Cher here!

I’m not trying to make anyone uncomfortable, but for those of you who don’t have a father – either because he has passed or he is not an active part of your life – we can relate that this time of year we sort of start massaging old wounds.

Without getting too much into detail, my “father” has struggled with substance abuse and narcissism my whole life, so I don’t relate to having lost a parent to an illness or accident. 

In this life I have learned that we don’t get to have everything we want or need, and that is actually a blessing. Without loss, hurt, or voids, we would all be cookie-cutter people with no depth or strengths to nurture. We wouldn’t have the opportunity to be perfectly unique. And that’s what every single one of us are; perfectly and completely different from everyone else. 

When I scroll Facebook and I see people with their amazing dad’s I remember my mom who did absolutely everything a dad could do. I remember Jesus who looks out for me, stands up for me, and protects me. I also scroll right on past and don’t spend much time thinking about it because it still does sting. 

Who wouldn’t want a dad on father’s day? The.. DAY! The day that we spend giving gifts, spending time, eating good food… writing sappy internet posts with beautiful pictures.

I just wanted to say, here I am. I can relate to you. You are definitely NOT alone. I, too, wish I had a Father on Father’s day. Hello, friend! We are a group of people who do such a good job pretending. 

I think there are many people out there who have absent Fathers who they feel like they are forced to celebrate. I acknowledge you too! I understand that there are so many ways to feel like you don’t have a Father, and not just because they are not physically near you. You are also acknowledged! 

Maybe you feel sad for your kids who don’t have a Father and you do! I acknowledge you too! There are SO MANY reasons why this weekend will make you feel kinda yucky. Maybe a little grumpy. Maybe you’ll buy a little extra ice cream, and that’s okay. You deserve it, right? I think you do. 

I started out writing this post for myself mostly, but then I started to realize that weekends like this can really conjure up a lot of self-loathing for many people in many different walks of life, and I guess I just wanted to encourage you because I also need it. 

We are not less because we have less. 

We are not defined by our losses.

We can do tough things.

We can turn pain into inspiration by staying transparent about how we feel.

By not shedding our bitterness, but transforming it into encouragement.

And if you don’t have a Father on Father’s Day, you are still worth the love you have not received from him. Just know that.

There was a noticeable shift when Brady came home from the hospital. Hailey’s body language went from uncertain and helpless to hopeful and relieved. It was probably a honeymoon phase of his return because there has been noticeable ups and downs since the cancer treatments have began. One thing about Hailey is that she is SO polite and sweet and loving that you would never know that visiting or asking for things or even giving her information can overwhelm her. There have been times where she has had visits and seemed totally chipper the entire time, followed by a crash because she just spent all the mental energy she had. Those visits can even be small ten minute ones, too.

Being Hailey’s best friend during this time has been a learning curve for us both. We still do see each other a lot because there are many appointments and things that need to get done daily and weekly, but we usually just have a coffee together and that’s our visit. The rest of the day is communication about household tasks, appointments, medications, and spending time with the kids. Nap times are a very sacred time for Hailey and Brady to intentionally wind down so they are refreshed for the rest of the day. Evenings are the same way, so they can be well rested for the morning the next day.

I have learned that these breaks have truly helped with Hailey’s emotional and mental management, as well as all the crocheting she gets done when she is able to sit down and think about nothing stressful. I never understood how important it was to keep visiting to a minimum during these times until I saw how much more capable she feels when she gets to be still. She is such a sweet, polite, loveable human being that never wants anyone to feel pushed away, disregarded, or ignored, so it is easy to take advantage of her time sometimes, when she really needs rest and quiet. We have learned a good pattern with that though, and sometimes you can’t avoid life stuff, but in the end, I think it’s really good to stay alert about her needs, even when she seems like she can take on the world. That’s just who she is. She is a beautiful soul.

Hailey has mourned her capacity many times because she gets anxiety attacks and physical symptoms when she does too much, even today. There have been weeks where some of those things are almost non-existent, but they still make an appearance, leaving her feeling completely bummed.

