I’m pretty sure I said it multiple times last on last week’s series post, but this all feels quite surreal. I haven’t been 19 weeks pregnant in a long time, and it feels pretty unreal. And amazing. I’m SO thankful to be carrying another pregnancy so far in. Hopefully it will continue on much further, and ideally we won’t have say goodbye to her the day we meet. I am pleased to say that, thanks to the technology of my fetal doppler, I KNOW that Bambina is alive and wiggling TODAY! Praise God! I even took a video of it this time. That novelty will NEVER wear off.

Size Comparison: I like today’s comparison a lot! Apparently Bambina is roughly the size of a gameboy!! I was never cool enough to actually have a gameboy, but I am obviously familiar with them, and I think its a cute comparison. Perhaps, more accurately, we should say she’s the same size as a gamegirl. That makes more sense. More seriously though, she’s apparently roughly 6″ long, from head to butt, and at our ultrasound on Thursday, she weighed about 8 oz!! Half a pound of baby already! Or, a cup, if you want to go the way of volume.

Appointments: We had an ultrasound last week where we FINALLY got pictures of her little face and profile! If you missed that post, that’s a bummer, and you should check it out. She’s lovely! She was very wiggly, which is already refreshing and reassuring to see. Our tech always measures her little head, and even when we were just seeing the very top of her head, she was looking back and forth the entire time. Busy little girly in there. I LOVED that ultrasound. One of the best ones, for sure. We also were able to confirm her gender! Our tech is SO careful not to say too much, even with gender, so she told us “There’s a little bump, but no mountain!” Lol!

How am I feeling emotionally: Honestly, as things continue on, I’m feeling better and better in this area. All hope is not lost, but all grief is not lost either. More often than not, I feel hopeful and excited and like this might actually happen! We might actually get to bring this little one home, in a car seat, to her eager siblings. None of this suspicious white box in a velvet bag business. I want to hold her, and I think I might actually get to! But there is the other side – the other extreme – where its hard to go there completely, not knowing how I’ll ever stand up again if we lost her, too. Its hard to have one emotion without the other, but in the moments where I’m just happy and excited, I never want it to end. They are SUCH good moments.

How am I feeling physically: I am kind of surprised to say that I have had slight relief from my pelvic pain. It is NOT all gone by any means, and maybe I’m just following the rules better than I ever have, but I’m so happy to not be in excruciating pain day in and day out. I sleep a specific way, sit a specific way, stand a specific way, and I can’t ever push it. I depend on my soak in the evening, and even if its a late night, we never skip it. If and when I do go out and about, I’ve swallowed my pride and embraced that stupid looking belt, because I pay dearly when I don’t use it. And its paying off. As for other physical feelings, I’m completely off diclectin and would say I’m about 95% nausea-free! I still have one plugged ear but in just the last week, I’ve become super congested and snotty, though I’m not sick. Yay for pregnancy congestion! So at least I can now piece together the congestion and the plugged ear, and know that likely one will clear with the other, whenever that is.

Wish Lish/Purchases: If you read this weekend, you know Brady took me away for a night where we finally bit the bullet and did some baby shopping. We bought her a few shirts, jeggings, a hat, a pair of shoes, and a sleeper or two. It felt SO good to scratch that itch, finally!! This shirt is my favorite one we have for her so far!

I don’t know why I love it so much but I dooooo!!

On a separate note, though, a friend gave me a BEAUTIFUL gift yesterday. 

If you haven’t heard of this before, its called a harmony ball necklace. Or sometimes its called an angel caller. It has a few different titles. The ball in the pendant has this beautiful soft little chiming bell in it, and its such a long necklace that the ball hangs right on your tummy. You wouldn’t hear the bell yourself unless maaaybe you had mad hearing skills and were listening for it. Its a pretty little soft song for the baby. And I LOVE that!!! This friend was gifted the necklace, wore it through her pregnancies, and passed it along to me just yesterday. I am so touched, and VERY excited to wear it and play music for my baby in the womb already. What an incredible gift! And for the record, the pictures don’t do the colors justice. Its many different shades of purple, not blue like it appears. You guys know how much I like purple 😉

Pictures: My ever-lovely friend, Cher, popped by this morning to take pictures of my belly, so they’d be as fresh as possible! 

Things usually start out pretty weird, but we got it together eventually 😂

We convinced her to eat breakfast with us first, and she snapped some awesome pictures of Brady and the kids.

