Friends, we have finally arrived 🥺 As of last night, Brady completed his twelfth FINAL round of chemotherapy!

The gif is dorky, but it hits me in the feels. Because this is absolutely a milestone to celebrate!!! An entire YEAR of chemotherapy is behind us, and we can stop living in limbo, cycle to cycle. We can finally see what Brady is capable of outside of the limits of chemo. If you remember, he started his radiation treatments while he was still living in rehab. They dragged on for five long weeks, and then he was supposed to get a month to breathe between radiation and chemo. He was SO spent, and the moment he started to get his bearings back, right at the three week point, they decided to jump and get him going on chemo right away. And we’ve been on the chemo train ever since.

With this, we have yet to see what Brady’s full capacity is. It will take time to learn this, but it comes at the best time. In mere weeks, we will be able to go to our camp spot and start preparing for the season ahead. No one told the weather about that plan, apparently, but it’ll take the hint soon enough.

I feel a tiny bit struggly with this whole thing, because you’re supposed to be able to see progress during chemo. And we don’t get that. Which is cool in the way that nothing has grown back, and we’re happy to know that! But it does make the whole chemo thing feel fruitless.

I know I’ve talked about this before. I am grateful for chemo. We did ALL the steps we were given, and we feel confidence in God’s covering, that He will prepare us for whatever comes and He will carry us through! So we hold onto that and ONLY that!

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All the messy medical stuff is behind us for now, and we are both very excited to move forward, away from the limbo and waiting game, and into whatever our life will become! God knows what we need.

Thank you to our friends who follow who love us and care about our details such as these. Sometimes its hard to be honest about my emotions when I know not everyone who reads along is in our corner or “for” us. But for the support, love, and celebration we’ve received, I thank you!! 💜 You are not missed or forgotten!! I appreciate you all SO much!!!

As is custom, I have made a vat of party mix we love, and Brady and I will eat it for supper after the kids go to bed. Because he can! So he will!

Goodbye, chemo. As is said in House MD, we hope to never see you again!! ✌️

I am SO relieved that today is better than yesterday! Its still quiet time, so hopefully I haven’t spoke too soon 😆 While the weather is blustery, inside is quite lovely. The wind sound is something I actually don’t mind. Its part of spring. It sounds like rain is on the way, though at this point, it’ll be snow. But, what can I say? I like it.

The day has held Lego, reading, researching, and the kids even tidied their closets! That job inspired some crafting from the things they found, and Cher and I were graced with loving notes and pictures.

Dekker found a map and immediately got to work looking for Tom and Rae’s camp spot.

We are ALL ready to get back into the camping swing of things!

The day is not perfect, but we aren’t expecting perfect. Soon, we’ll have coffee, turn on some music, and ride out the rest of our daytimes hours inside. I’ve got all of my challenging stuff for the day done!! So now we breathe 🙂 I hope many of you do the same 💜

I will be the first to admit that today has been an incredibly challenging day. We’re human. We have bumpy days. Its fine. But its been more challenging than most, and while those days are not glamorous, nor days people really desire to put out there for all to see, they’re important to remember and learn from. Also, I know we are not the only people who have them!! So let’s lift each other up, shall we? 💜

Yesterday was a total blast, and everyone was full and exhausted by the end of the day. Everyone fell asleep easily and quickly.

But then, sometime in the night, Rowan woke up. And being the ever-so-social lad that he is, he came to tell me.

So naturally, I couldn’t fall back to sleep until my room had gone from pitch black to morning sun. I spent those hours replaying every difficult conversation I’ve had, every medical trauma we’ve gone through, and spiralling through everything I’m still afraid of, ie: money, jobs, future, etc.

So that was not a boatload of fun, and made for a very short night for me.

And also for Rowan.

The morning can really only be described as brutal. So many arguments. Everyone so dysregulated. So much irrationality. Almost nothing went smoothly. It was hard and had Brady and I dreading the long Spring break to come.

I cannot say with confidence that those feelings are gone, but I can say that we got a beautiful break 💜 After naps, Cher took the kids into the backyard and refereed for us for the entire afternoon. And then they made sandwiches and had outdoor supper while Brady and I continued to work on our own things in peace.

Once supper was done, it became clear that Rowan was just at the end of his rope. Or maybe its more accurate to say he was teetering on a ledge. He knew all the things that were going on, and was choosing to argue. He just felt like fighting and it showed. Cher tipped me off that bedtime might be a challenge with him, so I decided to go out and pep talk him before it all went down.

And it was worth it! He recognized that he wasn’t doing well, but he didn’t want to miss out on the rest of the day or bedtime prayers with everyone. So HE made the choice to go inside, get all ready for bed, and read books in his bed until it was time for bedtime. He said himself “I think being away from everyone would be a good choice for me.” Outside, he did NOT want to be self aware, but he changed his tune, and we reached a beautiful compromise! For the first time today! Whew!

Bedtime will roll around right away here, so wish us luck!! At this point, we just need smooth. And then we need sleep. All of us.

But first, post-bedtime supper and an episode of something funny. We could all use a laugh after the day we’ve had!

