Its been almost a year since we first put a referral in to have Rowan’s hearing tested. Since then, we were tossed around a bit by audiology at the hospital, saw and paid for a private audiologist, had his ears checked at least four times by his family doctor, and today, we FINALLY made it to a specialist.

We had been on the books to see an ENT (ear, nose, and throat doctor) for a couple of months now. Lucky for us, Rowan has had his ears checked so many times that he feels like an expert on the subject, so he wasn’t nervous about having them checked again by someone new. He was actually pretty excited about it. This morning, I got everyone dressed and ready with about 20 minutes to spare. I used that time to see if I could find out where the doctor’s office was in the building. I stumbled upon reviews. Sigh. SO MANY bad reviews. Apparently no one likes the doctor we were scheduled to see. I texted a friend who reassured me that he is an excellent doctor, but perhaps his bedside manner leaves a bit to be desired. I’m fine with that. I’d rather have a knowledgable doctor than a nice doctor who knows squat. Not everyone can be Dr. Guselle and do both 😉 So I decided to hope for the best!

We met Brady at a nearby Tim’s and left his van somewhere that it would’ve be towed, and drove together to the office downtown. We sat and had coffee together for a few minutes before I headed in with Ro. We went inside, checked the directory, and headed up the elevator to the second floor. I almost took him up the stairs like I always do myself, but decided against it for his sake, just in case it took a while and we had things to fill out once we got to the office.

But we didn’t! No forms, no nothing. The receptionist was very short and to the point, just asked for his health card and my name, and sent us through a maze of cubicles to a waiting room. Rowan was SO cute in the waiting room, asking to be tickled and giggling quietly. We waited maybe ten minutes before we were called back into an exam room, and less than five minutes before our doctor came in.

As had been suggested in the reviews I had read, the doctor was pretty short with us at first. He wouldn’t really look at us, and he asked what brought us there but didn’t seem to care about the answer. Once I had said my piece about how long this had been going on for and Rowan’s general history within the last year, he spoke up and said “You keep saying ‘he,” because…” I finished his sentence with “because he’s a boy, haha! He just has exceptionally long hair.” And he kind of cracked a smile and told me that the referral stated that he was a boy but that his receptionist had changed his gender to “female” when she had checked us in. I laughed and said that was fine, and that happened a lot. He brightened a little and reminisced about a photo he has of his son with very long hair, and how its probably the best picture they have of him 🙂 The whole situation seemed to be the ice breaker that we needed, and I am SO thankful for it!

He went on to check Rowan’s ears. He started on the left side and said it was clear. Then to the right. Same story. I was completely floored! I obviously didn’t hide it, because he said he would double check. I told him I believed him, but was just completely surprised. He said the right ear was completely clear, no issue whatsoever, and that he could see the left did have fluid in it at one point but that it wasn’t plugged anymore. I really couldn’t believe it and I apologized for wasting his time, but he reassured me that this happens quite often, and said that we could come back in if we ever had another suspicion, no referral needed. On his way out of the room, he said I should ask the receptionist to change his gender back to male, and chuckled to himself as he left.

What. A. Relief.

I got Rowan’s coat back on and took him back out to the front. I stopped at the front desk and the receptionist addressed us without looking up. “Do you guys need to book another appointment?” There were lots of other staff around and I didn’t want to embarrass her so I said quietly, “Actually, the doctor mentioned that Rowan’s gender was marked incorrectly on his chart.” Again, without looking at me, “Yes, I know, I changed it, its fine now.” I pushed a little and said “Yes, he mentioned you changed it to female, but he is actually male. He just has super long hair.”