Brady is home for just another day or two before he is SLAMMED busy for several weeks. We are cherishing these home days. ❤

How are the kids feeling: The kids are so happy 🙂 They seem SO in the know, and SO aware, and then randomly someone will ask if Bambina is coming home tomorrow 🤔 I really, really hope not!! Its a good reminder that they’re still little, and somewhat ignorant of whats actually going on. But they talk about the basics a lot. Who will get to feed her, who will play with her on the floor, and the thing they argue about the most – who will get (yes, GET) to throw away her diapers. Lol! They really like our new diaper pail, so I think thats where that comes from 😉 Weirdos.

Getting to know the baby: I’m quite certain these days that I can, in fact, feel the baby move. Its incredibly refreshing when it happens. With that being said, I can tell you the baby likes her active time in the evening, for sure. Also when my bladder is full, she is MUCH more active. I get that she’s tighter in there in that moment, but seriously, its only going to get more so, girly. Save your kicks. And while I’ve only worn the harmony ball necklace once, she perked up and poked around a lot while I was wearing it, so I’ve decided she’s musical. Or, at the very least, she likes music. I think she’ll fit in pretty well around here. 

The BEST part of being pregnant: The BEST part of this last week, without question, is Brady feeling Bambina move!!! 😭 You KNOW its real when someone else can feel it. Its not in your head when someone else can vouch for it. Its easy to question baby movement and wonder if its maybe just gas, or indigestion, or whatever else. I don’t know about you, but my bowels don’t reach out and poke me. Its definitely a different feeling as she’s getting stronger. The moment Brady felt it, he KNEW it. Its a feeling that isn’t easy to forget, and it was irrefutable. Baby MOVES. On the outside, even! FINALLY! 

Favourite thing: Brady and I had the luxury of spending a night in a hotel this weekend, and while it was SUCH a treat, and was very comfy and warm, I really really missed my pillow! So often, hotel pillows are the pits, but this hotel had really nice pillows! However, they don’t even touch our pillows level of awesomeness. Brady and I use the cooling pillows from Costco, and they are truly magical. While I don’t like memory foam on my mattress, I do love it in my pillow. The cooling aspect of the pillow is lovely, but to me, the weight and texture of it outweighs the novelty of temperature. We’ve probably already had these pillows for way too long (because I hear pillows get icky on the inside after a while) but the shape of our pillows has not changed. They are just as wonderful as they were when they were brand new! Folks, hear me. Cooling Costco pillows. Look into these. And you will never lose, because if you hate them (unlikely) you can bring them back! Because Costco. 

Its been an exciting week, seeing baby girl again, feeling her move more, having Brady feel her move, and actually having a pretty sizeable belly to show her off with! There is not question now whether I look pregnant or not! I feel like I didn’t until just recently, and now BOOM! There she is! And I love that! Keep growing, little girl!

If you’ve been around here long enough, you’ll probably be tired of my recap posts, if you’re not already. But its good for me to remember and look back and see how far we’ve come.

Four years ago, Dekker had his eye surgery.

If you’ve known our family for the last 5+ years, you know some of the struggles we went through. Dekker went from being shy and cautious to straight up fear of people. Not only people, but changes in the ground, weather, CROWDS, everything. I am so pleased with our decision to have his eyes and vision repaired when we did, because it was time for him to have some relief.

Straight out of recovery, his eyes looked awful and bloody. But they were STRAIGHT! Bang on straight!

What a time that was. SO many feelings.

As lots of you know, his surgery was successful and a huge win, but he was more terrified than ever. We believe that being taken from us and hauled off into the ER was really traumatizing for him. For about a year after his surgery, we barely took him out. It was unbelievably hard to take him from place to place, where he would just scream at anyone who made eye contact with him. He was so so scared, and it was SO hard to be his mama in those moments. My heart hurt so badly for him, and I didn’t know how to help. We finally gave him a reprieve and just didn’t take him into crowds for literal months. And when we finally did again, he was still shy and quiet, but he was done screaming. He was just a little bit older, and a little bit more comfortable.

Four years later, you would never have known he was the way he was at age 2.5. He is social, snd brave. He reads, and participates well in school. He is no longer afraid of the big groups at school, and confidently performed in his school’s Christmas concert choir in front of bright lights and a big crowd. When people speak to him in stores, he answers. When people mosey around the church to greet each other, he wanders out from the safety of our bench and finds people to shake hands with. Best of all, when he goes to his eye doctor, he sits in the chair on his own, cooperates with his tests, and no longer requires bribes, snacks, toys, and incentives to get through the appointment. He used to struggle from the moment his ID bracelet went on to the moment we were in the elevator on our way out. These days, its just so so different.

