As you guys know, we have developed a pretty dark sense of humor over here since Brady’s became paralyzed. Not in a super sad way, but rather we are rolling (wheelchair joke!) with our newfound circumstances.

• 

• 

Its been an interesting learning curve as we are realizing what is and isn’t designed for wheelchair users.

Before I go much further, I want to clarify that I know that the range of disabilities is huge and to make everything accessible for everyone would be a GIGANTIC job!!! I don’t mean to say that everything should be perfect. It can’t be. We’ve just noticed some funny things along the way that us able bodied “uprights” wouldn’t even notice.

The very first one we ever noticed was in spring, when Brady and I could *gasp* go OUT together! And as the good, boring adults that we are, we hit up Walmart.

Foot pedal hand sanitizer. This is smart in terms of not touching things with germy hands, but its less effective for those whose feet don’t operate properly. Properate. Ha.

Oh and hey. In terms of not wanting to use your hands to touch things out in public, please don’t put the “door open” button with your feet. Consider that many people who that button was created for don’t have the luxury of using their feet, and have to use their hands. Use your elbow if you really need to. That goes for toilet flushers too. All that stuff. Think twice.

While on the subject of bathrooms, not all handicapped accessible bathrooms are actually accessible. We laugh in particular at the one on the main floor of City Hospital. To be fair, there is a perfectly accessible bathroom up by the rehab ward, and when Brady goes there for rehab, he can use that one. But the one on the main floor is awful. Brady is fortunate to be as mobile as he is, because he literally has to get up out of his wheelchair and leave it in the middle of the bathroom so he can get into the stall. A wheelchair cannot fit in the stall with the door closed. Believe it or not, not everyone in a wheelchair can stand up and carefully make his way around without it. Never mind the people who use catheters and such. Zero privacy for them.

Brady mentioned a new one to me today after he used a public washroom. I had never considered it! Think about when you wash your hands after you pee, and then you walk to the paper towel dispenser. What. If. You. Can’t. Walk. Then you have to roll there and your hands get all dirty and messy anyway! Gah!

Getting away from all the bathroom stuff now, consider curbs. In a mini mall, there is usually one ramped curb near a wheelchair parking spot. Sometimes its further, but sometimes its just right there. Today’s was my favorite.

We had a pretty good laugh and found a temporary aluminum one was in place nearby. Still, this was worth a giggle.

It costs SO MUCH to buy accessibility aids, and they’re often not even that strong :/

There is so much more to this, but this is all I have for you. Be reassured that we have laughed about every single one of these things, and most places have been incredibly accommodating thus far. We can still laugh…

because we may be more limited in some areas of our life now, but we also haven’t lost the most important things.

We continue to be overwhelmingly grateful for Brady’s life and the mobility he does have.

This isn’t over.

I’m sure you’ve noticed we’ve started another crowd funding event. I promise, this blog is to talk about other things, but just to address it all first, I want to thank you for taking the time to consider us. This all feels like an unreachable goal, yet we feel strongly about putting it out there and seeing what happens. We cannot see into the future, but the plans we have made thus far would make the house liveable for us literally forever. Barrier-free, widened doorways. Appropriate countertop heights. Main floor laundry. Appliances within reach. An accessible shower. Only ONE staircase leading to the basement, with a stair lift built in. An entryway and garage that are level with the main floor of the house. If I haven’t said it yet, yes, we need a bungalow, but we need an accessible bungalow. Not all bungalows were built for wheelchair users.

See me having a hard time switching focus? Thank you for your patience. We are eager, but we are perfectly aware that this is a HUGE ask. And still, we humbly ask.

Ok! The point of this all!

We’ve been spending the last couple of days in deep thought and planning surrounding the house, and I have been combatting anxiety the way I do most often – by crocheting! I can’t show you much, as I’m working on an order for a family member and I’m not sure what I can and cannot show publicly, but I can show you this beautiful texture! 😍

It has been so exciting to talk about possibilities and dreams while I create beautiful things with my hands. Crocheting just gives me life! I love it SO much, and while my brain is whirring constantly, I am working hard and its paying off. Its encouraging. Yet, with that, my room is a mess with projects I have on the go. I was going to post a picture of it but I lost the nerve, haha! Once this big order is filled, I’ll do a good solid tidy and then keep working on my other projects in the queue.

