This is honestly one of my FAVORITE parts. Have you ever wanted to buy someone you love, like the BEST gift ever? Like a gift that might sell out quickly due to popular demand, or a gift that they really deserve? When I go to the store and see a piece of clothing that would look SO GOOD on my bestie, I can almost GUARANTEE there is a small or extra small because she is so tiny, and those sizes are typically less popular. Now, try finding sizes Medium and Large, that’s hard- But if you’re bigger than size large, and they have that size, both you and your best friend (AKA me and Hailey) can share matching onesies. Just saying. We are ying and yang. I’m telling ya! It’s a gift.
Number Four:
Many people think thin people are weak and delicate, but research I have done in my own free time proves that this is not true for all thin people. So, I tried to do a thumb war with Hailey once, and I should have gotten a thumb cast because that girl had me out in three seconds flat! Not only that, but if you ever tried to wrestle a cookie from her because you’re hungry, you’re the one who is gonna get bruised. You would never see it coming!!!! She looks like a doll made of feathers, but she’s a G.I.JANE. I might look like the bodyguard, but it’s the other way around guys.
After all this messy stuff in the last couple of weeks, my body finally did that thing where it tried to panic real good.
Tried. See that? I’ve learned some of the signs of my body panicking over things, and today was a success with managing the situation.
This afternoon the overwhelm started to mount, but I was able to manage it, as is just the way life often goes during busy times.
But it didn’t lift fully. And it kept not lifting fully. I was doing ok. Functioning. But not thriving by any means. I was a bit on edge.
I kept pretty busy as the afternoon finished out and the evening came along. I was starting to feel very tense and sore in a whole bunch of places. My jaw and teeth hurt. My eyes hurt. My chest felt heavy. I was freezing, and also half asleep. I knew this feeling well. It was the feeling I’ve experienced when I’ve gone and gone and gone, and suddenly I don’t need all that adrenaline anymore, and my body doesn’t know what to do with it. Been there.
So I sat still and breathed in through my nose, out through my mouth, and worked to manage what I was feeling. But it wasn’t long before Brady assured me I could go take care of myself. Laela and Dekker were still up, and they assured me they would help Brady with the babies. Not that Brady can’t care for them!! But in his state of recovery, certain parts of baby-having are much harder. So it helps ME feel comfortable to go take a break knowing they were there to help. Once the plan was in place, I disappeared for a bit.
This is how I watch my shows in the tub at this house. Its not quite as glamorous as the last en suite, but its something. And thank goodness for the shower chair, hahaha! How else would I watch my true crime?!
I ran a nice hot bath, loaded with epsom salt, and I sweat all the good sweats until every shred of any chills had made their exit. And then I peeled myself off the bottom of the bathtub in time to say goodnight to my oldest two and youngest two. And I had tucked in the middles before my bath, so wins all around!
While I don’t love that I’m someone who has panic attacks now in these last few years, I am grateful for the understanding I’ve gained, and in turn, can use to help myself and maybe others somewhere down the line 💜 God knows. For now, I’m calling today a success.
So you may remember Brady and I got to go on a “removing staples out of Bradys head” date the other day. Very romantic. I know. We were fortunate enough to have a SECOND date today!!
To be clear, I’m not actually kidding. Today we even got to be out with *gasp* NO BABIES!
Well. There was one baby for a bit. And then no babies for a bit more. The one selfie we took is as follows.
This was when Brady was trying to hold the soother in aforementioned babys mouth while we were lined up in a drive-thru. Yay for impromptu snuggles! 😅 We’ll take what we can get!
In our span of time without kids, we made it into Old Navy, which we’ve needed to do for a long time, to get Brady some new jeans.
Buying pants when you’re in a wheelchair is a big trickier than average. Some pants fit great until you sit down, when they then slide down in the back and get all lumpy in the front. No one likes plumber crack or bunchy junk! A couple years ago now, we discovered Old Navy has a particular style of pants that has the perfect amount of stretch for Brady’s amount of mobility. However, different colors of pants had different amounts of stretch. Go figure. So ordering online isn’t as simple as it sounds. And today, we FINALLY got him in there to get a couple new pairs of jeans! Woot!
After jean shopping, Brady was completely wiped out 💜 Which was pretty indicative of how recovered he is/n’t. So we got coffee and Brady dozed a bit in the van until we went to where we needed to be.
