I am INCREDIBLY fortunate to have the support system that I have. I know that everyone does not have the loving and supportive family and friends that I have. My emergency task force has saved my butt time after time in the last couple of weeks. They can diffuse any situation.

Brady leads it. He has arrived him within fifteen minutes of me waking up the last two mornings. Waking up in a total panic both mornings, I texted him, obviously upset, and he didn’t delay in coming over and helping me. No, I’m not just fragile and a mess. Ok, I am that, but I was actually legitimately scared of something, not just emotional. He talks me down and keeps me positive and hauls boxes around and tidies up and puts kids to bed on his own on nights like tonight when I’ve just had enough. He wins. Always.

Second in command is my mom. She comes over and seems to find the ideal balance between visiting and helping me relax a bit, and getting some work done. I feel weird when people come over just to work, while its a lovely gesture and very appreciated. I’d rather have some conversation and some sanity brought into my house. My mom gets that. Today, she came over in the mid-morning. We had a lovely morning and lunch together, and she brought the kids a couple of new little toys to keep them busier. When lunch was done and the kids were playing, she helped me do up all of my dishes, and she flattened and put away all of the boxes that had been unpacked and were just sitting in a huge pile. And that was PERFECT! Because I got some visiting in, I felt a bit more normal, I got my kitchen cleaned up, and I have a lot more space in my living room. What a relief!!

Now I don’t like to lump people, but I’m going to say the rest of the team is my friends. You all know who you are. In varying capacities, you guys all save my butt, time after time. You play with my kids so I can rest. You text me and make sure I’m ok. You bring me coffee. You let me vent and weep. You even go as far as to buy me gifts to help pick up my mood! You guys rock. The team captains are pretty strong, but they need a team behind them or they’re carrying too much weight. Yes, it is true, they are doing a lot of the legwork. But just a simple message being sent my way helps me feel normal, and like I’m allowed to talk and share and maaaybe even whine a little.

I appreciate every single member of my emergency task force. Thank you for taking the time to diffuse bombs and negotiate with me and talk me off of my ledge. Everything you do, I appreciate. I couldn’t be getting through this time without all of you.

<3

I’m not sure, but today felt harder than usual with the kids. I have compassion for them, as I can tell they’re still struggling hard to figure this whole thing out. We’re all struggling to a degree, but the kids are less capable of expressing it, and they know less in the way of coping mechanisms. In a lot of ways, they are taking everything like complete rockstars. But in other ways, we’re grasping at straws. The days are long.

Thankfully, Jerilee came for the evening!!! She fits into our family SO well. When I headed into the kitchen to get some supper together, she sat on the floor and played with the kids. I heard her countless times call the kids back to her, keeping them away from the kitchen in order to give me a break. She would gently shush them when they would get super duper loud, and she entertained them and managed to visit with me at the same time. I love you, Jerilee. Thank you for coming into our home and loving my kids so well, even when we’re all basketcases.

I prepared the not-so-gourmet supper of pizza buns, and I’ve got to say, they were incredibly delicious! They are the old fashioned, more camp style kind, with the mix of pepperoni and cheese and sauce all stirred up and plopped on top, and just broiled enough to melt and not fall apart. They were SO good! The kids went back and forth between not liking them and then suddenly loving them. I think they were mostly hesitant because they were new, but they were yummy! Just a bit messy, which isn’t popular for them. But Jerilee, Brady, and I thought they were super yummy, so win!!

The kids went to bed at their normal time, which is always hard for them when we have company, but they were just not doing well 🙁 It had to be done. And then Brady drove for coffee, came home, and we all watched – you guessed it – The Bachelor!! It was SO relaxing, and comfy in our theatre room! It felt really nice to just wind down and watch some tv with a friend. I hope we can do that much much more often now that we live closer.

