Brady met his new physio last week. My goodness, where has been BEEN this whole time?!?! As you probably remember, Brady’s previous physiotherapist was out of his depth with Brady, and rather than referring him out, he kind of strung him along and experimented on him. It was total crap. We paid SO MUCH for ZERO payoff, and succeeded only in prolonging this whole ridiculous endeavour. Finally, I emailed my physio, who is a wealth of knowledge. She only treats women, but she did point me in a direction towards someone she thought could advise Brady. 

And she was right. 

Almost immediately, she was invested. She also had a LOT of knowledge and understanding of his body and what it was going through. She hemmed and hawed over some of the theories we had discussed previously. She discussed his symptoms and went retested every single sensitivity test Brady has had at every single other office since this all began, to rule out worse things. Except one, she did slightly differently. I’ll try to describe it the best way I can. 

If I understand correctly, the doctor/physio would run their finger up the outer edge of Brady’s foot, towards his pinky toe. Towards the ball of his foot, they would swerve in and trace under his toes, all the way off the edge, under his big toe. His foot would remain the same. That was fine. The new physio, however, did it slightly differently, tracing up the side, and then bringing it up between his pinky toe and the one beside it, instead of going across. When she did this, his toes involuntarily curled up. THAT is a huge cause for concern. HUGE. That is the absolutely opposite reflex a person should have. Very very concerning. She assessed everything else with similar findings and results as everyone else. 

She talked about different conditions that feel likely to her. A big one is cervical myelopathy, which is the compression of the spine up towards the top, in the neck area. Its not all too uncommon. From my understanding (suuuuuper not a doctor over here) its from some kind of trauma (ie: a herniated disc) setting his spine out of balance, putting pressure on certain vertebrae, cause disturbance in the nerves. This makes reasonable sense to everyone involved, and as you may expect, IT REQUIRES IMAGING TO CONFIRM!!! *steam blows from ears* She believes strongly that Brady urgently needs an MRI, so praise the Lord, we have TWO well known medical professionals on our side, throwing their weight around the best way they know how to get Brady some imaging. But it seems there are steps that absolutely HAVE to come first. 

Hence, Brady’s phone appointment with his neurologist. It was scheduled for yesterday afternoon, but yesterday morning, Brady received a phone call from the doctors office saying the neurologist reviewed his files and wanted to see him in person. Even better!!! 

A third theory! Lol! The neurologist doesn’t think he has cervical myelopathy or brown-sequard. She thinks Brady most likely has a lesion or mass in his spinal column, pressing on the cord. She does not suspect a tumour, though. What everyone can agree on is Brady’s dire need for an MRI. She sent a second request on his behalf, and told him she is POSITIVE he’ll have one this week. She informed Brady who he’d see if he ended up needing surgery, and if not, he’ll go back to her. I don’t know what for. I don’t really know what’s to come. None of us do. 

So we continue to wait… first on God, then on the medical system. 

The road to Rowan continues! Thank you, my loyal friends, who follow along and care for my family the way you do. I had SUCH fear about sharing these struggles publicly. I didn’t want to be judged. I didn’t want Rowan to be judged. I didn’t want too many opinions. I didn’t want to hear “thats normal, he’s a kid” when I strongly believe his behaviour is not normal. I was very, very nervous. And you guys have aced the support thing. So, again, thank you. 

As I shared last week, Rowan is still sleeping SO much better, and he seems SO much healthier, but his attitude is slipping pretty badly. I said I was going to start looking into a magnesium supplement to help him that much more. My original plan had been to go from Melatonin to Magnesium anyway, so the process of switching was on the horizon anyway. Why not start now? 

So we did! I called around to some places around Saskatoon in search of a kids magnesium supplement. One place sent me some links, which was great, until I sent Brady to go pick up and they had none of it on their shelf. Merp. Thankfully, I was able to track down a gummy at Nutters on Broadway. Its called Natural Calm, which all on its own sounds pretty bang on. Its a yummy flavour, and beats the other options, which were powders needing to be stirred into hot water. Do most children drink hot beverages every day? Mine do not. That would be SO weird and foreign to them. A gummy makes way more sense over here, and Rowan has complied beautifully! He takes his two gummies at the same time every day, completely happily, and has been asleep every day by 7:30.

