I know I’m supposed to be surprised that Laela is seven “already,” but she is just SO grown up. That being said, she has changed SO MUCH in the last year!!
This little sweetie is my children’s second mama. She is warm, and helpful, and responsible, and bossy 😂 We’re working on that one. But she always means well, and works HARD to help her siblings out with everything!
She is a VERY smart little miss, excelling at reading and writing. She can easily read absolutely anything Dekker can, but her age still shows her shorter attention span, and she really only wants to sit through a book that at least has some pictures. As of today, she is reading level R.
Laela learned how to do laundry in the last few months. Which is CRAZY, but crazy AWESOME! When she discovered she could reach the bottom of the washer, that was just it. Now, we hear the laundry machines singing at random times, and she’s just taken it upon herself to sort and start laundry. Its bananas, and I’m SO grateful for it! She is SO willing to help!
Laela feels sad when she feels left out, or if Dekker runs faster than her. Thats kind of it! Not a whole lot else makes her angry. Injustice. Thats another thing. But shouldn’t it? I think that checks out. She always recovers with a hug and a kiss. She is VERY brave when she’s upset, and works to turn it around.
My very grown up little daughter is a wonder for me to watch. I am constantly impressed and amazed by her. She is tough while being just so so soft. Every morning, I go lay on her in her bed, and whether she’s wide awake or still mostly asleep, she lifts her arms up for me, and stroked my hair and neck for a few minutes. And once she’s done that, she’ll start to scrunch up, and, already laughing, she’ll quietly request “Tickle??” So I tickle her pits until she is fully belly laughing and squealing. It is a beautiful start to every day with her.
Goodness, Laela, we love you so dearly 💗 You came into the world like a force to be reckoned with, and you continue to hold to that strong spirit! I couldn’t picture our family without you. What a great disservice that would be for us. You are SUCH an important part of what makes us us. I am so thankful to God that you were born to us.
I feel like I’ve been thanking you guys a lot, recently, for your care and support. I don’t know what we did to earn such an incredible corner filled with people, but I am truly grateful. In awe, mostly. Yesterday’s post didn’t receive a single negative comment. Only love and encouragement. Both Cher and I felt really vulnerable, and neither of us have felt regret about posting it, and that is largely in part of not having to be on the defence at all. So, thank you.
Yesterday, while I wasn’t blogging, I was home with the chunk of my family that wasn’t at school or work, lol!
It was a pretty quiet time at home. I did make my way out the door in the afternoon to do a bit of necessary shopping (and coffeeing) with Cher. It was really nice to be out together. It doesn’t happen too often.
She dropped me off at home around supper time, and I spent the rest of the evening at home with the fam. Someone even dropped off orchids for us! 💜VERY thoughtful!
I am actively running out of room for my plants! I need to make a new setup somewhere! Hahaha! What an excellent problem to have!
Now, this morning, after a choppy sleep, all three school kids are off!
And now, all I want to do is crochet and listen to the Hamilton soundtrack. And I think thats what I shall do! While, of course, writing some important emails, planning out tomorrow’s blog, and keeping laundry running!
This entire blog post goes against my grain. All of it. The content. The honesty. The pictures. Oooh, the pictures! I asked Cher to photoshop my body, and then reluctantly changed my mind, because that is exactly what we’re talking about here. My body.
It goes against my grain to talk openly about stuff I have always been told to shut up about. But I’m going to talk about it today anyway….
WE are going to talk about it. Cher and I are both going to discuss the double standards on body shame, but in order to feel truly heard on my end, I feel it is necessary for her to begin:
___________________________
I have never been what you would call a “skinny” or “small” girl. As a kid, I was healthy and slim, but I wasn’t known for my slender size, so I never really understood what that felt like. I still don’t honestly know what that feels like. It SOUNDS like it would be flattering because don’t we ALL wish we had a fast metabolism and a small cute figure?
In my mind, the only time you don’t want to be known for your size is when you’re overweight. But at the same time, NO ONE will ever tell you that you are overweight, at least not to your face. I will get told I am “curvy” or “beautiful” or people will completely deny that I’m bigger because they CANT tell me that. Even if I was SUPER unhealthy or developed poor coping mechanisms and probably needed some help.