Now, to sleep. Even when I’m sleeping decently well these days, my eyes are permanently rimmed red, and I am COVERED in zits. One day I WILL catch up, but likely not for quite some time. And thats ok. We are in one of the busiest times of life right now, and there isn’t a slowing down point in sight! Good thing sooooo much is positive!! 😀

Its nice to be able to post on here about prenatal appointments again. Though its been a different pregnancy for appointments this time around. I know I’ve mentioned it before, but in case you missed it or you forget, my doctor is now teaching student doctors. I have ZERO disrespect for people learning, and my doctor is THE BEST, so it makes great sense why she is teaching others. But its been hard for me. I’ve missed her. We see the same student doctor every time, and she is very lovely. We like her a lot. But its hard to move past our history with Dr. Guselle. She knows us. I don’t have to recap very much with her. But our student doctor is new, and I feel like I have to fill her in more. Either way, I’m very thankful to have health care, and to at least know Dr. Guselle is still following our pregnancy.

Today, however, our student doctor wasn’t scheduled in. She’s on holidays or something like that, I forget what exactly, but we knew this when we booked this appointment before Christmas. However, Brady and I had been wondering if we’d see another student doctor, or just our doctor. And lo and behold, we were SO thrilled when we got to see Dr. Guselle completely on her own today 😀 Again, no slam on students and teaching and all of that important stuff. It was just such a treat to see our favorite doctor again, like it used to be.

She is exactly the same. Still the best, still incredibly loving and incredibly fast paced. She interacts with the kids, and asks lots of questions. I love her.

It was perfect that we got to see her today, because I had a few more things to run past her than usual. She confirmed that I was in fact allowed to be using the hot tub the way I have been, and she okayed the new reflux medication that I started over the last few days. We touched base a bit on my delivery, even though its still quite a ways away, but its always nice to know we’re on the same page with it. She found the babys heartbeat right away, and made a point to show Laela, whose face was practically in the gel, she was so interested! I even put on some weight finally. She NEVER talks to me about weight gain, because as long as I’m healthy and the baby is doing well, its not a priority, but she mentioned that she was happy to see that I’d gained something anyway. How could I not?? It was just Christmas!!! But seriously, I was happy to see it too. I’m measuring exactly where I should be, and everything is looking and sounding right.

Except this darn leg. I’m at such a loss with it. Dr. Mike is definitely able to fix it, but I need more help. I just do. I described what was going on to Dr. Guselle in more detail than I ever have, and she just had this lovely look of compassion about her. She told me that it might not go away completely until after delivery, but that it wasn’t necessary to be quite so miserable for the next 20 weeks. She encouraged me to seek our prenatal physio, and I think that is where I will go next. She said they might have more information about how I can help myself be in the best shape, rather than just relying on treatments. I think she’s right.

On the way out, she offered the kids stickers. Dekker lead her to the front desk where he knows the stickers are, and Laela followed closely behind. She got down on the ground with them and showed them some options. Dekker sniped the first Hot Wheels sticker he saw, and Laela squealed “Lala peenk!” Dr Guselle laughed and confirmed that she had asked for pink, and then gave her a pink on pink Barbie one, who Laela immediately deemed to be Auntie Caity. Everyone was happy when they left. It was SUCH a good appointment.

I’ve always left my appointments with Dr. Guselle feeling lighter than when I arrived. She just has that warmth about her. Seriously, read her reviews. She is the best family medicine has to offer. Its been different the last while, just because we are primarily receiving our care from someone else. But today, I got to feel that lift again, and it was such a relief to know she’s still around and caring for us.

Next week we have our anatomy scan!!!!! That always feels like it takes forever to get here, but with Christmas and the move in our recent past, time has positively wailed by! I can’t believe I’m already so far along!! And I don’t see time slowing down much at all 🙂

These are not the most attractive days for me, haha! I’m more than ok with it, but I am definitely in “comfort” mode. In the mornings, I throw on sweats, a long sleeved shirt, and slippers. Today, I rocked some grey sweats, and a grey long sleeved shirt. I looked at the classy ensemble that I had put together, shrugged it off, and kept moving. It did the trick.