To be fair, magnesium does not hit ones system that far, so I have not observed any change in the way we’re hoping to see eventually. Things were very the same this week. He walked in his sleep ones or twice. But I’m relieved he’s so happy to take these vitamins. He knows what they’re for, and he’s SO willing to take them. That shows me how much he wants the help. 

Something I’d like to add to this post is the actual vitamins I’m giving Rowan. While not everything is good for everyone, I’ve had a couple of moms reach out to me, asking me where I got what we’re using. So, information! 

I get Rowan’s Melatonin gummies from Costco. 

They’re 2.5 mgs, and I’m under the impression that a doctor would normally prescribe 3 mgs for a child, so that feels perfect to me. And they work beautifully for Rowan. We give him his dose at 6:30, which is when the kids begin to tidy toys, brush up, and get ready for bed. By the end of devotions and prayer time, he’s yawning, and almost always, he is asleep by 7:30. Its beautiful! 

The magnesium supplement, Natural Calm, is from Nutters. 

It was expensive. About $40 for three months worth for one kid. Each gummy is about 80 mgs. The suggested dose for a child ages 4-9 is one gummy per day. 

I am NOT suggesting you use exactly what I use!! I just wanted to answer questions I’ve been asked a couple of times 🙂 We have found some relief. Life is much easier. When Rowan has a particularly difficult day, I remind myself what his bad days used to look like, and its such a significant change. I am SO relieved, because I know HE feels relieved!

Thank you for caring about Rowan the way you do. 

Trust me, guys, I have WAY more important things to talk to you about, but today, we talk about the mundane in order to try and let my brain have a rest. Though, not the most restful rest, because of the story I have to tell you…

Yesterday, dishes were being done, and the dishwasher was open while the kids were wrapping up their breakfast. A certain child took it upon themselves to leave the table and walk to the kitchen backwards, their arms full of dishes. 🙄 So as you would expect, said child naturally tripped over the open dishwasher and fell right onto it, bending the door down to the floor, breaking the brackets completely. No dishes broke. No kid broke. But the dishwasher door looked BAD. Maybe this happens to people more often. I know I’ve seen lots of pictures of kids playfully climbing into dishwashers. We just don’t let those things happen, and we REALLY want our appliances to last!

But 🤷‍♀️ accidents happen.

We looked at the door, and its bent pretty badly. We had to slide our bathroom stool under it to load it. Which is fine. Annoying, but fine. Brady started researching the brackets, and we could replace them for I think about $60. So thats an option. But its kind of hard to tell, we might have to buy two packs. At that point, we also have to consider that our dishwasher is a total piece of junk, and we fully expected to have to replace it within five-ish years of moving into this house. So is it worth trying to repair it if it really just needs replacing?

All of that being said, we do not have the extra money to even think about buying a new dishwasher.

And Brady is in no place to try and install it.

So thankfully, we tested it out, and there is no leak when its running. I guess we wait, and just be thankful we can still use it! Nothing needs to be perfect to be in our house. I’m thankful it runs, without damaging our floor.

This morning, I did some dishes, and left the dishwasher open so the kids would remember to put their breakfast dishes away rather than on the counter. I made a casual mention “Can I trust everyone to walk forwards, with their eyes open this morning?” Aforementioned child gave a small smirk, and knowingly responded with a “yes, mom.” THAT felt like a parent win! No love lost. No fear. No residual anger. Just, a lesson learned, and moving along!

The last time I spoke about this subject, you were all SO encouraging and understanding. You don’t understand the clout that carries to me, and I deeply appreciate your support during a situation where we feel pretty hopeless and alone. It is truly incredible to know I could reach out and I would receive help. I know not everyone has that luxury, so for that – for you – I am grateful.

I believe the last time I shared about Brady’s health on here, we had left off around Dr. Guselle saying she wanted to bypass a consult with a specialist altogether and just get the man an MRI. There was SUCH relief having our doctor so strongly on our side, advocating for us!

I won’t lie, though. Its been a total mess since then. 

