The kids had a WAY better day today! They’ve been struggling a bit recently with what I believe to be just a lame new stage where they are at each other constantly. Its ok, its part of siblings and growing up, but it definitely wears a person out. Me, and them. On top of that, Rowan hates the bottle more and more every single day. Its been a challenging few days. I thought our outing yesterday would help, but it didn’t, and the kids were in rough shape all day.

Thankfully, today was a considerably better day!!! Dekker and Laela hardly fought. There were fewer time outs. Nine times out of ten, their screams were playful. There were even a few occurrences where one of them wanted something that the other had, and they simply gave it over without me having to remind them about taking turns. It was a MUCH better day, thank the Lord!

The aspect of today that still really kept me on my toes was Rowan. He slept very well, and hardly drank in the night, so I figured he would be solidly ready for a bottle when he woke up, but nope. He wasn’t. Trying to roll with it and do more of what he wanted, I gave him some Cheerios. He liked that, but it wasn’t enough. So I tried yogurt, but the cold really put him off and he would have none of it. So I hauled his butt downstairs and put him down to play. It lasted just a few minutes before he was just right ticked. Now Rowan LOVES to play on the floor with everyone. It was more than clear that he was hungry. So I gave him one of those foam cracker things (we call them surfboards) and he was happy. He just wants to eat and play and do his own thing. Throughout the course of the day, I worked with him to eat little snacks while gradually force feeding him some formula. I managed to get about ten ounces into him today, which is nothing compared to most babies his age, and certainly less than our superbabies before him drank, but every ounce counts these days. We take what we can get. For supper, he did really well with some scrambled eggs with cheese, and some peanut butter toast. He didn’t eat tons, but he’s still learning, so I’m not surprised. He’ll get there. And up until this point anyway, he has taken his bottle before bed fairly well, so hopefully that carries over and he can be topped up for the night. Either way, the day felt strange with Rowan, knowing he was hungry but that he just wouldn’t eat. But I still do feel a bit successful, considering I have some new ideas and directions to take him in. I’m sure hopeful we’ll be successful and I won’t end up with a dehydrated baby! I don’t think we will. We’ll figure this out. Just new territory.

I had my 15 week prenatal appointment this morning! I was looking forward to it, as I always am. For whatever reason, I love going to the doctor when I’m pregnant. I couldn’t tell you why, but I do. Todays appointment was particularly early, so we got the kids out of bed, dressed them in sweats that were slightly classier than their jammies, and gave them breakfast in the van. This was the strangest part of the day for me. I love when the kids are all dressed and put together, and they really like it too! Today was my first time bringing them out and about in their sweats that I can remember, ever! They were obviously adorable, and with the early morning, no one had a thing to say on the subject.

My appointment went well. Besides the kids being cute and fairly quiet and respectful, both my doctor and our student doctor came in at once. I ran a few unnerving things past them and we figured out what they were so I don’t have to be nervous. We talked dizziness, blood pressure, pelvic pain, etc. All of the normal stuff. We were able to find the baby’s heartbeat easily, which is always comforting and refreshing and beautiful and all of those wonderful things. Somehow, hearing that heartbeat is SO much more real for me than an ultrasound even is! I LOVE hearing those baby beats! Afterwards, we touched a bit on delivery and what that might look like this time around. Its so good to have a doctor who understands and remembers and cares for us so well. I feel so little nervousness about delivery, because she is so comfortable doing exactly what we did last time, which was incredibly generous and accommodating of her. She is truly the best family doctor in the city.

On our way out, Dr. Guselle asked about Rowan’s reflux, and I told her that we were at an incredible loss with him. His medication doesn’t appear to be working really at all anymore, and he barely eats in the day. She gave us lots of really good pointers, and basically supported us in going against the grain a bit and doing a few things different with him. I know we can make our own decisions based on our parental knowledge of the kids and such, but it helps a lot to have a doctor I trust so much. I’m so thankful she brought him up and was happy to talk about him a little.

After our appointment, Brady headed to work and I went home. The kids were in rough shape from being rushed out the door so early, so all three of them napped in the afternoon. But they’re already asleep for the night so I don’t think it set anyone back at all.