When Brady got home, he headed downstairs to change out of his work clothes and into comfy clothes, and he came up in grey sweats and a grey hoodie. I had a lovely moment where I pictured us old and, you guessed it, grey, and I loved it 🙂 I went to him and gave him a hug, and told him how old and fuddy-duddy we already are. He accepted, and we laughed at our boring clothes. At least we were comfy, and equally monochromatic.

Thanks, hubs, for seeing how classy I looked, and matching me. Can’t have one of us outdoing the other 😉

I’ve become a bit of a slacker with pictures recently, and to be honest, I haven’t taken much time to take particularly good quality pictures either. However, there are some pictures from this week that I figure would have ended up on previous posts had I been on the ball. So here they are, with captions, or without, depending on how I feel at the moment. You may have already heard all of the stories, but then I’ll just remind you. Behold! Our first week living somewhere new!

The end! For today, anyway. Its been a busy, emotional, and truthfully a very overwhelming week. I’m hoping like crazy that things begin to feel more and more normal for all of us. But I am truly looking forward to the upcoming week 🙂 I have a few things planned, not too many but just enough, to help break up the week. And then next week is exciting too! Lots coming up. I promise, these posts will get more entertaining soon!!

We had an errand day today. Not a full, grocery shopping at Superstore, Walmart, and Costco kind of errand day, but a day of getting stuff done in the city. Normally, we leave home mid-morning, do our thing, eat out lunch and supper, and get home long after the kids bedtime. This was SUCH a different errand day! Living closer to the city definitely has its benefits.

Before we even headed to the city for errands, we ran a few around the house here. The room that Brady and I sleep in here hasn’t been stayed in for quite some time, so we thought we’d help it back to life. This morning, Brady got the door back on its hinges and adjusted correctly, and he repaired the closet rod and shelf so it was more sturdy. The closet especially has been a job I’ve been waiting to get done, as all of our clothes have been up in the living room, with their hangers elastic banded together, since we moved in. That makes it kind of difficult NOT to end up wearing the same thing every day. Not that I would know anything about that… So obviously, I was very happy to have my closet up and running. I had every expectation, then, to start working on it on Monday, and get all of our clothes into it, bundle by bundle. But Brady was on a roll, and I didn’t stop him. The clothes are all downstairs, the few pieces of little furniture we brought are also in our room, a shelving unit has been put in to hold our storage, etc. It feels wonderful to have our room arranged, and at least a few spots cleared in our living room to be able to sit. It was a VERY productive morning.

Once the jobs died down a bit, we fed everyone, showered up, and headed out for errands. We didn’t have too terribly much to do, and the main thing we were going out for, we didn’t end up getting (a second baby monitor) but it was still very very successful! We went to a number of different places and instead of one of us running in for just one thing, we all went in to every place. It took a little bit longer, of course, but it was good. We got just about everything we were looking for, and the kids were in good shape pretty much the whole time. My laptop is having a hard time connecting to things this evening, so the pictures aren’t loading up, but to wrap up errand day, we wandered through Home Depot and dreamed about our future house. They were SO CUTE! We went as far as to bring home some paint chips and purchase a few flooring samples, just to have, and ponder. It was fun. I really really loved it!

Now, everyone is home, and 2/3 kids are in bed. Rowan is just getting some milk before we lay him down, and then I think we might go hang out in the hot tub for a little while again. It was SO nice last night. Plus, the one single thing I am missing about our old house is my tub. *moan* Oh how I LOVE that tub!!! I’m missing my soaks these days, but our luxurious hot tub will have to do for the moment 😉 I’m not complaining.

We had a pretty rough night last night, so naturally, I woke up feeling tired and a bit anxious for the day. To top it off, my last stretch of sleep had included some really really unsettling dreams. It was a difficult start to the day. As the morning wore on, it didn’t improve too much, and I was a bit of a wreck. My loving husband, who was also struggling with fatigue at work, took his coffee break back at the house with me. His presence (and his coffee) helped me so very much. He let me cry and mope and just struggle, and he sat patiently and listened and tried to problem solve with me. Brady, my love, you helped me survive my day. Thank you for all you do.