Why? Because that’s SERIOUSLY RUDE! And none of their business. So then how come we get to walk around shaming women for being thin and telling them that they don’t have real bodies? Or being upset with them because we have to work HARD to be a size 8, and they can eat ice cream and burgers and stay a size 4? No one shames thin men who can’t gain weight. We feel bad for them, in fact. So why would we be upset with women who have naturally high metabolisms?
As a bigger girl who has gained a lot of weight in the recent years due to trauma, grief, and school, I have NEVER felt ashamed of myself for being best friends with someone who is effortlessly thin. Her weight has nothing to do with me and affects me not at all. I think it is AMAZING that she has five kids and still keeps a small figure. I am often telling her how cute she is, how pointy her knees are, and lovingly poking her and teasing her. But guess what! She can’t poke me and tease me about having fat. (I mean she totally could, we are very comfortable with each other and would laugh) But we are taught that being thicker is shameful, yet we call that a REAL body. And being thin is desired but “screw the skinny people who don’t have to work for it.”
When I hug her, she apologizes when I feel her ribs. She THANKS me for not being grossed out by her. She is genuinely shocked when I talk to her about my weight issues, because she isn’t allowed to speak about her own body and she just loves that we can be open. She thanks me for listening to her and ACCEPTING her size.
She is afraid when she complains about anything at ALL about her body and says sorry over and over. How is that okay?
And it isn’t just her. LOTS of thin women feel that way who have opened up to me over the years. Why are we intimidated by these women? They aren’t showing off or bragging. They aren’t putting US down, so why are we mad at them? Why can’t we be happy for them and say “I am so thankful that we don’t share the same struggles” because I promise you that they DO care about us and our struggles even though they aren’t living it. But you don’t need to hear it from me, you can hear it from her:
_________________________
Being small was a novelty when I was young. It didn’t define me, but it was a notable detail that I tended to be “the small one.’ In our small town, I was quite sheltered, and never worried too much about my size or the shape of my body. I was young, and built to look young. And I was happy about that.
That changed as I aged, moved out, and was around different people. At age eighteen, a tall, gorgeous, glamorous girl teased me about having thin legs: “Men like women with more meat on their bones” she said, as she looked at me with pity on her face. That was my first real memory of being confronted and made to feel bad about being small.
Its progressed from there, into adulthood. The eye rolls. The poor service at clothing stores trying to avoid the fact that their entire store is too big for me. Bigger girls are allowed to be frustrated when they can’t find clothes that fit, but smaller girls are not. The “I’d have five kids if I looked like you, too.” The assumptions that I diet to no end. The quiet comments to my husband asking if I’m unwell. But almost NEVER a “Wow, you look great!” It was always negative. Never positive. So I learned to keep my mouth shut. And that my friends, is not fair.
As a skinny girl, I’m stuck in the middle of a bizarre conflict. I am not allowed to be secure or insecure about my body. I cannot celebrate or mourn. I cannot be grateful or dissatisfied.
If I am happy with my body, its viewed as a form of fat shame. People just SEE my size and, by default, put themselves down. Strangers, anywhere, will comment on my body. The wide, disbelieving eyes. I constantly feel guilty about my size because I do not have to work for my body.
When I shared on the blog that I was back down to pre-pregnancy size by two weeks, I felt victorious! And I was met by comments that said “Good for you for not struggling with something everyone else struggles with.” No joy. Just guilt. Genetics have been gentle on me. But why should that matter? Why am I not allowed to be happy?? Because my body makes others feel lesser than.
If I’m unhappy with my body, that is wrong too. Because doesn’t evvvvveryone want to be thin?? I am not allowed to be insecure about my physical details like everyone else. I have wrinkles on my tummy that make my belly button look like it has a moustache. I have stretch marks on my butt and my legs. My boobs sit a heck of a lot lower than they once did. But I don’t get to express those frustrations like everyone else does, because I don’t carry extra weight.
All bodies are beautiful, that goes without saying. No one should need that pep talk anymore. But thin girls are “real women” too. The “mom bod” isn’t always soft and round. Sometimes, its thin, with abs, and some crepey skin overtop.
The fact that my genetics allow me to be a smaller woman doesn’t mean I’m less of a mom.
Or less of a woman.
And it doesn’t make YOU less of a woman either!
Building people up doesn’t tear you down.
Someone else achieving something doesn’t discount your achievements.