What a great day 🙂 Todays appointment felt so warm and successful, and I’m now looking forward to Christmas, and the move in the new year, and everything that will bring. Days like these just make me excited about what is to come.

I’ve been talking about how busy our life is these last couple of weeks this year, and I have not been kidding. Brady is working long days, we have evening stuff up, we have Saturday and Sunday stuff up, we have appointments and meetings, we have packing and baking to do, we have children to raise! There is SO much to do.

Brady and I had a meeting today, and my parents were gracious enough to watch our kids while we were gone. The Reader’s Digest version of the story is that it is shortly after 10:00pm, we have JUST gotten home and put the kids down, and now we need to find ourselves some supper. I think I’ve had coffee today? But thats it. We are just GOING! (Please, don’t judge my lack of eating as some neglectful act. All is well with baby and I. Its just been a crazy day. These never happen to this extent. I eat.)

Tomorrow, we have a doctors appointment at 9:15am. This seems like a normal time for most people, but for us, its sooo early! That puts us leaving our house before the kids are usually awake in the morning. Thankfully, because of this and timing otherwise, Brady is going to come into the city with us and go to work after, rather than going to work for an hour or two, and then meeting us. He’ll love the sleep in, which is convenient because I’ll be a total zombie being up so early, haha! Seriously though, having the help in the morning will be wonderful. But then I’ll lose him for the rest of the live long day, most likely. But thats ok. I take the few moments of togetherness that I can get 🙂

The highlight of today was the evening. We originally had plans to go to church in the morning, but we decided yesterday not to go. Brady is booked so solidly until Christmas, and we will barely see each other. We opted to take our time this morning and do a few little things. We all slept in like crazy, had breakfast, and then headed to the city for a quick Walmart trip. We found most of what we were looking, and lost a boot 🙁 but it was nice to get out a bit and feel a bit more normal.

We spent the day with my parents at their place, and the kids were particularly thrilled to have the attention of their grandparents for an extended period of time. My mom helped me address some envelopes for our Christmas cards (my most dreaded job) and we chatted the afternoon away.

I will admit that today felt a bit huge for me. I couldn’t tell you why, and I will for the first and last time (hopefully) blame my crappy attitude on hormones, but I was struggling hard today. A combination of a hundred little things just brought me to tears finally about a half hour before we were supposed to attend the church Christmas party. My mom and my husband cared for me in my absurd state of emotional turmoil by holding me, fetching kleenex, and feeding me cinnamon rolls for supper. I recovered just in time to make it to the party, where Brady and I led everyone in a handful of carols, up in a hayloft on someone’s acreage. It looked like it had been a pretty lovely party. I wish we could have been there longer but today just wasn’t the day for it. Hopefully next year, it will just fall on an easier day for our family. It was a lovely setting, though, and it was really nice to see friends from church in such a different setting.

We went back to my parents afterwards, doddled a little bit more, and then left. The kids joined me on my emotional crazy train as soon as we got in the van, and then proceeded to sleep the entire drive home. We are all bushed, needless to say. But last night, I got in too late for a soak and I’m pretty determined to have one tonight. So I’m going to get on that here before it gets too late. Here’s hoping to a solid nights sleep and a better day for sanity tomorrow.

I really really enjoyed today! It was an early start and a late end, yet it was completely refreshing! I haven’t had a day away for a long time, and honestly, I haven’t had an outing in a while at all! So I absorbed all I could, and I got a lot done!

I picked up Kim around 9:30am and we headed to the city for some Christmas shopping. First, we stopped at the post office to reserve a post office box!!! Eek! Exciting times 😀 We’ll close our current one down soon, but I know there is mail on its way here, so we’ll wait a bit still. Christmas is a silly time to shut down a PO box. After that quick stop, we drove into town and began the mad race around to all of the important places which I cannot list, for the sake of giving away where I bought everyones gifts. I can proudly say I am DONE Christmas shopping! Well, I’m worried I bought one thing wrong so I have to double check the one item, but I’m very happy with all I accomplished. That aside, I had a really good time just visiting and shopping around with Kim. Good company always adds.

