Its been a while since I talked about Dekker’s eyes on here, I think. Probably since his last appointment, lol! Well Brady took Dekker to an eye appointment this morning and I thought I’d throw it all down here 🙂 For you guys, who care, and for me to remember.

First, I’ll start with a confession. I lied to Brady about the time. In all fairness to me, the last two or three appointments they’ve gone to together, they’ve been late. They arrive at the hospital on time, but its lined up SO FAR BACK that by the time they’re checked in, they’re technically late. So while the actual appointment was at 9:30, I put it on the calendar as 9:15. Just being proactive, not that mean 😉 But of course, today, they were on the freaking ball, and were at the hospital at 8:50. Whoops. Of course, being that early, no one was lined up, and they checked in right away. So so early.

A beautiful thing happened, though! They got into their appointment early! Win!

Orthoptics is always first, where they run the majority of their tests on Dekker. He tends to do well for the first while, but is pretty over it about halfway through. Not today! Brady texted once they were out of orthoptics and back in the waiting room, and said that Dekker cooperated easily and beautifully the entire time 🙂 That being said, though, Brady got a feeling that Dekker wasn’t able to identify as many things as he was supposed to. It was looking like his eyes were declining, even just a little bit, but enough that it was showing up in his tests. Not the end of the world, but it was a bit discouraging.

It was only a few minutes before Dr. Rubab called them into her exam room for the next part. Because Dekker had cooperated SO well in his prior tests, she didn’t have to redo really anything, and said that his eyes are actually doing great!! Basically, his vision is at 20/30, which obviously isn’t perfect, but is just a line below where he’d ideally be. So not at all like it had seemed in orthoptics, but rather just likely it hadn’t changed much at all since his last appointment! It was SUCH a win.

Funny story. They were out of the hospital before Dekker’s appointment was technically supposed to start, haha! That NEVER happens. Amazing!

So, a BIG attaboy to Dekker for doing so great in his appointment, not complaining at all, and for never fighting wearing his glasses!! He’s put in some great work, and its paid off!

Another successful trip to the eye doctor done 🙂 We’ll be back in 4-5 months!

Brady spent another day at my parents house, working on their deck. Lucky me, by default, I spent the whole day hanging out with my mom and the kids! Woot! I think I can safely say that it was really nice for everyone. Brady got the trickiest part of the deck completed. I had someone to chat with over the age of five. The kids had someone fresh to read them new stories, and had toys to play with that are different from their everyday stuff. And I think my mom enjoyed the company, too, and the bustling house. Its good to mix things up 🙂

Obviously, however, tomorrow will be another deck day. Or at least  deck afternoon. Brady is taking Dekker to an eye appointment tomorrow morning, and when he gets home, we’ll load the kids up and head back to mom’s house for some more work hours. Its SO nice when you work for family, and there is no tight timeline to run by strictly, but Brady also takes pride in his work and his speed, and we don’t want to take advantage and let the project drag on forever and ever, either. So in between all of our appointments and scheduled plans, Brady will likely be at their house fairly often, trying to finish it up. He’s getting a wicked tan!!

I’ll admit, after a LOVELY day of visiting and having company and some help with the kids, I am still wiped. Right. Out. Wow!! Brady told me to head right up to bed once I got home, and thats exactly what I did. I dropped the diaper bag on the floor, walked up to our room, took my pants off, and crawling into bed. No other stops were made.

My body is ready for bed. I am tired.

Or perhaps I just over ate at supper….. Thats entirely likely as well.

Worth it.

I realized I have a handful of super cute pictures of Dekker and Solly from the last few days that I can’t leave unshared. So while they’re unrelated, I’m going to do up a quick post about my oldest and my youngest boys.

Dekker is SO psyched to go to the beach!! He’s been colouring a lot recently, and today, he drew a picture of the lake that I actually thought was pretty awesome.

He told me the “top blue” was the sky, and the “bottom blue” was the water, and then the sand! To his dismay, the yellow sunshine was a tad on the green side, but he understood why, haha! I thought it was a great picture, and he was super proud of it.

Another thing that stood out to me about him today was that he is totally in baby mode!!

He swaddled his stuffed puppy (its more of a pancake at this point) and snuggled it on his chair, patting it and holding its head. It looked SO soft and SO nice. Dekker tends to be a bit of a slow starter, and while he’s never showed any issue with the new babies, he usually takes a while before he wants to be involved with them very much. I think it might go differently this time 🙂

Last, and probably least, haha, Dekker ate an apple like this today!

