I’m SO hesitant to even start talking about this, but I’m diving in! As per usual, if you disagree or feel negative about these things, PLEASE keep it to yourself. I mean no disrespect, but these are challenging things, personal details, and I have been careful and prayerful about these decisions. Please be kind and respectful. 

We’ve had some challenging times with our Rowan. Goodness, we LOVE Rowan desperately.  He has a depth in his heart that is far beyond his years. He has a deeper understanding of God. He loves to care for people, and has always doted on those who are sad or struggling. He is just different, in the BEST ways! On the flip side, Rowan has struggled harder than any of our other children in terms of anger, self control, and rationality. A switch flips, and you can watch him as his brain ticks, and then he seemingly decides to fly off that handle so fast. When he gets into these tantrums, it is completely impossible to talk him down. This has been going on for literal years. And we have worked HARD to help him. I am being vague on purpose, because we have literally tried everything, and so has he. Its been a giant struggle for everyone. But alas, the struggle has continued to ebb and flow, and everyone is being affected. Rowan has essentially been our ticking time bomb.

It breaks my heart that I’m even writing this stuff out :/ I cannot express to you the level of love I have for this boy. Please don’t believe otherwise. I’m just trying to be honest. There has been struggle. 

This month specifically, Rowan’s behaviour started to escalate. Not only was he throwing big tantrums multiple times a day, every single day, but he was starting to express what can best be described as hopelessness. He would scream things like “I don’t want to try! I HATE trying!!”  If I tried to problem solve with him, he insisted nothing would help. As one particular tantrum wrapped up finally, I snuggled him on his bed and he shook and cried, saying he was so tired of trying. It became perfectly clear to me that he needed extra help. He was asking for it, in his own way. This was beyond “bad behaviour.” It was something else. The way I felt on the inside was very likely the way he felt, too. 

Cher offered to help me research and brainstorm. It had been a particularly brutal morning with Rowan. I just couldn’t stop crying :/ It sucked. We looked up all kinds of things, finding new information, and revisiting old ideas. We finally sifted through everything and decided to try something. Just, start. And see. Because really, how much worse could it get? 

We went off of Rowan expressing his fatigue, and as I’m sure you got from the title of this blog, we decided to try Melatonin. We did further research, and Cher even called a pharmacy for me. They advised what was a safe dosage for a child. We found some that was on for a good price that was meant to dissolve under the tongue, which felt more doable with a five year old than swallowing a pill. We looked up side effects and decided it was worth trying. We got in touch with Brady and he was absolutely on board. He ducked out of work over lunch to purchase the pills. We were bound and determined to start that very day. 

December 11th. We talked Rowan through taking his pill. It was 6:00pm. It felt a little early, with him going to bed at 7:00, but I wanted to see what it did to him, and what level of “tired” he’d hit. I did NOT want to just drug him to sleep. No way, no how. I wanted to see what this did. 

So, surprise surprise, Rowan HATED his pill. Not only are the dissolving pills kind of gross in general, but it was also minty, which most of our children do not care for. He kept sticking his tongue out, and it would fall, and then he’d pick it up, but it was half dissolved and just a huge mess. He hated it. I gave him a little swig of juice from the fridge that someone gave us, which was a HUGE treat for him! That softened the blow, for sure. He liked the juice chaser. Who wouldn’t?

He went to play downstairs after he had his little pill. He was kind of quiet, which was nice. No fighting. Usually bedtime brings on a HUGE meltdown, but this day, it didn’t. He complied, and tidied toys easily. He came up for bedtime stuff and expressed that he was tired. But not in that over the top way. More just cozy. His body had slowed right down. 

Rowan was asleep by 7:30. Bedtime is never that easy or quick for him. He gets up constantly, sometimes for hours, refusing to sleep. Its awful. There had been no peace in the evenings for literal years. But that night, on December 11th, he was out by 7:30 and didn’t surface until we got him up the next morning. He was cozy and sleepy, but happy and upbeat. He had ZERO tantrums that entire day. Guys, you can’t understand the gravity of that. It was UNREAL. Not a single tantrum in the morning, afternoon, or evening, whereas he used to have at least one in every single one of those slots of time. At one point in the evening, Rowan got hurt playing. He had a little cry, and calmed right down before going back to playing. Again, guys, that is HUGE! Those types of things were ALWAYS met with straight anger. But he rallied so easily! 