Celebrating someone else doesn’t make YOU unimportant.
I am allowed to be grateful for my body. I am ALLOWED to be thankful that I don’t carry extra weight and that I can eat treats without worry. That I can exercise, or not exercise, but that my life keeps me active. I’m also thankful for the brain that I have, that has kept me grounded, and a healthy relationship with my food, where I don’t use it for self soothing or celebrating. I’ve never been a big eater, but my frame has always been small, so I didn’t need to be. I unwittingly learned self discipline through our habits at home, where we didn’t snack much at all, and never overate. I feel so blessed, but I feel ashamed of my blessings.
To finish this lengthy post, we both just want to highlight the importance of being mindful that words are powerful. Words have the power to bring life or death. Use your words to make the world more beautiful. When you make someone else feel good, you make yourself feel good by default. It has been scientifically proven. Just because someone is thin, doesn’t mean they have unbreakable confidence. Just because someone is a little thicker, doesn’t mean they are unhappy.
“People are just as wonderful as sunsets if you let them be. When I look at a sunset, I don’t find myself saying, “Soften the orange a bit on the right hand corner.” I watch it with awe as it unfolds.” -Carl R. Rogers
Do you remember a few weeks ago when I made the girls cardigans? I’ve had it on my to-do list to crochet something, sometime, that is wearable beyond a toque or scarf. More specifically, a sweater of some kind. I like the big squishy open cardigans, so I made them for the girls to test out the pattern. It required a lot of change, because it called for bulky yarn and I intended to use a finer, worsted weight yarn. That would change the gauge greatly. I was willing to work with it, though. Once I knew I liked it, I started making one for myself!
I made the entire body piece, and crocheted the edging around it. It was at that point that I realized it was too short in the body. It wasn’t too short, but it was shorter than I wanted. I was thinking, I should just make it as the pattern stated, and then I would make another one with all the proper tweaks later on.
But I knew I wouldn’t wear the short one. And all that time and effort would be a waste. And it wouldn’t count as making a wearable item.
So I pulled it aaaaall out. That sucked.
I gave it a few days, and then started again. I made the body the exact same, but 20 stitches longer. It felt like it took WAY longer to crochet, but I think that was psychological. When I finally got the body done, I slipped it on and it was nice and long, as I wanted it. I added the edging, which rounded it out nicely and made it feel more like a sweater. Except at that point, it was much more like a long, weird vest 😆
Then, the arms. It was clear they were going to be WAY too short. So I tweaked the pattern yet again, and did the same arm a couple of times until it was how I liked it. Good thing I wrote down some notes because the next arm came together SO much faster.
After that, I just weaved in the ends, and I was DONE!
This thing was a labour of love, but I am SO happy with the results! I made it big and bulky, large enough to wrap around my body with room to spare, but fitted enough in the shoulders to look like it was meant for a person my size. There is next to nothing I would change about it, and there are very few projects I’ve completed that I can say that about. I hope to make myself another one down the line, because something tells me you can never have too many warm squishy cardis.
As I suspected, Waverly was not the only person who finished out the week bald and fuzzy. Sibling solidarity is a very real thing in our home!
He wasn’t even hesitant. He was SO excited to have his head shaved.
I was less afraid of shaving his head. Less emotional, for sure. Though I was very sad to see his surfer look go. That little wave has always been so charming to me.
He was SUCH a great sport about it all, laughing while I shaved him a mullet and fought my way through his many cowlicks.
He kept it pretty classy, as you’d expect.
His eyes are just SO gorgeous. You don’t see them as often behind his glasses.
He, like Wavy, had a LOT of hair! It was actually pretty cool to do them one after the other, and see how much darker his hair is than hers!
Dekker was SO happy with the result!
So was Waverly! 😁
He definitely looks different now. Older. But he’s still very much himself. He is SO handsome.
If you thought Dekker and Wavy looked similar before, check them out with matching mullets!
Remember that time I shaved my oldest and youngest’s heads, one after the other? That week was a whirlwind! Looks like the others are hoping to keep their hair at the moment, so that should be it. For now!
Today’s post is for you, my friends who commented and touched base after yesterdays post. Your care and support means more to me than you can probably understand.
