Tomorrow is my first appointment with the student doctor who will be following me through the rest of my pregnancy. Dr. Guselle set it up for me to be with a first year resident, so she is required to be part of the appointment, so no matter what, I will see her every time. I’d far rather this than to be put with someone who is more experienced, because I’d never see my doctor again! I agreed to this program, and I’m fine with it as long as I am still in contact with my doctor. But up to this point, I’ve JUST seen Dr. Guselle, which has been really nice. Tomorrow it all starts new.
I admit, I’m a bit nervous about it all. I want to say that I DO understand that people need to learn, and I’m ok with being part of the process! Full support from me! But I’m a bit hung up on certain aspects of it. I saw a student doctor through my pregnancy with Solly and while she was very sweet and was a good listener, I felt a bit left to my own devices. I felt very un-doctored, and the majority of concerns that I expressed were met with “Well, this is your fourth baby…” So, with that in mind, I’m nervous for a few things.
I’m already nervous for my appointments to drop off so quickly. I have tomorrows appointment, and thats supposed to be it for a month. This is normal for a lot of people, but will be a HUGE shift for me, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it. But, so far everything looks good, so I know I’ll be reassured that I have nothing to worry about :/
I’m nervous I will be given the statistics again on how likely it is that I won’t miscarry this pregnancy, because I already lost two in a row.
I’m nervous they’ll tell me the second trimester is the safe zone. Its not.
I’m nervous I’ll be brushed off because I have a laundry list of things that scare me. I’m nervous that my history won’t count for much, because in my experience, anything outside “the book” isn’t really relevant when people are learning. I need my history to be considered.
I’m just nervous it won’t be a good fit. I don’t want to be a pessimist, but I’m scared that my student doctor will be kind, and caring, and do all the right things, but that I won’t feel taken care of because I don’t fit the mold. It doesn’t make sense for a woman who has been pregnant seven times to need so much hand holding and reassurance. I get that. But I also NEED that hand holding.
I guess we’ll know more tomorrow. I’ll fill you in.