My mess-free boy has NEVER eaten an apple this way. He always prefers things to be sliced and as neat as possible, so this was kind of a surprise to me. An even bigger surprise was how much he loved it! Even though he was sticky at the end. It was cool to see him let go of something that he seemed to need in the past. Win for Dekker!

Then we have our Solly, who is SO sweet these days! You may or may not have seen the picture I put up of him a few days ago.

That boy loves a good chocolate chip cookie, and Rowan loves that Solly no longer tries to eat his chocolate chip cookie.

On that same day, we ran some errands in the city, but made it home just as Solly was moments from sleep. Poor baby was SO tired, but hilariously adorable and unmoving on his daddy’s shoulder as he was carried inside.

He perked up a little bit and joined the kids for lunch before going down for his much needed nap. We left the table for moment and accidentally left his plate within his reach. He pulled it over to himself and we found him LOADED DOWN with banana.

Thats a half banana, shoved into that massive baby mouth, and if you can’t tell, he is SO PLEASED with himself! Some goldfish snuck in there as well. Truly, though, it was adorable, and Brady and I laughed so hard. It was awesome. Yay independence, haha!

I love my kids to pieces. They are so incredible, on all the levels, in all the ways. It was fun to spotlight these two today.

Its been a pretty good day so far 🙂 You guys are in the know. The last weeks have been challenging in a lot of ways, and I’ve been feeling overdone. The kids are going through a really hard stage, Solly has been actively working on his first set of molars (two have cracked the surface, but we still have a ways to go,) Brady’s work has been all over the place, leaving him working more evenings than usual, I’m still sick and fatigued, and the medication I can take for my nausea is basically like taking sleeping pills all day. Its been a challenge. But today, I feel a tad bit better 🙂 Even though its a small victory, I feel like it needs to be acknowledged 🙂

While the kids ate breakfast, I did a load of dishes. For some reason, the last few mornings, I’ve woken up feeling sicker than usual, and beyond that, my arms feel like I’ve slept directly on top of them all night or something. I haven’t done that, and I know this because I spend a decent amount of time awake in the nights, but my hands and arms have been basically dead to me the last couple of mornings. They were the same again today, yet I pushed through and got a load of dishes in! Small victory, lol! And by the amount of dishes still left on the counter, you’d never know I did some 😉 But it still counts for me! I earned my coffee, that’s for sure!

The kids played pretty well through the morning, and I’ve been able to do a teeny bit of sorting and organizing. Solly burst into tears, however, right around 11:00 and that was just it. He went from playing happily to wailing as though he’d fallen or gotten hurt, except that I was with him when the crying began, with no incident to speak of. I did everything in my power to calm him but he was right pissed. I finally plopped him in his high chair, got a bit of food into him as fast as I could, and he went RIGHT to bed, no struggle. Poor teething baby.

While this went down, I chatted on the phone with my mom and we made a pickle plan! I’m so stoked to can some pickles this summer!! Its been a few years since we did our last pickle day, and we’re both completely out. However, after doing a bit of research, we may have a wrench thrown into our plans :/ We’ll have to see how that all winds up, but we have high hopes of making pickles in the VERY near future. And somehow, that plan with our tight timeline doesn’t feel overwhelming for me. Yet another thing that’s giving me a tiny bit of hope that my first trimester craziness/moodiness/everythingness is potentially on its way out. I can dream!

The one bigger thing on my list is getting hyperorganized for our lake trip coming up, as our days leading up to it are full, and are getting fuller! But the biggest part of that was getting organized food wise, and I did that yesterday! I planned our meals and even snacks, so all that’s left to do for that is a quick grocery shop right before we go 🙂 Look at me over here, accomplishing tiny unimportant things!! Go me!

The big kids are currently eating popcorn and watching some tv while I’m researching, blogging, organizing, etc. Its relaxed around here. Brady won’t work a super long day today, since he has physio in the mid-afternoon, which is so nice. Its been a successful day so far, where I feel like I have things a teeny bit more together than usual. Its all pretty minimal, but these last couple of months have really given me a run for my money, and I’m starting to see little improvements.