The dates are very quiet and restful, which is just perfectly perfect. I am very grateful for every single moment we get to spend together 💜 Thank you, Lord!
Tomorrow is a new day, and a back to school kind of day! I won’t lie. Its been kind of a hugely challenging week, and I’m ready for routine to be back in our lives. Today has been pretty large, though not bad per se, and I’m looking forward to everyone going to school tomorrow! Well. Four of them anyway. An entire week of compressed days throws a wrench into things, for sure. But, I digress. I want to post nice things and today, I feel a little bit too tired to write out something super upbeat. So rather, I’ll show you a funny thing I saw today that made no sense, but gave me a smile. I hope it does the same for you.
🤷🏼♀️ I don’t get it either. Clearly, I don’t know what she means. But I got a little chuckle out of it, which I definitely needed.
There you have it, folks. The weekend has come to a close, and I’m feeling hopeful for the week to come! Brady might start picking away at some work stuff from home. Hopefully I’ll get a few of our usual things done that I’m otherwise behind on. Aaaaand if I’m really twitchy, I might hire the handyman out of Zaks to do a few jobs around here that I know Brady doesn’t have the energy for that keep staring at me 😅 Yet, with the appointments I have in the city 4/5 of the upcoming weekdays, maybe we’ll just do some resting rather. 💜 Who knows. Its still only Sunday.
Yesterday, at two weeks and one day post brain surgery, I took Brady (and the babies) in to our family doctor to get the staples removed from his incision. It was a little crazy, to be honest. They had advised him in the hospital that he could really go anywhere, any ole walk-in or medi clinic, to get them out. We were once again SO relieved that we have such a beautiful relationship with our doctor. After a simple text conversation, she booked Brady in, and yesterday was that day!
Ok but first, we went for Frostys and fries, because that was Bradys lunch of choice, and I did not argue with that!!!
We didn’t wait long for the appointment to start. Just enough to take one final picture of ALL the staples in place. All 41 of them.
But before long, Dr. Guselle surfaced and they got started!! Ack!
When all was said and done, she did not rush out at all, but rather asked what else she could possibly do for us in regards to any member of our family. It actually got REALLY cute, when our little Morsel crawled over and smacked at her, begging to be up on her lap. She plucked our baby up off the floor and they sat together for a few minutes while we talked. It felt so comfortable and relaxed. I loved it. I wish I could share pictures on here of the encounter, and I can’t, but I can assure you it warmed my heart to the nth degree 💜
When it was time to go, she saw us all the way out into the waiting room, and thanked us for “coming over,” which I also loved 💜 We have SUCH a good thing there.
We got out to the van and took Bradys “after” picture.
So if you can look past the crusted blood and dead skin, the incision has closed SO nicely! There are a couple of lifty spots but they are well on their way to healing.
Especially since Brady is still not allowed to really scrub at them at all. But once we got home, he showered up good and proper, and I lightly took a cloth to the surrounding areas of his scar to get it as cleaned up as possible. And it actually looks fabulous!
Doesn’t it look so good??? Its going to disappear into his buzz so soon and you’ll never know it was there! The part that pokes out onto his forehead is the only part that may still be somewhat visible. Or so I thought…
This afternoon, we were granted a few kid-free hours, and Brady slept through most of them 💜 While he slept and I played with yarn and watched true crime, I caught a glimpse of how great his scar is going to heal and I’m just so encouraged 💜
Isn’t that AMAZING?! No one is going to know that scar existed. It is closed SO well and just right along the perfect lines. Man. Dr. Fourney is an artist!
After the staples came out, Brady immediately felt relief. No more tightenings or zinging up there. Less bothersome itching. Less pain. Just, his own skin and his own self. SO much more comfortable.
As he said to me, thats two down! He’s come off of his steroid, and his staples are out! Just one more med left to come off and then rest and recovery!! He is on his way!!
Thank ALL you beautiful people for following along on this crazy ride!! We wait for pathology and some follow up scans to come, so please continue to carry Brady in your prayers 💜
Those first few days of having Brady at home were pretty quiet. Kids were going to school so the house was fairly quiet. We went for a drive one day. The lemon drop had an appointment another day, and Brady stayed home and slept while we had childcare for the morsel. Cher took Laela and Wavy a couple of days to lighten the load. Meals were brought. We just only survived. We waited a day or two, but finally unveiled the incision itself! While it looks totally badass, it also looks super clean and beautifully done!!