I expected to feel some encouragement, but I honestly anticipated some belittling. For people to kind of hassle me about how its just hair and its not a big deal. Because its true, that it is just hair. And it probably really isn’t a big deal. But WOW, it was hard for me, and the fact that no one made me feel silly was such a relief to my achy heart.
True feelings…
I’m not so shallow to think Wavy isn’t special anymore because we cut her hair, but as you know, we love the long haired kids! And it was such a fun special detail about her! Her curls were SO soft and crazy long for her age! It was really hard for me to see them go. I’m not sure if its better or worse that it was me who shaved her. Probably better. But it wasn’t easy.
Thankfully, my beautiful daughter has a strong sense of character, and had NO shakedown from being a baldy now. She presents her fuzzy head for a rubdown, and carries on.
Its a novelty for her, and it was the healthy choice. I am so grateful to you, friends, for the compliments for Wavy’s new look, and for the support of our decision being the right one. We were confident in it, enough to shave her head, anyway, but it is always a relief to feel like you have people in your corner. I’m not sure what we did to have our corner filled with as many people as we have, but I am grateful for every one of you.
This morning was really, really hard for me. Please, leave your judgement at the door. Maybe it would’ve been easy for you, but it was a challenge for me.
You may remember my post from the other day about Waverly’s hair coming out. We’ve tried to be on top of it, observing how much is coming out and whether she’s pulling it or its just coming out on its own still. Laela started notifying us that she could hear Wavy pulling out her hair. She described it as a loud scratch. Recently, its become clear that, as Wavy mindlessly rolls the hairball in her hair, she goes as far as to pop it into her mouth. And that, my friends, could really mess her up.
I messaged my hair girl and friend, sent her some pictures, and asked her if there was anything she could do in the way of a short feminine style. She was SO warm and understanding of our situation, and she gently told me, if it was her daughter, she would shave it off and start fresh. I was not surprised. I was sad, but I knew it was the right answer. So thats what we did. I promised her a treat, and she agreed happily!
“Ok. A cookie and a haircut.”
We congregated up in our bathroom, wrapped her in a towel, and went to it. Wavy sat perfectly the entire time. It was unreal.
If you said before that she didn’t look like Joe Exotic…
It was a challenge. I did not want to cut her hair one bit. But she was not put off at all. She liked the attention, and she liked to blow the trimmer off.
She was SO agreeable, but I admit we were concerned about her reaction. I took lots of time to try and get it as even as possible.
Finally, I needed to just call it. There was SO much hair.
But I am SO pleased to report that Waverly wasn’t put off AT ALL.
She was SO comfortable and content. We got her dressed back in her clothes and gave her a cookie, and she went on her merry way.
She is still so gorgeous, and I know I’m her mom and I have to say that. But she is. Her face is so stinking cute, and her little fuzzy head is SO adorable. And as you know if you’ve spent any time around her at all, you know she is positively bursting with personality. Nothing holds her back. I am SO impressed with her.
My heart hurts a little. I loved her delicious thick long wavy hair. I miss it. 💔 I cannot believe we had to shave her head. But her health is so much more important, and now she has no hair to tear out or ingest.
This is best.
It will stay this way, this short, for quite some time as we work to dissolve her habit.
So many firsts with you, Waverly. You’re a brave soul! I love you!
Cher and I made a plan to have coffee at my house in the morning before she got to her regular day stuff. She mentioned that she misses my mom, and we should invite her. My mom accepted our offer! Woot! Coffee with some of the best people! It was officially booked!
Then, in the morning, I got Laela up for school and talked with her about going to school on her own, with it not being one of Rowan’s days and with Dekker still being home “sick.” She was totally fine with it, but then suggested maybe grandma would like to bike with her. I thought it was such a cute idea, and as I suspected, my mom jumped at the idea! So that was pretty cute.
Cher came by shortly before 9:00 and my mom was back from school shortly thereafter. My mom, Cher, Brady, and I sat in the living room and caught up for an hour or so. It just felt so homey. Which makes sense, with it being my home, but my people are my home, too. I loved the morning.
Shortly after 10:00, Cher had to head home to get on some of her stuff going, and we visited a little longer with my mom. She proposed an idea to me, then, that she had special gift cards for Red Lobster and wanted to take me out! She and I love Red Lobster, and its somewhere we like to go together when we can. And obviously, its been a while, thanks to Covid. She also mentioned she had noticed I was in need of a new bra (there’s a whole other story there) and wanted to pull a mom move, and buy me a new bra. Isn’t that SO nice?! I’m learning to let people help us, and its not a secret that Brady has been off work since Covid blew up, so I accepted her beautiful offer, and we decided to make a date!