As it turned out, his “coffee break” was pretty late in the day, and he decided with me that it was a good day to nap everyone at once. I used to do this every single day, but Dekker stopped napping around his fourth birthday, so I don’t get that break in the day, and thats fine. But today was a day that I needed a reprieve. So we put all of the kids down. Dekker was crying and crying, and I did everything I could to reassure him that he was not going down because he was in trouble. No attitude problem, no disobeying, nothing like that. But I needed some rest time, and I thought everyone should have some too. He accepted it tearfully, and went down.

That rest felt SO refreshing for me, and I was in considerably better shape when I got the kids up. They felt good, and I felt better, and while Brady was still at work for an hour or so at that point, I knew we were in good shape.

Brady came home with the best idea. Family movie night. We’ve watched very little tv since moving in here, and I like that. Not because I think watching tv is bad (I really don’t, let’s not get into it 😉 ) but because I like that the kids haven’t missed it much. Also, I love the idea of tv watching to be intentional. Not a go-to, but occasionally going downstairs to watch tv together as a family, just to relax. We have a nice media setup here, and it was definitely time to use it. Brady also came home with a KFC chicken bucket, which I have been craving SO MUCH! The kids don’t care for the chicken there, so we made them grilled cheese sandwiches, and Brady and I ate an entire ten piece chicken bucket. Don’t judge. It was delicious.

Post-chicken bucket, we brought the kids downstairs and turned on the movie “Home.” We’ve been wanting to watch it for so long, but we’ve been mildly busy the last little while, and I’m so glad, because today was the PERFECT day for it! The kids were so entertained and interested. Laela danced around to the music, and Dekker basically didn’t move the entire time. Brady and I laughed our faces off, and in turn, Rowan would laugh, as if to fit in with us. It was hilarious and endearing and we had SUCH a good time!

Now the kids are down, and I think Brady and I are going to go take a dip in the hot tub, which we also haven’t used until today, for some reason! It just feels like the right day to get really acquainted here, and to make it be our home for the next while.

I’m so thankful for this roof over our heads, for God who gave it to us, and my husband who holds me when I’m crumbling. Brady and I have a really lovely balance, where it always seems like one of us is strong when the other is on the edge of losing it. We tend to take turns unintentionally in these rolls. Today, he was the rockstar. Thank you, my dear. I couldn’t have done today without you. See you in the hot tub! <3

I felt like a college student today. As I’ve said before, the move seemed to take the wind out of me to a degree, and its just taking a bit to get me back to feeling normal. After a WONDERFUL sleep last night, I went ahead with todays plans of going to spend the day with my mom. The plan was laundry.

Now I know, I have a fully functional setup here, and I am more than capable of doing my own laundry. I have for years and years. But everyday tasks are hard these days, and my mom recognizes that. Instead of making me feel like an invalid, she invited me over for the day, and offered that I could bring my laundry and do it there. I decided to accept the loving offer, as I am in NO position not to accept help!, and I brought it all over this morning. While I technically “did my laundry,” I never folded a load on my own, and I definitely didn’t complete each transfer myself. My mom was there to be that mom that does her daughters laundry, even when her daughter is a capable mother of almost four children. Maybe it was because I am that daughter that she helped. She loves us. It shows. We sure love her too.

We had a completely lovely day together. Laundry rolled on, we watched some tv so the kids could feel restful, Rowan slept ALL afternoon, no lie. We ate well, visited well, and rested well. With our recent move, and our plans to build in the future, we made a ballsy move in December and reserved a local post office box in town there, where we hope to build. I snuck away briefly at one point in the afternoon to officially open it, and get our keys. It was a weirdly exciting and monumental moment for me 🙂 We are getting closer! Or at least our mail is…

We got home at a decent time, fed the kids some leftover mac and cheese, and they’re now in bed. They went down fairly happily, which was a nice surprise. Dekker had been SO sad to leave grandma and grandpa’s house, but he had a little nap in the van and seemed refreshed for the rest of the evening.