Last Easter, we spent at the playground near the hospital 💜

Brady was still living in City Hospital. While it had been hinted he would be able to be home for Easter, everyone agreed it would be a little bit early, and none of us had any interest in pushing past what was the healthiest choice. So we made it work.

While this was an incredibly difficult time in our lives, we were very grateful to be together for even just an hour or two.

I couldn’t share about these visits, because covid deemed them obsolete. While he was not allowed to visit the kids, they were allowed in the public park, and he was cleared to go for outdoor walks with me. The whole setup was suggested to us by the staff, so much so that I would go to retrieve Brady and the nurses would smile knowingly and say “Enjoy your walk! See you in a couple of hours!”

Easter weekend, they cleared Brady for two “walks.”

These visits were incredible, and we were SO grateful for them! But they were quite an operation. It was a lot for the kids, and a lot for Brady. All of it was a stretch! I was overwhelmingly grateful to go see Brady everyday, but it took 110% of my energy from me. Still, I wouldn’t change how it was done. Easter was hard, but it was GOOD.

This Easter has been much more our speed 💜 We had breakfast at my moms place, and hunted for Easter treats. We ended up lunching there, too! Everything was yummy and we had so much effortless fun!

Rowan looked at me like this and said “This bag is SO beautifully done!” He’s terribly sweet.

I love that toothless look 😆

Once lunch was done, this is happened…

So it was a perfect time to head home for quiet time.

The moment quiet time was over, we all eagerly waited at our doorway for the go ahead tooooo…

Go to Tom and Rae’s for yet more treats!!!

The hunt was on in full force. Some of Rae and Tom’s kids were over and had helped set up an elaborate egg hunt, with lists and color coding and an entire house to search. The kids had a riot! There was a lot to find, and it took some time, but then they’d dump their finding out on the table and go through them to make sure they had everything.

We were assured that everyone had a lot of fun setting it up, but still, it was a very clear loving gift for us and our children.

We left their home with more chocolate, a couple bottles of sangria, and a lot of love from being with more of our dear family.

Supper is on the stove. Sangria in hand. Brady is teaching Laela how to play chess, and Dekker is eagerly awaiting their game. I’m getting the blog up. Just about all the work is done. Now, we rest and enjoy the evening together.

We would not have made it to this Easter without Jesus. For His blood, we give thanks. He is the reason we live and breathe, and continue to!

Have a blessed Easter with your close people, friends. Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Weekends are not always easy. Today was a hard day. A day where I felt more alone than usual. More stuck. “Struggly,” as we call it. Today has been an especially struggly day.

Lucky for me, I got to take a little bit of a break to crochet alone, and then Cher came over, brewed coffee, and painted my nails. The poor girl did not have a lot of nice fingers to work with, but she was soft with me, and I felt relaxed.

Even now, I’m able to sit and breathe and blog in the living room, free of any and all responsibilities. Even if just for a time, I treasure these rests.

Did you guys know I’m coming up on a big milestone with this blog? I’ve been considering redoing the whole thing. Or even just calling it quits, for fear that its getting boring and mundane. I don’t want to make big decisions when I’m feeling the way I’m feeling. But I also don’t want to beat a dead horse. Anyway.

Today has been hard. Sleep will help. Tomorrow will be better. It always is.

Nachos for supper once the kids are down.

Hear me out. I have a blog I really want to write! But being that this was the most unproductive week, and we’ve added some tidbits of sickness in here and there as well, its just happening. Today was another day I planned to write it, but alas, rather I have this cute situation on hand.

The littlest chickie woke up early to barf, and then barf some more. Only little bits, but lots of times. Poor sweetie. She tried to eat a couple bites of breakfast, but it didn’t sit right. Finally, she opted for a warm bath and a cozy setup on the couch. NO nap, of course.

Until she fell asleep.

She was terribly cute. I tucked her into bed and she stayed put comfortably for a good few hours. We checked in on her from time to time, and she was settled and content.

She is finally up, and she ate a few soda crackers really happily. Here’s hoping they stay on the inside!

Today marks the day of ONE YEAR since Brady came home from the hospital! I will absolutely never forget that day 💜

The chaos of finishing up his final therapies. The fight to get his wheelchair ordered properly. Getting him a better chair to come home in. The last minute push to apply for funding for the Batec. The rush to clean out his room so another patient could move in. The celebration with the therapists and nursing staff. The anticipation of home. So. Many. Feelings. It was a full morning, but we were so ready for what was to come. I even called the school and had the kids pulled out early to greet their dad at the door. The excitement was palpable.

The greetings were warm, and it wasn’t long before everyone settled in together 💜

I hadn’t realized how broken I felt until I was back with my husband again. There is a lot of truth to the coined phrase of having my “other half” home.

The celebrations and loving support did not end on this day. I wondered if they would, as time went on, but to this day, there are still people who check on us, offer to help us, and come with unsolicited helpful gifts. I still know with confidence that I could ask for help and someone would come. I have felt that I could probably reach out to just about anyone, and they would jump to help us. Part of me carries guilt with that, but more than that, I am overwhelmed with gratefulness for the community support we have seen. I very much anticipate the days when we can turn the tables and offer more help out to our community and friends.

