I will admit that I felt really productive today. Not because I actually finished any projects or completed any big household tasks that were on my list. Whoops. Neglect. But I did ONE big thing!! And it felt good!

I got a couple of crochet orders out the door and into the mail! I felt like I succeeded, which was a win I ended up needing today.

There are still orders on the go that need to be done for Christmas. If you’re waiting for something from me, no, your order is not too much 💜I wouldn’t have said yes if I couldn’t swing it. I promise. Just to one side of me, I have two projects sitting on the bookshelf. One big one upstairs. That one is intimidating. And I have a couple that I currently still need yarn for, but will work up fast once I have it. Next time I’m in the city, I’ll have everything I need!

I feel quite shaky and anxious today, so I’m deeply anticipating an evening spent in bed, tucked in with a heating pad, crocheting, with Netflix on in the background. It helps my brain feel at peace, and my hands not to shake. My feet have been ice cold all day, so the heating pad will help. I’m going to be sooooo cozy.

I hope you all have a comfy evening, just like me.

I am really anticipating today. Today will be productive and enjoyable. I already know this, and its not even 9am. Soon, Cher will be here. She, Brady, and I will have toast and coffee. And then we will get to our stuff.

My plan is to crochet somewhere comfy, and get things done! I am SO looking forward to this! We will watch tv, or movies, or listen to music, or just chat. But we will be restful while productive. Low pressure productive 🙂

My plan is to crochet somewhere comfy, and get things done! I have two blankets in the works for different people, and while they’re very important projects, they haven’t been at the top of the list, as I’ve had bigger fish to fry. But today is blanket day! At least so far, thats the plan. I make no promises, haha!

In between crocheting, to take breaks, I’m going to start making possibly the largest Christmas card list of all times! If I can send a card to everyone who has supported us in any this year, I will! If you don’t think you’re on the list but you’d like to be, please be in touch. We have lots coming, and the proofs look amazing!! I had the pleasure of seeing the design yesterday, and I can’t wait!!

And throughout the whole day of play, we have Wavy and Solly home. They usually opt to be out in the garage with Brady, but if not, they’ll be in the house with Cher and I. Its been fun, though. They occupy each other beautifully, and play SO nicely together. Just this morning, Solly was stringing buttons onto string to make Wavy necklaces, and Wavy has been interpretive dancing in the living room with our throw pillows. Its been cute already, and it will only get cuter!

I’m grateful for the day, however it turns out 💜 But its definitely looking good so far!

There are seasons of blogging where I don’t feel like I have a lot I can share. Usually it means I’m keeping a secret. Like, a pregnancy. Thats when I feel it the most. Those first weeks of pregnancy are miserable for finding anything else to talk about! This time around, I do not have some awesome epic secret. No pregnancy. Not because I don’t want one, because we’re advised suuuuuper against pregnancy while Brady is doing chemo, obviously. I can tell you why my head is so full, but unfortunately, nothing too exciting.

Man I am really selling todays post, hey?

The simpler part of me not having much to talk about is the fact that I’m crocheting up a storm but its aaaaall Christmas gifts, and I can’t really share them publicly! I know one of the lovely people who has ordered from me has said I’m free to share, and maybe I will down the road. She ordered a whole stack of stuff, and it has felt like an awesome goal working it all out! Like that one, I’ve completed a couple of orders that I’ve truly enjoyed, and its been fun to be commissioned to make beautiful things 💜Its an honour to be asked. So, understandably, I can’t really share too much on this home front, and its been keeping me pretty busy.

On the flip side, we’ve been doing a LOT of house stuff over here. Its not a secret that we deeply desire to move. Not far, as we LOVE our home, and our neighbours. We are NOT eager to leave our people, but we do need a different house. There is no modification that we could make here to make it user friendly for Brady long term. And the longer we wait to move, the further away our tax years of income will be behind us. So we’ve been continually searching for ways to make it happen. For a minute there, we thought we had found a way. We had everything in order, but then things hit a snag and we’re back at square one again. Getting this mortgage is just seemingly impossible. I’ll admit, I had hoped to approach businesses to possible grant us donations or something along those lines, but with our gofundme not being tax deductible, it seems like less of a possibility. The door has not closed, but its leaned in that direction. *in a cheesy announcer voice* We are still accepting any or all ideas and suggestions on how to move forward on these things 😆When we thought we had a workable idea nailed down, I abandoned some of the other directions, but I think I may need to buckle down and write a letter to a few places. All of this said, while nothing big has happened, we’ve been teetering on the precipice of whether or not our build will come to be, and its been hard to share where we’re at when we don’t even know.

There you have it. Lots to share, and lots that I can’t, and lots that I don’t even know. You have my heart now.

We’re only just opened the door to winter weather this season, but it has me up in arms. Change is hard, and I’m here for it, but as I’ve said before, I’m very nervous for winter.

After our first big dump of snow, we realized we hadn’t taken the mat off of our trampoline. We figured we’d wait it out, as the first snow of the season almost never stays. But if you’re from here, you know. It stayed. Once we had come to terms with that, we had to get to it and get the job done.