The next day, when it was time for his pill, he took it much better, still choked it down with juice, and then said very sweetly “If I could choose, I wish the pills weren’t mint. But the juice helps. I can take these.” I kid you not. That never would’ve happened before.

Things were bizarrely seamless for the first few days. I wrote everything down. We checked on Rowan every night at 7:30. Most of the time, he was asleep, and other times, he was awake but so peaceful and content in his bed. Just days before, he had had huge anxiety around bedtime. It was bananas. He was also VERY happy when we discovered and replaced his pills with gummies!

December 15th was a different kind of morning. He woke up with a headache, and he was much more irritable. We knew this would very likely happen, because it takes time to adjust, and NONE of us expected some perfect blank slate in any way shape or form. It had been WAY more seamless than any of us anticipated! But goodness, after those honeymoon days, it was hard to swallow when he threw that tantrum. Boy did I cry. It was a big tantrum like we were used to, though to his credit, it was much shorter. He had a nap after lunch, and had another tantrum in the afternoon, but managed to wind down from that one, mostly on his own, even! He was asleep by 7:30 that night. 

Its been over a week now, and I can say that the changes are IMMENSE! Never would I have expected this result! My poor Rowan must’ve been tired and anxious for years. And here we are now, in a WAY better place than just a week or two ago! 

There is ebb and flow in his days, but the average would go like this. 

-woke up content and happy
-AM – 0 tantrums
-home from school, tired but rational
-afternoon – irritable but calms down and asks for hugs
-dose (2.5 mg) at 6:00pm
-expressed fatigue during bedtime hugs
-asleep by 7:30

The best, simplest way I can explain this change is that he is SO much more capable of handling his emotions with some good sleep in him. He still gets upset at the same things, because he’s still the same guy! Who he is hasn’t changed, which I am THRILLED about!!! I LOVE who he is!!! But now sad, tired, disappointed, hurt, and mad all look different, whereas before, everything went right to anger! He wasn’t rational or reasonable before, but now he can understand and comprehend so much clearer. Its uncanny.

Some notes I’ve made along the way:

“I’m mad at you! Can I have a hug?”
-cried when the other kids yelled
“I dont think I had a very good sleep…”
-self soothed
-tired, but not mad
-fell on the ice, goose egg, cried but didn’t panic
-forgot to check on him at 7:30, but he didn’t get up
-accidentally woke him up, but very pleasant

These are very different details than the ones I wrote the day we gave him his first dose of Melatonin. His whole body has just calmed. He is still exactly my beautiful son, but his life just got SO much easier, and by default, so did mine, and that of the rest of our family. No more eggshells for us. No more tiptoeing. That feeling of teetering on the edge of crisis is so much less, and you can tell Rowan is just SO much more content now. 

We have learned so much. Part of me regrets not trying this sooner, but the other part of me knows I put everything I had into helping him with his feelings and his heart. We pray SO MUCH together! We let him age a little. We worked on patience. I did not want to just knock him out for the night. But finally, he verbalized some new things, and we got new direction, and WOW! What an amazing change!!! 

And just in time for Christmas holidays! I am SO thankful for this positive change! Celebrate with us, friends! We LOVE Rowan!!! 

If you read yesterdays post, you know I delivered a bunch of things around town and nearby, and came home with gifts as well! They were unexpected, and that always makes me feel so honoured to have the friends I have.

I opened the gift I knew was for me, and I snuck the card out of the other bags, confirming that it was for everyone. Once naptime was over, everyone hacked into the gift! It was for all of the kids, from a teacher who has really put into our children in the last year in an extra special way. The card carried a really warm, loving message, and there was a little extra gift tucked in the bag for Laela, because they have a bit of an extra special special relationship.

Laela received some clicky pencil crayons, a metallic marker, and a diary that LOCKED! She was SO stoked about that diary!!

The bags supplied gift after gift after gift, as though they were just producing them on the spot! It seemed endless!

