I cannot believe my sweet, honest, sensitive, responsible, warm, wise oldest son is NINE today. 

His last year of single digits. I am immensely proud of my son, as I always have been, but this boy has went through a world of change in the last year! 

Dekker’s grade three year was spent in a 3/4 split, and it grew him up beautifully! He went from a non-reader to someone who crushes a Boxcar Children book in a day and a half. He LOVES to read, and reads ahead of his level now! He learned better what he needs for himself when he gets upset, and it able to regulate his emotions a bit smoother than he was in the past. I was puffed with pride when his teacher would call to tell me about a WIN for him!! 

My little guy with all the firsts. He broke his collarbone this last year! It was kind of incredible to watch him figure himself out in that time. He did crafts, took naps, and was very easy on himself. He stayed home for about a week, which was suggested to me was a longer time to wait. But when he was ready to go back, he told me. When he was ready to lose the sling, he told me. When he was ready to lift things again, he told me. He knew what he needed. He’s really maturing. Its just crazy to watch. 

Dekker remains my oldest soul. He is an incredible big brother, care giver, thinker, worker, tickler, helper, and friend. He loves to bike, snuggle, cook, build Lego, and read. He loves space and science and construction and babies and speculating. Lol! He is a deep thinker. Rational. Practical. No nonsense. Until there’s nonsense 😉 Sometimes he loves it. 

I truly couldn’t be more proud of him.

Until next year, when I say I’ve never been prouder of him 😆 

Goodness, child, I love you. I hope you have the happiest of birthdays. 

Its hard to know what to blog about these days. My mind is so occupied with either grief of our camper, and its hard to think outside of those things. Not to mention the fact that just about every single picture I have taken recently has too much camper in it to show you!! Gah!

Its ok, though. Be reassured we are still well. Keeping on keeping on. The kids are still ridiculously cute.

This man has a birthday right around the corner!

The twins ❤️ They play camping all day every day! And get into the move trouble 😉 All day every day.

He bikes and bikes and bikes! He has a nice long glide, even on the bumpy lot next to our house. He’s getting so much braver!

Meanwhile, this monkey isn’t far behind. And if she can’t keep up, she picks her bike up and carries it with her. A self sufficient woman.

I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the crazy, but like just about everyone else, I miss normal. I hope it comes back soon…

It’s Cher. Sick of me yet? Well, this post will hopefully lighten the mood a little if you are. During my fall semester last year I took a course called Women and Gender Studies. The professor had a very thick accent and was very grumpy. The entire lecture which was mandatory consisted of her standing at the front of class, sweating, drinking “water” from a
water bottle (now that I think of it, was it an accent or just slurring) anywho, if we answered a question wrong, she would berate us in front of the whole class. If we asked her a question, she would stare at us like we were stupid and give the most vague answer. So studying for that final was so hard because I learned nothing, the lectures were off topic and no one
understood them. While I studied for that final at the Borns (every waking moment for a week) I became so incredibly exhausted that I no longer knew what I was doing. I would forget entire conversations.

One evening during this absolute difficult and fearful time, Hailey came down to quickly chat with me. Afterwards I headed to the washroom and began to pull down my pants (you know, like, to pee) and as my whole butt became exposed I PANICKED and thought “WHAT AM I DOING!!!!!!! And I pulled my pants up so fast and looked behind me, only to see a door, which was locked. I forgot I was in the washroom to pee and for a moment thought I was pulling my pants down in absolute public. Horror of my life.

A few nights after that, I slept at my moms. It felt SUPER cold that night, I’ll never forget it. I studied until I passed out. I woke up a few times in the night to pull the blanket higher, and higher, and higher. Eventually, the blanket was over my head. I thought “WHY AM I SO COLD?!” Well, I took my arm and swung it around to feel the blanket over my body and all of
a sudden I feel it. The blanket did not reach all the way down my backside, and a fan was pointed absolutely towards that area. I was cold the whole next day.

Later in the year during my Winter term, I was so excited to use my new bluetooth earbuds I bought myself. I wore them all over campus. I was so thrilled to not have to hear people talking directly behind me while I walked from class to class, or hear the boys in the library talk about how good a sushi burger would taste. I was on my way to my sociology class and
needed to pee so bad. I thought “if I’m a couple minutes late, that’s okay”. So happy lil me walks into the bathroom confidently with Selena Gomez pumpin’ in my earbuds, telling me about boys. I sit down, start to go. Then I feel some air. It felt like how a duck’s throat might feel if you were deaf and had your hands around it while it quacked. “Oh no!” was all I thought. I had been so oblivious to people and in my own head that I hadn’t checked to see if anyone was in there. So I did that thing and I bent way over to look for feet. Oh boy! Stalls were full. I had a dilemma. Do I wait until everyone leaves so no one sees the face of the girl who just threw a bomb of terror in the public washroom? Or do I make a bee-line out without washing my hands? Or do I just pretend I don’t care? Long story short, I didn’t make it to
class that day.

