This morning was very hard. Somewhat needlessly. But hard nonetheless. There is good and bad. I’ll tell you about it.

Yesterday, I scheduled to come visit Brady at 10:30. It was a very intentional plan because he had physical therapy at 10:45, and then I usually kicked around while he ate lunch. In the afternoon, he would be moved to City Hospital. Boom. Day planned! With some room for change, obviously, because we always have to leave room for that.

Around 9:30am, I was getting my stuff together to head to the hospital, giving myself lots of time to get hopelessly lost in the parkade again, when I missed a call from the hospital. I tried to call back but it wouldn’t go through. And then a voicemail popped up. It was very garbled and cut in and out, but my ears through they heard “transfer at 10:30.” So I panicked, and completely bailed. I got into the car and threw my phone in the cupholder, speaker up. I called Brady and we both kind of panicked. He let me know shortly after that it was in fact confirmed. The nurse said to him that had been the plan all along. Which was just maddening, because I had discussed this day WITH the nurses on the ward. It clearly was not in the plan all along.

I told Brady I would do my best to get there as fast as I could so I could at least walk down with them. And he told me they had specifically said no to that request. They insisted it would be best if I waited and met them at the old entrance and just said goodbye when they left with him. He pressed and asked why, but he couldn’t get more than “it’ll be best.”

Of course, I couldn’t get parking at the old entrance, so I parked in the parkade, ran through the hospital to the old entrance, and sat to wait.

And he just sat and waited in his room.

He was behind in pain meds, and they said they’d “try” and get them to him. Also, it was all SO last minute, he didn’t even have a chance to go to the bathroom first. It was all SO rushed and SO uninformed. SO frustrating.

Then he texted that he was coming!

Aaaaand then he texted that apparently no one had done any of the paperwork he needed to be transferred. So he wasn’t actually coming yet.

But then he was coming again. A friendly man was pushing his chair and they were visiting. He greeted me as he passed Brady off to the guy whose job it was to load him into the medi-van. He looked at me so warmly and asked if I was coming with, as though that would’ve been totally ok, but we had no idea. I teared up on the spot said I wasn’t, but I was just there to say goodbye to my husband. He right away stopped pushing Brady’s chair and stepped to the other side of the hall, telling us to take all the time we needed, that he was in absolutely no rush.

So I cried and hugged Brady, and told him we all missed him terribly. I gave him a kiss, and then it was time to go.

I sputtered all the way back to the main area of the hospital, and drowned my sorrows in the same coffee I’ve been drinking every day since he was admitted. The Americano Nuevo. Give it a try, and think of Brady. Its delicious. Not just an average cup of coffee, but not too too indulgent, either. A perfect happy medium for a VERY tired heart.

I waited in the parking lot for a little while, to gather my composure, and also to wait to hear that Brady was settled at the next place. If there was ANY chance I could be with him, I wanted to be in the city.

It wasn’t long before he texted that he had arrived, and they weren’t ready for him. They were rushing to clean a room and get things organized. I was SO angry at that point. Because WHY the stupid rush, with NO information, NO wiggle room, and then they weren’t even ready?! I was livid.

I bawled the entire way home. I was SO upset. I knew Brady being at City Hospital was the right move, but the how of the transport just sucked so bad. And now, in case I haven’t been clear about it before, this means Brady isn’t home for weeks and weeks. Its the right choice, but its definitely not an easy one. Its the only one.

Brady texted me these pictures.

His own room, and his own bathroom, with a window overlooking the river.

Today alone, he has FINALLY had his IV ports taken out (don’t even get me started) and has met the bulk of his rehab team. He and I both are loaded down with information and are anticipating the future. Brady is motivated and determined, as he always is.

I cried a lot today. I’m so happy Brady is where he is. I have confidence in that decision. But the transfer could’ve been so much smoother, and the unnecessary chaos and disorder of it all did a real number on my heart and body. The end result is good, so I will work to come down from the mess of the morning.

Therapies begin tomorrow, and I’m welcome to join! I will absolutely be there!

So. It has been a GIANT week. Thats a big duh.

At this exact time last week, he was still under the knife, having his big fat tumour cut off of his spinal cord, under multiple microscopes, with a team of neurosurgeons and neurologists standing by.

And now we’re here.

Brady is 100% himself.