Now that everyone is sleeping, I am SO HUNGRY!!! Come here to me, leftover spaghetti… *wiggles eyebrows*

Its not been a secret that the last week or two have been challenging. But today, our family drove back to what we now call “the old house,” took some pictures, dug the sign out of the lawn, and left our keys. It is officially no longer ours. Its a big but wonderful transition. For the most part, anyway.

The kids seem to be handling the whole thing well in general. No concern about the old house, or where all of their stuff is. They like exploring the new place we’re renting, and the fact that just about everything is still in the sitting room, so there are tunnels and empty boxes and all kinds of fun stuff to get into. I, on the other hand, am going a bit nutty about how much stuff is still out. Its all part of the process, and with me body being so wrecked at the end of the day, there is very little I can actually do about it, which is hard to accept. Plus we’ve been out every evening since we got here, tying up loose ends or getting other things done. So I’m feeling a bit crazy, and I know the kids are feeding off of that to a degree, but they’re thriving in other ways 🙂

Rowan’s eating is getting better and better! He’s been a bit of a challenge with his reflux, mostly because he is always a little bit hungry, and not especially settled. Its actually been a relief in the last little while, as he’s getting better at actually eating solid food, I am able to satisfy his hunger. When he cries out of hunger, I feel more like I’ll be able to help him. I felt pretty helpless before, but this is easier. Today for lunch, he had a good serving of rice and mushroom sauce, and I even managed to teach him a bit about a sippy cup. I think he’s going to take to a different kind than Dekker and Laela did, but I’m on board with whatever he wants. He liked cold milk out of it too. It surprised him, but he took to it quickly. There is hope!

Laela is learning SO much these days, as she and Dekker are playing more together in tighter quarters with fewer toys. (Just for the moment, anyway. We haven’t unpacked all of their stuff yet.) But she is suddenly picking up everything!!! She recognizes lots of colors, she counts a bit, she knows lots of little concepts, like tall and short, light and dark, etc., and she can verbalize it all. Animals and their sounds, everyones ages, and polite manners. I know its not “ahead of the game” for her to know these things, but suddenly she can say so many things! She speaks pretty clearly, too. Not about everything, of course, but if you spent any time with her at all, you’d pick up on her dialect pretty quickly. She’s a total peach. She even makes jokes. Like, funny, goofy ones that pester her brother and make everyone else laugh. Its a cool stage of development for her.

Dekker has embraced this change pretty smoothly. He has his moments, of course, where he scraps with his siblings and just does wrong thing after wrong thing. But that also might just be a stage he’s in. So I’ve struggled a bit with him in this time, just because I feel so out of order, and I desire order, and sometimes he just makes it harder to achieve. But some fabulous things are ever-present in my beautiful four year old son. He is SO helpful. He is so eager to help with any job I can give him. For this reason, I have set up the kids dishes in a place where he can reach them, and he sets their spots at the table. If I sit down to change a diaper and find poop, he offers to go find the wipes. Nothing is where it should be yet, and we have a few opened wipes bags floating around, but never in the same place twice, and let me tell you, he goes on the hunt for some and he brings back wipes every single time. And then this evening. We had run errands, and had gotten home late. Brady was unbuckling the kids while I headed towards the house to unlock the door for everyone. I grabbed the diaper bag and Dekkers backpack full of emergency potty stuff before I left the van. And as I walked away, I heard Dekker call after me “Thanks so much for carrying my backpack, mommy!” I felt so warm from that. My son is not entitled. He recognizes what I do. And he loves me. It helps a lot to see that after these last few days. I’ve struggled, and he’s struggled, but we’re still in a very good place with each other. He is a complete champ.

Baby four has blessed me in the last week or so by being so very mobile, making his or her presence known undeniably. That is all I can ask of this child, that is for sure, but it has made the few moments that I have to just lay still that much sweeter.

All of our beautiful children are tucked in to bed, and Brady is up in the kitchen putting his lunch together and doing a couple of little things around the house. Its hard being so unable to lift and haul, but its just the stage we’re in, and I know I need to accept that. I’m VERY thankful to have a hunky hubby to take care of me and ours at this time.

And God. Because he covers us all.