We were completely wiped out after our last shop, so we headed back to Kims place to drop her and her purchases off. However, after parting ways, I headed back in to a hair appointment. I got to the mall early so I perused Thyme Maternity and bought a new pair of jeans. I have never been able to fit the jeans from there, no matter what size I try, but it would appear my body has changed enough at this point that I can finally fit their pants! I fell for a pair of light wash super skinny jeans with a delicious jersey belly panel that goes aaaaall the way up. The only maternity jeans that have ever fit me properly are from Old Navy, and they have just a short little belly panel. I like the shorty panel sometimes, but at this point, my belly is more soft and squishy than a hard round baby belly (if we’re being honest) so I rock a bit of an unflattering pooch overtop of the panel. This full soft panel is SO comfy. I loved the jeans so much, I wore them out.

At that point, I had killed enough time that I could head to my hair appointment. I had a style in mind at my last appointment that required me growing my hair out a bit, so I’ve been feeling like a shaggy dog for a couple of months, and I was THRILLED that my hair girl, Carlinna, agreed that we could give the style a go. And I’m SO glad we did!!

I feel so fresh, and like my hair is finally interesting again! Haha! I know it was fine in the interim, and she had given me a cut to really help it along, but it was definitely a transition cut, and I finally got to my goal. Now I’ll see how long I actually keep growing the length out! I’ll maintain the buzzed part, but may rock the long part for a while. I’m excited to see how long this style holds my interest 😉 And of course, I love having this color back!

As you can see in the picture, I met my mom for supper after my hair appointment. We went to Tony Romas, since we’ve found a way to do it on the cheap, and still on the delicious. We ate, and chatted, and paid, and probably chatted for another hour! I miss her. It was great to catch up.

I made it home safe and sound, blasting my latest favorite music. I don’t get to rock LOUD music too much anymore these days, so I really take advantage when I can. The roads were clear and the weather was beautiful. It was a nice wrap up to the day.

In case it isn’t glaringly obvious, it is a very busy time of year. Christmas completely on its own is usually busy for most people. There is shopping, baking, decorating, planning, cooking, wrapping gifts, travelling, family gatherings, going to see Santa, multiple church services, elf on a shelf, and MANY other things that occupy time during the season. Some have more, some have less, to each their own.

Then you add life. In our case, general life business includes (going for basics here) Bradys work and running that business, our three kids, maintaining a home and two vehicles, just to name a few. Yes, they are life necessities, I’m certainly not complaining at all, but I don’t think anyone would disagree that it is busy. Add to it the baby who  still REFUSES to eat, and its all a little bit overwhelming.

And then we add in the CRAZY. In our case, we’re moving! We will be out of our place and hopefully safely tucked away somewhere new in less than a month. Brady is booked unreasonably solidly until the 24th, so he can fit very little else into a day. We desperately need to rearrange our storage unit, but we lose access to that every evening at 5:00, and there is NO way Brady can make it before then, much less an hour or two before then. So that will have to wait for the new year. With that waiting for the new year, it would be silly to keep filling it with packing boxes, only to have him pull them out and have to fuss with fifty-odd more boxes than are already in there. So likely that will wait until the new year as well. I’m pretty sure our saving grace here is that we have about a week to go from one home to another, but it feels very irresponsible and ill-planned to leave the bulk of the move until that week!!! However, some things just have to roll, and its looking like the move is just going to have to wait. Yikes!

In the day, I’m trying to keep up with everything else. I’m making cookies, or at least the dough. I’m planning music for church. I’m wrapping gifts (when I’m stressed and unable to sleep at 1:00am.) I’m entertaining the kids. I’m trying to make some homemade gifts (that have all failed wildly so far.)

It feels strange having to pick between important things, such as the entire Christmas season, and the move we’ve been anticipating for so long. However, I feel like I’ve struck a bit of a balance. Ok, I’m pretty sure its actually all in my head, but its helping me feel better. I really like to blitz tasks. Start to finish in one sitting makes me feel accomplished. And I just don’t think that is going to be the case this time around. I’ll hopefully finish my Christmas shopping tomorrow with Kim, which feels really late to me, but I’m still really happy to be able to get away and get it done at all! When I get home, I’ll be able to have all of the gifts on hand, and I can finish wrapping the second half in one sitting. I’ll probably bake less than I had anticipated this year, but I did start with the baking that takes a bit more fuss, so I think the easy stuff is last, which is perfect! I think I’ve got a handle on a good amount of Christmas stuff, and what doesn’t get done in time just won’t get done, and I think I’m ok with that. As for the move, I don’t think I can do too terribly much without knowing a bit more about our rental, so I have a few places in the house I can pack up and stack the boxes somewhere, but I’m not too anxious about that. I think a lot of the move will just be transferring daily life stuff (clothing, food, toiletries) over to the new place, and the bulk of the rest will be moving the furniture. I’m sure I’ll be amazed when the day actually comes, but I don’t think there will be TOO terribly much to actually pack. *knocks on wood*