My plan is always to visit him for 11:00 am, but I could only see him at noon today. However, mid morning, he texted me and said he had physical therapy at 10:45. I left the house within minutes, but knew I’d at least be late.

There’s a pretty long story here about the parking lot being fuller than ever, and having to navigate other levels and getting super lost, taking forever, and then getting hopelessly lost on the ground level of the hospital, trying to find the PT gym. Finally I stuck my head into an Occupational Therapy office and asked for help. They asked if I was a patient and I said my husband was. She lovingly took my arm and led me through the offices and got me there.

I entered the gym just as Brady sat down.

From walking!!!

I am completely devastated I missed it but SO AMPED that it happened!!!!!

First, Brady did some “walking” on a sit stand machine. So, picture handles that move like an elliptical, but he’s sitting, and he’s stepping kind of out in front of himself. Does that make sense? He was on that for a stretch, his feet strapped in, and he was able to stop using his arms and his legs kept going!!! He figured he used it for maybe ten minutes. That is AMAZING!!

Then they brought him back to the parallel bars, and stood him up. He and his PT both noticed that he was trusting his legs a little more. So they decided to take steps. I wish I had a picture, but as I mentioned, I didn’t have the pleasure of being there. He walked the entire length of the parallel bars, and then BACK the other way, someone in front of him, and someone behind with his chair, ready to catch him. When I arrived, he was red and sweaty, but smiling!

I was thrilled to get there with any appointment left at all, and his PT celebrated when she saw me! “You made it!!” I did!

They right away took him over to a cardio type thing for him to strengthen his arms and core, and his PT actually pulled a chair up for me and crossed the gym to make some notes on her own. It was really really lovely. Brady concentrated on keeping a straight back, and rocked his exercise while chatting with me. I got to wheel him back to his room on my own. It felt oddly ok. Something we could get used to pretty simply.

However, I brought him back to his room, and then had to leave because it wasn’t my visiting slot yet. Merp. He got out of his chair and into his bed completely independently!! Thats HUGE!

I enjoyed a walk to and from and to and from the Dube Centre, and then it was time to see him!

Thank you, loving friends, for the treats.

It was a really nice visit, but my accomplished husband was so tired, so I called it early.

Lots of change afoot. Thank you for all the amazing encouragement on yesterdays post on Brady’s progress! It was thrilled to read all of your comments and felt SO cared for. Please keep the prayers flowing for our family.

Today was a very full day for Brady.

I was booked in to visit Brady around 11:00am this morning.

Before I got there, someone came to discuss disability benefits and such with him, which is a huge relief, because we have next to no idea where to start. She left her card and said she’d get some forms and help together for him. Yay!

When she left, Brady went to hit the bathroom. For the first time, he was able to get out of his leg compression cuffs, manoeuvre to the side of the bed, and hang his legs off the side of the bed in preparation for the lift. It is victorious that he could move his body that way! And balance enough to take a picture! (Balance is a big deal right now.)

When I arrived, he was nowhere to be found. Turns out they opted to clean him up a bit first and redo his dressing. If anyone wants to see his incision, I’d love to share the picture! I just don’t want to make anyone squirm so I won’t put it on here. Yet 😉 His incision is both HUGE and SO GOOD!!! Its clean, straight, and healing beautifully! Its going to be an epic scar to show off down the road.

While Brady was away, two official looking guys came looking for him. They were from City Hospital’s rehabilitation program, and they wanted to assess him and talk about the plan – to move him to City as an inpatient. After the general discussion was done, they wanted to assess his strength. They asked a lot of him right off the hop, and guys, he took that challenge!! The rehab worker, and the doctor with him both agreed there is a LOT of work to do, but a LOT of strength to work with! They are optimistic and eager to get him into their program!

Once they left, Brady ate some lunch and we had some nice quiet time, just chatting. His physical therapy appointment had been scheduled at 11:30, but had been bumped to after lunch. I didn’t want to stick around too long, since I’m only technically supposed to be there one hour per day. Thankfully, about five minutes before I was going to call it for the day, a transport person arrived to take Brady down to the gym, and she happily and willingly allowed me along.

Physical therapy was smoother than ANY of us anticipated. Their absolute first move was to get him to the parallel bars and see if he could stand.

And he did.