That got her attention and she looked at me wide-eyed. “I’m SO sorry!!!” she sputtered. I laughed and reassured her that it happens all the time, and that I wasn’t offended at all. I mentioned that his hair is almost down to his waist these days, and its my fault for not cutting it, but I just love it too much. She was back-pedalling all over the place, trying to make friends with Rowan, apologizing, etc. I just had to laugh because, seriously, we are NOT offended when this happens! We know its because of his long hair! But I even asked him this morning if he wants a haircut yet, and he insists that he likes it the way it is! I’m definitely not going to force him to cut his hair, because I’m probably its biggest fan! But still, I felt bad that she felt so bad. But not too too bad 😉

So, long story long, Rowan’s ears are in the clear for the moment!! I’ve noticed in the recent past leading up to this appointment that he seems bit more clear. He’s less confused and isn’t as upset by loud noises like he was before. His speech has also been improving, and he’s starting to drop his lisp in some cases! Whether its his ears improving, or just development that comes with age, I’ll take it! I’m SO pleased with the answer that we got today, and the option to follow up without needing a referral in the future.

Going into today, I wanted the doctor to say one of two things. 1. His ears are completely clear! and 2. His ears are horrendous, and he needs tubes as soon as possible. I didn’t want any of the in between “Let’s give it another couple of months” garbage. I wanted an answer. And we got the best one! I’m SO relieved!! And I’m sure Rowan is, too. Though, let’s honest. He felt pretty important in those appointments 😉 I think he might miss them a little.

What a great way to close off his year of being two! This dude turns three tomorrow!!!

The last couple of days have felt SO celebratory! While no one has to give us anything, we have been showered with love and surprises recently.

A couple of days ago, a friend invited me over and let me sift through all of her maternity clothing, and take all I wanted. It was such an immense gift, and I am now bursting with maternity clothes! I have never had the variety before that I have now, and I’m SO excited about it! It was such a generous gift on her part, and I now feel super well set up! Thank you for blessing me in this pregnancy this way! I am so overwhelmed by it all.

Then, yesterday, I had two different people come to my house in the evening with gifts for baby Bambina. And I was just floored. I feel SO honoured that people are excited about our little baby, and are making a significant effort to reach out and celebrate her with us! I admit, sometimes our world feels pretty small, but other times I am amazed at how many people are anticipating our next child and loving on our family so well. Thank you both so much for your love and generosity for us, and for our baby girl! Once again, I am totally overwhelmed in the best way.

These days have been so exciting! And I want to clarify, they haven’t just been great because presents are fun. They have made my baby’s birth feel like it may actually happen at the right time, and that she may actually come home, and live here, and wear clothes, and need things, and need us! It feels more real, and possible. I can’t wait to throw a party when she comes home, and for all of you to finally meet her! What a day that will be!

Who’s gonna be there?? 🙋‍♀️

This may be a bit scattered but for some reason, I really want to write about it! Bear with me.

In the last little while, I’ve developed an affinity for graphic tees. Not all of them, but I find them a lot cuter than I used to. I own a couple, but not many. I occasionally duck onto the Zulily website and search “maternity graphic” just to daydream, lol! I love the “mama bear” shirts, or the one that says “We’re pregnant! Don’t worry, its on purpose.” It answers one of the most asked questions 😉 I like the “Here we grow again” one, or the “whats one more” one, too. I think a lot of my liking for these is that they put it right out there that I am THRILLED to have the little crew I have, and that I am grateful. I LOVE this particular sweater linked here, but sadly can’t justify the price 🙁 Its easily my favourite one, and I like to think that small things like these could make us women approachable and encouraging. What you put forward and put out there is so important, and while I am a chatty person (obviously) I can’t possibly reach out to everyone! I would love wear the message “You got this, Mama” on my chest, in hopes of boosting the spirits of women around me who happened to see it.