Aaaaand that date was today! Hahaha! Because, why not??
We chose to start at Red Lobster. Which turned out to be an excellent choice because we NEEDED to move after all. That. Food. 😳
She is SO pretty!
Those are seafood stuffed mushrooms for starters. And then we had some kind of trio feast with three kinds of shrimp. I could’ve eaten those buttery ones for days. My goodness it was SO good.
After lunch, we ambled our way out of the restaurant and went to Circle mall. Apparently, La Senza is just over 🤷♀️ Who knew? Probably people who usually shop there. That isn’t us. So we hopped limped back into the car and went to Midtown for Victorias Secret.
We waited in a long line and finally made it into the store. We scoured the inventory before finally asking someone and finding exactly what we were looking for in the verrrrry front of the store. Because why not? Once I had bras in hand, we were informed the change rooms were closed! So that made it all a bit trickier. They assured us the return policy was still the same, and we’d have 90 days to return for a refund. So my mom said she would happily buy one, or even a few, and return what didn’t work. It turned out there was really only one that made sense to try, but it was pretty pricey on its own. We brought it to the till, and thanks to an unmarked sale, the $65 bra was down to $18. Couldn’t believe it. Thank you Lord for caring about my bras! And thank you mom for buying me one!
Aaaaand, spoiler alert, it fits beautifully!
I came home to my family, who all seemed pretty happy and content. We made them an easy breakfast for supper, and Brady and I plan to eat later after they go to bed, to spend some time together. And a soak! Mmmmm!
Tomorrow, Dekker is back to school! So he and I will both feel fresh and new!
As of yesterday, the plan for today was very normal. Kids go to school. Coffee with Cher in the morning, and maybe a movie during naps! But as tends to happen, things changed.
Dekker got sent home from school yesterday because his stomach hurt. *sigh* Don’t get me started. So he was home today, and will be tomorrow, as well. On top of that change, Brady had an appointment yesterday gone less than ideal, and scheduled a doctors appointment for this morning. Small changes. We could roll with those. And we did. Brady drove Laela and Rowan to school on his way into his appointment. Simple.
The changes kept coming, and that is how today has been riddled with appointments, test, exams, and multiple trips into Saskatoon. I’ll go into detail in the coming days, I promise. Not trying to be a jerk, but there are a lot of thoughts to gather. Oy.
Brady is physically exhausted. I am emotionally exhausted. The kids are tired from a day at school and Dekker is picking fights after being bored all day, at home, “sick.”
I sign off now, just in time to whip up some peanut butter and jam sandwiches for the kids to eat on our third drive into the city.
Can’t have another post like yesterdays! Hahaha! Wasn’t the rain overnight lovely, though?? My fave!
I slept like a rock last night but woke up a bit unsettled. Such is life, I suppose! Regardless, I got up and Brady and I got the kids up for the day! My mom had lovingly dropped off fresh homemade muffins yesterday, so everyone had muffins for breakfast. (Why is there no muffin emoji??) The kids were SO happy about that! Now that school starts later, they don’t leave as early, and I’ve got to say, its WEIRD how long they stick around, hahaha! I say that with all the love in my heart. I’m not eager to kick them out. Its just strange. It used to be breakfast, brush up, bathroom, backpacks, and they’d be out the door. Today, they did that, and then played for about a half hour! SO nice, but SO strange!
Brady headed to an appointment this morning, and to run an errand or two. It wasn’t the best morning for him, unfortunately, as his appointment yielded no results, and there is no longer paint at Sarcan :/ Double merp. But, he tried. Onto plan B in both situations, I guess!
While he was away, the kids played, and I crocheted. I actually managed to complete an entire project this morning, which I’m kind of proud of! Woot! I feel successful and productive! I’m definitely feeling projecty these days, but I’m not sure what I’ll start next. Maybe I’ll just *gasp* sit 😳 And eat noodles!
Thats the plan for the next half hour, anyway. And watch a little Schitts Creek. Did you hear how they did at the Emmys?!?! I’m both floored, and also not at all surprised that they cleaned house!