Dekker is a whole different boy than he was four years ago. Lots of things play a role in who we become, but I am so pleased with our decision to go through with his surgery! What. A. Change. He is sure footed and strong and confident!

Keep doing what you’re doing, Dekker! We are SO proud of you!!

I almost decided to save blogging yesterday for the evening instead of the afternoon, and I’m SO glad I didn’t! Jerilee showed up mid-afternoon and I was told to go pack for a night away! Woot woot!

We got on the road around 4:30 and checked into our hotel room downtown. Brady had booked us a beautiful jacuzzi suite on the 10th floor in a fairly new hotel. It was a really nice room! We had way more space than we knew what to do with, and even some kitchen appliances. It was more than enough! We didn’t hang around too long, because the promise of baby shopping had been laid out and I wasn’t about to miss my chance!

Off to Preston Crossing we went! We hit the Gap outlet, Carters, and Old Navy, and I’m proud to say that we practiced some pretty serious restraint and only purchased things that we couldn’t imagine leaving behind. Even though we made great time without having to put kids in and out of car seats, time still passed, and we were hungry. We headed to the Cactus Club for supper and scored rockstar parking.

We were served WELL, and everything was delicious. I had chicken smothered in mushrooms and a yummy glaze, with mashed potatoes and asparagus. We were even gifted a little sweet treat at the end.

Once we were done eating, we had about a half hour before the mall directly across the parking lot closed, so we moved the car and ducked into the Gap, to see if they had any of the beautiful new things I’ve been eyeing online. To my dismay (and possibly Brady’s relief) they had such a small baby section, and none of the items I’ve been pining after. So that was that. Definitely not a loss 🙂

We were at our movie an hour early, but that was our norm when we were dating, so it was kind of funny and reminiscent 🙂 Time went by faster than I expected it would, and soon previews were going, the lame trivia games were under way, and the theatre began filling with a few more people. I’ve got to say, NONE of the previews looked interesting to me! A Wrinkle in Time, I honestly can’t take seriously. A Black Panther is just not our type of movie :/ Last time I went to a movie, the previews actually looked fun! Game Night, Pitch Perfect 3, Downsizing. I’d see any and all of those! But hey, that was last time.

Coincidentally, it was the same movie.

Yup, Brady and I went to The Greatest Showman – the movie I watched with Jerilee last month. Guys, it is just SUCH a fun movie, and I’ve been talking about it and pumped the soundtrack since that day, so I was completely thrilled that we were going to see it together!!! (Sorry you weren’t along, Jerilee <3 We LOVE you!!) As I suspected, it was just as awesome seeing it for the second time, and I wholeheartedly enjoyed it. I admit, I may have sang along to most of the songs, but no one was close enough to us to notice 😉 The songs are so dang catchy!!

We got out around 11:30, which felt late for us old folks, but we survived 😉 We hit up a nearby 7eleven for snacks and headed back to our hotel for the night. We had a nice long bubble bath in the big tub and devoured most of our snacks. I died out first, and slept like a rock!

Brady and I took our time this morning, having coffee and the rest of the snacks in bed. We packed up and headed out on time, and made our last shopping runs before heading home. We hit both Value Village locations in search of baby clothes and came out with a really decent haul! We got Laela new snow pants and a winter jacket for next year, and Dekker got boots to start using now, as his are getting tight. Mid-season, of course. But these are nice and big and strong, and should last into next winter, for sure! We got Brady some work shirts, and Laela some tshirts to transition into spring, since she has GROWN, that girl, and literally none of her tshirts or tank tops fit. I repeat. None. Dekker got some tshirts too. The nerve of our children to all size up at weird times, so they need a whole big load of new tshirts and a load of long sleeved shirts and hoodies. Couldn’t just size up right at the beginning of a season, huh? Nope. But Bambina had a pretty good haul herself, getting a few cute little diaper shirts, a sleeper or two, and the CUTEST shoes!!!

I hope we can actually fit her chubby little feet into them!

So she got a few new things, and a handful of second hand things, and we had a really nice time shopping together, holding hands, talking about her by name, and just daydreaming about our life, what its been, and how it will continue to change and grow. I love our life. It feels so good to step back once in a while and really appreciate it all.

That handsome husband of mine is currently getting supper on for our beautiful brood while I type this up, so its time to bow out and see if I’m needed. Enjoy the rest of your weekend!!