I’m feeling really thankful today 🙂

Second trimester, baby!! We have arriiiiived! Haha! I am SO ready for that promised burst of energy, the disappearing nausea, the better sleep, etc. Not that I’m not optimistic 😉 But I’m not holding my breath that any of that is directly around the corner. Even in my past pregnancies, where I’ve had FAR less sickness, I’m still sick for another couple of weeks at least. Such is life. Such is having babies. I’m willing to take that hit!

Comparison/Size: Apparently, the baby is roughly the size of a Hot Wheels car this week! When I told the kids, Dekker just burst out laughing like it was the funniest thing he’d heard all day. I love the thought of it, though. Thats a decent size! I’m pumped. Also, I hear my uterus has grown from the size of a grapefruit to the size of a softball. Are those even that different? Lol! I’m not good at sports…..

How am I feeling mentally: I’m feeling fairly at peace about my pregnancy. Not all the way, but pretty good. There was so much relief with my recent appointments, and there was a definite shift that came with that. I feel better overall. Yet I feel like the chase for the next milestone will never end until this pregnancy does. Or at least until I can feel movement. That is SUCH a wonderful reassurance to have every day once it starts. I’m anticipating it very much. I still feel a bit nervous, as my body hasn’t grown the same way it has in the past. I can finally feel my uterus, but its not the good sizeable bump I can cup in my palm when I’m laying down. I used to be able to feel that exact thing right around 10-11 weeks every other pregnancy. But I have no real reason to think things aren’t going smoothly. Besides these things, we are swiftly approaching the due date I was so anticipating in my previous pregnancy with Theo. So that is definitely heavy on my heart, but it feels a little bit different. Separate, almost? I’m not sure.

How am I feeling physically: Things are still trucking along. My meds have kept me alive and well, as well as kept my nausea under control. However, I did dry heave my face off yesterday to the smell of coffee brewing, so I’m clearly not out of the woods yet. On a separate note of physical feelings, let’s talk about boobs for a minute. You can take it, don’t worry. They have been hurting like there’s no tomorrow for a solid 7 weeks now, and they have FINALLY grown a bit! Any chance they won’t keep hurting? Like its not looking good, they still hurt 24/7, but maybe the end is near since they finally did their thing. Maybe? I can dream.

Appointments: Nothing new here. I’ll see my doctor mid-August.

Buys/Wish List: Ok! I bought something, finally!! Remember a while back, I mentioned that I ordered some jean shorts from the Gap and was eagerly awaiting their arrival, since my current shorts were getting SO tight and pinchy and cutting in? It seemed like they took forever to come, and when they finally did, they didn’t fit. Now I KNOW some people will hate me for this, but I’m allowed to be annoyed, so don’t hate on me. They were the smallest size that exists. Size 0. For the record, I am NOT a size 0. Ever. But Gap clothes fit on the larger side, and I am actually quite annoyed that their smallest size is too big on me. I KNOW there are LOTS of pregnant women who are smaller than me. What a pain. So I need to send those back, but in the meantime, I went to Thyme Maternity yesterday and bought two pairs of shorts to last me through until the end of summer. They were already all on sale, and then as an added surprise, they were an additional 50% off, so I got two pairs of shorts I really like, that fit really well, for less than I expected to pay for one pair. Win for me!! I prefer the style of the Gap shorts better, but they looked boxy and wide on me, and my butt crack would never be concealed. I’m really thankful to have found what I found. They are much nicer and more comfortable than I was expecting. Thank you, tiny Thyme location, for not being sold out of my size!

How are the kids feeling: The kids are less interested at this point, haha! To their credit, they mention the baby every single day, and they LOVE calling him/her “little papoose.” Its really caught on, which I love. But I don’t think they’ll really show much new interest until they can know the gender. Thats the big question. Is it a boy or a girl. Over and over and over again. I hope we can actually find out!! There has been ONE time only that we weren’t able to find out at our anatomy scan, and we went for a 3D ultrasound about eight weeks later. If, for whatever reason, we can’t find out at our anatomy scan, I doubt we’ll be waiting eight weeks! We’re all so eager this time around, haha!

The BEST thing about being pregnant this week: I think I could say the best part of being pregnant this week was going to a baby shower. Not mine, but my cousins. She is pregnant, I am pregnant, and another guest at the shower was pregnant. It was so much fun to be part of the excitement for her, and to be part of the group of pregnant ladies. It was a safe space to talk babies and pregnancy and all the ins and out, with views from a handful of seasoned moms. Its SO fun for me to be able to talk about my love for my children and child bearing, unabashedly, shamelessly, joyfully. I really enjoyed that. It brought up more excitement in my heart, and an even stronger anticipation for my little papoose. I am SO excited!!!