Last night, I had an annoying hour or so of wakefulness, and I finally gave up and pulled out my phone to waste some time. Since I’ve obviously been eyeing up graphic tees, Pinterest had a lot to show me, and I came across one that rubbed me SO wrong! Yikes! It was a diaper shirt for a little baby, and it said “Don’t check out my daddy. Mommy is psycho.” To each their own, of course, but I hated that!!! Its possible my sense of humour doesn’t line up well with the joke. I tend to be less on the side of humour thats making fun of people and more gentle, safe jokes. But I can’t imagine EVER buying that for a child of mine, and I would be so insulted if someone bought it for our family. It sends a crappy, offensive message and it really really bugged me. *shivers*

I guess it was just a reminder to me to be careful, and make sure I’m sending the message I want to send, regardless of how its done. There are some lovely shirts I’ve seen recently that say “Be beautiful. Be pregnant.” And while I agree that pregnancy is a beautiful thing, I am positive that those ones sting the women who would love to be pregnant but, for one reason or another, can’t be. Or I’m sure people who don’t want children could take offence, because pregnancy isn’t the only way to be beautiful! Its SO easy to offend everyone, and clearly, I’m also easily offended, because that little baby onesie really pissed me off! Its really hard to please everyone.

I’m not entirely sure what I’m trying to say, or how to wrap it up in a way that is concise or makes any sense, but it feels important to say. Pay attention to what you put forward. We can’t please everyone or be perfect, but we can put thought into what we do before we do it. Right?

Right.

How did we get here??? Twenty weeks feels like a HUGE milestone. I only realized, in the last few days, that I was officially entering the second half of my pregnancy! Last night, the apps we are following talked about how those first 20 weeks must’ve zoomed by. Lies. I feel like I’ve been pregnant for a year. And now another 20 weeks feels a bit daunting. But hey, we’ve made it this far. Here’s hoping we can make it the rest of the way! 🤞

Size Comparison: My app says the baby is the size of an endive this week. I don’t know about you, but I’m unfamiliar with endives. 🤷 I asked google, and it was suggested that the baby is about the length of a large banana. They predict the baby to be around 10″ long, which is HUGE! The measuring system has changed from measuring head to bum, and is measuring head to foot instead. Hence the sizeable jump in size. Its also ballparked that baby weighs roughly 10 oz. I can’t speak for that, as my next scan won’t be for another 1.5 weeks ish. 

Appointments: As I’ve mentioned, my appointments will be spaced further apart from now on. I’m SO thankful to have had the appointments and care I’ve had up to this point. Just think about it. On average, I’d have had maybe four appointments and one ultrasound so far. I’m not sure I could’ve handled that. I’m still not sure how well I’ll handle the monthly appointments, to be honest. I spoke to my doctor and student doctor about it, and they both reassured me that there would be no “cold turkey” anything, and Dr. Guselle confirmed that we would likely have another couple of ultrasounds along the way. I am SO appreciative of my care, and that my doctor has made my new student aware of my situation so I don’t have to hash anything too sorrowful out with him, or try to convince him of anything. She is on my side, and because of that, he sure seems to be, too. This all being said, I will be booking an ultrasound for mid to end of next week to get a closer look at the distal spine, as it wasn’t completely visible last time. 

How am I feeling emotionally: Well I WAS feeling pretty good, and pretty strong, and pretty hopeful. But a few nights ago, I had a very vivid dream reliving the whole experience of losing Jamin, from the doctors appointment where we couldn’t find the heartbeat, to the ultrasound confirming, back to the doctor, and then to the hospital. Through the night, and into the next morning, through delivery and all that came with that. Through those horrid uterine massages. Through giving my baby away. It was awful, and devastating, and stirred up all kinds of fears I thought were calmed for the moment. They’re baaaack! So its not been my smoothest week, but I’m trying to keep my head up.

How am I feeling physically: If you remember from last week, I was having some small relief from my pelvic pain, which was SO amazing! However, probably five days or so ago, out of nowhere, my pubic bone separated and left me with radiating pain down both legs and in my pelvic, obviously. Since that happened, I’ve not been able to fully “reset,” and thats been pretty frustrating. Seems like its time to get back in for another treatment, whether chiro or physio. I’m pretty discouraged, to be honest :/ These appointments add up quickly, and I really can’t function without them. Time is also a factor. I know, first world problems, right? I can’t perfectly easily use the resources that are available to be. *rolls eyes* I’ll stop complaining. Besides that whole thing, I have lots of braxton hicks contractions, which is to be expected, I suppose. It makes me feel old, haha! I get them when I walk up the stairs, or pick something up, or exert myself at all. Folks, this body remembers!! Lol!