I’m not entirely sure what is going on with the baby this week. As far as I’ve heard on the app so far, its nothing too terribly crucial. I mean, everything is crucial and exciting, but hopefully you know what I mean. However, over the last several days, my limbs feel like they weight 50 lbs. Each!! Its like they’re just dead, and useless to me.

I know its totally and completely socially acceptable for me, and my body, to be tired. At least I think it is! Hopefully no one is judging me on it, anyway. But even now, as I sit in bed typing this, with my legs bent up at the knees, I just want to sink back down and let my legs and arms rest, with no responsibilities. Lucky for me, Brady is home today, and is being incredibly involved and helpful so my weird heavy limbs can take a load off.

Naturally, I’m blaming the person who can’t defend themselves – the baby. My body is happily working overtime to cook her up juuust right, but whatever its focused on this week must be some hefty stuff, because WOW its tired!

Since hubs is home, one kid is at school, and the others are napping, I’m keeping today’s post short so I can justify the resting of the body and just be lazy. Its Friday! Why not relax if given the opportunity??

And I have been given that opportunity, so I will take it. I am not the only tired one around here, either.

He feels how I feel.

Our ultrasounds have been solidly enjoyable since they started. They’ve provided little bits and pieces of information and excitement and reassurance all along the way. Occasionally, we’ll go through a spell where baby won’t cooperate in a certain way, and pictures will be somewhat lacking for a few weeks. Recently, its been the face that been eluding our ultrasound tech. She scans me with a full bladder, an empty bladder, laying on both sides, laying on my back and somewhat on my belly, too. No dice.

Until today!!!

Our gorgeous little daughter looked so content in my womb. So cozy and smooth and beautiful.

She even pulled out the finger guns, which cracked me right up!! Our tech commented that the baby was pointing, but aaaaall I saw was finger guns!

She clearly already has a sense of humor.

She was also moving like crazy, which I just found SO exciting! I had plans to eat something sweet on the drive over, to wake her up and get her moving, but I forgot, having hid the treats in my pocket, away from the kids. Out of sight, out of mind, right? But it clearly wasn’t necessary, because she was wide awake and super wiggly. Our tech was able to get clear pictures of her face, back, limbs, organs, etc. And my goodness, our little Bambina is SUCH a sweetie!!!

Todays scan was so nice <3 I fear we’ll soon be done with ultrasounds, and I’m not sure how well I’ll handle that, but I know its coming. I’ll miss getting my daily bi-weekly dose of her. Hopefully this summer will be filled with her, every minute of every day. At that point, bi-weekly will feel so small. I cannot wait!!

Today marks the day of my marriage to Brady nine years ago! Nine years feels both long and short, and I truly wouldn’t trade those years for anything. We have a good thing going over here, even when things aren’t good.

I was looking back in past anniversary posts to more easily find my favorite pictures from our wedding, but I decided to go a different route. If you’ve been around long enough, you’ve probably seen them already, and if not, thats ok, too. It was beautiful wedding, with simple decor, a small wedding party, a GORGEOUS dress, worship music crossed with some music from the “Pride and Prejudice” soundtrack, and a breakfast reception like no other. I wish you could’ve all been there <3 Who knew I had such a support system of friends here?? I obviously didn’t know at the time, but The Daily Hailey didn’t exist yet.

I started clicking back, just to see out of interests sake, what we did each anniversary, and I decided that would be a more exciting post to read than a standard post about how much I love my husband. I do love him, and thats important, but I think you guys have probably picked up on that by now 😉

Anniversary #1 I have no record of, unfortunately! I wasn’t blogging at that time, and realizing that helps me see the value in what I’m doing here 🙂 I love having it on record. I wasn’t blogging during our first few years of marriage, but I remember we announced our very first pregnancy with Dekker almost exactly on our second anniversary. We were SO thrilled! We told our church, and I remember Brady whispering to me that now everyone at church would know that we were having sex. I remember making fun of him and saying they’d probably be more concerned if we announced that we weren’t! Anniversary #3 also is not recorded :/ Too bad.