I will never know what it’s like to be told that my husband is dying from stage 4 cancer and not be able to be with him when I receive that information. I will never know what Hailey experienced in her heart during those months when Brady was in the hospital, or even how she feels today with his limited mobility and cancer treatments. But it was the help of her precious mom, Jeanne who really helped me understand what capacity truly meant. She was Hailey’s voice when Hailey didn’t have one. And I think it’s really important to highlight that because sometimes we DO need someone to speak up for us when we feel weak. That can be such a saving grace. It’s absolutely necessary to stay actively aware of the needs of others during a crisis even if that means we don’t get the time we want, or the attention we think we need. It’s about them right now. And even though sometimes it LOOKS like they’re absolutely fine, they are still healing from things we have no clue about.

Thank you, Jeanne, for all your amazing understanding during this tough time. Thank you for being such a wonderful woman, mother, grandmother, friend. Thank you for sticking up for your daughter in ways no one else could, and for recognizing her needs when she couldn’t. The world needs more people like you.

I fear that today’s post will do zero justice to the man who is the father of my children. But I will try. Words cannot express.

Brady has worked HARD since we had children to be a different kind of dad. One who is involved. Hands on. Emotionally connected and invested. Loving and gentle. Authoritative and safe. A father who makes no stereotypical comments of what “men don’t do.” He has diapered, fed, bathed, tucked in, and parented exactly the same amount as I do. He loves his boys and girls the same. There is no favouritism, and there are no excuses.

Then, February happened, and Brady was gone for more than two months. He came home paralyzed in the midst of cancer treatment that was kicking his butt.

And guess what. There were still no excuses.

Of course he wasn’t expected to do all the same things, and we had a TON of help. We still do. But his character did not. He is still the same man. Involved. Hands on. Emotionally invested. Loving. Gentle. Authoritative. Safe.

Roles have changed, of course, and there is a post about that to come, but Brady’s role as his children’s father has NOT. His wheelchair and spinal cord injury have not taken anything away in terms of his fatherhood.

Or, for that matter, in terms of his role as my husband. He is exactly the same man, if not stronger!!! I would confidently say our family is more tight knit than its ever been, and our marriage is thriving. We are healthy in the ways that are most important, and for that, I am SO grateful. Things would not be so smooth if not for God’s grace, and Brady’s willingness to accept the situation he’s in and roll (ha!) with it. His determination has always been one of his most stand-out qualities, but its really showing itself in a brighter light now, as if that is possible.

All glory to God! Thank you for this beautiful man you’ve placed in our lives. I couldn’t have asked for a better father for my children.

☝️

Brady is on day 7 of his 28 day cycle. Ha! That sounds like I’m talking about his period. I’m not. I’m talking about chemotherapy. If you missed the post about the details of his treatment plan, I wrote it all out here.

This won’t be an especially long post, but that is actually a really good thing.

He took his first dose on Friday, before bed, at the lake. By the light of a solar pineapple.

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We’ve been instructed that no one but him should really even touch the pills, because they’re dangerous chemicals. So thats a fun thing to think about as he’s swallowing them. I went to the kitchen and stood with him as he cracked everything out onto a kleenex. We prayed together, and then he took his first dose. Boom. There you have it. 320 mgs of temozolomide.

We were prepared for the worst. Brought lots of nausea medication. Gatorade. Ginger ale.

Brady suffered ZERO side effects from his chemotherapy treatment! PRAISE GOD!!!!! 😭

He took his five doses over five days, and there was no “hit.” That doesn’t mean there won’t be one. We are not completely blind to the possibilities. Everyone has a different experience. But many say the treatment days are the worst for pain, sickness, and discomfort, and they were completely manageable. Nothing changed. It was amazing.