It was actually SO impressive when I took the dressings off how bloody they weren’t!! What a great closure!
One day, I took Brady into my hair girl and she washed his hair for him, because I knew he was feeling gross and unclean, but he wasn’t supposed to get his incision very wet. What an AMAZING hair girl we have that she was willing to navigate the blood, crusties, antiseptic, etc. She’s a rockstar.
He felt SO much better after this!! 💜
Probably the most challenging part of Bradys recovery wasn’t actually about Brady. Our little lemon drop legitimately would not sleep a WINK without being held, and you may or may not know, but sleep is kind of a crucial part of healing. Sleeping in the night and in the day were all pretty choppy, so some of Brady’s recovery moved slowly at first.
Recovery side effects were likely what you’d expect. Headaches were a big part of it, though they were well managed with medication. Another immediate side effect was jaw pain, which you wouldn’t expect! However, the part of the brain that they worked on was connected to muscles in his jaw. Thankfully, that has all lifted now 🙂 No more pain while eating. The pressure in his head was the most uncomfortable part, I’m told. He was on a steroid for that, and he could feel it within the hour of needing to take it that there was inflammation that needed to be brought down. However, that steroid is not a nice one, and Brady is now off of it, and actively working to get off of his other strong drug. Bradys entire body got much weaker after surgery. His legs are significantly shakier when walking. He can still get around, but it takes a lot more concentration. Since getting home, we’ve rearranged parts of the house that he would normally walk through to now fit his wheelchair. I’m sure much of that will still improve with time, but we’re rocking the now, and thats what we need for now.
Brady has described feeling “heavy headed.” He was first saying light headed, because thats a pretty well understood term, but when he explained it to me in detail, it is much more heavy than light. There is still a dizziness, but maybe his head feels a little, like, nodding? Droopy? It was hard for him to explain so I have next to no hope of explaining it myself 😅 But when it comes around, it usually means he’s maybe overdone it a little and needs to lay down for a bit. We’re learning to manage these things, but we think they’re mostly just part of recovery and won’t be our daily life forever.
Since coming home, Brady has recruited the help from our lovely new neighbour for a haircut to accommodate his giant new scar, haha! Thank you Chantelle!!
Again, he felt WAY better after!
Dekker lol 😅
Recovery is still coming. Brady is realizing as time goes by that he has neurological pathways that are still getting reorganized. Where he used to have his own thoughts and opinions about all basic daily things, he is now having to make those as fresh decisions. He explained it to me in traffic one day when we were stuck behind someone going VERY slowly. He didn’t know whether or not to be annoyed or just relaxed about it. He didn’t know which was his normal response or not, and he had to choose. So, with this context, you can likely understand that Bradys mental energy is waning hard these days 💜 He is still capable, and he can compensate pretty well when he has to, but basic things such as visiting are ten times more taxing these days. So please still visit with him! It’ll just likely be shorter. Thanks for understanding, guys.
Ok. I think I’ve covered the basics of the physical recovery for this post. We’re two weeks out. Today is a big day over here! I’m taking Brady in to get his staples out!! Ack!! Hopefully those pictures didn’t make anyone squirm. We think they’re so awesome. Brady actually has more staples in his head than he had in his spine from his last surgery! So we’re calling it a date 💜 With the babies, of course. We’re going to go get frostys and fries for lunch, and then go get the staples pulled out of Bradys head. Together! Hahaha!
Brady had no recollection of seeing me after his surgery in observation, which was not altogether surprising. He was SO out of it during those couple of hours, and that was ok with me. I knew he was alive. That was the most important thing. I left the hospital confidently, knowing he would be more with it the next day.
I woke up fairly early the next morning, and I saw texts from Brady that were sent around 4am. They were filled with worry and confusion. He didn’t know what room he was in and had no memory of getting there. He did know he was at the hospital though. He was cognitively aware, just a bit out of body, not remembering getting acquainted with his space. He didn’t know where his stuff was, or his wheelchair. But his top concern was whether or not I had been able to see him post-op, as he knew I was worried and I hadn’t been allowed to see him post-op after his spinal surgery. That had made for a hard night, and he was worried for my sake 💜 Thankfully, I could reassure him all across the board.
He was in observation. Neuro ward. I told him his nurses names.
I brought his backpack and chair home since things were a bit tight in obs. I promised to bring them back that day.