My brain is completely overloaded, but I am coping. Your warm comments and care help me feel sane and capable, so I thank you for those as we sit and wait

And wait

And wait

And wait

And wait

And wait.

We are becoming experts at waiting.

But everything is in God’s timing, not ours. And His way is the best way.

Cher here!

As some of you may have seen by now, there is a new gofundme up for the Borns. I just wanted to say: there is no pressure. This is a really huge deal and it’s been a long year for everyone. Please feel free to share it around. Brady makes less than half of their cost of living from CPP and he will lose disability if he is employed. That being said, the house they are living in is not ideal for a fulfilling life for Brady. Description below:

Earlier this year, Brady underwent surgery for a stage four cancerous tumor in his spinal cord, leaving his legs paralyzed. Now, in a wheelchair, as a lively young father of five with an incredible work ethic, Brady is challenged every day by physical household obstacles, limited independence, and a lack of accessibility aids.

After extensive research, phone calls, applications, and appointments, they have reached a dead end in their pursuit for building a forever home where Brady can age in. Hailey and Brady are unable to work around losing Bradys disability funding if he is employed. And since disability pays less than half of their cost of living, they have been advised to start a Gofundme for the next step.

It is important to Brady to be able to answer his front door, and access all parts of his home, so he can regain some independence. With three stair cases (as well as a long stair case to access the back yard from the deck), it is exceedingly difficult and time consuming for Brady to greet guests uppon arrival, or even grab something simple from his bedroom.

Building an accessible bungalow would improve the Borns’ quality of life as a whole, since Brady could participate frequently in normal, every day activities (like cooking, backyard activities, tucking kids in, and being able to come and go through his front door) without physical pain and exhaustion.

Hailey and Brady are overwhelmed with the amount of love, support, comfort, and prayers they have received this year. The level of help that was offered through meal trains, gifts of unmeasurable varieties, encouraging messages, and moral support left them astonished. Without you, this year would have been very difficult to say the least. God has taken such good care of his people.

On behalf of the Borns, Thank you for coming here and reading this. There is no pressure to donate. Please feel free to share this link where you see fit.

Bless you, and have a wonderful day.

https://gofund.me/257c2aa4

I’d love to know what kind of pictures you save as your “favorites.” Originally, when the idea of hearting a picture was new, I kept what I deemed as the best pictures of my kids. As you can imagine, that folder grew to be basically as big as my photo stream itself. I’m more selective now. While I’m not going to show you everything in my favorites folder, I’d love to recap what types of things I save there. And show you a little 😉

First, what I definitely won’t show you, is that I save information I need. Personal phone numbers added to business cards. Documents. Nothing actually big and problematic if someone happened across it, but stuff I wouldn’t just splash around online. I have pictures of the rental information at our lake spot. I have some crochet patterns that I’ve bought and taken screenshots of that I save there. I have the floorplans to the house we are dreaming of building. I even have a picture of our license plate on there for parking purposes at the hospital. (PS I wish paid parking lots had something like a punch card, where you could buy 30 full days of parking and the intake people would just punch a hole with every visit. Wouldn’t that be SO much better?)

I also save things that I think are funny. Bad jokes. Funny pictures. Humour. I’ll share my favorites 🙂

I’m trusting you guys already know how dry my humour is and won’t judge me for those…

I save some random pictures that are close to my heart.

The day Brady came home for an OT walk-thru that turned into a surprise home visit over suppertime

A winter walk with Cher

Those sandy feet, though! Our lake.

This picture reminds me that while so much has changed, so much is still the same. My heart loves this picture.

I save pictures of things I really want to crochet, whether I have a pattern for them or plan to just eyeball it. But I can’t show you those 😉 Obviously.

I save pictures of things I’ve already made that I’m either very proud of (ie blankets) or of things that I want to be able to kind of “advertise” that I make. Like cloths, scrubbies, potholders, etc.

And I have pictures that are waiting for future blog posts to share, so I will not spoil them on here.

I guess you could pretty safely say I use my favorites folder as my dreaming folder. Lots about crocheting. And blogging. And the house we can’t build. My heart aches to be able to accomplish so much. So much ambition, and not enough energy. 😅

What do you save in your favorites folder?

I won’t lie. Today has been pretty bomb. All credit goes to our dearly loved friends across the road. They shower our children with love always, but they have made a point this year to take the kids for a day on the weekend as often as they can 💜 Its a HUGE gift to us.