There are more treatments to come. At least five more. Up to twelve altogether. That part is still uncertain. But we ask that you continue to carry us in prayer. We are still swirling in uncertainty, but are grateful for the smooth sailing thus far. We trust God has a plan, and is carrying it out in the way He sees fit. We are here, and we are His.

Goodnight, guys. Did you LOVE the storm yesterday?? I know not everyone is up for storms, but I love them. I have for a very, very long time. I don’t particularly love a good tornado warning, but I love rain and the kind of weather you just want to sit at your window and watch! We had some of that yesterday.

While the kids read in the living room before bed, Brady, Cher, and I went outside on the deck and watched the clouds. They were INCREDIBLE!!!

But seriously, they just got better and better. I don’t know if I’ve ever seen clouds like these. They were magnificent!

My favorite picture I took…

Isn’t it bananas??? 😍 The three of us were just dazzled. We didn’t want to go inside, even as the wind tried to push us off the deck or knock our phones out of our hands.

We love storms. I am SO grateful Brady didn’t miss any big ones while we were apart. Thank you, Cher, for documenting our celebration! Hahaha!

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It was a good day yesterday. A good storm. I hope there are many more.

Do you remember way back when I laughed at the fact that Brady’s phone was trying to count his steps, and was gently chastising his lack of walking? We laugh at stuff like that ALL the time. But today, one of his sponsored ads on Facebook really took the cake!

A standing desk. Because clearly, that makes great sense for someone in his position. I’m not sure what tipped the internet off to offer Brady this item, but at the very least, we got a good giggle out of it. And I hope you did too.

And if you didn’t, I’m sorry, because that is truly all I have for you today…

We took the kids to the camper this weekend! It was finally time! We packed the best we could while they were at school on Friday, and Cher sent us off around 4:00.

The seven of us, plus my mom, drove the stretch to the lake and ate Mississippi Chicken on a bun upon arriving. YUM!

It was a busy evening, getting everyone settled in, but they were excited to sleep in bunks again and to be free to run and play a lot further than they do here at home.

We had Costco muffins for breakfast, which may be cheating, but is SO well received and I have zero regrets about!

We spent the morning doing some jobs around the site. I levelled some of the dirt we had dug out last weekend for the deck, and Brady fixed the plumbing that wasn’t quite right. We were both pretty wiped, but Brady looked fly.

My mom provided super yummy lunches both days. My FAVORITE kind of lunch – fruit, crackers, cheese, meat, etc.

The kids had some quiet time, and so did the rest of us.

We sat on the deck, sunbathed, scrolled, and sipped. I made a lake version of myself on Voila.

It had rained pretty hard the day before, but it was all dried out enough to have a fire later in the day!! It was SO nice!! Brady can still chop wood! Heyo!!! Just not on a chopping block, lol! (definitely wrote “chopping blog” first, haha!)

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Once the fire was going strong, Brady got the BBQ fired up, and we had burgers and hot dogs for supper. And veggies. And chips. It was so delicious.

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The golf cart was a HUGE hit! Solly worked his muscles…

But it was MOST fun was fitting EVERYONE getting to ride TOGETHER! (Trust me when I say Rowan was actually SUPE enjoying himself! He just grumped for the picture. Because why not.)

I LOVE this picture! I wish Rowan was happy in it, but 🤷‍♀️c’est la vie.

The kids ran around the beach and raced up and down the dock, and Brady and I opted for laziness and rest, haha!!

The next morning, we decided to thrill everyone’s hearts, and we made a morning fire and had s’mores for breakfast!! The kids were STOKED.

Everyone was pretty stinking cute, if you ask me.

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The big highlight for the kids after breakfast was a gross caterpillar, hahaha! They were oddly attached to it, but let it go on their own eventually, thank goodness.

My mom walked the kids to the beach to play while Brady and I did a few things in the afternoon. I continued shovelling, and Brady fixed an exterior outlet that quit working when we moved the camper here.

Aaaaand now it works! So we can plug our golf cart in to charge without having to have the door slightly ajar and an extension cord running underfoot.