This kind of thing will absolutely never NOT be humbling. I felt like crying. It was SO unexpected, and SO appreciated. My heart just aches in these situations, because I LOVE my kids, and I LOVE that they have good friends and we have good consistent people in their lives. But I LOVE when people who don’t have to put into my family choose to! That will always bring me close to tears. As their mother, its a huge honour to see our children be so well loved by choice, and no other obligation. Not only are gifts fun and exciting and special, but its not about that. I guarantee you that the kids feel valued in an extra special way.

So. You know who you are. Though I’m confident you don’t read the blog. But if you ever do, please know what a gigantic blessing this was to our family! My heart is truly touched, and I am humbled by your obvious love for our children.

Its a day of delivering gifts all over the place! Woot! The whole family piled into the van and drove around town, leaving all kinds of things on doorsteps and in mailboxes. Some stuff from a fundraiser, more Christmas cards, and gifts from the homemade gift exchange! While I wish I could have been more personal, I tried to follow the guidelines by basically dropping the gift, knocking, and running. I did get to chat a little bit with a couple of people, and a really nice chat with a friend who I rarely see. In my travels, I was gifted a beautiful gift, and came home to more on my doorstep 🥰 I am SO fortunate! What a lovely way to spend the morning!

Realistically, none of the gifts I dropped off were from me, haha, but Santa doesn’t make the toys either, am I right??

If I’m not Santa, can I at least be one of these BOMB gnomes?!?!?

I both cannot wait to use these little coasters, as well as never ever want coffee to touch them ever. I’m pretty torn, haha! But my goodness, aren’t these the cutest things you’ve ever seen?!?! SOOOOO right up my alley!!

I had the pleasure of opening up my early gift! Now to let the kids open theirs! 💜 Thank you, beautiful people who love our family so well!

Merry Christmas holidays, friends!!

I’m sure a lot of us are feeling the same way – that the break is coming, and our bodies are ready for it! Over here, we’re all having a way harder time getting up in the morning. And soon enough, we’ll be able to sleep in some, but there is ONE MORE DAY!!!

I got the kids up in decent time, but not as much time as I would’ve liked. But the kids were happy 🙂 It was PJ day at school, and all three of them get to watch a movie and bring a special snack. Aaand then I realized I hadn’t pulled more sandwich meat out of the freezer, so I resigned to making them jam sandwiches, which I realize are total trash with no nutritional value, but whatever, its the last day. Haha! Mom win or fail? That is the question.

Anyway, the kids were in decent moods for the most part. Some grumpies, but those have gotten more prevalent as the break is getting closer. Meanwhile, I was scrambling around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to get lunches, teacher gifts, masks, water bottles, etc. organized. Braided Rowans hair, found Laela a pair of socks, cleaned up spilled milk. Nothing out of the ordinary, really, but my brain was going a mile a minute. I had about a million people to contact about a million different things, and I couldn’t forget any of them!! So I was madly scrawling notes and repeating things over and over again. Couldn’t turn music on because I couldn’t quiet my brain. I was feeling a liiiiittle close to the edge.

I’ve learned that a simple way for me to curb anxiety is to tidy up messes. Have you guys noticed the connection between depression and clutter?? Ugh. Its bananas. So I’ve learned about myself that my dishes being a mess makes my anxiety pretty much double on the spot. I was doing all this frantic work/thinking in the kitchen, and my dishes weren’t done. I looked around to see a couple kids were all ready for school, kind of just wandering. I asked them if they’d want to help me, and they all jumped!!

This one found some leftover sprinkles in a container that held cookies, so that was a big win, haha!

Guys, they rushed the kitchen SO fast, SO happily! No one scrapped, or got at each other about who packed what, who was in each others way, or anything like that. I saw Dekker at one point stick his head into the dishwasher to put something in the bottom rack while Laela was working on the top rack, and he didn’t even complain. I stepped out of the kitchen and wrote some notes and lists, and the kids unpacked and repacked the dishwasher beautifully.

I’ll admit I don’t have any kind of cleaning/chore schedule around here, and I know those are good things to implement young. But at this point, the kids always do the chores I give them, completely happily. I want to keep that going as long as possible before making it their “job,” you know?

