Exciting news! Nine days ago, I told you Rowan lost his FIRST TOOTH!!! And yesterday, surprise surprise, he lost the one just beside it!

The following story hopefully shows you how much braver I am than I used to be, haha!

Rowan discovered two days ago that he had a second wiggly tooth. It bugged him almost right off the bat. I don’t know how I carried loose teeth for weeks and weeks. My kids cannot hack loose teeth, and work them out within a couple of days. But guys, I am NOT into losing teeth. Its gross. Thats not my gig.

Until it had to be.

Rowan got up from his nap yesterday afternoon complaining about his loose tooth. It was a little sideways in its spot, kind of out of left field. I lightly tapped it and it moved like crazy. I knew that it would drive him up the wall until it was out, and I knew he wasn’t going to pull it. And I knew he was a screamy kid. So it seemed like a special trifecta I was going to have the honour of participating in.

It went like this.

Me: Do you want me to pull it?
Rowan: *whiny sound for about five seconds* Will it hurt?
Me: Not too much, nope. But a little.
Rowan: Well……… Ok, you can try.
Me: Ok. Let me go get a kleenex. Don’t scream at me, ok?
Rowan: I’ll try not to.
Me: Ok, I’ll try to get it nice and quick, and you try not to get mad at me. Deal?
Rowan: Deal.
Me: *put kleenex over tooth, yank*
Tooth: *still the heck in there*
Me: 😳
Rowan: 😳
Me: *pulls tooth again*
Tooth: *pop*

Woot!! Just like that, on the second try, it was out! Lol! 🤦‍♀️
#momfail #thefailyhailey

‘Twas a success story I was too eager to wait for Melatonin Monday to share with you guys 🙂 The fact that I didn’t get it the first time and he didn’t completely lose it is astounding! Not long ago, it would’ve been an open door for a complete and utter meltdown. And now, we just waited for the next try, completely calm.

Completely calm.

He was jubilant! We celebrated together, and then he easily hopped on to go play, halfway forgetting his news until I prompted him to tell everyone.

I am disappointed that masking has taken away his opportunity to show off his cute little tooth space to his friends, but more so, I am SO impressed with Rowan and the progress he’s been making!

I’ve had a handful of really choppy days. I use the word “struggly” a lot. Its not a real word, but it sure says it right. There has been some pretty biting emotional exhaustion, related to SO many different things, and heart and body have been completely beside themselves with fatigue.

The other morning, I came downstairs to get the day started, and I found this note on my island.

So I may have blubbered like a baby. Maybe because I felt cared for and loved.. Maybe because I was on the verge of tears from the moment I woke up anyway. Maybe both. It meant a LOT to me.

I am fortunate. This is not the first encouraging note I’ve received. Cher leaves me beautiful encouragements regularly. Dekker and Laela actually hide notes in weirds places for me to stumble upon on my own.

These notes are a good reminder that complements are not old hat. Why do people not want to complement others? Why don’t people want to lift each other up? How does valuing someone to their face take your value away? It does not, thats how.

I feel like a kid who found an encouraging note in their lunch. And I love that.

Where I grew up most of my life, we lived right at the end of a street, very close to the edge of town. There was a big open field very close by, and it held the most beautiful sunsets. I wish I had some of my moms photos to show you. Her photography would astonish you. The colors were always astounding, sometimes full big stripes, sometimes more of a blasty look. The sun would just SCREAM at you as it went down. It was bananas.

And now that house is sold, and there wont be any more runs out onto the street, barefoot, to snap a picture before it changes.

Something very special, however, is that our house overlooks some open space to the east. And my oh my, the sunrises are GORGEOUS. We are SO fortunate to be able to enjoy them during these darker months. Our sunrises have been pink and orange and vibrant and unlike any I can remember enjoying in the past years. The clouds are usually pretty epic, too! I don’t know if my heart is looking for beauty in a new way, or the sky is actually different, but I am a big fan!

It says a LOT about a “sunwise” when your two year old notices it, runs to the window, and stares for minutes on end, completely captivated, unprompted.

(Did you see the icy roads in that picture?? Oy! That wind was deadly!)

I’m taking intentional time to enjoy the sunrises, because they’re a positive that comes along with the cold days. Once the days are warm, things are brighter earlier, and while I do prefer the warmer weather, I do enjoy the sunrises that we have the pleasure of enjoying in fall and winter.

Thank you Lord for beautiful skies right outside my front window. It makes it easier to find enjoyment in these hard times. Thank you for not making me have to look too hard to find beauty.

Here I am again, friends, ready to talk about where Rowan is at!