Another classic tale that I will never live down and still haunts me to this day. Distracted and school on the brain, I leave my moms house to drive to Haileys. I’m at the first stop sign and k real talk: You know those flakey hard boogers that sorta stab the inside of your nose? We all get them. They HURT and need to be removed. So I’m just sitting there, don’t really see anyone and I decide to go find the little sucker. GOT IT! As I go to quickly pull it out so I can get on with my super important life, I feel a tale. I keep pulling. As I am pulling, someone drives by and it’s Dalmeny so we are all really close in proximity, going the absolute slowest speed we can. This someone is a guy about my age, we lock eyes. My left hand is now 6 or so inches from my face with a string of goop attached to the inside of my nose. The driver looked at me with such a face like “I approve, but also kinda wish I never saw you” and to this day, I don’t pick my nose in my car. Unless it’s night time.

To finish off this post, I messaged Hailey and asked “Is it bad that all my posts are about my bum and boogers?”

And she said “It’s excellent. No issues with that.”

So if you’re wondering why all this is on her blog today, I had approval. I promise.

I made ten sandwiches for lunch today. Two per kid. They were easily all eaten, no question. I felt nostalgic while I was making them, remembering the days of making two sandwiches – one per kid. That was three kids ago! By the time Rowan would have a sandwich, Dekker had two. Two sandwiches feeding my children is a thing of the long ago past.

I admit, though, it got me thinking. I’ve had nine pregnancies. I know mathematically, time wise, it doesn’t work out that way, but how crazy would it be to be making sandwiches for nine children?? One sandwich per kid would never cut it, but it was just a nice image in my head. These five kids alone ate an entire loaf of bread for lunch, plus some other stuff. How different would life look with all of my nine children? One day, in Heaven, I’ll know the answer to that question. Until then, I’ll just daydream about it while I make sandwiches.

Happy third birthday, Jamin. 💙Mommy loves you.

These two, tho 😍

They’re a funny pair. Solomon has loved his time being one of the “little kids” and is taking his time moving up in the world. He’s a bit of a “sit back and watch” kind of kid. Meanwhile, Waverly is ahead of the game in just about every way. Often, these two fall into the same category.

In the recent past, Solly has picked up on being Wavy’s big brother, and he takes the job pretty seriously. He coaxes her where he knows she’s supposed to be, holds her hand, brings her to an adult if she needs help, and invites her to join his games.

She is his Weevy and he is her Woddy. They’re so adorable. I hope they’re always friends.

We painted until about 10:30 last night, until we ran out of paint. And we’re not done. So this morning, we took our extra scrappy kids in for a drive to Home Depot, to pick up more paint. With that, Brady’s entire Makita tool kit has been on the fritz for long enough, and this morning, his last working drill quit. So that’s another poorly timed expensive purchase but what’s a person to do? He’ll need them for work as it is, as that’s finally starting up again in a small capacity. I write you this blog from the Home Depot parking lot, on the laptop, like an adult, listening to “Dear Future Me” By Little King. Its cute. Check it out. 

On the drive in, Brady had an AirPod in, trying to get through to our credit card company. We got new Costco credits cards recently, as ours were expiring, and after Brady had a lapse and entered his pin wrong once, they put a block on his card. Aaaaanyway, none of that is actually important right now. As we started our drive, he announced loudly to the van “My name is Brady Born.” I had a laugh and reminded the kids Daddy was on the phone. 

We passed a large group of bikers, and as tends to happen, Dekker asked who they were. Because why wouldn’t we know, right? Adults probably know all other adults. Brady answered Dekker with a loud, firm “Yes.” 

Dekker looked at me oddly, and we shared a chuckle. 

But Brady kept going with the yeses. Yes. Yes. Yes. In his all business, authority voice. 

Suddenly Waverly shouted “YES!” I cracked up hard and as you’d expect, that only encouraged her. I laughed, and she kept going. It actually registered on Brady’s call and messed up the automated system. Whoops! Price to pay for cute, I guess! 

Brady eventually was able to reset his pin on his card and the drive was otherwise uneventful. We got everything we needed, and we’re back at it!!

I’ve not been exactly a treat to be around the last few days. Without being too forward, my miscarriage has passed completely, and I’m left to continue on with normal life, as though it never happened. No one is making me feel that way, but its the reality. I had probably four-ish days where, Brady can attest, I was very up and down. I’m feeling more like myself now, and today was an excellent kind of day. The best kind, really.

It started with being taken out for breakfast by this little treat. 💜

I ate this ridiculous meal called “Blackstone Benny,” which was eggs benedict with bacon and tomatoes. Ridiculously yummy. And dollar fries! Those were fun, too.