And yes. We had spoken. Held hands. Said hello and goodbye. No love was lost at all 💜
I went in to see him as soon as I could. He was VERY tired. Not exactly vibrant 😆 But still really cute, so its ok.
That first day post-op went exactly as I expected. I’d visit with him for maybe a half hour, and then go crochet elsewhere while he napped. Shorty visit, then a nap. Shorty visit, then a nap. It was choppy but also nice to see him a few times 💜 I sat with him during lunch. He tried, but food was still hard. His stomach had been very sensitive since surgery.
Just me, Brady, and his brain blood catch-all 😅
Day two post-op was much the same as day one. The naps were maybe a touch shorter but otherwise it was similar. Neither of us had energy, so we would snuggle up and watch some Netflix during Bradys wakeful time.
Those were tired, difficult days, but at least we were together. We could NOT have been together as much as we were without, as they’ve come to be known around here, the grandmas 💜 My mom and Rae made things SEAMLESS in terms of watching the kids for full days without question. I could come and go without any worries, and that was AWESOME.
Day two also meant that Bradys brain drain could come out! Heyooo!
That little bandaid towards the top was what was covering up the hole where the drain had been, and surprisingly, it never needed to be replaced or cleaned up any extra. It sat there, happily stuck to Brady’s hair, and never budged. This particular event was victorious because a) it didn’t hurt, and b) it took away much of the pressure in Brady’s head and ears, as well as relieved some loud crackling sounds that were bothering him. Win!!
On day three post-op, Brady came HOME.
We were pretty quiet about it at first 💜 He was SO tired and his head was very woozy and off balance. His body, specifically his legs, were far weaker than they had been in a very very long time. He just wasn’t all the way stable. But recovering in a room with three other people in different stages of ailment was not an ideal setup either. Home was better than that.
And it was the right choice 💜 We’ll talk about that next. Recovery thus far. More gorey pictures coming in the next series post!
Does everyone feel lighter when the weather starts to turn like it is currently? No? Just me? It can’t be just me. Today, the house got hot. We opened storm doors and windows. Kids played outside in tshirts. Cher and I even went for a drive and got iced drinks! It was just one of those days that felt like it carried the promise of the warmer seasons that lie ahead. So soon, we’ll be into the activities that come with nicer weather. Track at school. Going for walks as a family. We even have a kid going into soccer this spring! And of course, camp is up on that list! In all honesty, with Brady recovering, it feels like setting up camp will be a really big job. Its a little daunting at this point, to be honest. But it is a HUGE relief to know we have lovely people who will come around and help us in any way possible to provide us help and ease 💜 It is not lost on me how fortunate we are.
The help this week and last has been incredibly humbling and deeply appreciated. The meals have kept us afloat, and every one has been completely delicious. I’ve even given into paper dishes most suppers to keep things easy. I’m still behind in plenty of things, but we are still making it work, and I’m really glad we at least have that. Because, these days, when there is a quiet moment, and I could either bake muffins or crochet, I’ve been intentionally choosing crochet, or something light like that that helps me relax a bit more. And I have no regrets. Because I know I need to function in order for everyone around me to function. It can’t be JUST about keeping Brady strong. I know I need to be strong, too. So I am being intentional, and I think its paying off.
So tonight, while we wait for Dekker to come home from youth, I plan to eat a couple of cupcakes in my bed, likely with a baby in my lap, and watch some Netflix with Brady. Ooooo! Maybe also a tall glass of milk, since I finally bought some today.
I hope you all sleep tonight. We’ve been finally gaining some ground with sleeping these days, slowly but surely! Still, I hope you’re all sleeping WAY more than I am!! 😅
By the grace of God, after another fairly rough night with our sleep-hating lemon drop, Brady and I woke up feeling more rested than usual! Brady was cognitively clearer than he’s been since surgery day, and therefore was more energetic. Not that we pushed it a whole lot at all, but it was so nice to see him more himself and less draggy. We did a little bit of picking up around the house and moved our bedroom around a bit to make it easier for him to use his wheelchair in there. We ate yummy food and generally really enjoyed a super quiet morning! Kids have been enjoying VBS in the mornings this week, as have we. We get to be quiet and relaxed, and they come home as astronauts from the International Space Station.