A very short recap would tell you that Brady saw a physio once in October who specialized in back stuff that may or may not require surgery. He decided that Brady had a herniated disc and just needed healing time. Fine. Thats what most people believed at that time. The physio he saw there called him again about a month later to check in. Brady said nothing had improved, but because it wasn’t worsening quickly at that time, the physio told him it was fine. Then he told him their business was closing down, thanks to covid, and he was being called away to work elsewhere. He said if anything changed for Brady, he should contact his family doctor and get a referral to the orthopaedic surgeon who worked at the same establishment. Fine. 

Except not fine.

Dr. Guselle contacted the orthopaedic surgeon regarding Brady, and his response to her was that he stood by the physiotherapists report from October, and that Brady just needed healing time. Based on this ONLY, having NEVER seen Brady himself, he completely refused to see him. Not for treatment. Not for a consult. And absolutely not for any imaging. 

Guys. Infuriating. 

Thankfully, Dr. Guselle is just as pissed as we are. 

She sent a message to Brady through her admin staff saying to book an in-house appointment with her so they could redo all of the sensitivity tests and see if there was any clear new information that she could use, basically as ammo, to get him an MRI. She said, in her own words, “I WILL get you an MRI or CT, one way or another.” I could’ve cried. The next available booking was a couple of weeks away with one of her associates, which was not ideal, but we booked it. Thankfully, her admin staff is aware of our situation, and informed Dr. Guselle how far away the spot was. So rather that February 6th with a different doctor, she herself squeezed him in just days later.

Brady saw Dr. Guselle in person on January 19th. I only wish I could’ve been part of that appointment. But, again, thanks for nothing, Covid. 

They went over everything. Brady said they literally just talked and caught up on ALL the info for a solid 40 minutes. Then there were tests. Sensitivity tests. Standing on tip toes. Standing on heels. Balance. Strength. Everything. The entire time, she would say “interesting!!!” Brady said she seemed completely perplexed for the bulk of the appointment. She said she had suspicions of some things, but nothing she had actually seen in person. He brought her aaaaall the way back to medical school! She was VERY intrigued, and VERY concerned. 

Are you ready for your lesson in medicine today? 

She talked about a disorder called Brown-Sequard Syndrome. Its defined as “a rare neurological condition characterized by a lesion in the spinal cord which results in weakness or paralysis on one side of the body and a loss of sensation on the other side.” Without saying this IS the answer, because it sounds kind of scary, there could not be a clearer description of exactly how he feels. If you remember, about four years ago, Brady had a big injury at work, when a set of stairs fell out from under him while he was holding a mitre saw, and landed chest first onto it. It REALLY hurt him, and screwed his ribs up big time. She suspected that, maybe, he had a build up of scar tissue from that fall those years ago, and it was sitting right on that nerve that causes those problems, and possibly, Brown-Sequard. 

To be VERY clear, this is VERY rare and while it doesn’t seem likely, its something we looked at, because the description sounds SO CORRECT. 

Dr. Guselle then abandoned Brady and their appointment completely (Lol!) and told him not to leave until they had a plan. She said he needed an MRI in the next day or two, and she needed to do a bunch of calling with him still there. The surgeon she needed to speak to, however, had JUST gone into a surgery, so she could not get an answer right away, and unfortunately Brady did have to leave without a concrete plan. But not before Dr. Guselle chatted with him about some other health stuff going on in our home, and covering a bunch of bases, sending some messages home to me and giving us a few requisitions. She covered it all. She is SO thorough. And she has that beautiful quality that leaves you feeling informed, yet totally reassured. Its incredible. I want to be like that. 

Brady heard back from her later that day. The neurosurgeon call had come with good and bad. 

Firstly, the surgeon did not discount the possibility of Brown-Sequard, but he doesn’t believe there is merit to his injury four years ago playing a role. 

However, he does agree that Brady’s case is urgent and requires an MRI. 

However however, he doesn’t believe its emergent. Urgent. Not emergent. 

So saying ALL of that, the MRI is not going to happen as soon as we all really want it to. But it should happen before the end of January. 

Brady went for a prelim X-ray already, to make sure there are no residual shards of metal in his eyes from his welding days, before he goes into a gigantic magnetic tube. Hopefully he’ll get the all-clear! If not, I’m not really sure what happens next, but we have to start somewhere!