You might remember from last Monday’s post that Rowan was sleepwalking pretty regularly. This last week, he only walked in his sleep once. Fun fact: when Rowan exits his room and we lead him back to his room, his immediate instinct is to go into his closet, not to his bed. Makes me wonder how much time he recreationally spends in there without my knowledge! 😆

My main observation from the last week is that Melatonin continues to work beautifully for Rowan’s sleep, and I know its made a positive difference in his behavior, but I’ve seen that his anger is sneaking back up and his attitude is declining again. I’m not sure if there is a specific reason for it, but I do think that its time to pick up that magnesium supplement I’ve been talking about. I’ve heard from multiple parents on the subject, and some say it helped their child’s mental health greatly, while others said it hindered sleep and made matters worse. The majority of opinions, however, have been positive, so I’m excited to try it out and see what happens. I want so badly to help Rowan thrive.

I am still VERY grateful for the help he has getting to sleep, and how well it still works. I know there has been a lift in his behavior. But I see a decline again and he is less rational once again. So, we continue to pray, and and comfort, and research the steps that we as parents need to take.

Please feel free to come alongside us, and him, as we navigate these deep, murky waters.

I was so tired by the end of the day yesterday. Like draaagging tired. I made my way up to our bedroom at the end of the day, and looked at myself in the big bathroom mirror.

My beautiful freshly colored hair has been in a ponytail, unwashed, for longer than I care to admit.

I had on a necklace that was made of stretchy craft cord and a button.

I had mustard on my shirt. On the muffin top area of my shirt, on the back. I did not have mustard today.

My sweats were so stretched and pilled from me wearing them every single day for weeks.

The skin on my face was patchy and crusty from neglect.

Yet somehow, looking at the mess I was, I felt like this was motherhood! I’ve made it! Sometimes I don’t get to fit into the box that people talk about, where “real” motherhood is a total mess of chaos. Our life is pretty simple, our house is decently tidy, our kids get along decently well, and it often looks like we have it all together. But there are the messy days where everyone is completely wiped out and asleep by 7:30. And that day looks a lot like messy buns and dirty clothes. And thats great, too!

After bedtime, Brady and I kept pushing and got some big goals accomplished! It was SO rewarding.

I was dozing off around 10:00pm. No regrets. It was a big day, but I feel good about it. Even if the mustard doesn’t come out of my shirt.

With Thursday being a snow day, I completely forgot that Friday was a dress-up day at school! I thought of it Thursday night, just before we went to sleep. And it wasn’t a quick easy one to think about and plan for without the kids. It was a day they were to dress up as their favorite character. We kind of just view that as a day to dress up however they want, and I think that works. Do kids actually dress up as a specific character?? Ours don’t. They don’t have much knowledge about characters, really! Hopefully our version of this dress-up day counts!

First thing in the morning, we got the kids up and told them to just come to breakfast in their jammies. While they ate, we told them about the dress-up day, and they decided on their costumes while they ate. Its helpful that we’ve been gifted really fun dress-up clothes over the years!

Therefore, we ended up wiiiiith…

Pizza!

A cowgirl!

And a tiger!

Can I add in here that costume days are just SO much harder in winter?! Hahaha! Getting Rowan’s paws into his costume was hysterical and painful. Those snow pants gave us a run for our money!

His poor teacher, lol! Meanwhile, Dekker wore his pizza over his jacket, and Laela brought her horse in a bag. But, everyone was happy, and thats whats important here.

Solly and Wavy were in full costume mode too, not to be left out! Solly was pretty devastated to not be able to wear the horse Laela had chosen, but he recovered, and instead of being a fireman on a horse, he was a fireman. And Wavy opted to be the little tiger.

They were terribly sweet!

Wavy took it a step further later and became a tiger princess, which was pretty awesome.

Over all, the day was VERY cute, and there is newfound excitement over the dress-up clothes! Which means the kids alternate between super happy and fighting. Also, that our basement is wrecked just about all the time, but toy tidying time still comes around and everyone still does their part, and eventually, the floor is visible again.

Thank you to the beautiful people who put into our family, in this case, in the way of dress-up clothes!! You’ve made the recent days more fun!

Today is going to be a busy day! Brady is actually home for the day, and we have a lot to accomplish around here! So, the goal is to get to it nice and early. Therefore, a photo dump is the order of the blog!

Theres a lot of Wavy, but she’s the kid who is always at home. Don’t judge me. NO favouritism here!

We’ve gotten into some VERY light, low pressure potty training over here with Waverly. She is SO cute!

She is SO soft when she sleeps!

Wavy also really enjoys the stretches on preschool days when she is sibling-free. Thats when she finally gets to play with their toys! And she LOVES Rowan’s magformers!

Had you heard that Brady got a haircut?? I LOVE his long beautiful hair, but the quality of his life went way up when he got it cut. He is SO happy, so I too am SO happy.