Today is one of those days. Rather than filling it with errands out of the house (which is not restful in the slightest) Brady, Cher, and I are all being productive in a different part of the house, hahaha! Don’t worry, we’ve got text chats going, so we’re basically all hanging out 😉

Brady is making insta content while he works on some projects in the garage. Have you seen how big his woodworking instagram has gotten?? Its SO cool! Tell your friends! @icantstand.woodworking

Cher is rocking a bunch of homework and studying. And it seems she is also eating a mars bar.

And I’m crocheting while watching some Atypical. I have completed some of the more nitpicky parts that I’m not able to do very well with people around me. Lots of counting. Some really tedious areas. Spreading out.

It has been such a restful day, and I am SO grateful for the gift of a kid-free time where we can all do things, feel productive, and accomplished, without distraction.

I hope you’re all having a relaxing Saturday 💜

We actually really enjoyed sharing what we’ve been dreaming of with you guys. It has been amazing helpful, encouraging, and exciting to be able to finally talk about it! You guys thought of a lot of things that we hadn’t, so we made a big long list and have been going through it thoroughly, weighing options and possibilities. It really feels amazing to have you all in our corner. Thank you for being here 💜

I won’t lie, though. On Monday, we got a real punch in the gut.

Brady called someone who specifically works in the vocational rehab program. It was in that call that it was officially confirmed that Brady going back to work would mean losing our disability benefit. Completely. Poof. Gone.

If Brady wanted to try to go back to work, he would have a two year window to decide it wasn’t working out, and he could pop back onto disability. But if he wants that option, he needs to go through the vocational work program that helps him get back into the work force. He would have to do that first. If he does not go through the program, he loses his disability payments altogether. And the wait to get into that program is about 18 months.

*sigh*

So. Brady going back to work means he loses his benefits. Therefore, if he goes back to work, he needs to get paid VERY WELL, IMMEDIATELY, because there would be NO assistance. Which is a BIG ask when his area of expertise – contracting – isn’t really within his grasp anymore. There would be no slow entry back to the workforce. Its all or nothing.

We trust God above all else. This feels completely impossible at this point, because whether we move or not, the disability payment is simply not enough. Its about half of what we need to live, whether we build or not. Conveniently, the house we had planned to build would very likely carry a smaller mortgage, and we could maybe get by there without a full time job on top of it all. But at this point, it seems impossible.

We have tons of calls in all over the place with lots of different people in hopes to find a solution. We are deeply searching for grants, bursaries, charities, etc. who might help us go further with this. If you know any establishments who might consider us, please let us know so we can add them to the list. We may need to write a really humbling letter soon and send it to a million organizations.

Everyone we have spoken to completely understands why the move is a necessity for our life, but they also see the bind we are in. It feels absolutely amazing to have SO MANY PEOPLE backing us. I know just about ALL of you want us to be able to move, and build an accessible bungalow in which all of us could live our life to the fullest. We could live in the house we have designed for the rest of our lives, regardless of mobility, deterioration, etc. It also feels just amazing to have so much support and suddenly SO little hope. How can we ALL be rooting for this when it looks like ALL of us are up against a wall?

We are praying for miracles. Please join us.

I completely missed the boat on showing off the kids costumes! I did remember, but clearly our life is incredibly busy and there were bigger, more important things to talk about. So I’m here now, lol! Better late than never.

Being that Halloween fell on a weekend this year, we had no idea when people would start going door to door. According to some town Facebook posts, it seemed people were planning to start a little earlier than usual so their kids could be tucked in at a reasonable time for school the next day. It all made sense. We had a super easy, snacky supper around 4pm.

Then everyone got ready! Keep in mind that we really don’t care a whole lot about Halloween over here, so we don’t go ham with costumes. We have an awesome garbage bags full of costumes and everyone picked one that day. No big pre-planning went on here.

So we have a skeleton, two tigers, a slice of pizza, and an unnamed princess. 💀🐯🍕🐯👸

We were out in the blistering cold before 5pm, and it became evident that our plan to cover our street on foot was just not going to happen. Everyone, including the adults, was miserable. It didn’t look terrible out but it was ridiculously cold! We made it to maybe three houses near us and it was clear that was all we could muster. To the van we went!

We covered the town in our usual way – with our pretty short list of our favorite people to visit. There are maybe 8-10 houses we always hit. And then alongside that, we can stop wherever else looks good. It was a little different this year, because Brady couldn’t join us as easily :/ But the kids are also a bit older this year, and it was a little bit earlier and lighter, so we let the kids run from the van on their own most at most of the houses, which was fun for them and nice for us.