There is more that this to share, but its already a long post, so I’m going to cut it here. I will share more shortly. Brady has a phone appointment booked with a very important doctor on Monday. PLEASE pray for guidance for our doctors and wisdom for us. Peace in our hearts would go a LONG way, as well.

This kid could write a book. Or I could write it about all the things he says. I really should record more than I do. As I type this, I’m already afraid that this is one of those “you had to be there” situations, but if thats the case, 🤷‍♀️ I guess you had to be there!

The other day, Solly was particularly cute.

He had been really extra friendly and agreeable with everyone. Ate his breakfast without a fight. Didn’t doddle through getting ready. Let me tie his hair up. Everything. He was so cooperative.

He was SO cute, and then he was SO happy to go to preschool, and he was SO sweet when I went to pick him up. Little sweetheart.

He ate his lunch better than usual. It was SUCH a relief to me, when I usually have to ride him to keep him on task. But he was just in way better shape than usual. When he left the table, he was just being so stinking adorable, and I finally bubbled over.

“Solly, you are just SO cute today!!! My goodness!!”

And his response was:

“😳 … and imagine if eggs were ALIVE!”

And then he was off to the bathroom, while I was folded over in the kitchen, laughing my guts out. I hear him bellow from the bathroom, “and then they could eat you with their mouths!”

Yes. He started both thoughts with “and.” His brain must just go and go!

That kid, though. He is SO funny!

I am very excited to see who he grows into over the years! I sure love you, Solly Wolly!

Exciting news! Nine days ago, I told you Rowan lost his FIRST TOOTH!!! And yesterday, surprise surprise, he lost the one just beside it!

The following story hopefully shows you how much braver I am than I used to be, haha!

Rowan discovered two days ago that he had a second wiggly tooth. It bugged him almost right off the bat. I don’t know how I carried loose teeth for weeks and weeks. My kids cannot hack loose teeth, and work them out within a couple of days. But guys, I am NOT into losing teeth. Its gross. Thats not my gig.

Until it had to be.

Rowan got up from his nap yesterday afternoon complaining about his loose tooth. It was a little sideways in its spot, kind of out of left field. I lightly tapped it and it moved like crazy. I knew that it would drive him up the wall until it was out, and I knew he wasn’t going to pull it. And I knew he was a screamy kid. So it seemed like a special trifecta I was going to have the honour of participating in.

It went like this.

Me: Do you want me to pull it?
Rowan: *whiny sound for about five seconds* Will it hurt?
Me: Not too much, nope. But a little.
Rowan: Well……… Ok, you can try.
Me: Ok. Let me go get a kleenex. Don’t scream at me, ok?
Rowan: I’ll try not to.
Me: Ok, I’ll try to get it nice and quick, and you try not to get mad at me. Deal?
Rowan: Deal.
Me: *put kleenex over tooth, yank*
Tooth: *still the heck in there*
Me: 😳
Rowan: 😳
Me: *pulls tooth again*
Tooth: *pop*

Woot!! Just like that, on the second try, it was out! Lol! 🤦‍♀️
#momfail #thefailyhailey

‘Twas a success story I was too eager to wait for Melatonin Monday to share with you guys 🙂 The fact that I didn’t get it the first time and he didn’t completely lose it is astounding! Not long ago, it would’ve been an open door for a complete and utter meltdown. And now, we just waited for the next try, completely calm.

Completely calm.

He was jubilant! We celebrated together, and then he easily hopped on to go play, halfway forgetting his news until I prompted him to tell everyone.

I am disappointed that masking has taken away his opportunity to show off his cute little tooth space to his friends, but more so, I am SO impressed with Rowan and the progress he’s been making!

I’ve had a handful of really choppy days. I use the word “struggly” a lot. Its not a real word, but it sure says it right. There has been some pretty biting emotional exhaustion, related to SO many different things, and heart and body have been completely beside themselves with fatigue.

The other morning, I came downstairs to get the day started, and I found this note on my island.

So I may have blubbered like a baby. Maybe because I felt cared for and loved.. Maybe because I was on the verge of tears from the moment I woke up anyway. Maybe both. It meant a LOT to me.