Anniversary #4 is the first one I have in the blog, as I began blogging mid 2012, and it fell early 2013. My mom had offered to take Dekker for the day, so Brady and I went to the city to run some small errands before hitting up supper together. We went to Boston Pizza for tropical chicken pizza and garlic twisty bread. Both are still my favorites there 🙂 I remember we were SO excited, freshly pregnant with the baby we had tried for a full year for (Miss Laela.) I excitedly told our waitress that I was pregnant, but wanted a fancy drink. She told me she couldn’t recommend anything, because she liked alcohol. Lol! I was put off in the moment but the strawberry milkshake turned out to be yummy, so it wasn’t a total loss, haha! We went to say hi to Jerilee afterwards, who was working at Thyme Maternity. Of course I didn’t go into that detail on the blog, because it was still private, but I remember 🙂 It was a fun anniversary.

Anniversary #5 was spent with chocolate dipped strawberries and wine in a bubble bath. A few days later, my parents came out for the evening so Brady and I could go to this bizarre restaurant in Hafford that we had heard so much about. Brady had also planned a sweet little movie date for us afterwards, where he had folded down the backseats of our Mazda and laid out blankets and comfy things. A movie was downloaded on the laptop, and we snuggled in the car somewhere down a country road, and watched a movie. It was super cute, and very our style. I remember being heavy hearted, though, being just days away from Dekker’s eye surgery.

Anniversary #6 reads out pretty funny to me, actually. I was VERY pregnant with Rowan, and VERY sore. We were in the thick of getting the house painted so we could finally list it!! I hung with the kids downstairs, having braxton hicks one on top of the other, while Brady sanded drywall patches and cleaned all day long. Then he fed the kids while I spent the evening in bed. Not the most glamorous anniversary, but it counted!

Our 7th anniversary, I stated that Brady and I were probably in the best spot we had ever been in together. We were smitten and happy and just loving each other 100%. It was such an exciting time in our lives! We broke ground on our new house the very next day. It was good that we were in such good shape because the next few months were incredibly challenging, moving constantly, living in four different places. Tricky times, but we were strong!

Anniversary #8 was different. We had lost our Theo just weeks before, and we were weary. As I’ve said on here before, I had never known a grief like that – a loss of a child – and even though our loss was “early” and “routine,” it was new, and awful, and a very difficult “first” to experience. I didn’t want to do anything special for our anniversary. I just wanted to stay home. But, instead of backing out of the plans we had made months before, a few days later, we attended an epic Marianas Trench concert and enjoyed a delicious supper at Cactus Club. It was a beautiful date, and I’m so glad we went. No regrets there!

And now here we are on anniversary #9. Oy. Its been a HUGE year, and I wouldn’t say its been our best :/ Things were strained, and more difficult in a lot of ways. Yet on one hand, we were closer than ever, holding onto each other for dear life. Very naturally, he would remain strong when I was broken, which felt like always, but the few times he broke were the times I could pull it together and be the strong one. God carried us this year. Absolutely nothing else did. Sure, the wild amount of support has been the best of the best, and our world would be a heck of a lot smaller without it. I couldn’t be more grateful for all the love we’ve received. But, for Brady and I, we wouldn’t still be standing strong together, doing what we’re doing, without God’s constant cover of grace. We made it! Nine!!!

Next year will be our tenth anniversary, and without getting ahead of myself, of course, I’ve already decided we’re going on a hot holiday. But really, who knows. I’m usually pregnant, and I’d far rather go when I’m not. But finding childcare for a week for 5+ kids gets tricky too, hahaha! Ah well, I have a year before we’re there 😉 I think I’ll just go along with my usual “day by day” mantra and try to make it through until summer. Once summer comes, I will be able to breathe again. WE can breathe again.

Thanks for sticking these years out with me, Brady <3 I love you all the way, and will continue to do so. Smoochity smooch.

Ok, there are two nice things about the freezing cold weather. I really like that all the bugs are dead. One of the best things about winter, for sure! But, in an effort to be a better sport about going out into that bitter, windy weather, I did something fun!!

Some of you know this already, but I’ve been getting my nails done recently. While its pretty and pampering and a fun beauty thing, it is SAVING my hands! When my nails are done, I don’t (can’t) bite them, and I tend to leave the skin around them alone as well. I am a nail biter, and especially with such high anxiety, it was getting out of control. So we bite the financial bullet for me to be able to use my hands without searing pain shooting down my fingers.

I went to get them filled yesterday and my nail girl suggested color changing polish. I admit that my mind went straight to nail polishes from childhood that were apparently “mood” polished but, at least on me, stayed a pretty ugly color most of the time. But upon actually playing with the colors and dipping the examples into warm water, I decided on a beautiful heat changing color! We went from my suuuper grown out clunky nails these beauties!!