The kids came home with a great haul of candy, and Brady and I didn’t do so bad either 😏 We even hauled in some Baileys chocolates. I’d call that a great success!

Best of all, we made it home basically right at bedtime!! And the kids were happily exhausted and ready for bed. It was SUCH a win!

Aaaaand then Brady couldn’t even eat any treats because chemo doesn’t let him eat after bedtime 🙄 Its ok. He’s making up for lost time now 😆

Yesterday closed off the first half of Brady’s year 🤮 of chemotherapy! I am SO relieved to be halfway done, and at the same time, in total disbelief that we have to do this amount of chemo again.

Above all, we are grateful to God for how well Brady has tolerated his treatments.

I asked Brady how he would describe his time on chemotherapy. He used the words ineffectual and annoying. Hahaha! Honestly, I see where he is coming from. I don’t want to seem indifferent, but I’d like to be blunt. Please hear my heart.

There is NO WAY to know if Brady’s chemo treatments are working. Our surgeon had told us with confidence that he felt he had gotten all of Brady’s tumour out. When it was tested as a grade two tumour, he stood behind that. Then someone in the states tested and said it was grade four. And apparently, if it is indeed grade four, there is no possible way anyone could have removed it all. So the chemo is treating the hypothetical cancer cells that could or could not still be disrupted. So. There is absolutely nothing to look look at. There is nothing that bloodwork will show in terms of cancer. The treatment could mess up his blood, but there is nothing in the blood to indicate how his “cancer” is. So in that way, the chemo treatments feel completely useless. But 🤷‍♀️ We’re in it!

For six months of chemo, there aren’t many side effects to show for it. I’ve mentioned them before, but to roll it all into one quick paragraph, I’ll recap. While Brady is actually taking his chemo pills, he has a lesser appetite than usual, and he is a little more tired than usual. No extreme fatigue or nausea, thankfully. He also says the pills taste super bad. They taste like metal. Since starting chemo, the longer term side effects he’s experienced are few, but notable. Brady has a sticky throat now, meaning certain foods have a hard time travelling down, and he has to drink water with every bite or two. From that, he gets heartburn a little bit more often. Lastly, and not unexpectedly, Bradys hair is thinning. Its really too bad, but its not falling out by the handful like many chemo patients experience. I think a short haircut is coming in his near future. But I think he’ll be so happy to have it short and easy for a while 🙂 And the curls will tighten up and hide the thinning a little bit.

We are beyond grateful that this is as “bad” as its gotten. God has not left us, and that is undeniable. I trust He will continue to cover us with peace, and also with His protection. Please continue to pray along with us as we jump into the second half of these treatments.

I have to say, friends, I had the most fun I have ever had at Value Village today. As you know, I don’t exactly have a slush fund these days, but after a bit of a rougher day yesterday, Cher asked if I’d like to go, just for fun, and maybe find a few things I really needed, or even some Christmas gifts. We got there this morning right as it was opening, and it was hoppin’! It was amazingly full for being there right at 10am! But we rolled with it and joined the thrifty fray.

The first thing I found was a big pan. Its basically a full sized cookie sheet but with taller sides. As our kids eat more and more (they only get cheaper as they age, right?) we are in need of bigger cookware, so I picked it up. I figured, if I was wrong and we didn’t actually end up using it, it would work beautifully as a pan for the BBQ at the lake. It was only $4!

Also in the kitchen stuff, I found four $2 items that will be really nice to have.

One of the items is a pointy noodle serving spoon. We only have one, and we’ve caught ourselves really wanting a second one in times where we fall behind on dishes. I found one from Twisted Goods that is an upside-down dinosaur head, and the teeth help hold the noodles. The kids will be STOKED. And its cheap, so I’m happy.

I also got a ladle, because at home we have a GIANT ladle, and then a gravy scoop, and nothing in between, which is what we most often need. So, win. Cheap.

I got a square cow that holds kraft singles so they don’t fly around the fridge the way they do now. Both tidy and hilarious and cheap.

And I bought myself a glass. Ok, I’m actually pretty sure its a small vase, but its bright and purple and floral and I love it, and I am in for any gimmick that might convince myself to drink water. Bring it on, purple cup!