Post VBS, kids came home, lunched, and then Laela went out on an errand run for me around town, where she picked up some puzzles, fancy soaps, and the mail. She was super happy to be outside, as were the astronauts. The spring weather is so nice for absolutely all of us! I firmly believe its going to help Bradys healing, too! But so far, he’s still sticking very close to home, closing up that incision, healing the trauma, and organizing those neural pathways that need to be rewritten. Turns out recovering from brain surgery is kind of a ton of work!
I hope many of you are enjoying this week off, and considering its only Tuesday, that you’re not scratching at the door to get out just yet.
Let’s talk about what Brady’s surgery actually entailed.
Bradys list of procedures are as follows:
Stealth neuro navigation
Right frontal temporal craniotomy
Intra-axial mass resection
Gleolan
Duraplast
Yup. Fiiiiive categories. And we’re going to go through each one just a little bit, to paint a picture.
To start, I’ll remind you that Brady’s mass showed up in his right temporal lobe, which you will know if you read that list, haha! If you’re picturing where your temple is, it might be hard to understand where that is, but I can tell you its right above his right ear. This shows the left, but you get it.
Now to the categories!
Stealth neuro navigation is the process of really finding your bearings, making a plan, and getting the patient set up. Brady was draped off, and his head was set up in a scary way with clamps and mayfield pins. Look that stuff up and you’ll know why he has that mark on his forehead 😬
They used something of a doppler, combined with all previous scans, located the mass with confidence, marked the incision, and got Brady all set up for the next bit.
The right frontal temporal craniotomy sounds pretty medieval if you ask me. And its exactly what you think it – removing the skull portion. As we picked through the operative report, we googled every tool name, and honestly, it was just all the standard nonthreatening pokers in varying sizes that you picture being in a doctors office. Except for the drill and the saw, lol! Brady muttered from his chair just now “the bone-do zip.” The craniotomy was performed by drilling burr holes and then connecting them with the bone-do zip. There was some talk about pinning back flaps, but we won’t get into all that. The space was opened. Thats enough.
Intra-axial mass resection. Tumour removal, basically. The report talks in depth about constant planning, and confirming the masses location using the neuronavigation. Lots and lots of microscopes. When the time came to actually dig in, they began by cauterizing all around the mass as was visible. They used ultrasonic aspiration to de-bulk the mass, consistently rechecking position, and extending the craniotomy in a couple of different directions, as needed.
Gleolan is a super cool new med that played a role in the removal of Brady’s brain mass. It was a gross contrasty orange juice/aluminum shot that Brady took the night before, and it is specifically used to illuminate malignant cells, most commonly used when investigating brain tumours/cancers. So at this point in the surgery, once the bulk of the mass was resected, they turned on their fluorescent lights to see how the gleolan reacted. It showed faint illumination throughout the surgical cavity. Don’t panic here 💜 Take a second. Not only is this method new and not 1000% reliable, but a faint glow kicks a radiant flash in the ass! We’ll take faint any day! This did show, however, that the tumour had fuzzy edges, not smooth. Fuzzy can suggest spreading, though the tumour was completely unchanged since the day we discovered it. Unfortunately, the fuzzy edges started infiltrating the white matter, meaning it wasn’t safe to scoop them all out of there. So. Not 100% perfect, but definitely still very successful!
Duraplast is last. Its even in the name. Its the closing up of the surgical cavity and putting the head back together. Yikes that sounds grosser than I imagined 😅 Everything was cleaned well, and then the packing began. Mesh was first. Dural lining was closed with nylon sutures. There was a bandaid-type of cover put over the stitches. Brady says “braindaid.” Gelfoam was also used, which is another type of braindaid covered in a solution specifically to prevent against bleeding. That one absorbs and dissolves in the weeks following surgery. After aaaaall the packing materials were in place, the bone flap *shivers* was put back in place and secured with plates and screws. How many – we don’t know, but we’re excited to find out if Brady will beep going through airport security someday.
At this point, the heavy lifting of closing up was done. A drain tube was placed alongside the bare bone and secured with a silk suture, preparing for recovery. The temporalis (layer of muscle along the skull) was laid in place and sutured down, and then secured further with the last layer of skin and *gulp* 41 staples.
Post surgery, Brady immediately went in for an x-ray, as the number of sutures noted was off by one, but nothing was amiss on the inside, and Brady was cleared into recovery.
And now he’s OUT! Goodness this series could go on forever. I will stop soon. But not yet.
