Not many places feel homier than home. But this beach is one of my settings that feels so much like home.
I can’t explain it. Last summer, it was a little different with all the smoke. I probably have less than five clear pictures of the sunsets. The summer before, I must’ve had hundreds. Today’s sky just reminds me of how beautiful it can be. And how beautiful it WILL be🤞
I’m so grateful for this beautiful place 💜 thank you Lord for providing things for us that aren’t even needs, but rather fun wants that feel like pipe dreams for the far distant future. God knows all the things.
I won’t lie. Sometimes I feel like a big fat phoney on here. Not because I’m being disingenuous. Not at all. But because a HUGE part of our life is off-limits to share on a public platform such as this. There are SO many things I ache to share on here. We love our foster children so deeply, and their milestones are just as pivotal as those of the children I gave birth to. Its SO strange to keep their details so quiet, and sometimes it feels SO unfair. But as you know about the reality of foster care – SO much is unfair for those children that this is the smallest of potatoes.
Today I had a particularly validating conversation with one of our childrens social workers. She shed some light on some details I was wondering about, and confirmed a lot of suspicions I was carrying. It was interesting to learn the things I did, and see that my radar was functioning appropriately in those areas. It helps me to better care for these children when I can know a little bit about where they came from and what was missed specifically that I could put extra time and effort into. And, in this case, the social worker was very happy for my observations and affirmed me in my care of this child. Which felt really nice.
And as if that wasn’t enough, the day wrapped up with one of babies delivering their first ever GIGGLES!!!! I could’ve just bawled. I can’t stop thinking about it. As I sat beside the baby while they flapped on the floor, and while I just tickled their chest lightly, they started cooing and finally, laughing. My heart just swelled with love and excitement! What a privilege to witness such a beautiful milestone!
The flip side is that, while I’m witnessing something beautiful, some VERY important people are not. And while there will be mixed feelings on that subject – some more compassionate than others, and some more cynical – it doesn’t change the fact that people are missing out on these things. And our babies are missing out as well, by default. Yes, we love these children well. I won’t deny that. We LOVE to love these kids. But they are still suffering trauma by being without their people. Trade-offs. Grey areas. Balance. Its all such a mess. Its brutal and beautiful all wrapped into one.
Anyway. Today was a great day in terms of foster care. For me, anyway. But its not about me.
Today, once I had supper in the oven, I was thinking about the raspberries I bought today. PBR had boxes of them for $10, and I had bought two of those boxes. However, upon sampling them, they were a little bit bland. I was thinking I wanted to put some on the side of our dinner, but they had been a bit disappointing in the flavour department. I resisted the urge to just stir them up with some sugar and eat them as is, and instead I did a quick google search for quick raspberry desserts.
Raspberry crisp was the first result, and would be an obvious choice to many.
Except for me. Because, as many of you know, my insecurities in the kitchen date way far back, and I have never ever made a crisp! However, I have worked to get braver in that department, so before I talked myself out of it, I rinsed a bunch of berries and picked a recipe.
Laela got the berries all sloppy and stirred up while I put together the dry ingredients. I doubled the recipe I was using, because even being down a couple of kids, there was NO WAY her thin layer of dessert in a pie plate would even come close to cutting it.
I spread the berry layer out, and then dumped the crumbly part on top. Laela insisted on flattening it, so she did that, lol!
Aaaaand while I definitely underbaked it, it was super delicious!
The more I push myself in those ways the easier its getting. And the more mistakes I make, the easier it is to roll it off and try it a second time. This was yummy and uncomplicated, and I will absolutely be making it again in the future. Maybe with rhubarb in there, too, since I have that in my yard now.
Conveniently, by doubling the recipe, I ensured a pretty epic night snack for Brady and I 😎 I will call this experience a win win.
Whew! School may still be going, but we are back into the camp scene already! So as I sit here, with right now NO CHILDREN around me, I can do all the worky stuff that needs doing. And right now, the name of the game is organizing!