Bottom line. I am SO proud of my beautiful children.

You’ll notice the word “exciting” is in quotation marks. I’m sure you’ve seen those jokes online about how being an adult means all kinds of lame things.

You get the idea. Adulthood is kind of lame, but its all true. Aaaaall those years of aching to stay up as late as possible are replaced with the desire to nap. The ability to fall and get right back up is replaced with pulling everything so easily!

Aaaaanyway, thats not the point. But its equally as lame.

Our family long outgrew those glass pyrex dishes. I have zero recollection of the last time I used the little square 9×9 ones, and we only use the 9×13 for the odd thing, like sausage, or when I make granola bars. More so, we use this big blue dish I bought at Value Village years ago.

I both this mammoth pre-kids, even, solely because I liked the color. I brought it home and kicked myself forever that I had bought it, because I thought it needed a lid, and how had I missed that?? It truly bothered me. But I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it because it was a bit overpriced, and that drove me crazy, too! Gah! So, it just lived with us, was never used, and made its way here when we did 4.5 years ago.

Now, this thing is actively in use, and is really the only baking dish we use. Like I said, we NEVER use the little glass ones. They overflow. And that sucks.

What sucks more is the fact that my beautiful blue dish CRACKED the other day!!! 😩

The WORST!! This prompted a pretty immediate trip to Saskatoon on the hunt for another one, or five. Except, poor, so one. Two at the most, because there is just no use for the little pans around here.

We started at Value Village in hopes of finding another gem like my blue dish, lid or not. No dice :/ There was one. It was glass, which is fine, but it was grossly overpriced, thanks to the leafy design etched into it. I just wanted something solid and simple, so I left it behind and headed to Walmart.

I had better luck at Walmart. I got one big off white casserole dish. Its 9×14, so a bit bigger than the little guys, but its deeper. So that worked. I was content.

After that stop, however, we stopped at Lawson mall for lunch and ducked into London Drugs. And guys, maybe this is old news, but it was VERY exciting for me!

Extra. Deep. Pyrex.

…for CHEAPER than the stoneware, even!!! This was SUCH a win! If I had extra money in any capacity, I would’ve bought two! (PS it looks smaller, but its not. Its just the perspective, trust me.)

I feel like the amount of excitement I have about this new Pyrex dish is the epitome of “Welcome to adulthood.”

Can anyone make me feel like less of a dork about this? Would be greatly appreciated.

It has been a TOUGH morning. One of those mornings where, truly, I have nothing really nice to say. So I’m going to show you some pictures from yesterday, and hope tomorrow is better!

First picture was kind of a frustrating moment, honestly.

I sat parked here on my street for a good few minutes, needing to get Solomon to preschool, unable to get past these vehicles. The truck and trailer was parked that way, unattended, jutting out far into the road. And the Jays driver was dropping off a heavy package, so it was taking a long time. Which I understand, but I couldn’t get by. So I parked in the road and resisted the urge to just lay on my horn. Finally, the Jays driver finished his delivery and came back to his truck. He backed up ever so slowly, juuust enough that I could sneak by. Solly was a couple of minutes late to preschool, but it was fine. On the way back, the Jays driver was gone, but the trailer now had its ramps out. It was just maddening. Not the best day to drive our bus, I guess!

Picture two was from the end of nap time.

Waverly was still asleep, all propped up on her pillow, sleeping SO peacefully. She has this beautiful way of being completely bright and happy the moment she wakes up, too! Whatever she’s on, pour me some! (Also, that new sleeper doesn’t hurt! Wavy recently sized up and we had virtually no jammies in Laela’s old stuff, so I had the pleasure of buying her some cute new sleepers, without any financial guilt! Lol! What a season…)

Aaaaand this was something I saw on Facebook that I thought was funny.

Because its completely true. Giggle with me?

The day yesterday ended with yummy food and card games. It was not a perfect day, but it had some really nice parts, and I’m grateful for every day!

Even today. When I feel like curling up into a ball and not moving for the rest of the day. No rest for the weary.