They practices stands. They did a couple at the parallel bars, having him shift his feet and legs in different directions while he stood. Then they took him over to a mattress that lifted up and down like a hospital bed, and taught him how to get in and out of a wheelchair, onto his bed. Back and forth. Order of operations. Wheel brakes, seat belt, foot rests, feet on the ground, and then heave over. Absolutely no one expected SUCH progress on his first day! He and his PT sat side by side and shimmied their butts down the mattress, and then back again, focusing on using some leg strength, and not just his arms. Praise the Lord for those strong arms, though!

I liked his therapy. I like that they pushed him, and he liked it, too. They wouldn’t straighten his legs, they’d point it out and ask him to. They would brace him and hold him up, but they let him struggle a little and be unsteady. They encouraged him, and then chatted for about a minute between stands before going again.

It was CRAZY to see him try and piece together what he needed. Brady can feel next to nothing in his legs, but he still has strength. When he can SEE his legs, he can make them do things that otherwise, he cannot, when he can’t see them. If he can look at his legs, he can follow every direction they give him. If he can’t look at them, he is FAR less sturdy. Its such an interesting thing to observe!

My favorite part was when they asked him if he was done or should them do one more. He opted for one more. And then again. One more. Because he is still Brady, and that man PUSHES!!!

His final stand, when he was the most fatigued, was the strongest, with the most controlled sit afterwards. No slips.

He was done his appointment early. I wheeled him back to his room, and he got into his bed from the wheelchair. No more lift. Even though sometimes, he’s going to really want it. They’re pushing him, and he is all for it. I’m sure his rehabilitation team at City Hospital will be excited about his enthusiasm and determination!

Goodness, Brady, I am SO proud of you!!!

I’m skipping Melatonin Monday this week. I’m sorry, my mind is just elsewhere, and while I do have self discipline, its so hard to see past these recent events. Plus, its my blog, so I get to make the rules. Lucky me.

Some days are really tough. Brady’s hospital ward is hard. They have a lot of tough stuff there, and because they are CRAZY BUSY, they almost never answer their phone. I’m supposed to call before I come, because of all the covid regulation, so they can put me on an approved list. But I can’t get through. I can’t ask anyone any questions, so I miss everything. I missed speaking with Brady’s surgeon – something we were SO eager to do together. I missed his first meeting with physical therapy, and his first ride in a wheelchair. I feel sad that he is going through all of these scary firsts, and a little resentful that I can’t be there with him, advocating for him to have what he needs. Its just hard. Damn hard.

Today, I couldn’t come at my usual time, and only got there around lunch. Brady shared some discouraging stuff with me, and we were both feeling quite down. I snuggled up beside him on his bed, and we both fell asleep. It felt so normal. So needed. My gosh I miss him. But as it goes, we woke up, and I left so he could get some real sleep.

I bawled the entire way home. I cried about missing my husband. Being scared for him. Wanting him to come home. Trying to be brave, but being so tired. Being SO upset about some injustices and hurt feelings. I just bawled. There was nothing glamorous about it.

Today was ugly. Hopefully tomorrow is better.

Over the last couple of years, I have done a meme battle with Brady on Valentine’s Day and then posted it on the blog. However, there are bigger fish to fry, and we haven’t memed much today. I was VERY grateful, however, to be able to visit my man today.

I fluffed the rules up a little bit, ditched the mask for a few minutes, and snuggled up as close as I could.

Once upon a time, we thought he’d already be home by now. Well, once upon a time upon a time, we had NO idea we’d be in the hospital at all! But, we’re here now, and I am COMPLETELY happy we’re together, regardless of where we are.

We FaceTimed with my mom and the kids this morning. They asked questions, and we all ate some small treats together, apart. It was cute. They all miss each other so much. It wasn’t a long chat. Brady gets lightheaded if he sits up for more than 10-20 minutes. But it was good for all of us.

What a day, hey, honey? Hopefully we’ll spend a bit more time together on the next one. Or really any day. On the daily, even. Much, much sooner than next February.

I hope to write out a whole long version of Brady’s surgery and initial recovery shortly, but for now, I just really don’t want these pictures to get lost, so I guess you’re getting them now.

In case you missed me, hi, I am non eloquent Hailey. I do not write as well as slightly more stable Hailey. She was before. I’m now. You’ve been warned.

The day of Brady’s surgery, I went to the hospital to drop him off. The great Covid injustice meant I couldn’t go past admitting. I may or may not have bawled like a baby when he left. But, by the grace of God, I may or may not have run into my dear friend, Carrie, at just the right moment, so I had someone to cry on/with.