The one year mark of Brady coming home stirs up SO many feelings. I feel like we’re a year out, yet we are also still in the thick of it. Chemo is still going. Brady’s mobility is still changing. We still need a new home, to figure out work and money, etc etc etc. The list really goes on.

But! At least we’re all together again. I do NOT care to relive that period apart. Absolutely not. Not everyone is so lucky to have their loved ones home with them, safe and sound. There is grief there, and some survivors guilt, for sure. We must not forget those who have lost.

We could not have survived any of this without God’s grace, and we give all our thanks to Him!

One year back together! May there be many, many more 💜

The school called me today, shortly after lunch, saying Rowan took a good fall on the way in from recess. They’re not quick to call just for any little thing, but I was told it was a really good fall and he needed to come home, or maybe go to a doctor. So I abandoned my crocheting and headed to the school.

When I arrived, I was met by Rowan and three other staff members who were caring for him. He was slumped down on a couch, and they were holding an ice pack on his head and chatting quietly with him. He had indeed fallen hard running on the sidewalk. He didn’t even have time to put his hands out. Full face to concrete. The staff caught me up on the happenings, and tipped me off that he had a few symptoms of a concussion. Dizziness. Headache. He said the ice pack didn’t feel cold. And he was really unsteady when he walked. So it was clear I needed to take him in.

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I drove in and called my doctors office at the same time. I knew our doctor wasn’t in today, but I was determined to see someone on staff there, so all the records were in the right place.

It took some convincing and a couple hours of waiting, but we got an appointment. While we waited, we listened to music, drank some frozen lemonade as per Rowan’s request, and he was doing noticeably better 💜

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He is SO beautiful! Goodness!

Finally he was called into a room where we met Dr. Matt.

He asked Rowan a lot of questions, and took down all kinds of information. He was leaning towards it really just being a bump, and I was definitely ok with that idea. It was all seeming that way until his final neural test. Maybe you know this one. The doctor held up his pen and asked Rowan to use one finger to touch the end of his nose, then the pen, then his nose, and back and forth while the doctor moved the pen around. Its not as easy as it sounds, and he was doing great. Then he switched hands and it was HARD. He bombed. The doctor noticed and mentioned that it might be harder with the other hand. Except that he did WAY worse with his left hand. At that point, he decided Rowan has a mild concussion. And that made sense.

Does anything change? Nah, not really. We’ll have to watch him and see how he’s feeling in the morning. He’s currently in his jammies, cuddled up on the couch with a stuffie that was warmed in the microwave, reading books. And by “reading” I mean he’s mostly looking at pictures, so I really couldn’t ask for him to be more settled and relaxed.

But, my friends, I am exhausted.

Tomorrow is another big one, but at least I know its coming! Today was unexpected but we got through it!

Onto the next!

I had three big things on my list today, so the day felt quite daunting going into it.

That being said, thing #1 was rescheduled. I was supposed to have a phone appointment with my doctor this morning but it needed to move, and thats just fine. I always love to talk to Dr. Guselle but I will do that again soon. Taking it off the list for today is completely fine.

Thing #2 is counselling! Yes, I’ve started seeing a counsellor and I am so happy about it. Believe it or not, this last year has been immensely challenging, and not only the things that I’ve shared publicly here. Our life is full, and there is a lot to unpack. I went for counselling for 1:00, Brady went for bloodwork in the meantime, and we made it home before the kids got home from school. Win!

Thing #3 is still to come. I have a vendor meeting in a nearby town to talk about their upcoming farmers market! I finally put in my application, but I’m pretty sure I’m invited to join regardless. At least I think so! Either way, tonight is a meeting for the vendors, so I’m going. I’ll admit, I feel pretty tired at this point, but I’m excited to go and see what its all about!

I began my most recent tartan yesterday, and got a good bite out of it! Once thats done, I can start building my stock for the market! Eek! I’m SO looking forward to that! Since I last listed, I added a couple of practical items as well as some super cute decor!

On top of all of these busy things, we have so much going on in our brains and hearts and bodies this week, and our band got booked for another gig at the end of the month. Its really wonderful to be able to make room for some more extra these days 💜 Especially when the things are positive, life-giving things! Thank you Lord.

Today is my day to do things I can relax with, as well as organize a handful of other things that need attention this week. Unfortunately, we’ve been hit with a couple of extra roadblocks this morning, and its not turning out to be an especially productive day. There is still time, however, and I did accomplish one big thing, and I have finally been able to get started on my next commissioned tartan project. I will be able to put in a couple of hours on that today, maybe more depending on how the family is feeling after nap time.

Its going to be less of a “doing things” day and more of a “sit tight and see how things go” day. And thats ok, I think. I will for sure have a VERY busy day tomorrow, so things will get done then! Then Brady has a busy day on Wednesday. And Thursday is not so much busy as it is BIG. And Friday, the kids are home to stay for the break!

Oh and did I mention there is snow on the ground? Oof.

We just have to make it through the week!