I bought Brady a really nice plaid flannel shirt. See, we had plans this winter, of finally heating our garage, and Brady set up shop to do his woodworking in there. Unfortunately, as we talk about moving, we are thinking less and less about improving our current place. So in the meantime, the space heater pumps, and Brady dresses a little warmer. With that, I wanted him to have some nice shirts that could be work shirts but also still look like him. This one is beautiful, and I got it for $5.49.

Onto the really, really good stuff!

Christmas gifts!!! Thriftmas! I found really really cute pajama pants for three of the kids so far. I made a point to look solely for the things I think the kids would like, not necessarily what I would like. I found for Laela, Rowan, and Solomon.

I was super happy with these!! Every year, we try and get the kids all matching onesies, but its a pretty expensive endeavour, and frankly, they’re really annoying to figure out whose is whose in the laundry. So jammie pants it is!

I found a hammer for Dekker for Christmas. Don’t tell him!!! Its a little smaller than average, and its hulky and heavy. Brady is going to clean it up really nice for him, and I know he will be SO excited!!!

Last but absolutely not even close to least is a shower chair for Brady!!!!!

Now this might not seem like a big deal to you, but hear me out.

Since Brady has had his surgery, he has obviously become connected to Saskabilities in Saskatoon. This should surprise no one. Saskabilities works with people of many abilities, and “lends” them what they need to make life easier, or at least as far as public health goes. Fun fact. Public health does not supply grab bars. Bizarre, right?? Anyway, they provided Brady with a shower bench when he came home. It was gigantic. It was legitimately bigger than our bathtub. It also wasn’t tall enough to fit over the side of our super standard tub/shower combo. We actually had to have a stack of a couple 2x6s under one side for it to work. Which took up yet more space in our small main bathroom. It was pretty ridiculous. He finally got so frustrated with it, we moved it to the garage and he chose to shower on the floor of the tub. I could rant a whole bunch, but it was clear right away that Brady did not need a whole bench with the amount of strength and mobility he still has.

Except.

Public health supplies benches. But not chairs. Its a bench or its nothing. So we looked into buying a shower chair, and would you believe they are CRAZY EXPENSIVE?! THEY ARE!!!

Today, I found this shower chair at Value Village. We will obviously clean it, don’t worry, but it is in excellent shape and is exactly what we need.

It was $7.

At Home Depot, this exact shower chair is…

$80!!!! EIGHTY! DOLLARS!

It makes me feel like crying. People have no idea what its like to suddenly be faced with such a gigantic change, and how absurd so much of it is. The hoops they expect people (who can’t jump) to jump through is just incredible, and not in the good way. I don’t know who “they” is, and I’m not trying to make some big statement, but I wish the right people could see some of this. To grasp the excitement that came with finding this shower chair today. Such a “nothing” purchase. But it gives Brady comfort and freedom. He doesn’t have to see me struggle to find where to set it during the kids bath time, as it pours water its holding all over the floor.

A grown man should NOT have to sit in the bottom of his tub and hose himself off like a dog. Yet he does, happily, and humbly. But I want him to have more dignity than that. And hey, saving $73 doesn’t hurt!

That turned into a whole thing. Whew! I am SO happy with our shower chair! I am SO happy to have found FOUR Christmas presents! And I am SO happy I got to spend a morning out with Cher 💜 With no deadlines, no lofty goals, and nowhere else to be. It was a nice, light morning. Thank you, Lord, for today.

I had a phone appointment with my doctor last week to look at my medication and see what we can do next. If you don’t remember, I’m on a handful of different things to manage my shiny new off-the-wall anxiety, and we’re working towards getting my quality of life back with far less medication. I have no regrets, to be clear. I was desperate, and we treated symptoms as needed until I was ready to talk BIG changes. For the last month, we’ve been working on getting me off of some things, and onto another. The new med should cover ALL the bases, and be the only pill I need. Thats the hope, anyway.

In the last month, I was able to ween completely off my sleeping pill!!! This is a HUGE victory!! I have not taken it over the last week or two, and I am still sleeping comfortably. I have experienced some withdrawal along the way, and my doctor has warned me I might still have some side effects over over the next month. I’m not afraid 🙂 I am SO happy to be off that one. Thank you, Lord!