Anything else: I’m into the fun realm of terrifying pregnancy dreams. Sigh. I’m still quite fatigued, even though I’m technically in my second trimester, and the bizarre dreams are not helping me feel more rested!! Also, I’ve been eating a TON of cinnamon toast crunch, and I’m so hungry for pastry, haha! Turnovers, danishes, the fruit sticks with the big hunks of sugar on top, things like that. SO hungry for that! I may have to buy a bit of it for our upcoming lake trip. Or just buy them from the bakery there, when everyone else is getting sticky buns. Mmmmm…

Pictures: Behold, as per usual, the bumpity bump. Forgive my messy, fluffiness.

I’m really just thickening, haha! I can see the bump, but I’m definitely still at that point where I just look like I just ate recently. I’m ok with that, either way. I know what’s going on.

And these are my shorts!

I admit, the first pair are more comfy because the panel is soft and comfy, but I don’t love the embroidery. The second pair are lighter and more simple, which I like, but the panel isn’t my fave. So they definitely have their trade offs. But both fit really well and I’m SO thankful to have found them for less than $20 each!!

That’s it, that’s all! Its been a nice week. I still feel sick and tired, but I feel happy and excited. Summer is moving quicker than I thought it would, but I’m eagerly anticipating whats all to come. Dekker and I had a great chat this morning over breakfast about whats to come. My birthday is in a few days, and then his is three weeks later. Soon after that, we’ll have a special weekend away, and then school will start. Grade one for Dekker also means preschool for Laela, and a month or so into that, Laela will turn 4! The next thing is thanksgiving, and then halloween. Christmas will creep up fast after that, and only a few weeks after Christmas, we’ll get our brand new baby. There is SO much to look forward to, and while I’m not wishing time to pass, I’m so happy about all that’s to come! I’m so ready for it all.

I try so hard to stay positive, but Brady and I had a bit of a heart to heart and decided that, unfortunately, last week was just really hard, and really bad. For lots of reasons, it was just a sucky week, and I’m have some anxiety about the week to come. I had some lovely plans to disappear and run a few errands on my own this morning, free of anyone who screamed, argued, or even talked. Just me, to get in a better headspace. But as plans tend to do, they changed. While a break would’ve been so useful and appreciated, I knew my family could use the outing just as much as I could. So we all went.

As per usual, it was a bit busy and chaotic getting out the door in the midst of Rowan melting down and Solly crying over his poor little teeth. He cracked a molar in the last few days, and cracked another a week or two ago that’s still only halfway out. Along with those, I can feel three more teeth that are pushing, and who knows how many are moving and hurting him that are still lower in his gums? Poor kid is working hard these days!! But we finally managed our way through all the pep talks, medication, and shoes, and everyone made it out to the bus.

We only had three places to hit, and they all had nice short lists. We did Superstore, and picked up a few things, but didn’t get cookies at the bakery. We then stopped at another place, that I’ll tell you more about in tomorrows post 😉 But our last stop was Costco, where the kids got their cookies, and we stocked up pretty much all of our staples. We were out of milk, yogurt, apples, bananas, coffee, and cheese. That basically boils down to the apocalypse around here, but we got all set up with our necessities as well as a handful of other things. At both grocery stores, we were able to walk right up to the till and get ourselves through and paid up in no time at all. The man who loaded our cart at Costco just chatted with the little boys as they sat in the cart, watching intently. Neither of them really responded to him at all, but he just rolled with it and kept “their” conversation going. I loved that 🙂

Upon arriving home, Brady took on the task of getting the kids lunch, and I unloaded the van quickly before disappearing upstairs to get ready for the afternoon. My mom and I made our way to a baby shower for one of my cousins, and spent a few hours reminiscing with family, talking about babies, and her future plans. It was exciting to just be around that again. Someone have a baby already!! Lol! Maybe I’ll be so classy as to throw myself a baby shower, haha! Its been a while, so that would make sense right?? 😉 I tease. They’re a lot of fun, though. It was nice to be able to chat about babies again and “Ooo” and “aah” over baby clothes. How is it that light grey makes babies even softer than they already are?? Eek! I want one!