When I go out in the cold, they turn that beautiful dusty blue, which is close to the color I had in my head when I was planning ahead anyway, and when I come inside and warm up, they turn that super pretty lilac purple! I love both colors, but my favorite is the color they turn as they’re switching! As I am loading kids into the van, or just starting to warm up inside, they get this awesome periwinkle ombre effect, and I just LOVE them!! Seriously, I couldn’t be happier with how they turned out! And especially this time around, they’re so nice and thin and pretty! They’re shaped perfectly. And best of all, my hands don’t hurt. They are doing their job helping me curb my nervous habits, and I’m so grateful to be able to make it happen!!

While I love that blue color that comes with the cold, I’m VERY happy to be tucked in my bed (while all three of my kids at home are sleeping) nice and warm. I may have even heated them up a bit extra by eating soup. While in bed. Yes, I was asking for it, but all was well 😉 I hope you’re all having as relaxing as afternoon as I am!!

This whole thing just feels surreal these days. The fact that we made it to 18 weeks. The fact that we found out the gender. Everything else. It just feels incredible, and new, and exciting, and scary. Thank you all for sharing in our excitement regarding Friday’s post about the baby’s gender. My heart just swelled reading through comments, messages, etc. Bambina coming home feels so much more real than it did before, and its so fun to know how many others are excited for her arrival, too! We feel so fortunate to have all the support that we have! So, again, thank you!!!

Let’s begin!

Size Comparison: Once again, this weeks comparison on the app is super variable, suggesting baby is the size of a slingshot, a sweet potato, or a croissant, which I liked best. However, she is apparently 5.5″ tall and weighing 7 oz. I don’t have current numbers, but the times I have, baby has been heavier than the app suggests. Do I already have a chubby baby in there??

Appointments: I saw Dr. Guselle last week, and I’ll have an ultrasound later this week. Soon, the appointments will drop off, though, which I admit to feeling nervous about, but I’m confident I’ll have all the care I need as I need it. As usual, my appointment with my doctor was great. Reassuring, lighthearted, and informative, with a few good laughs. Dr. Guselle was thrilled for us that we are having another girl, and made a point to print out our official report so I could keep it. She gets me. She found Bambina’s heartbeat pretty much instantly. She actually even casually mentioned to me that “some people buy their own doppler’s online.” I was floored that she even put it out there, because the risk that I’d make myself crazy is definitely there. Obviously, I haven’t told her I have one already, because I assumed she’d advise against it. I love that she suggested it. I think she trusts me. On a slightly different note, this appointment continued to show that my blood pressure is on the lower side, as usual, and my weight gain is nice and under control. I started this pregnancy about 15 lbs up from where I started my pregnancy with Jamin, and while I’ve done nothing different or significant, I’ve only gained 2 lbs! So I’m pretty happy with how thats turning out. So far, medical wise, all is well. Blood work is still to come, but not until 26-ish weeks. Until then, I’m just going to keep doing what I’m doing – drinking as much water as I can, taking my aspirin before bed, and my vitamins. I’m doing all I can do.

How am I feeling emotionally: My honest answer is that I feel very strongly in two different directions these days. I feel SO excited, and hopeful. I feel like this is finally going to work!!! But I feel very vulnerable, and scared to be let down. Things like finding out Bambina’s gender made it so much more real, in such a wonderful way, but now its so much more personal. She is confidently named. What if she dies now? We’ll lose her name, too 🙁 I don’t mean to be harsh, or depressing. They’re just my real thoughts. I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose her. I can’t do it again. So I’m THRILLED, but I’m pretty scared. Pretty anxious.

How am I feeling physically: Meh :/ I’m not feeling great. I’m trying to just be done with Diclectin, dropping that last half dose before bed, but I’m finding myself gaggy in the day, so I may jump back into that dose and give it another week or two. My pelvic pain is under control, but I rely heavily on that ridiculous belt anytime I’m out and about. I had things pop out of the place the other day in a way they don’t usually, and WOW did that hurt!! It was still burning the next morning. I highly recommend against having this problem. Sneezing has never ever been so painful.