As previous discussed, the next thing was to go down on my antidepressant. Don’t worry, guys, I know I still need one. Just switching to the new one 😉 However, I was quite discouraged, and honestly, disappointed with myself, because during my call with my doctor, it became clear that she didn’t believe I was ready to go off of it yet. I listened to her reasoning, understood it for myself, and had my cry after the call. Now that I’m a little further from it, I can really grasp it, and it just makes me so much more thankful for my doctor.

Her reasoning began with me telling her that I still have heartburn attacks that come out of nowhere and hit hard. She didn’t like that very much, and asked me a bunch of questions about what I eat and drink, and when I do those things. It came to light very quickly that, as embarrassing as it sounds, I have to relearn food. Its like I’m a child, and I need a parent to make me eat properly and help me know what I need. Remember, I have lost a lot of weight and have struggled to keep food down all year. Now, with my new medication, my appetite is normal again, and I am actually hungry for meals! So I eat more, obviously, and now my body is feeling things that are normal for everyone, but new to me.

I shouldn’t wait 8 hrs between meals, surviving only on coffee. Eating after the kids go to bed is cool, but I have to eat in the middle there. 3:00 ish. That is a perfect explanation for why I’m suffering from large dips in my mood and energy in the evenings.

Also, I have started drinking significantly more coffee since Brady came home. He drinks more than me in general, so when he brews more, or pours himself more, I have more, too. And that, along with not eating or drinking properly, is really messing me up.

Blood sugar is important to know about.

Caffeine is important to know about.

The decisions I make today will affect me tomorrow. If I make poor food and drink choices today, I could very well have heartburn the next morning. That makes perfect sense.

With this all considered, though, Dr. Guselle doesn’t want me to change ALL my food habits while I’m trying to get off of an antidepressant. So that, unfortunately, is on hold. I was a little devastated, having not met the appropriate guidelines. I felt like I had failed.

But!! How AMAZING is it to have a family doctor who actually talks about diet as an important part of our health?! She was so loving to me, saying she didn’t want my body to have to suffer harder than it needed to at any given time. She knows I don’t have it in me to “power through” the way I want to. She said she knows coffee is more of a ritual for me than a desperate need for energy, and she really does not want to take that from us. “Does it still count as hanging out if you’re drinking decaf?” she asked. I thought that was really cute 🙂 And yes, it does still count!

So. This is what I’ve been working on.

In the morning, before the kids get up, Brady and I always have coffee in bed. Now, I have boost instead. I survived on boost while Brady was in the hospital, and I can tell you that there is a place for meal replacement drinks. Boost doesn’t taste funny or grainy, and is a really fitting thing to have in the morning. So, first thing, I have a meal replacement drink. Brady has a coffee, but I’m too drowsy to be offended, haha!

Then, I have something in me when I take my morning meds, and I have some energy to get the kids up and going.

Once they leave, we usually have another coffee together. So we still do that, but thats my first cup. I make a point to eat something with it. Toast, usually. Simple food, because I still don’t care too too much about food.

After lunch is nap time for the little ones. Thats usually when Brady and I have our lunch. So we eat, and drink water. Its after nap time that I usually would have more coffee. This coffee has become a “hit or miss” coffee, because I know its good to cut back, but I also really enjoy it! So usually after 3:00ish, I find something to drink that isn’t water. Maybe its a decaf something. Or chocolate milk. Or maybe nothing. If I’m feeling super draggy, I do allow myself another coffee. This would be my second cup of coffee of the day, if I have it. If we eat at a normal supper time with the kids, then I don’t have a snack with my coffee. If we’re going to eat later, I will make sure I eat something with my coffee. And not just something tiny like a cheese string. Maybe a granola bar, or a small serving of leftovers. But something that my body and brain can use to make it to the end of the day without completely frying.

And guys, its working 🙂 I’m still taking my heartburn medication as I was before, but I haven’t had an overpowering attack in a while. I had been back to taking my emergency nausea medication every morning for heartburn, and I haven’t had to since this change. So there is marked improvement.

I have hopes of being heartburn free someday in my future. Even this year. Maybe in this coming month. That is my ideal. But the pressure is off, because I know I’m being healthy and learning how to listen to my body. I didn’t for so long, I think it just stopped talking to me. Then when it started again, it yelled. But it had every right to want to be heard.

I’m with it now. Finally. Its been a long time coming, but I’m here. We just have to get my stomach acid listening to reason, as I’m finally giving it food to eat rather than my own insides. I know I’m late to the game, and I have to pay for my choices, but I hope the wrath of the burn is almost over so I can finally move forward.