Before…

And after!

Once upon a time, I was in the city, and saw this man standing, unmoving, outside of Panago. I think he is ordering pizza wrong…

Laela, reading, as usual. Looking all beautiful.

And like a dork, also.

Wavy, post bath, all sleepy and pruney.

This one just made me laugh like an immature loser, because she has furry balls. Lol!

Bradys feet are different colors. Because thats super normal and not at all concerning.

Wavy’s chocolate face! We got donuts to celebrate Rowan’s first lost tooth!

Solly has started requesting a braid like Rowan. I had NO idea he had enough hair for that! Crazy!!

Such a handsome kid!

Aaaaand our front door, post storm! Hahaha! Already a little melted off even!

Hopefully these photo dumps are fun for you 🙂 I like them, because they’re often compiled of pictures I don’t want to forget but haven’t fit anywhere else on their own. Also, they’re easy for me to write, and easy for you to read!

Happy Friday, friends!

Some of you maybe saw on Facebook, but last night, the power went out while Brady, Cher, and I were watching a movie. We were watching “The Day After Tomorrow.”

Now, I haven’t seen the movie before, but we were about 45 minutes into it, so I can sum it up a little. I’m pretty sure its a live action, Dennis Quaid version of Ice Age. Sans squirrel, of course. Hail the size of people’s heads. Cold that freezes people on contact. Wind that throws cars around and takes buildings out. So naturally, we decided to watch it during the craziest winter storm we’ve had in a long, long time.

So as I said, we were about 45 minutes in, and then the power cut out. The three of us kind of sat in silence for a second or two before we came back to reality. The outage fit with the movie WAY too smoothly, hahaha! The basement was pitch black. Dekker lulled from sleep, and was a little worried. He came out and gave hugs, and went back to bed pretty easily. The three of us clicked our phone flashlights on and made our way upstairs to watch the storm. The power tried to come on once or twice, which made our smoke alarms scream like crazy, which then lulled Laela. She was pretty nervous but we hugged her and reassured her, and she, too, went back to bed. I have some really sweet pictures of that, actually, but she’s in her little gitchies so I can’t post them on here. Merp.

Finally, the three of us settled in for some Skipbo by candlelight.

I’ve always felt very unsettled going to bed when the power is still out. Its hard not knowing. Thankfully, we waited the storm out and power was restored!!!! We are SO fortunate to have the dedicated teams of people working so hard to get power back on! I know not every town was so lucky.

The three of us lurked in the living room until shortly after 11:00pm, really wanting to ensure that the power would stay on. And it did! Brady and I went to sleep with our fan going, and it was still on when we woke up!

The kids are home from school today, which makes sense. Brady already had arranged to take today at home, so that worked in his favor. So its a whole family party!

Maybe we’ll finally take our Christmas tree down, haha!

Though its looking pretty “white Christmasy” outside…

Yesterday’s post was both easy and hard for me to put out there. I want you to know where Brady is at. I want to keep this time in our life in our records. I want to have history so I’m prepared when a doctor asks. I feel its right to put it out there. Yet, if you know me closely, you know I have trouble distinguishing what is valid and what is “dramatic.” I’ve been accused of being dramatic a LOT in my life, or overreacting, or being too sensitive.

I tried to simply state facts, though I’m well aware I veered into emotions a number of times. But I care deeply for my husband, and I see how much he suffers. How many complaints he swallows. How hard he is exercising his self control. He grins and bears it ALL DAY. And while that is so impressive and humble, he deserves a break.

Your comments on the post made me all teary. You all let me feel how I feel, without suggesting I should just cool off. I felt validated and justified in my feelings, even though I was mad. No one told me to give the physio the benefit of the doubt. And I have, honestly! For a LONG time! You let me know I could be mad without being wrong. You told me you’d be angry, too, or that you are upset for us. You offered to pray. To talk. To come help us. I know I could call out, and someone would come running, and that is incredibly reassuring. Though, covid 🙄But I know we would find a way.

Its just been a mess over here, and I appreciate the lack of criticism. Rather, the support and encouragement has helped me feel stronger. Just knowing how many people are in our corner is incredibly reassuring. So, thank you, friends.

We should have some information/progress in a day or two. I will keep you posted as I know things.

Ok, friends, you’re in for a ride. Another side of me – not a very pretty side – is on display here. 