So my balance isn’t so much of a balance but more of an acceptance that its just a different kind of year out here. I’m not sure we’ll ever have a Christmas quite like this one again, but I like to think (and secretly hope) that they’ll all still be crazy in their own way. And I’m pretty sure I’m right. With a family this size and growing, we’re guaranteed some kind of hubbub.

I remember when we first had Dekker, and I had these moments where I was afraid to try and raise him. I very quickly learned that I was mores o just clueless on how to discipline. I’ll always admit that I do most things FAR from perfectly, but I think that kind of stuff is just a mystery until you start. You can’t learn how to properly discipline before you know the kid who needs discipline. Anyway, its been an interesting road, and I like to think I have at least a semblance of control over my kids. At least thats what I tell myself 😉

Today, I asked Laela to do something, and she flat out refused. We don’t see too much of that around here, so I immediately got on her that she needed to do what I said, and she needed to do it FAST. And she stood in front of me, tears running down her face, screaming “NO!” Sooooo needless to say, she got punished.

Post-punishment, she was VERY sad. When she was allowed back to her toys, she rushed over and completed the task I had originally asked her to do. Seconds later, she had collapsed into a heap of tears on the floor. I told her she had done a good job, and had listened and learned, and that I was very happy with her, but she couldn’t catch her breath! Finally, between shrucks, she managed the word  “up.” I scooped her up and hugged her to me. She was totally unmoving.

We sat like that for quite some time, but once the dryer had buzzed obnoxiously three times, and I could hear Rowans talking upstairs in his bed escalating to very real crying, I knew I had to let her go. She started to cry immediately. I explained to her that I was going to go switch the laundry, and then go get Rowan, and I would come back as soon as I could and sit with her again. She said “ya” and I plunked her in our spot on the chair.

When I had retrieved Rowan and switched the loads of laundry, I headed back to my chair, and Laela was all scrunched over to one side. She patted the seat beside her and said her little “mmmmm mommy.” If you’ve talked to her, you know her sweet little “mmm.” I sat beside her, and she leaned her head on my arm, deflated. My discipline had really taken the wind out of her. Or so I thought, until just seconds later, she sighed, and said “Happy.” It caught me completely off guard. I asked her if she had said what I thought she had said, and she responded “Happy! Mommy happy?”

I find discipline to be easily one of the hardest parts of parenting, yet I love these moments so much. How is it that my kid can be so misbehaved in one moment, get is SUCH big trouble, and so soon after, all we want to do is snuggle?! There is certainly no love lost between my little Laela and I, I can guarantee you that! She knows how much I love her, even when I have to teach her about consequences and making wrong choices.

After a REALLY good kissyfest with the kidlets in the kitchen after supper, everyone is tucked away for the night. Brady got home quite late, compared to our usual routine, so we’ll eat together soon, and hopefully hit the hay early.

Yesterday was a spectacular day. Getting our rental somewhat lined up is a huge weight off of my shoulders, and lots of exciting things are in the works over here. Christmas is coming, we’re seeing family and friends already, we’re starting to pack and plan for the new year.

And then Satan tried to take my joy. Yesterday evening was quite awful, for lots of reasons. I was VERY worked up, to a point where I was unable to focus on anything really. I worked SO hard not to lose my joy, but sometimes its hard to stand back up. I’m sure lots of you can relate. It was just a rough evening, but it hit hard. Because of the evening, I had a really hard time winding down and getting to bed, which made for a pretty rough night on Brady. Rowan wasn’t exactly a rockstar last night, and I was so very dead to the world. I would offer to change Rowan’s diaper and seconds later, I’d wake up, and Brady would be feeding him. I was just unable to physically wake up and be helpful. I was completely shot. It was interesting, to say the least.