Wish List/Purchases: I bought a cute sweater and a tank top out of Thyme Maternity the other day when they had 70% off their clearance section, but otherwise we’re still trying to stay pretty modest with purchases that aren’t necessary. That being said, my online Gap and Old Navy cart eats me alive every single day when I log in and enter the promo codes, seeing just how low I can get the price down. Every few days, something sells out and is removed from my cart. And yes, it eats me. But I’m trying. Restraint is tough. Buying a few little summery items for her feels like a right of passage that I haven’t got to fulfill yet, and its a struggle. But I know, first world problems. I’ll live. But I daydream a lot! Another thing on my wish list is a diaper bag that I’ve been eyeing for literally years and I just want to get it! But its over $100, so once again, we’ll just have to wait and see, and wait and wait and wait. So the wish list is definitely there, and I’m definitely dreaming. One of these days, we’ll bite at least one of the bullets, haha!

Pictures: I think you got some pretty good, recent pictures in my gender reveal post, so if you missed it, feel free to check it out!

How are the kids feeling: So the kids are THRILLED beyond belief that Bambina is a girl!!! That was the obvious highlight of life for them this last week. When we told them we knew whether the baby was a boy or a girl, they wagered their final guesses, and they had flip flopped from their previous ideas! Dekker guessed “boy” for the first time this pregnancy, and Laela, who has been insistent that this baby is a boy (because only mommy and Laela are the girls) begged for it to be a girl! Rowan held steady with his guess for a girl, and Solly sucked on the bottom of his milk cup when asked his opinion. Everybody squealed when I stole the blue cookies off the table, leaving the pink ones there for everyone to eat in celebration. They all took to changing her nickname to Bambina right away, and they joined me in my daydreaming instantly. They are ready for a baby girl to join our family!!

Getting to know the baby: Well, we obviously know a pretty important detail about her now! She’s a little lady. With our regular ultrasounds, we know that her limbs and fingers and toes all look right. We know her organs are all accounted for, and that everything seems in order at this point! We’ve seen her fingernails and her beautifully formed spine. The one thing she’s been secretive about for the most part is her face!! We cannot get a good shot of the money maker! Hopefully later this week 🙂 Beyond that, I know she almost always hangs out on the left side of my abdomen, which is funny because Laela was the only other baby that liked it there. The boys have stretched the right side out good and proper, and I just assumed every baby from here on out would like the roomier side better. But nope. Bambina likes to be different, and literally sides with her sister.

The BEST part of being pregnant this week: I mean this one shouldn’t be hard. I LOVE being able to celebrate knowing her gender. However, that was secretly my best thing about being pregnant last week. Whoops! So I think the best thing about this week was possibly feeling the baby move??? I’m so hesitant about this because, with the stinking anterior placenta, I know movement isn’t going to be felt early. And the feelings I’m feeling are SO small. But they’re something. Easy to miss, and they’re few and far between. But, they’re little scratches and bubbles, and they’re familiar. And really, its not early. I’m 18 weeks! This isn’t an unbelievable time to be feeling movement. So just knowing that might be what I’m feeling brings me hope and excitement. That will be such a game changer when I can confidently feel her every single day. For that day, I am ITCHING!!

Favourite Thing: I think my favorite thing this week is getting back into crocheting!! I kind of jump in and out of phases of crocheting, but I love having something to keep my hands busy with when I do get down time. I am so excited to crochet for our baby! However, she will come in summer, which limits the opportunities to make her sweaters, toques, infinity scarves, booties, etc. However, I pulled out an old project I was a good chunk of the way into, and was reminded just how much I loved working on it! I won’t show it to you or really go much further into it at this point, because I’m not even sure what the end goal is at that point. A blanket? A rug? Some kind of decorative wall thing? I don’t know. But I’m back in the creative saddle and am loving it! I don’t often have a hobby on the go, just with the general busyness of life, but I’m so happy to have picked it up again. It makes me really want to go to the craft retreat coming up in a couple of months, so I don’t end up dropping it again! We’ll have to see if I can justify it 🙂 I went a few years ago and really really enjoyed it! But for now, I’ll just keep enjoying working on it here at home. I encourage you all to be a little crafty 😉

This really all wraps up to have been a great week. I’ve felt some lightness, and some excitement, and some freedom to plan and hope a little harder. I have really enjoyed how real things are feeling, and in the moments when I let myself forget the harsh realities and possibilities, I’m just jumping out of my skin excited to meet this baby, who I have NO reason to think will pass away, but will come home and join our family in five months. I just want her. I want her so badly.💜

I’m sure lots of us have heard all about the benefits of hugs from here or there. Hugs lower anxiety, burn calories, etc. They’re healing and refreshing. They boost oxytocin, leaving you feeling lighter. They relax your muscles. The list goes on. Hugs are the way to do it, and I know there are many people out there who either aren’t huggers, or don’t have the opportunities for hugs as often as they’d like to. For those of you who could use more hugs, I am ALWAYS up for a hug, just so you know <3 Safe place over here!