I’m home for the day now, and the kids will be in bed in about an hour. All in all, I can safely say its been a nice day, and I have some hope for the week ahead. I want to try hard to keep a positive perspective, but please be gentle with me if I get a bit down. These have been hard hard days, and hard stages for the kids. I am feeling so drained, while anxiously waiting for that promised “second trimester energy” to strike me. Bring it on!! Trimester #2 started tomorrow and I am SO ready for it to make good on some of its promises!

Brady began his second deck build of 2017 as he and my dad took on the job of my parents deck. Its been in the works for a while, but the quote came in, the order was placed, and everything was dropped off a couple of days ago.

Praise the Lord the weather cooperated today and the boys didn’t get rained out. The weather was actually a bit foggy and cool in the morning, but the sun moved in for the afternoon.

I had a super weird, unsettling, broken sleep, but when I woke up, my mom had texted and offered to come by and do the morning with us. So she came and hung out with us, and helped with breakfast and helped us get out the door. We headed right over to her house, where the kids settled in really smoothly. Its been a while since we’ve just spent a day playing over there. Meanwhile, the boys had just about finished up all of the tedious work of placing the patio blocks, levelling the gravel underneath, and sloping some dirt away from the house. When that was finally done, the real building began.

The work hit a few snags and my dad had to make some quick trips to nearby hardware stores, but things kept moving and I’ve got to say, they made it pretty far for their first day!!

I mean, it helps when you had an audience as cute as this.

I like them a lot 🙂

Brady and I are quite wiped out after today. He is wiped out in the rewarding, successful way that you feel when you’ve gotten a lot done. That sore ache that’s kind of satisfying. I’m wiped out from the kids, lol! They’re just in a really tough stage right now, and there is so much screaming in a day. By the end of it, I’m just finish.

After supper, Brady and my dad went and loaded Brady’s tools back up in his van, and we were off. We plucked Rowan from his 20 ish minute temper tantrum and hauled him out to the van (left it running with a/c, of course) and then followed right after with the other kids.

Ro went right to bed upon arriving home, and while Brady tucked him in and I changed Solly’s diaper, the big kids got on tidying up the few toys they’d spread out in the morning before we left. It was an efficient system, and bedtime went fairly seamlessly, for which I am thankful.

Now, I’m in bed. I don’t plan to leave, haha! Well, I’ll leave for a bath. But that’s it. Now I snack and sleep.

Happy weekend, all!!

The weather has been so unpredictable these days, but also predictable in the way that we know its going to be all over the place and to basically stay inside, or bring jackets and be ready for anything.

Last weekend, we had some good hail come down and ding up our bus, as well as many other people’s vehicles, obviously. What can you do, right? Since then, it seems like we’ve had a fairly consistent low rumbling of thunder, along with power flickers, full outages, LOTS of lightening, and general grey weather. Luckily, I don’t mind storms. In fact, I super like them.

This afternoon, I had the pleasure of visiting with a friend who I almost never ever see. It was just a shorty visit (we’ll have to make them a bit longer in the future 😉 ) but we got to talking a bit about storms. We both love storms, which I feel not everyone understands. But they’re SO exciting and unpredictable and LOUD and dramatic and just fun. Its so nice to find other people in my life who love a good storm 🙂

Now that we have our new house, and our master bedroom is above the garage, it physically shakes when there’s a good crash of thunder. Its such a new feeling, and I really like it, though its a startling way to wake up in the morning!! Haha! No lie. Almost scared me out of my bed this morning! Almost 😉

Moments after my friend left, the clouds opened up and out poured the rains!! And WOW did they pour! Within seconds, the hail came flying down with it! Thankfully, the hail wasn’t as large as it was during our last hail storm last weekend, because I had to run out in it and open one of our downspouts! But it didn’t hurt me too bad, just got a little wet, which I can handle. Again, I love storms, and the rain, and everything that has to do with it. Yes, even the wet clothes afterwards. I’m even ok with those. So I wasn’t too put off.

The rain is still coming down, but the hail has given up for now. I opened a window to listen to it, which is one of the BEST parts, but I got cold really fast and closed it up again. Brrrrr! One day, I won’t feel sick 24/7, and then I likely won’t get chilled quite as easily. I anticipate that day.

I feel like I have been anticipating our family trip to the lake for SO long! And let’s be real. It has been a long time! If I remember right, we booked our August trip back in February!! Time has been creeping by ever so slowly, and I’ve been resisting the urge to plan too terribly far ahead.