Brady updated me on his fly looks while he waited for surgery and I waited on pins and needles at home.

Those mixed patterns, though. Its a good look.

The BEST picture, you’ve already seen. That post surgery face 😭I love it.

Aaaaand his view, haha!

I was able to chat with him that night, but I went to visit him the next morning. He was allowed to eat and drink, except he had to lay flat on his back. So we improvised with a cooled coffee and a bendy straw. I kind of loved it.

Thank you, Caitlin, for the Starbucks gifts cards. It is incredible to be able to bring a treat, guilt free.

Day two was the first time they helped Brady sit up! You wouldn’t believe how much work that is for him right now, but he did it! And he was WIPED, but goodness, SO handsome!! He was also allowed to prop up in his bed finally!

Brady had yet a third MRI yesterday, and I got to follow him back to his room with his transport people. They were really chatty and friendly.

At that time, he was plugged into a lot of things. He isn’t anymore 🙂 Today, he wasn’t attached to ANYTHING! IV ports are all still in place, of course. But no current tubes or cords. Win!

Brady looked SO himself today. He had a shower and felt fresh and tube-free, finally! You would never know the trauma just by looking at his face. Goodness I love him.

And lastly, not a picture of him, but of the crazy lift they use to move him around!

So, if you can picture it, they pull this right up to Brady’s bedside. He gets into a bit of a sitting position, and they help him place his feet on the grippy foot board. Then they put a sling/harness around his upper body and hook some straps from the sides of the harness to the white circles on the sides of the handles. (Maybe I can get a picture of this for another post.) Then he holds onto the handles for dear life, and the machine pulls his body up into a standing position. And then they drive him wherever he needs to go. Its such a beautiful, useful machine, and I am so grateful for it, as is Brady.

Brady has been moved around a lot today and yesterday, which is super important, but completely exhausting. As we keep saying, the road is long, but we are here for it, however it looks.

Thank you, friends, old and new, who are following along with all of this, supporting us, and who care so deeply for Brady and our family. This whole thing feels surreal. Like something that happens to other people. It feels completely out of body. And then it hits like a load of bricks, and becomes very very real.

Thank you, friends, for your patience. As I’m sure you can imagine, these have easily been the most overwhelming days of our lives. In good ways and bad, I am deeply unable to keep up with just about everything, but I know thats allowed and understood. Be reassured, if you texted, emailed, messaged, called, got in touch with our loved ones, brought us groceries, offered to take our kids, or sent/brought a gift of food or finances, I am SO grateful. Like beside myself grateful. I don’t even know how to go about starting thank yous, so please hear my heart when I say we could NOT be afloat without you. Your support means SO MUCH to our family. We are completely overwhelmed.

I’m here to share details. We kept most of our information close to the vest for a number of reasons. One reason was processing. We needed time to think. Another reason was because, for at least a little while, I knew more information than Brady knew, and I hadn’t had the opportunity to talk to him about his own stuff. And lastly, we have been waiting to speak directly to his surgeon.

So. We’re there. I’ll tell you what I know, as best as I can. I’m going to give you the readers digest edition until I can really sit down and write at length the events of the days.

Brady’s tumour was worse than Dr. Fourney anticipated. It had eaten up the bulk of the right side of his spinal cord over the span of about four vertebrae. It was about a 4-5 hour surgery, but Dr. Fourney believes he was able to remove all of the tumour. Of course, we wait for full pathology, but as it stands today, we are optimistic. Full pathology will tell us what level of malignant is was, and how deep the cancer cells went. He believes it’s been growing there WAY longer than any of us thought.

We were warned immediately post-op that Brady would likely never regain any function in his right leg. Ever. That was a very scary piece of news.

That being said, day one out of surgery, flat on his back, Brady could move BOTH of his legs!!! The left leg moved much better than the right, but the right did move. He could move his foot a teeny bit, and juuuuust pick his knee up off the bed. It was VICTORIOUS!

Today, two days out, Brady can lift both legs even better! His right leg still is very floppy, and he can’t keep it upright, but considering they anticipated zero function whatsoever, this is HUGE!! We are SO happy!!! He also worked with some rehabilitation staff who got him sitting up on the side of his bed. It was a huge job, but he did it!!! He will need to keep working.