Yesterday was one of the smoother days we’ve had recently, even with our errands, and no one having a good solid nap. They did great. Going into bedtime, I was nervous that the beautiful, happy streak of fun would be broken. But it wasn’t! We changed diapers, put on jammies, brushed teeth, etc. and everyone was content and cooperative. I changed Rowans diaper and pulled him back up, and instead of running off, like always, to go hide in someone’s bed, he just stood really close to me, so I hugged him, and he hugged me. It was a good, soft, yummy hug that he didn’t cut off for a nice long while. When he did, he stayed really close to my face. And this can mean a couple of different things for Rowan. Either he wants you to kiss him, or he wants to kiss you, or he wants to rub noses. Haha! So I waited, and he rubbed noses with me, and kissed my nose, and my cheek. It was adorable. I smooched him back, and he came in for another hug. At that point, Dekker bellowed “Group huuuuug!” and he and Laela rushed over!

Usually in this scenario, it gets really rowdy and more like a wrestling match than a hug, but that was not the case this time. My husband, bless his heart, took pictures.

Many kisses were shared in this little group hug. It was a giggly, happy circle. The kids were SO soft in their jammies and in their hearts. Just the best hug ever!!! Too bad Solly couldn’t figure out how to join in :/ I’m sure we’ll get him next time.

I know there may come a day when my kids don’t want to hug and kiss their parents, and I’m going to soak it up every single chance I get!!

It was SO FUN for me to share our news with you guys yesterday!!! The amount of love and excitement you all sent out way felt amazing! It was fun to be excited with just my family for a bit, but being able to make our news public just made it so much more real!! I think maybe it made it more real to some of you, too. Its exciting for me to picture our family this way, knowing just that much more about the newest member. A little girly! YES!!

I’m feeling a lot lighter after yesterday 🙂 Reading all the comments, messages, and texts has been so fun, and I woke up excited and energized! Despite the brutal cold, we opted for an errand day with the fam!

They are so stinking cute, and were such good sports. I felt in good spirits, and they seemed to feel the same. We rolled through Costco and Home Depot all together for groceries and a few little things for Brady’s work. (A side note for parents, if this year is anything close to last year’s baby event at Costco, its coming up! Wipes are on sale right now, and if it follows the same pattern as last year, diapers, genie refills, and formula won’t be far behind! Keep your eyes open!!)

I did a quick duck in at Dollar Tree and was SO happy to find they had kids toothpaste on hand! I bought a new one to try (Aquafresh) from Dollarama the other day, and the kids love it. I just find it annoying that Dollarama sells things for more now, and I paid $2.50 for it. May as well just get them from the grocery store at that price. But I found the exact same kind at Dollar Tree for $1.25! So I bought an embarrassing amount of them (I have a new toothbrush drawer plan, don’t judge me) along with several hand sanitizers (we always need these, and again, cheaper there) and some plastic baskets for organizing some bathroom stuff. I walked out with three big bags of stuff for less than $20. Awesome!!

We grabbed lunch next and took a little break while Brady and I made a few more plans. I had an appointment to get the shaved side of my hair redone, so Brady dropped me at the mall a little early so I could look around a little before my appointment, and he took the kids to Walmart and got a few necessities (specifically, bananas, and a new curtain rod for the one the kids accidentally broke off the wall. *face palm*) Meanwhile, I wandered into Thyme Maternity and discovered they were offering an extra 70% off of items already in clearance! I bought a beautiful sweater to finish out winter, and a cute tank top to welcome the heat!! Once again, I only dropped $20.

My hair appointment went well, as usual. I have a beautiful feather shaved into my hair, and my lovely hair girl curled up the rest and threw a cute braid into it, just because she’s awesome and always leaves me looking put together when I leave. I met back up with my family right afterwards, and decided to call it after that. Solly was just droopy and screamy and it was time to get him either sleeping in the van or at home. Whichever came first.

Sleeping in the van came first, but the tears came instantly when we pulled into the garage, so straight to bed he went. The other kids are happily taking a tv break, Brady is starting to replace the curtain rod, and once I’m done this, I’m going to start organizing the kids bathroom a little better. Productive but low pressure is my favorite way to do a day 🙂

We’ve gotten things done, we’re still getting stuff done, and I’m in FULL daydream mode! Things feel light today. Even that biting wind didn’t touch me today.