As the babies sleep (some still, and some again) the lists are being made. I’ve meal planned. I have made and printed off a packing list for the kids. I have a grocery list for Costco, with an item or two to pick up at Wholesale Club and Walmart. I MUST find more of our baby formula, which has proven to be a challenge, but I’ve done a little calling. May have to expand the search to PA on Friday.
We need propane, also. Still haven’t found our way there. It is just SO much cheaper at Costco, its hard to justify getting it anywhere else!
I need to remind the kids to get their laundry done today or tomorrow.
I think I might take the kids to get some groceries after school. Then I have a second cart pusher and can get ALL the food plus diapers, lol!
Meanwhile, on top of all of this, I’ve been in contact with multiple social workers, making plans with one, talking about expenses with another, and yet another about how (if at all possible) to support the mother of one of our babies. It has been a FULL morning.
But I mean, its already 9:30 so I should expect nothing less 🤣
Today was the last ballet day for the season! The girls will take the summer off and then hopefully re-enroll for the fall! Wavy wasn’t able to be at ballet today, but Laela was, and it was a VERY cute scene. It was extra cute because her already small class of four girls was down to two! They were the only two for the first few months of ballet, so it was fun to have them back together as a pair.
Onto the cute pictures! Laela was really feeling herself hahaha! Little dork 🤣
This wrap up was fairly quick and informal, but I really enjoyed it! We got to see their usual exercises and the steps they go through, the songs they dance to, etc.
They danced a portion of more traditional steps, with cute skirts on, different from the expected tutus. Each girl did this routine solo. It was adorable. Laela is surprisingly graceful!
Every participant (in all of the classes) earned a certificate and a medal!
She was STOKED.
We joke, and she goofs, but it was super awesome, and she felt like a rockstar. That girl. My performer. She is going places, and I can’t wait to see where she all lands.
I haven’t completed a crochet project in a good while now. Turns out my little lemon drop baby makes being hands-free almost impossible, and doing much more than sitting in a rocking chair a thing of the past. But! Things still need to get done, so between Brady being home, and Cher and my mom watching the babies in the daytime, I managed to finish up a baby blanket for a shower this weekend.
And if I can be bold, I actually think it was worth it! I’m very happy with how it all turned out!
The pattern is called “Foliage” by Sixel, who carries such a wide variety of patterns with intricate designs. This is the designer that has be really wanting someone in my life to commission me for something with skulls or skeletons. Its not my personal style, but I just LOVE her designs so much!
Anyway. Its been a long time coming, and its finally finished and gifted out 💜 Aaaaand onto the next one! I was about halfway through a blanket I was making for Kinasao, and it has been abandoned long since. So its time to pick that poor sucker back up and get into it!
Not tonight, though. And only when the babies will allow 😅 Because they run the world 🌎
One thing Hailey and I love the most about summer is storms! I’m talking about those black clouds, risk of funnel cloud, power outage, entire house shaking from thunder kind of storm.
Did you think I forgot about hail? No. I do not want hail. Not now not ever. Hailey, yes; hail, no!
During Covid there was one giant storm near Dalmeny. It woke us all up during the night. This was in the middle of my four month covid sleepover at the Borns. Anyways, we moved the couches in front of the window. The power had gone out, and Brady needed to charge his phone for his alarm for work the next morning. I gave him my laptop to use what’s left of the battery juice to charge his phone.
After that he went outside (I’m not sure why) and Hailey and I saw the largest lightning strike! 😳 It hit some crops and a GIANT glow of pink, green, purple, covered a 10km radius (or so it seemed) followed by a LOUD crash. Some kids got up afraid, but Hailey and Brady are nice parents and let them sit on the couch with us to watch the storm.
Anyways, I am really hoping for something like that this year. I feel like the lakes up north get all the fun weather.
The other day, I felt really sick. Toms birthday. You guys remember. So rather than going to his party, I stayed home and had a soak and a nap. I was really disappointed not to go, and Cher was encouraging me over text that I had made the right choice and I needed to take care of myself, even if I was missing out on something else important. And she was right.