Brady finally saw his surgeon today, and he was so happy with Brady’s progress. He said these are really hopeful steps. It feels so optimistic.

Yet, we are not out of the woods. There is a VERY high likelihood that Brady will come home in a wheelchair. It will hopefully be temporary, as he has a good chance of regaining some motor skills and strength in his legs again. Sensitivity, however, could take years, if it comes back. So changes will need to be made around, at least for a time. I’m going to have to learn to support him in and out of the house and vehicle, to get him to and from his rehabilitation at City Hospital for the months to come. He will need to be SO STRONG. We all will, but mostly him. Physically and mentally.

The best thing you can all do is keep a positive mindset. Picture Brady walking again, being back amongst his family, in a job he loves, doing life normally. We need to keep positive to help HIM keep positive. This is of utmost importance. Its very easy to slip down the slope of hopelessness, and currently, Brady feels optimistic and hopeful. He does not feel afraid. So let’s rejoice with him that he has come through his surgery, and has already progressed further than anticipated!

I am SO PROUD of you, Brady!!! My gosh, I miss you here at home. Please come back soon.

Cher here again!

Brady is in good spirits and has a very positive attitude that has impressed the healthcare workers around him. Hailey had her first visit with him this morning. He is still very much like himself.. he has a light pink mark on his forehead between his eyebrows from lying on his face through surgery. Ah, the war wounds of health jail..

Unfortunately, as you may be able to tell already, I don’t have big giant details to Cher with you. That is because this has been a really big and eventful time in this family. Hailey truly appreciates the thoughtfulness and respect from those who expect no response. She is still reading your messages. Those “you do no have to reply” clarifications have helped take the pressure off, as you know she loves her people and doesn’t ever want anyone to feel ignored or rejected.

Brady and Hailey are still waiting for the initial surgery report, and still need to speak with the neurosurgeon. I’m not sure when she will be able to share all the details with you, but she will as soon as she is able to.

We still ask for prayer. Prayer for Brady’s rehabilitation, Prayer for Hailey’s sleep, and for the kids sleep. The kids seem to be doing well, but we can tell they have been impacted for sure. They love their dad. We are happy for the break coming up!

Thank you for all your lovely messages to me as well, on yesterday’s blog. Hailey is very important to me. Being able to help them is an honour.

Cher

Cher here. I am writing on behalf of Hailey. First things first! Brady made it through his surgery. Hailey was unable to see him, but she talked to him on the phone. Currently, they are swapping Hamilton memes..

However, she only got home recently and is understandably exhausted. She wants you all to know that she is overwhelmed with gratitude. She is reading everything, and she is so sorry she can’t respond yet. She will do her best soon, but right now she is taking it easy.

To add onto that, I just want to thank everyone who has contacted me on behalf of Hailey for dropping things off, sending money, and offering help. I have shared all your messages with her in person, and she is so thankful!

She will be giving an update sometime in the next few days, but she hasn’t had time to even talk to Brady about his surgery yet, or any family. She does have a couple cute stories about Brady being loopy that you’ll want to stick around for.

Please continue to pray for Brady’s recovery/rehabilitation. We believe that prayer helps us feel carried through heavy times.

Thank you again, one last time for everyone’s donations, support, and love.
Cher

Ok, friends, today is the day I can give you official results of Brady’s contrast MRI, and his diagnosis.

Brady has what is called an ependymoma. It is a tumour growing in his spinal column, along the spinal cord. It spans the distance of four vertebrae in his lower thoracic spine. His neurosurgeon believes it is low grade cancerous.

It cannot be left. It is an emergency.
Therefore, Brady is going into surgery.
Tomorrow.

As his surgeon said this morning, “there is no time to waste.”

The risk of the surgery is damage to Brady’s spinal cord or his nerves. It can result in anything from simply less strength or some function deficit, to paralysis from the thoracic spine down. The risk of not doing the surgery is the tumour spreading up Brady’s spine into his brain. There is really no option here.

As you can imagine, we are beside ourselves with just about every emotion possible. We are scared, and apprehensive, and yet relieved that there will be no more waiting.

Having fear will not add a day to our lives. This we know. Worry will not help in any way.

We are as prepared as we can possibly be. Which, really, isn’t all too prepared.

I make no promises for the blogs in the days to come. I have no idea whats coming. None of us do. Deep uncertainty.

Please pray.