Brady was pretty insistent that he would do it. He said it would be really hard, especially with everything being frozen already. I was pretty insistent that I would do it. Getting out to the backyard would be well over half the battle. These days, I almost always win that argument. But he was determined. Quick recap.

A person either needs to go down the stairs to the entrance, down the few stairs into the basement, out the back man door, and walk across our yard to get to the trampoline, or they could go out the back door onto the deck, and go down the tall set of composite stairs. Add to this icy conditions and the inability to feel your legs. And, what the heck, add some crazy heavy winter boots to it. Sounds good, right?

If this is not determination, I don’t know what is. 🥺💜

We made a deal. He had his phone on him, and if at any point, it felt a little treacherous, he would call me. Even if it meant I’d just walk alongside him, I’d be there to help support him.

I did not receive a call. He was fine. Capable. He was happy to be outside. And I was relieved. Relieved that he could be outside in winter. And relieved that he didn’t fall.

Once some of this crazy weather has wrapped up, I’m eager to go for a walk as a family. Brady has good “winter tires” for his chair, and his Batec attachment has the same, so I’m hopeful we could actually make our way around all together. But, for now, this worked 💜 I am so proud of Brady and his determination.

This morning, before it got crazy out, I went with Cher to pick her dog up from the vet. The drive there was completely fine, and just started raining/snowing as we arrived at the office. Once we had pup in hand, we were back on the road!

It was a lot more slick on the drive home already, but we made it safe. I made friends with Cher’s dogs while she printed something off for Brady, and then she took me back home.

I had bundled up good and proper for our drive, so I had long johns on under my jeans, with tall socks. Once I settled in at home, it was clear I was far too dressed, so naturally, being that I was completely kid-free, I took my pants off.

Which took effort!! I finally got out of my pants that I lay in bed in long johns, not willing to put more effort into actually getting comfortable in reasonable clothing.

The afternoon passed quickly, as an adults downtime often does, and suddenly, it was 3pm and I had to go pick the kids up. No way were they walking home today! I figured I could start the van and come back in and wait, or I could start it, drive there, and let it warm up there. I grabbed some crocheting and, in full denial of winter, I abandoned the idea of a coat and ran outside without one.

I also neglected to wear pants.

So thats how I come to be at pick-up in long underwear in the middle of a blizzard.

This was probably not my most responsible choice, but it gave the kids and I had a good laugh while I drove them home. Our kids always walk with a little boy who lives nearby, so we grabbed him on the way too, and he laughed and laughed, and we agreed that it was good I didn’t have to actually exit the van at any point. He liked that I called them “underwear pants.”

At least they’re cute, right??

The real question – Does this constitute fully giving up? Or denial? Or defiance? Or stupidity? Or success?

Probably a healthy mix of all of the above. I’ll take it.

I think I’ve mentioned it before, but I have been working to make the kids toques for this winter. You may have seen a couple of them already, but here they all are, in one place 🙂 Now that they’re finally all done, I’m ready to show you.

They began back in summer. I made Dekker’s toque in August. His is the most plain. Bulky grey, very soft, with ear flaps, as per his request. He really likes it, and it does the job!

Laela’s is next. Hers was finished pretty recently. This is the third toque in a row that she has requested to be a cupcake. I went a little less obvious with this one, but she still buys it as a cupcake toque. If she ever just wanted it to be a toque toque, I would lose the cherry and add a pompom. Boom.

Rowan asked for a fox, yet again. I can’t find a picture of him wearing it where it doesn’t look completely wonky, so you’ll have to take my word for it. It is the cutest fox toque pattern I’ve ever seen. The nose dips down so nicely to keep his forehead extra warm, and it dips down by the ears, also. Its a total win.

Solly’s toque is the last one I finished, actually. He couldn’t nail down what he wanted, and I wanted him to choose because he is oddly specific about what he wears, and if he didn’t like his toque, I knew it would be a battle to get him to wear it. We settled on bananas, and I have no regrets! His toque is definitely bananas!

And I know I’ve showed you Wavy’s before. Strawberries. Its a little big, but she can wear a ponytail in there if she wants, and all is well. She likes it, and I like it, so all works out!

There you have it! Toques for all! I have made a couple others this season, too, but I’ll show you them at a later date 🙂 For today, these are all cute enough!

I love soup. I have always loved soup. So a pro of the colder weather is that its easier to justify soup more often. As things are pretty extra simple these days, we’ve been rolling with easy food, and that means we have grilled cheese and soup pretty often. Grilled cheese for all of us looks like this.

Twelve sandwiches usually does it. And then three tins of soup. We could probably do four. It seems like every time we have this, the kids want more soup. It used to be that only a couple of them would want soup, or they’d only want to dip in it but not actually eat it with a spoon. Now, we could pretty easily make more. Lately, we’ve actually been making more mushroom than tomato, which I never thought would happen! I’ve always preferred mushroom, but I’ve always been the only one. Now, I have a couple of kids on my side.

AND BRADY! Guys, this is actually huge. Brady is not a fan of mushrooms, though he is an adult and will eat them. But tomato soup was always his preference. However, when Brady lived at the hospital, he obviously ate different food, and now finds tomato soup too strong and too sweet. And he actually enjoys mushroom soup!! I love that!