Lots got done around here today. I had a lovely and relaxing morning with Hailey, which was perfect, actually. Since the sitting room isn’t actually conducive to sitting right now (FULL of stuff) she hung out on the dining room floor with me while the kids ran circles around us. She was my sanity this morning. Thank you for coming, Hailey!!!

My mom came in the afternoon to help me with more setting up. It was actually pretty perfect. We got a bunch done, and made a game plan for the next few days. I know what things I need to get done to feel some sanity again, and when they are realistic possibilities. I’d love to set a goal for when to have these things done, but I don’t want the pressure right now. Also, its not particularly fair, because most of them are things I need Brady to do. Soon enough, those things will be done, and I’ll be able to finish the stuff that pertains to those jobs. It shouldn’t be too much longer. Hopefully.

When Brady made it home after work, he changed, we got the kids dressed, and we took my mom with us in the van. She hung out with the kids while Brady and I met with our lawyer and officially signed away the land title of our house. It was an exciting, short and sweet appointment. We were in and out in fifteen minutes. Afterwards, my mom headed home, and the rest of us ventured out to shop for a few things. My leg/right butt are really giving me a run for my money, so I stayed in the van with Rowan while Brady took the big kids into Home Depot to snag a few things for some repairs around here. They came back, and we decided to grab some supper. For the record, no, we will not always be eating out because we live closer to the city. BUT we will be eating out while we’re getting organized and such. Its a big job. The kids wanted McDonalds, Brady wanted Wendys, and I wanted KFC, so we rocked what we lovingly refer to as a redneck food court, and we compiled all of our food in the van to eat. It was delicious and satisfying. We hit Superstore last, just for a small handful of things. Being in the underground parkade reminded me of this hilarious scene I witnessed a while back. I saw a mom and her fairly young daughter walking to their vehicle. The little girl was super dangerously weaving in and out between cars, not watching or thinking much at all, it seemed. The mother was looking on after her with a death stare, and finally bellowed at her “SERENITY!” I almost peed my pants. It was awesome. The end.

After Superstore, we began the MUCH shorter drive home, and as we drove, I heard Dekker say my name in the backseat. I asked him to repeat himself, and he said “I don’t want you to be in the van.” I clarified that he was talking to me, and he confirmed it. I asked “You don’t want me to be in the van?” He said back, “No mommy, I don’t want you to be in the van!” I was so shocked and kind of confused. I don’t know if I responded or not, or how exactly he ended up clarifying what he had said, but there was a lot of relief when he finally got it out clearly.

“Mommy! I don’t want you to PEEEEE in the van!”

We all had a good laugh, and assured him that I was not planning to pee in the van. And then he simply went “No. Laela. She’s drinkin’.”

And Laela goes “Mook.” (milk)

Anyways, I thought it was kind of an adorable exchange, and Brady and I had a pretty solid chuckle over the whole thing.

When we got back from shopping, it was past the kids bedtime, so we went through the motions of bedtime routine. My leg was really bugging me, so I wasn’t super duper helpful, but I did some tidying with them, and I helped with their jammies. But now that they’re tucked in, I’m in bed, laying flat on my back while I blog since the reclining position only adds to my pain, and I physically cannot relax my legs. Neither. If I do, I get shooting pains up and down my right side. Its unbelievable. I’m trying so hard to follow all of the rules given to me by Dr. Mike, but I’m just struggling over here. But I’ll book in with him again soon so he can fix me back up. I can’t wait! Well, really, I think when I’m not doing as much setting up in the day, I’ll be in better shape. But these are just big days, so they’re harder.

In a positive light (since I feel like this post needs one) as I lay here and blog, I feel my little baby in my womb, dancing and kicking. I’ve been thinking I feel baby for a solid week or two now, but these last few days, I am completely positive. I LOVE being able to feel our new little family member wriggling around in its safe little home within my body. Its miraculous. At 18 weeks, this whole thing is feeling more and more real, and while this is our fourth baby, it hasn’t gotten old. Not. At. All. It is exciting every single moment of each different time. Eek!! Baby four! You’re so big already!