Wish Lish/Purchases: Sigh. I bought a romper at Walmart. Its SO hard not to! But thats it! I’ve been good otherwise! I did start putting together a real wish list with regards to my pregnancy and Bambina, but sadly, most of it is suuuper unrealistic, haha! Long story short, out entire view on family has shifted in the last year, and we have some new plans and ideas, and with that, there are certain things that would just simply help streamline our life a little. But none of them are necessary, so they can (and will) wait. But its fun to dream! Maybe I’ll actually be a go-getter and try to get to that big SPOTTO sale in Saskatoon this year and get a few of the items second hand and hopefully cheap! Because NONE of them are things I could ask for as gifts, or things we can afford to just buy outright. I do, however, have my eye on a special book I’d like to buy her, and a few little baby items that I think I can justify. I hear a “rock n play” is the cats pyjamas, and would likely keep her from getting trampled once she comes home. I’ve heard from LOTS of parents with babies who have reflux that they are at juuust the right angle to help with that, so considering that most of our children have had reflux, it would be a smart purchase!

Pictures: I figured I should take a belly picture for you this morning. I’m sorry, and you’re welcome.

But mostly I’m sorry. I bought this tank top from Thyme Maternity probably a year or two ago, because in reality, I wear maternity clothes more than “normal” clothes. But this tank top definitely didn’t quite fit right without a belly. It has never had the pleasure of enrobing a belly before today, and I’m SO happy with how well it fits now! Some things just need a belly. I get it.

How are the kids feeling: As per usual, Bambina is heavily on the kids minds, especially Dekker and Laela. This week, it seems the two oldest kids have been thinking about it in different ways. Dekker has officially asked how we get babies. I thought we dodged this question the other day when he asked how they come out, but wasn’t concerned about how they got there in the first place. The conversation went something like this: 

Dekker: How do we get babies?
*Silence*
Dekker: (louder) How do we get babies??
Brady and I: Uuuuhhh… Haha!
Dekker: Whats funny?
Me: Its just a big question, thats all! Its great! A baby is made when Jesus takes a piece of mommy and a piece of daddy and puts them together, and it grows into a baby! Isn’t that great?
Dekker: Oh… I don’t understand. A piece of daddy?
Me: Yup! A piece of daddy goes into me, and it grows a baby.
Dekker: A piece of dadd? Then why is daddy still all full of skin?
Brady: Its a piece of me that you can’t see. Its from…inside.
Brady and I: (die laughing)

I feel like we’ve officially been broken in as parents. Finally.

Laela’s mind is whirring also, but in a different way. These days, I feel like she and I are more at odds than ever, but we have these occasional little soft moments where she tells me she loves me and wants to keep me forever and all kinds of little lovely squishy things like that. Yesterday, we were walking through an aisle of Superstore together and she said she wanted to keep me forever, and she grabbed my leg and said she hopes I don’t die. I got down to her level right away and tried to reassure her. She said she didn’t want to die either, or Bambina. I think my little girl is thinking a lot about the little babies who passed away. I think she’s scared. I’m glad she let me in on that 💜 I’m going to do what I can to help her on that one.

Getting to know the baby: My apps have been telling me recently that Bambina can hear sound and sense changes in light now. And I could be wrong about this, but I think its legit! When we’re laying in bed, she’ll start kicking a little, but if I open the blankets and expose my belly to the light, she stops. I’m not entirely sure why that would cause her to stop, but I’ve played with it and its pretty consistent! So if I try to let Brady feel for her, I have to leave the blankets the way they were when she started moving, otherwise she quits.