I will be honest – it was a tough first weekend with the kids. They were SO excited and therefore SO overstimulated and my goodness, it was pretty hard. Nights were really difficult, and that made daytime attitudes that much more challenging. It was new. So it was hard.

Next weekend WILL be better! We’ll be back!

It seems that a LOT of people are stoked about an app that animates people’s faces in all kinds of different ways. I saw many different versions online, and I was intrigued! So I tried it! Aaaaand I tried it for my whole family! I hope you enjoy!!

Personally, I think these are the cutest things!! Definitely an enjoyable way to waste a little time, if you’ve got some to spare.

You probably remember that time we had to shave Waverly’s head. If you don’t remember, you probably have noticed she has oddly shorter hair than one might think we’d keep on our children. I LOVE our long haired kids, but clearly I LOVE the short haired ones, too. When Wavy’s hair started to fall out after a particularly vicious rash/illness last summer, she began to eat it. Nope nope nope. We shaved it off fairly quickly one realizing the damage that could cause. It was hard, but necessary. 

We shaved it a few times for a few appointments, but then we let it grow. Because it would still be a good while before it was actually long enough for her to pull it again, and she would likely lose the habit before then. 

So far so good! 

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Wavy has reached an adorable state of “shaggy dog” and I love it so much. She’s bleaching out good and proper in the sun, and she just looks like summer with her little overgrown pixie cut!

I had been in touch with my hair girl around the time I shaved Wavy, and she said she could help me when the time came, and we could trim Wavy’s hair up nicely so she’d look a little cleaned up and feminine. I completely expected to take her up on this offer. 

Until…

She grew a ringlet in the back!!! 

It may look rat taily for the moment, but you better believe its staying!! I choose to believe it will soon be surrounded by many other curly friends! 

I do hope my curly girly comes back! 

Well, friends, we have news. It won’t be all too shocking, as we knew what was coming in Brady’s treatment. But suddenly its RIGHT around the corner. 

Brady’s first round of chemotherapy starts today. 

Barf. 

For those who would like details, Brady is taking Temozolomide. Also called Temodar, it is a common chemotherapy treatment used in the treatment of many brain tumours. Brady’s particular tumour ONLY grows in the brain or spinal cord, but aaaaalmost NEVER in the spinal cord. Its “better” but its lesser known. This chemo treatment is the most logical bet, and it is also considered to be a mild chemo. It will go in 28 day cycles. In his case, Brady will take these four pills (to get the dosage just right) before bed for five days consecutively. He already has nausea medication on hand and more on file. Once days 1-5 are done, he has no pills or treatment from days 6-28. Right at the end of the cycle, he will go for bloodwork and make sure things are going smoothly in terms of white blood cells, and then onto the next cycle. He will do anywhere from six to twelve cycles. It just depends on how it goes. We don’t know. So we’re just starting.

He will NOT be at the hospital for his treatments. He will NOT have a port. He will NOT be restricted in many ways that many other cancer sufferers are. We have no idea how sick he will or won’t get, but we are hoping to waste as much of these chemo months at the lake, where time doesn’t matter, we have no expectations or deadlines, and we can be restful. God protect us.

I share this with you in an effort to ask for your continued support, prayers, and care. Uncertainty is mentally, emotionally, and physically exhausting, and we have a LOT of it. Conveniently, we’re told chemo is also exhausting in all the same ways. So we’re entering this next stage of our lives uncertain, apprehensive, and relying FULLY on God. 

To be clear, I do NOT share this because I want to hear any negative stories. Encouragement is welcome, but please don’t shower us with the stories of bad outcomes. Trust me, we’ve done our research and are not going into this blindly. We are aware of the risks. We are also aware of the risks of not doing chemo, so we’ve prayerfully chosen this route and are trusting God to protect Brady. 

Excuse us as we take the weekend away with our family, and navigate these first few days. We have no idea what they hold. But God does, thankfully. So we plod on.