We leave on August 5th, so thats in 16 days, I believe. I think I’m allowed to start planning now, haha! If I didn’t see these next two weeks filling up fast, I probably would still restrain myself, but there is lots to do and I don’t want to end up scrambling. Plus, when I have lots of time to get organized, I can get SUPER organized, and that makes for a breezy packing experience, which is not always the case when packing for six.

On our day trips, we’ve been able to pack a pretty full diaper bag, a bathing suit/towel/set of comfy clothes for each person, a cooler bag of snacks, the camera, aaaaand that’s pretty much it! But five days away will look a lot different!

I’m so thankful we booked in advance because we were able to nail down our ideal place. We’re staying in a two bedroom condo-ish-type place, with a deck, bbq, full bathroom and kitchen! Having lots of space makes it easier to grossly overpack and be ready for anything, by default. We’ll bring both strollers, and at least one high chair. We’ll be able to bring food for most days so we aren’t left eating out for every single meal. We’ll bring a playpen for Solly aaaaand I’m not quite sure what we’ll do for Rowan just yet 😬 We can bring jackets and hats boots and shoes and sandals and everything we could possibly need, as well as far more sand toys than we’d actually ever need to bring. We’ll likely bring disposable dishes, just for ease. Ssshhh! Don’t tell the environment! Seriously, though, we will PACK.

I need to make detailed lists, and maybe even a really basic meal plan with really simple food. Not only will that make it so easy, but it’ll also be food that the kids for sure enjoy and maybe, for five sweet days, we won’t have to force anyone to eat anything they don’t like. What a relief!!

As I think about this, I’m remember we had a master list on our computer, at one point, for packing for a road trip. But I’m pretty sure that was long before Solly was born, and possibly before Rowan was born. No point in trying to fuss with that list now! Time to make a new one!

What could you never leave at home if you were going to the lake for a week? What can’t I forget?? Help!

One of my pregnancy tracking apps told me weeks ago already that my hormones are probably starting to level out. It is wrong, and they are not. I’m still struggling quite hard with my moods, feeling overdone very early in the day, impatient, and ready to cry at the drop of a hat. Its not unheard of, obviously, and without complaining about my situation at all, even a lazy day around here is pretty busy. So I’m tired and grouchy a lot of the time. Just trying to be honest.

After yet another restless night, I made a very real effort to be positive this morning. The kids all woke up happy, and then we didn’t eat breakfast for sooo long because Rowan was a total snuggle bug and I ended up laying with him in Dekker’s bed and just cuddling, giving lots of smooches, and identifying facial features, haha! It was SO cozy, and very distracting. But eventually, we got up and the kids demolished their breakfasts of apple jacks.

Except Solly.

For some reason, he was not having it. I couldn’t tell you why, except maybe teething. He wouldn’t eat much at all, and just cried and cried and cried. That is NOT like Solly. He is so content and relaxed, so when he does that kind of thing, I don’t argue with him. He just wouldn’t settle. So I tricked him into eating his yogurt, and let him be done. But toys wouldn’t do it either.

Dekker finished his breakfast and took it upon himself to work to get Solly settled and happy. He played with him and encouraged him and distracted him like crazy. It was SO awesome. I thanked him over and over, and he just assured me that he knew Solly would be happier if he had a friend to play with. He’s so right. Yay for siblings!

It was pretty on and off all morning, though. Rowan was so screechy this morning, and would scream over anything that didn’t go exactly his way, including duplo not clicking together exactly how he wanted it to. It was so annoying. I would remind him he could ask me for help, he would, I’d help him, and he’d be happy. And then scream five seconds later. Over and over again.

In amongst all of these things, I had this brief moment of reassurance in my head that said “This morning wouldn’t be as overwhelming if not for my crazy hormones. It’ll be easier once they level out.” Now this is something that I know, from experience and also logic. But I really felt it today, that this morning isn’t actually that bad, and that I’m just overwhelmed and tired and it’ll all feel a bit more handlable (yup, its a word) soon enough. I feel like that’s just a glimmer of hope that maaaybe that time is coming. If my head is clear enough to see this, probably its clearing! Right? Haha! Maybe I’m just hopeful and naive. Who knows. Hopefully I’ll know soon! If not, please love me through my crazy!!