The BEST part of being pregnant: The coolest thing from this week was being able to see her move!!! Its still SO small, and pretty rare to see, but I’ve been able to see her poke at my belly a few times, and Brady’s even seen it a couple of times! On one hand, I picture this little girly who is kicking with all her might, through that placenta, so her parents can see her. She must be SO strong! And then on another hand, she produces these teeny little kicks, how big can she possibly be?? SO little!! Its kind of the “you’re so grown up but still so little” effect. You get it. 

Favourite thing: Don’t judge me. My favourite thing this week is pizza pops! Convenience food at its finest. They remind me SO MUCH of high school, when I worked at the concession and reaped the benefits of cheap, bad-for-you lunch. Yes, I am aware of the fact that they’re not healthy. They’re definitely a guilty pleasure item, and I recently found them on sale and justified buying a whole big box of them! I’m SO glad I did! Yum!

Well after wolfing two pizza pops down for lunch, I’ve been invited to run over to a friends house to shop through her maternity clothes! Win! Feels like a good way to celebrate 20 weeks! I still can’t believe we’re here…

This morning was not a glamorous start to the day. My body was pretty angry by the end of yesterday, and for whatever reason, it didn’t reset overnight. So not only did I wake up from vivid dreams of bad things happening to loved ones, and dreams reminiscing the ultrasound where we found out we lost Jamin, but from body pain and things popping out of the places where they belong. It was a rough start.

We had plans to hole up for the day. Maybe watch a movie. Brady talked about taking the kids to play outside. Cabin fever is very real over here. Unfortunately, the day started rough for the kids, too, and it was clear we needed a change of scenery. As it happens, we’ve been doing a lot of shopping at Costco recently but have been very much neglecting what needs buying at Superstore and Walmart. So, I slapped on my pelvic support belt and made it work!

Thank goodness for these parking spots! I already feel like I’m not far from asking for a handicapped parking pass, so when these spots are free, we jump at them!

Walmart was first, and as you can see, we have a new method of cart pushing, lol! At Walmart, the carts only have a seat for one rider, so unlike his usual, Rowan ends up walking. This way, Brady pulls the cart, but the three kids “push” it, therefore all holding on, and “helping.” Its a pretty cute sight, in my opinion.

We had a very quick lunch and everyone was energized enough to make it through Superstore without too much struggle. Solly is a bit of a loose cannon, and is very screamy some days, especially when he’s tired, and we got to Superstore riiiiight at nap time. But he made it! They all did 🙂 Crisis-free grocery shop!

They’re so cute!

Half the group napped on the way home, and one continued to sleep in his room once we got there. I made my way across the street and helped our forever-generous neighbours with their fresh cinnamon bun overload problem. We are SO helpful 😉 And also SO thankful!

We are now all home, one kid is sleeping, the other three are having some quiet time watching Netflix, Brady put away all the groceries, and I am blogging (obviously) and giving my body and break from the crazy belt. I’m so thankful for it, and it saves me from all kinds of pelvic pain, but its ineffective unless its ridiculously tight, and that on its own gets irritating and sore after a while. Must. Rest. Body.

I anticipate a quiet, slow moving evening! Maybe we’ll have cinnamon buns for breakfast. Thats ok, right? Yum.

I’m not sure how much I’ve talked about it on here, but Brady’s had a pretty interesting slump in work for the last several months. While, in a lot of ways, it was timed out perfectly, and he’s been home when I’ve REALLY needed him, the reality is that income was getting pretty iffy. Its been hard to have him back at work recently, but we are both THRILLED and RELIEVED that his schedule is full to bursting, and work is heavily upon him! Its truly amazing that we aren’t further behind than we are!

However, we are now in a position where we can’t really turn much (if any) away. We need it ALL. And that means Brady is working Saturdays :/ Not necessarily every Saturday for the foreseeable future, but he’s working the next few. I miss him. We all do. Saturday feels strange without him. But today, I’m putting in a stronger effort to make the best of the day! And things are getting done!