Not too shabby, I’d say. Maybe you’d call this a cheater meal, because its easy and at least in this picture, there are no veggies to be seen. But take my word for it when I say easy food is a life saver, and everyone is full and warm and comfy after.

Thank you Lord for easy food that we can all agree on!

We dug out the winter gear for the kids the other day. Absolutely everyone has stuff that fits! The kids, that is. A winter jacket for Brady is going to be a whole thing to figure out now. Everything rides up funny in a wheelchair, and Brady won’t necessarily know if he’s cold, so we need something pretty specific. We’ll get there. But for the moment, the kids are set! Everyone has boots, a good warm jacket, snow pants that fit, a good stack of mini gloves, plus a good warm pair of mitts, and a new toque, c/o ME! I just realized I might not have showed you those yet! I’ll take pictures one of these days.

Aaaaanyway, I had to laugh the other day after a full afternoon of playing outside.

Our entrance, that used to feel like it was a fair size, is incredibly small nowadays. All of the kids’ fall stuff is still in the closet, because it literally just got snowy. Plus their winter gear. Plus Bradys and my shoes and boots and such. Plus whatever junk builds up. And now we have our mitt dryer over our one little vent in the entrance, by its little wall space between two doors, and that thing has been STACKED with boots like this.

No mitts though 🤣

Now add to that a wheelchair when Brady is trying to get somewhere.

And then try and turn around in that wheelchair.

Our next house will have a mud room. Mark my words. And it will have one of those big beefy boot dryer things, because there will be room for it.

Aaaaanyway, this is where we’re at. Everything is always wet, and in a pile, and being pushed around because there just isn’t space, so its all dirty.

And we’re, what, three days into the snow?

Don’t mind me. Just a newbie over here, feeling a tad pessimistic, trying to cover up all my worry and uncertainty.

If you can’t find me, I’m hiding inside, under a blanket, wearing two pairs of pants, planning out my Christmas cards 😍Are yoooooou on my list?

This morning, Brady headed out super early to get the winter tires put on the van. I will admit that I have substantial apprehension with him doing his first day out in winter conditions without me. I know he is capable, and I know I’m not his saving grace, but for the first experience, I just wish I was with him.

He said goodbye to me before he left, even though I was mostly asleep. He used to do this every day before work. I’d sometimes sleep through it completely, but usually I lulled a little and could feel loved a little bit extra before my day even began. Him coming and saying goodbye to me this morning left me feeling all warm and fuzzy. Very loved. Very nostalgic.

Once he had gone, I rolled over towards the centre of our bed, and I sprawled and stretched like a cat. And I didn’t bump into anyone. Because Brady’s side of the bed was empty.

And woosh! I was back to when he lived at the hospital. SO fast that happened. I have not jumped up in bed and flipped on a light so fast in a long long time. I hated remembering that time so vividly. I hated feeling how it felt. I hated how my body felt torn between comfort and dreadful loneliness. I had gone from such comfort to such sorrow in a split second, and I hated it.

So this brief stretch of day has already been quite the shakedown, but I will come through it. And so will Brady. He will make it home safe, and then we’ll have winter tires and I can worry even less!

God knows what we need.

Ok. So. It happened. It snowed. I’m not ready.

I know, its November. Everyone I’ve griped about it to has reminded me. Of course it snowed. I get it.

You guys who have followed for a while know I’m not winter’s biggest fan. I am usually cold, and when I get cold, I stay cold usually for the rest of the day. I don’t like the wet socks that come with winter. I don’t like my hair getting caught in zippers and velcro. I don’t like having foggy glasses. I don’t like driving on ice. I don’t like when the wind is so strong that it feels like I’m being stabbed between the eyes.

I am truly blessed to have spent the first ten years of my life as a parent with a man who LOVES winter. Brady lives for winter. He was our snow shoveller, winter driver, snowman roller, hill maker, kid tosser, sled puller, snowboarder, fun haver, winter man.

And now,

I have to be winter man.

And that thought alone scares me. It has snowed all of once this season and already, I anticipate great failure on my part.

This morning, my kids stood in front of the window as Tom dutifully, happily, made his way over to us, and shovelled off our ramp and sidewalk. I went out momentarily to start the van so I could drive Dekker to a friends for the morning, and Tom requested the snow brush so he could scrape the ice from our tall van windows. Instead of feeling guilty, I’m trying to choose to be grateful. We have been so well supported over this last year, and many others, but most evidently in the last stretch of change in our lives. People always say it takes a village to raise children, but my village didn’t leave once the kids seemed “good.” They stuck it out, and they continue to help as we learn about our new life circumstances.

Winter is going to be very new territory around here. Please be gracious with me. Its hard to be vulnerable and honest about these things. I fear judgement from others, and I fear hurting Brady’s feelings. But I want to also address how my heart feels. And right now, it is preemptively worried for the months ahead.

We don’t know how to do winter with a wheelchair. I don’t know how to do winter while being an excellent mom.

Please carry us in prayer.