Its time for Christmas break…

Most of us have that window of time where everyone and everything is a little extra struggly. I think, for many, its that stretch before bedtime. Ours is the stretch between school and supper. Its HARD. Yesterday, however, it was happy, and restful, and fun!

I had gone upstairs for a minute or two, and when I came down, this is what I saw.

The older kids had tucked in beside the Christmas tree with good books. They were calm and content, and not even fighting! 😆 Meanwhile, the little kids were hanging with Rowan while he made cookies with his PlayDoh. They were all laughing together the entire time, also not fighting. It was AWESOME!

It eventually graduated into a bit more rowdiness, with some horsey rides…

…but Dekker is just SUCH an amazing big brother! He never gets upset with Waverly, but just soaks up his playtime with her. Its pretty amazing to watch, honestly.

The whole point of todays blog is just that I’m SO grateful for my beautiful children, and so proud of them. Thank you, Lord, for the blessings you’ve given us!

Last night, after the little ones went to bed, Brady and I took the big kids out and around to deliver Christmas cards! It was SO cute!!

I’ve been itching to make a big long walk out of it, and take a jaunt all over town, delivering cards, gifts, and tupperware from people who have shared treats with us. But alas, Brady’s legs can’t take the distance, so we tweaked the plan a little and made it work in a cute new way!

The other day, I went to leave something in my own mailbox for someone else to pick up, and I discovered we had been left a couple of Christmas cards! It made me realize that I’m likely not the only person who doesn’t regularly check their mailbox, so I took a few extra minutes to curl some ribbon and tape it on to each card. It was an effort for the kids to put the card in the box while making sure the ribbon poked out! Watching the kids stretch and struggle to reach the mailboxes was terribly cute.

Definitely something we may do every Christmas season! We brought cookies along, listening to Christmas music, and really enjoyed the time together 🙂

I am so thankful we were able to do Christmas cards this year, not on our own at all! We had help from a couple of people to make them happen, you know who you are, and we couldn’t have had them without you!!

Merry Christmas cards! Lol!

Last night, our local fire department put on a fireworks display for the town! It was SUCH a treat!! We usually have fireworks over our towns celebratory weekend in Spring, but it was obviously cancelled this year. It had ended up being cancelled last year as well, due to the dry weather and a fire ban, but they had opted to do one on New Years Eve. There was a great turnout, so another winter show was in order for 2020!

Brady and I had the pleasure of taking the big kids along, just the four of us ❤️ We’d have brought everyone, but we’re trying something new with the other kids that I’ll tell you all about another time. But with that change, the bedtime schedule is ultra important currently. And frankly, it was SO nice to just be the four of us!!

We turned off the van and cracked the windows so the pows were loud! The kids LOVED it!! They “woooooahed” the entire time. Dekker speculated about how the setup looked and where the leftover material went. Laela pointed out the colors she liked, and jumped at the really loud ones. We all laughed at the kids in the van next to us, screaming and exclaiming out of their sunroof. It was cute. Everyone was SO excited!

The show didn’t last terribly long, but the kids were so happy. It was SO worth it. It was just a really nice little outing, and a great morale boost!

Thank you, Lord, for a town that makes efforts to bring smiles to faces in otherwise dark/unconventional times.

Hokay, folks! There are VERY FEW weekends left before the Christmas break! While these days tend to wipe me out a little extra, I do truly enjoy them, and I also really love that rewarding, accomplished feeling at the end of the day.

So! The list!

Decide supper and prep it, if necessary.

Ribbon on cards.

Deliver cards/dishes/gifts.

Bathe kids.

Wrap some gifts (?)

Laundry.

Complete last crochet project.

Tidy desk.

Tidy island.

Tidy counter beside stove.

Catch up on messages. (If you’re expecting a message/response from me and you haven’t gotten it, its coming!! I’m just behind!)

Make notes for upcoming posts (MM, NYE recap, resolution check-in)

Put Christmas plans on calendar.

I know my posts in the last couple of days have been a bit similar, merely stating what needs doing. But these are the main things going on in life over here!! Root for us as we try to accomplish everything that needs doing while maintaining a happy family, a somewhat relaxing day, whatever that is! 😂

Whats on your list??