With my pelvic pain, my mobility is pretty limited, but save for a few situations that have left me breathless and folded over in pain, the last week or two has been pretty seamless! So today, I challenged myself to get a few things done, and its feeling really good!!

I caught up on dishes, as in the hand washing stuff, too! Usually the stuff that can’t go through the dishwasher sits on the counter for a looong time, but I took care of it today. Counters are as clear as possible. Even the majority of the island is cleaned off! My planner and water bottle live on the island, but I’m not sure what to do with Dekker and Laela’s bags of valentines and treats yet. So they also live on the island.

I did a quick wipe down of the bathroom because it smelled SO BAD! How do they dooo that?!

I threw absolutely everything into the laundry and sorted it out. I’m on the third load, currently. By “everything,” I mean the things that are usually worn more than once, and are folded up and put back for another day. Its hard to keep track of how often those things actually get washed, unless they come home stained or covered in something. So, ALL jeans and hoodies went into the laundry! We’ll see how far I get into laundry today, but I washed the small load of delicates that tends to get left about as long as the hand-washed dishes. I may not get all the way through it, as I have two big hampers full of bedding that I’d love to pretend I don’t see, but it’ll depend on how fast time goes and when Brady gets home.

I thought about baking, but lost that gumption when the kids made themselves very comfortable (wait for it) making cards for each other at the island. My gosh, they’re sweet! So I wasn’t about to kick them all off of the island so I could bake, and I didn’t want to mess up their cards, and I REALLY didn’t want both messes mixed together and then the cards abandoned and the struggle of clean up and all those good things. So, baking can wait for another day.

I made yummy real iced tea! I so rarely do that, but I am just desperate for a pick me up these days, and my tummy doesn’t necessarily love coffee these days :/ So I tried my hand at iced tea. As long as I don’t set foot outside and freeze my bones, an iced drink should do the trick!

I made a few small lists of what else could be done, but nothing too scary or ominous. I love lists, but I hate how often they just sit and grow and never ever get completed.

Another load of laundry should be ready for folding any minute now, and I have an en suite that is crying to be tidied, so I’ll probably head upstairs and get a few things done soon here. Dekker is happily playing Lego, and the other three are quiet in their rooms, either sleeping or believably faking sleep. I’m good either way. Putting them down was so peaceful today, with lots of snuggles and jokes. This is NOT always the case, and its so refreshing when it works out!

I’m truly enjoying how today is playing out. Hopefully my body agrees and doesn’t scream at me later!

Thank you, all, for reaching out to me in your different ways to encourage me about today’s appointment with my new student doctor. The appointment probably couldn’t have gone smoother! Praise the Lord!

A few things went really really well in my favour!

Thing number one: Dr. Guselle tag teamed with my new doctor, just this first time, to make sure I was comfortable and that he knew all the appropriate history. They had clearly discussed my “case” beforehand so nothing was too shocking. He knew of my losses and I didn’t have to rehash them. He had just a few standard questions, and he and Dr. Guselle together answered my questions.

Thing number two: My ultrasound had gone smoothly for the most part, but there was a small section of the spine that wasn’t completely visible, and it was recommended I have another scan in 2-3 weeks. I confessed my nerves about going from weekly appointments to monthly, and Dr. Guselle spoke up right away and said she wouldn’t put me in that position, and encouraged me to book that scan, and to just speak up along the way for what I need. I’m SO relieved that she said these things around my new doctor, just so he knows where we stand and what kind of leeway I’ve been graciously given. YAY for that!

Thing number three: There was just so much laughing through our appointment today, which left me feeling completely at ease. Dr. Guselle laughed so hard at once point, she ran out of air and came up gasping. It was SO funny, and SO comfortable! The two of them would try to locate some information but he didn’t quite know how the system worked, and she did, but it was too small for her to see! They were a super funny pair 🙂 I liked it a lot.