Let me update you on Brady’s situation. The quick recap goes like this:

Bradys back pain began in July
He sought help through physio in August
Numbness began shortly after starting physio 
Condition worsened, and physio asked him to see his doctor
Finally saw doctor in October
Tests on tests on tests showed there was big issue
Specialist decided herniated disc and pinched nerve
“It will heal in six weeks to six months.”
Continued physio as condition maintained/worsened
Diligent physio appointments (that we couldn’t afford)
Stretches/exercises 3x daily
Last appointment December 14th

On December 14th, Bradys physio agreed that there maaaaybe should’ve been some progress by now, and there wasn’t. In the same appointment, he told Brady they were going to start spacing out their appointments further, and he didn’t need to see Brady for a month. DESPITE the fact that he was not getting better in the slightest. 

Bradys condition has been deteriorating. He limps like he’s 95. He falls in some capacity almost every day. He still cannot pee properly. Along with the condition of his body, his mental health is declining, as you can imagine. We both are feeling SO hopeless. 

On Friday, January 8th, Brady went in to see his physio. His therapist set up to stretch Brady’s leg, and his foot started twitching aggressively. Almost like kicking. This has been something that has happened the entire time. Involuntary leg twitches. His physio held the stretch for about 30 seconds and Brady’s foot twitched the absolute entire time. As it does. This isn’t new. His physio was shocked, and seemed very concerned. He left the room for a solid five minutes, according to Brady. He came back with a new stretch that he held Brady in for 15-20 minutes. Brady said it didn’t feel like a stretch at all, but he went with it. Meanwhile, his physio went over all the details, and reacted as though they were all new, though none of it was. He literally asked Brady when it all started. He should know these things! Brady says it was all quite maddening. Finally, his physio said the smartest and dumbest thing. He suggested there might still be a problem. A pinched nerve, perhaps. A disc still out of place, perhaps. Damage still being done, perhaps. What I have been saying THE WHOLE TIME! 🙄

And then the man had the gall to say “Let’s give it another week, and maybe we’ll talk about getting in touch with your doctor. You might need an MRI.” 

What is the week in the middle supposed to entail?? I asked Brady if he gave him a new circuit of stretches or advice or something – anything – different. But no. When Brady asked him about stretches, which I say again he has been diligently pouring over for months, his physio told him “Don’t worry too much about stretches. Just do what feels good.” 

THEN WHAT IS THE IDLE WEEK FOR?!?!?! 

If nothing else, that appointment confirmed for us that we are done with that physio. Not out of bitterness, that he couldn’t solve our problem, but out of straight unprofessionalismn and negligence. This physio has been good to Brady before, and helped him through a pretty brutal work injury a few years ago, but this issue is clearly out of his wheelhouse, and he should be the bigger person and have referred him out. Instead, Brady has been his experiment, and that is absolute crap. He’s been negligent and dishonest. He needs to take ownership. But the only way to get anything done with that is to sue, which we have no interest in doing. So we simply back out.

ALL of this to say, Brady originally went in with back pain. Not numbness. Only after a weird physio treatment with an aggressive massage tool did his disc slip and did his legs go numb. Thats all I’ll say about that. 

Brady and I were both pretty furious after his appointment. Thankfully, he had a phone call arranged with a doctor just an hour after physio. He wasn’t able to get on with Dr. Guselle, but it was something. 

He discussed with the doctor his history, what had been happening over the last couple of months, and how his physio appointment had gone that morning. The doctor actually asked him when he had his MRI. Not if. When. He said he hadn’t had one, and she was blown away. 

BECAUSE HE NEEDS ONE!

He needed one months ago, but covid made it complicated, so he didn’t “need” one anymore. 

The doctor he spoke to promised to get a referral in to an orthopaedic surgeon that very day.

That was Friday. On Monday, Brady had to come home early from work because his legs couldn’t hold him up anymore. He and I both were just so discouraged. I had him call Spinal Pathways, and they said they had no referral. So he called our clinic next, and there was no referral. I was FURIOUS.

Thankfully, one of Dr. Guselle’s staff called back a couple of hours later, after speaking to our doctor, personally. Apparently, after Brady’s call with the other doctor, Dr. Guselle had changed the plan. Rather than referring him to the orthopaedic surgeon who would decide whether or not Brady needed an MRI or a CT, she’s going to just try to skip that step and get a scan booked. Because she knows how long this stupid road has been, and how badly he needs SOME kind of help.

Thank you, Lord, for our doctor!!!

I know I sound ranty and bitchy and fired up, but thats just where I’m at. If you watched my husband walk up the stairs, you’d be just as angry. If you watched him fall out of the vehicle, you’d be angry. If you watched him misstep and spill food, you’d be angry, too. If you saw the shape he was in after a day of work, you’d be angry, too.

And then he’d be angry, because above ALL of this, he is so self conscious and wants no pity. 

We are coming to the end of our rope over here. Or at least thats how it feels. There is always more rope, it seems. 

Lord, guide us. Guide our health care professionals.