I am fortunate. This is not the first encouraging note I’ve received. Cher leaves me beautiful encouragements regularly. Dekker and Laela actually hide notes in weirds places for me to stumble upon on my own.

These notes are a good reminder that complements are not old hat. Why do people not want to complement others? Why don’t people want to lift each other up? How does valuing someone to their face take your value away? It does not, thats how.

I feel like a kid who found an encouraging note in their lunch. And I love that.

Where I grew up most of my life, we lived right at the end of a street, very close to the edge of town. There was a big open field very close by, and it held the most beautiful sunsets. I wish I had some of my moms photos to show you. Her photography would astonish you. The colors were always astounding, sometimes full big stripes, sometimes more of a blasty look. The sun would just SCREAM at you as it went down. It was bananas.

And now that house is sold, and there wont be any more runs out onto the street, barefoot, to snap a picture before it changes.

Something very special, however, is that our house overlooks some open space to the east. And my oh my, the sunrises are GORGEOUS. We are SO fortunate to be able to enjoy them during these darker months. Our sunrises have been pink and orange and vibrant and unlike any I can remember enjoying in the past years. The clouds are usually pretty epic, too! I don’t know if my heart is looking for beauty in a new way, or the sky is actually different, but I am a big fan!

It says a LOT about a “sunwise” when your two year old notices it, runs to the window, and stares for minutes on end, completely captivated, unprompted.

(Did you see the icy roads in that picture?? Oy! That wind was deadly!)

I’m taking intentional time to enjoy the sunrises, because they’re a positive that comes along with the cold days. Once the days are warm, things are brighter earlier, and while I do prefer the warmer weather, I do enjoy the sunrises that we have the pleasure of enjoying in fall and winter.

Thank you Lord for beautiful skies right outside my front window. It makes it easier to find enjoyment in these hard times. Thank you for not making me have to look too hard to find beauty.

Here I am again, friends, ready to talk about where Rowan is at!

You might remember from last Monday’s post that Rowan was sleepwalking pretty regularly. This last week, he only walked in his sleep once. Fun fact: when Rowan exits his room and we lead him back to his room, his immediate instinct is to go into his closet, not to his bed. Makes me wonder how much time he recreationally spends in there without my knowledge! 😆

My main observation from the last week is that Melatonin continues to work beautifully for Rowan’s sleep, and I know its made a positive difference in his behavior, but I’ve seen that his anger is sneaking back up and his attitude is declining again. I’m not sure if there is a specific reason for it, but I do think that its time to pick up that magnesium supplement I’ve been talking about. I’ve heard from multiple parents on the subject, and some say it helped their child’s mental health greatly, while others said it hindered sleep and made matters worse. The majority of opinions, however, have been positive, so I’m excited to try it out and see what happens. I want so badly to help Rowan thrive.

I am still VERY grateful for the help he has getting to sleep, and how well it still works. I know there has been a lift in his behavior. But I see a decline again and he is less rational once again. So, we continue to pray, and and comfort, and research the steps that we as parents need to take.

Please feel free to come alongside us, and him, as we navigate these deep, murky waters.

I was so tired by the end of the day yesterday. Like draaagging tired. I made my way up to our bedroom at the end of the day, and looked at myself in the big bathroom mirror.

My beautiful freshly colored hair has been in a ponytail, unwashed, for longer than I care to admit.

I had on a necklace that was made of stretchy craft cord and a button.

I had mustard on my shirt. On the muffin top area of my shirt, on the back. I did not have mustard today.

My sweats were so stretched and pilled from me wearing them every single day for weeks.

The skin on my face was patchy and crusty from neglect.

Yet somehow, looking at the mess I was, I felt like this was motherhood! I’ve made it! Sometimes I don’t get to fit into the box that people talk about, where “real” motherhood is a total mess of chaos. Our life is pretty simple, our house is decently tidy, our kids get along decently well, and it often looks like we have it all together. But there are the messy days where everyone is completely wiped out and asleep by 7:30. And that day looks a lot like messy buns and dirty clothes. And thats great, too!

After bedtime, Brady and I kept pushing and got some big goals accomplished! It was SO rewarding.

I was dozing off around 10:00pm. No regrets. It was a big day, but I feel good about it. Even if the mustard doesn’t come out of my shirt.