Thing number four: Both doctors measured my uterus and came out with the same numbers, which feels like a good sign. When the time came to listen for Bambina’s heartbeat, he seemed a little tentative, as one would expect with him being a first year. I pointed to the spot where she usually hangs out, and sure enough, she was RIGHT where he placed the doppler! Heart rate was at 156 bpm, nice and quick. Dr. Guselle scoffed at how hard she’s had to hunt of the baby in the past, and how uncooperative she often is, lol! I guess she’s just being generous to the new guy.

Thing number five: As a group of three, we discussed labour and delivery! Just the readers digest version, but just the fact that I am induced a week early, why that is, and he literally said “I’ll just come early and bring a book. I’ll be there!” I LOVE that!!! He is on board, and seems happy to be part of my care. Last time around, while I really loved our student doctor, I remember asking her if we could finally discuss some labour and delivery details at 36 weeks, and she gave me the speech about “usually we let women go 7-10 days over…” and I remember feeling so discouraged that we were this far in and she didn’t know my history and why we do it like we do. I already feel more comfortable.

I say again, praise the Lord!

Dr. Guselle was so happy to hear that I’ve been feeling movement, and that we can all breathe a little easier. I feel comfortable with our plan to see each other in a month or so, with one scan in the middle. Its a good plan, and its only going to get a bit easier as time moves on, baby’s kicks get bigger, and we get further along, closer to the point where even premature delivery feels safe-ish.

It was a good appointment 🙂 I’m content, and relieved. Thank you for praying, those who did. I’m positive I wouldn’t even be standing if not for the amazing amount of prayers and support I’ve been on the receiving end of! I am so fortunate, and so grateful. Its almost unbelievable just how loved this little girl already is!!

Tomorrow is my first appointment with the student doctor who will be following me through the rest of my pregnancy. Dr. Guselle set it up for me to be with a first year resident, so she is required to be part of the appointment, so no matter what, I will see her every time. I’d far rather this than to be put with someone who is more experienced, because I’d never see my doctor again! I agreed to this program, and I’m fine with it as long as I am still in contact with my doctor. But up to this point, I’ve JUST seen Dr. Guselle, which has been really nice. Tomorrow it all starts new.

I admit, I’m a bit nervous about it all. I want to say that I DO understand that people need to learn, and I’m ok with being part of the process! Full support from me! But I’m a bit hung up on certain aspects of it. I saw a student doctor through my pregnancy with Solly and while she was very sweet and was a good listener, I felt a bit left to my own devices. I felt very un-doctored, and the majority of concerns that I expressed were met with “Well, this is your fourth baby…” So, with that in mind, I’m nervous for a few things.

I’m already nervous for my appointments to drop off so quickly. I have tomorrows appointment, and thats supposed to be it for a month. This is normal for a lot of people, but will be a HUGE shift for me, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. But, so far everything looks good, so I know I’ll be reassured that I have nothing to worry about :/

I’m nervous I will be given the statistics again on how likely it is that I won’t miscarry this pregnancy, because I already lost two in a row.

I’m nervous they’ll tell me the second trimester is the safe zone. Its not.

I’m nervous I’ll be brushed off because I have a laundry list of things that scare me. I’m nervous that my history won’t count for much, because in my experience, anything outside “the book” isn’t really relevant when people are learning. I need my history to be considered.

I’m just nervous it won’t be a good fit. I don’t want to be a pessimist, but I’m scared that my student doctor will be kind, and caring, and do all the right things, but that I won’t feel taken care of because I don’t fit the mold. It doesn’t make sense for a woman who has been pregnant seven times to need so much hand holding and reassurance. I get that. But I also NEED that hand holding.

I guess we’ll know more tomorrow. I’ll fill you in.

I would normally post a bit of a sappy post on Valentines Day about how much I love my husband. However, I feel like I do that often enough, and anyone who has read for a while or knows anything about us knows how we feel about each other 💏 I thought I’d mix it up and share with you guys some general “wins” for Brady. Things that make him feel happy and fulfilled. A bit of a “get to know Brady” post.