So when the house emptied out and I started my bath, I sent Cher a couple of pictures, so she could see I was taking care of myself. And I’ll show them to you separately here.
Ok so this first one is my water running. In my much smaller, but still really, really nice bathtub. I have cheap Kirkland body wash that I use for bubble bath sometimes, and baby wash and toys in every other corner. I rarely actually used my tub for bathing babies in the Bitner house. But here, at home, I actually like it that way. It feels more cozy. But its definitely a change to have my en suite littered with kids toys.
And then this. My laptop with my pending show sits atop Brady’s shower chair. We used to use a cute little rolly cart that had its own little parking spot in our gigantic en suite. Now, we use the little shower chair. But! With that being said, I’m really grateful we still have a spot for it so, once in a blue moon, I can still watch a show and have a bubble bath. With this one, besides the obvious change of the small bathroom, how bizarre that we have a need for a shower chair?! Had you guys heard that Brady is paralyzed?! Sometimes that still feels funny to think about, even though its also old news. You know when stuff just hits different?
All in all, looking back at these two pictures, I felt lined up for luxury.
And when we left the Bitner house, I was FULLY HAPPY to move, but I was also honest about the fact that we were leaving luxury behind. The biggest hit we took moving into this house was Bradys and my room. The bathroom and closet are both so so much smaller. Yet, we had luxury, and it was awesome, and how fortunate are we that we ever had that??? Neither of us need it, and I’m still grateful to have any bathroom or closet in our room.
I’ll take my bathtub full of cups that smells like Aveeno baby wash. I’ll accept the shower chair that takes up pretty much any extra bathroom space when I take it out of the bathtub. My bathroom is the size of a postage stamp. So is my closet. But I love my house. I love all the people in it. I love the things that make us different. We are not subtle and I’m ok with that.
Aaaaanyway. I guess I’m not really saying anything. I noted the changes in these pictures and felt contentment. And for that, I praise the Lord 💜
So this blog is inspired by this meme I just saw. I recently went to a memorial for a friend who passed away and everyone marveled and spoke of her kindred spirit kind of way, and her inner child that never died.
I couldn’t help but appreciate my own best friend even more for those qualities she has. Although I would call Hailey an old soul, she has an innocent, youthful quality that i thoroughly enjoy.
She in fact DOES still show me beautiful rocks. She loves rocks and her kids know it and they even bring HER rocks.
Hailey is not afraid to just be completely SILLY. And I’m talking like a total goober! Not a care in the world who is looking, she’s just secure like that. (She wouldn’t agree but she’s wrong).
She takes every opportunity she can to be a nut, and I am here for it. I love that she is so full of life even though these days are really challenging with business.
The way she teases her kids is just golden. Especially the thing she has going with Dekker. One time I was napping on the couch and I felt a presence so I opened my eyes. There was my best friend. Holding a fish cracker with two hands. As soon as my eyes opened she started to sing “PETITE POISSONS” with a low, but loud French accent.
I am so thankful for the silliness in my life and the people who bring it.
Today was a terribly important day. Our dear grandpa Tom turned 60!!! 🥳 There was a special plan for him to come have a birthday supper at our house, but as the day wore on, I found myself doubled over with sickness and had to pull the plug. It was SO disappointing, but the day was not about me 💜 So the party was redirected and everyone met at his house for supper.
While I couldn’t be there to celebrate Tom in person, I hope he knows how much I truly love him, and how grateful I am to have him part of our family. A father figure to me. A grandpa to my kids. Someone who we can count on, no matter the request. Whether its building something with a kid, or teaching them about knife safety, or moving furniture, or bouncing a baby, or buying everyone cotton candy at a town event, Tom shows up.
Years ago, Tom and Rae joined us for a family brunch, and somehow he got stuck right in between the middle boys at the table. And while he visited, he served the children he could reach, cutting up their food for them and being so kind and present. There was something super extra special to me about that time, and it is something I will never forget 💜
I love you, Tom. I’m sorry I missed your party. I hope you felt happy and celebrated and truly cherished, because you are.