This morning, we all slept in. The kids got their nice late breakfast going, and I texted Kim to confirm our playdate and invite them over. Brady headed in to work a short day, and I waited for our guests to arrive.

We had a great day together, with all of the kids. They played really well together, ate really well, and Kim and I had to intervene very little, which always feels extra successful. When they left, I had a really lovely chat on the phone with my mom. I love her. She really met a need for me today, actually. However, when I hung up, I found my kids to be completely in shambles. Everyone was fighting or yelling or struggling in some way. Rowan had only just fallen asleep and I had to wake him, so I was very unpopular according to everyone here at home. And Brady worked a pretty long day, so he wasn’t even on his way home yet. I feared for another horrid evening.

BUT. I’m trying really really hard to choose sunshine. Positivity. It has to be a choice for me at this point, because I am drained. There are such exciting highs around here, and then really difficult, low lows. Its quite exhausting, lol! I can tell its wearing on the kids too, in a pretty noticeable way. I want it to be a good time though. I’m hoping very much for a better nights sleep tonight, and a really good jumping off point for tomorrow 😀 Because while I am trying pretty hard to choose sunshine, I want to encourage my kids to do the same. We can have low times, but nothing and no one has the power to take our joy away without our permission.

So. Sunshine. I choose it. Keep your grey away.

While Brady and I feel very peaceful about whats gone on regarding the sale of our house, and our next steps, there has definitely been a bit of apprehension as we wait and see where we’ll end up renting and what will happen next. As God tends to have it, we have a GREAT lead on a rental that would really be more than we ever really expected. Nothing is in stone, of course, since we can’t sign anything official for another week or two, but its coming. We want the place, and the renters want us. It is really quite amazing, and exciting, and would be a completely different experience for us! So we hope and pray that this option stays open for us, but in all honesty, I’m not sure how or why it would close at this point.

After the phone conversation this morning that confirmed all of these things, we have been feeling really really great. Its only one thing somewhat figured out, but it gives us a good direction to move in. We now know what we need to pack, what we need to store in our container, what we need to ask for help storing, and what can come with us. As things look like they will work out, our timeline will be fantastic, and the actual move shouldn’t be too terribly stressful at all. Brady and I are both feeling VERY excited for this next stage of our life, and the fact that its coming soon is pretty wonderful. I don’t think we’re going to be feeling bored or stagnant, yet I don’t feel too terribly overwhelmed about the month ahead either. Granted, there is a lot to do, but I think Brady and I will just start getting at least one thing done every evening after the kids go to sleep. Either that will happen and we’ll get on a roll, or we’ll finish our one thing while dragging our feet, and call it for the night. I predict some of both scenarios playing out, and thats ok. Today alone has lifted SO much stress. Bring it on, December. I am ready.

So many factors played into my great day today 😀 It was so amazing how many things seemed to line up as well as they did. Almost unbelievable!!

For starters, Ro slept through the night!! It doesn’t happen too often, but goodness me, when it does, I feel fantastic!! I woke to him silently talking around 8:00am. It was glorious. I gave him his medicine and he then drank a full bottle without complaint. Dekker and Laela were SO giggly when I went into their room to get them shortly thereafter, and the mood stuck. It seemed like everyone had just slept well and felt good.

The day was smooth. I’ve been feeling really crampy recently, and while I’ve always been decently crampy when I’m pregnant, these cramps are a bit different and I’m keeping a very sharp eye on them. But I can say that I didn’t feel any cramps or discomfort all morning or afternoon! The kids played very well with each other and I barely had to remind them to be polite to each other or play nicely. They just did it. When I put Rowan down for his nap, the kids tidied up all of the instruments from around the basement and stayed very quiet. Its actually a really cute system they have set up without any guidance from me. They just know to be quiet when the baby sleeps, so all the noisy things get loaded into the spare room.

Today was also exciting, as I thought more about the inevitable move and how our 2016 is looking. We have a lead on a potential rental situation that would be pretty much perfect, so we pray as we pursue it that is it where we are meant to be in our uncertain interim between homelessness and being in our ideal home. Ok, that was dramatic. Don’t worry, I’m just being animated.

Exciting days, exciting times! Prayerful days, prayerful times.