The first thing Brady loves is washing the van. Not even kidding. We don’t do it nearly often enough, but that is because the boy simply cannot contain himself and the prices wracks up SO FAST! But he suuuper loves it, and anytime we’re taking someone somewhere or the weather permits, he petitions for a car wash 🙂 The kids also love being in the van as their daddy wand washes the heck out of the windows and makes faces at them. Its a win for everyone. But mostly Brady.

To branch off of this one, Brady LOVES a road trip. He is happy to pack our tubs, bags, high chairs, playpens, hampers, etc. Tetris-style into the van. He loves navigating new ways to get to our destination, singing with us all in the van, buying special meals and snacks along the way, and as is SO often the case, discussing baby names with me 🙂 Seriously, why is planning for a baby so much more fun on a road trip?? Most of our babies have been named while we’re on road trips. He is a VERY happy traveller.

This second picture just cracks me right up, hahaha! Great minds think alike??

Brady loves music. If you’ve EVER been around him, you probably already know that 😉 Music in many capacities. He likes learning complicated guitar parts, getting to play drums in church from time to time, leading others in worship, and singing to our kids. He love the opportunity to buy new albums, and iTunes gift cards are NEVER a cop out gift for him! At any given point, he has a handful of albums he can’t wait to get his hands on!

This one might sound a bit strange, but Brady loves being really solidly productive. When a day goes faster than expected, or he hits a new “record” at work, he is so pleased! That translates to home, too. If he gets a lot done around the house, that also counts. He is NOT a man who is above household stuff, so a day where he willingly does ALL the laundry, or catches up the dishes when they’re days behind, is a rewarding, successful day. Same goes for errand days in the city. He is a willing participant in the busyness of our life, and not JUST at work, and I am SO thankful that he is that guy. Who loves to help and work without any bitterness towards his family <3 Not too many of those men floating around these days. Bonus points for productive tasks that include the necessity of buying a new tool 😉

One of the biggest ones, obviously, is that Brady LOVES being a dad. He so often picks the floor over the couch, and will lay down there, with all the kids piled on top of him. We don’t do a ton of wrestling, but there are LOTS of kids being tossed in the air, hung upside down, and tickled until they pee (or poop, haha! But thats another story) He is a hands-on, loving, involved dad.

** Bonus one! Brady loves new underwear, lol! Whether they’re fancy or not, he’s a big fan of a new pair! Which is convenient, because thats what he got for Valentines Day this year, haha! Wife win? Probably not so much, but he still loves me 😉 Thats another important one <3

I love you, Brady Born! But thats not new 😉 Miss you today!

The other day, I pulled out clothes for the kids to wear to my parents, and ended up picking a few new items. Some actually new, and some just new to us. The kids always feel pretty good in new stuff, and it seemed like a good photo opportunity. Brady and I made a joke about how high the likelihood was that they wouldn’t cooperate, but figured it was worth a try.

At first, it really wasn’t worth the try.

Rowan and Laela were both crying. Rowan had a few tangles in his hair and hadn’t appreciated having them brushed out, and Laela was just angry, but she wouldn’t say why. Flat out refused. Brady tried to jump around and tease the kids into laughing, and it worked beautifully on the boys, but Laela is one determined little girl. She aaaaalmost cracked once, and it actually made for a cute picture, but only one!

They’re all SO stinking awesome!

We did our best, and then headed out to the van. The kids were so happy to be at my parents place, and played happily, ate happily, and only had a few struggles. Can’t ask for perfect!

But then we got it anyway.

I feel like Laela and I are at odds a lot these days. The power struggle is real, and neither of us are going down easy 😉 But I love her to death, and I know she loves me too. She wrapped up the evening by telling me I’m the best, and that she wants to keep me forever. You’ve got it, girly!! It even poured over into today, which is always a good sign, lol!

And the happy faces were after I put a ponytail in her hair!! It would appear we’re making progress! Our attempts at cute posed group shots were ok, but these weird candid selfies almost always win 😉