. lol
The next number of hours blurred together while I slowly became more aware and less drugged. I was brought upstairs to an overnight recovery room where there was a nurse and three other people under full-time observation. At one point I remember trying to call a nurse because I was thirsty or in pain or something, but my voice was so faint from being intubated during surgery that she couldn’t hear me. Eventually the guy in the bed across the room from me heard me and called the nurse for me. We’re still in touch, me and that guy. Kidding. But he helped me that one time. Nice guy.
When I woke up in the morning they moved me into the neuro recovery ward where I spent the next 8 days healing from the surgery itself and coming to grips with the big ole left turn we took that day.
In the next 8 days I went from laying flat on my back unable to lift my head without a headache and dizziness, unable to move or feel my legs at all, unable to eat without assistance…
To standing and walking in the parallel bars (with lots of assistance and support mind you) and being transferred to the physical rehabilitation ward at a different hospital to learn how to walk and function and live with my new disability.
I think it’d be pretty easy for me to keep rambling on about what came next so I’m going to stop there. That’s my perspective, what I remember, of my surgery day.