When I got home, Brady had just wrapped up breakfast and was getting everyone outside. Laele apparently dressed Waverly, and changed her diaper!! 😳

Apparently Laela is already a teenager.

We all made our way outside, and the kids started biking and pulling each other around on wagons.

They also helped/played inside the camper.

Aaaaand you’ve got to wait for Friday for all the details (which might kill me) but I also kept very busy in the trailer!

Eek!

Today was so excellent because it had an outing, and work, and I enjoyed both, equally! How often does that happen??? I’m so grateful for all of my people and every part of today.

I wish this week had more to show, but we were fortunate enough to have Brady work a couple of days! That was totally welcomed and necessary, but also cut back on our work time here at home greatly! Luckily, we still got a lot done!  

We officially finished the walls!!!!

Isn’t it pretty??? 😍 The beadboard has been kind of a gigantic job, trying to get super smooth accurate cuts whilst also trying to make the best use of materials. At the same time, Brady’s been working hard to get outlets tucked in nicely, as well as extending a duct. 

I think the kids are going to love it. 

This was done to make the air conditioning somewhat equal for the kids on the top bunks and bottom bunks. That doesn’t make a ton of sense right now, but I promise it will. 

As for the air conditioner, we still don’t know if it works. We’re hoping to get some help, but its going to come when it can, and so far, it hasn’t. That being said, if this third AC unit doesn’t work, we’re going to return it for a refund, and try again next year. Because, let’s be real. We will maybe get there for one weekend in August, maybe a couple in September, and that’ll be it. We can use fans. This summer, we’re just trying to get it out there, liveable. There will be more to do next year. 

Brady also built drawer boxes and set up the cabinets for shelves.

He built some crown moulding above the new wall cabinets…

and tweaked the cabinets that we’re not rebuilding this year to match them to the rest of the aesthetic. 

And now there’s even trim around the bump out! Woot!

What cannot be pictured is our decisions! We had a whole plan for blinds, and then it fell through. Whoops! So we made a new plan, made possible locally, for about the same cost. It won’t look as pretty, but we have plans to make them work almost just as well. The details of that won’t come together this year, though. It seems that, as our deadline comes closer (WAY too fast) we’re realizing what things we’ll be leaving until next year. And that’s really completely fine 🙂 Its still going to be beautiful. 

This last week, we purchased paint, as well as acquired a sink ℅ some thoughtful friends, and a Kohler kitchen faucet for $40 off of Facebook marketplace. We also asked a friend who’s going to Ikea to pick us up two portable induction elements, as well as some little shelves. I’m SO excited for that stuff! We have just about everything we’re going to do this season lined up and ready to go! Nail holes are even filled. Next week is going to be gigantic!

That timeline is coming, though. Its not even in stealth mode anymore. Its running! Yikes!

We still need a barbecue!

We still have a fridge and futon frame to sell!

Yesterday felt VERY heavy, I can’t and won’t pretend it wasn’t. Thankfully, there was a little funny at the end of the day that I’m choosing to remember over my grief and discomfort.

After the kids went to bed, we were chatting a bit in the living room before we started our post-bedtime supper. Out of nowhere, Waverly started crying. She sounded really mad, which isn’t unheard of. Laela will chat with her, and sing and play and interact, until she won’t. She’ll quit completely out of nowhere, and it makes Wavy SO mad. So I assumed that was happening, and no one rushed in there. But her crying got louder and longer, and she was yelling something we couldn’t quite understand. We thought maybe we were wrong about the situation, so Brady headed in.

*sigh*

Forts.

She was crying

because

she wanted

a fort.

🙄

We laughed at her, and she stopped crying as soon as her concern was addressed, even though the answer was “no.” What an adorkable little girl, though, to cry for a fort. I’m a fan.

Probably the most painful blood draw I’ve ever had yesterday morning. But it was fast, and necessary.

I received word in the afternoon that HCG has completely left my system, yet again. The receptionist read the message from Dr. Guselle:

“Please tell Hailey that her HCG test is negative, and that I hope its positive again very soon.”

I love her. I think she secretly loves us, too.

I’ve learned a lot about that final blood draw. There is a whirlwind of emotion that comes along with it. It closes the book on another failed pregnancy, which is the main sorrow, of course. But it also provides clarity. Once those pregnancy hormones are out of my body, I can know with confidence that the things I’m feeling are grief, and are within my control.

I am allowed to grieve, and to feel how I feel, but I also have a whole life and a whole family and responsibilities coming out the nose. I am SO grateful for my people who give me nothing but grace and love, and help me in any way I allow. I’ve been given little breaks to go hide and crochet in my room. I’ve had help in the kitchen. I’ve been allowed to be quiet or sensitive or messy, without judgement.

The weekend away was a huge relief, but regular life has been hard to settle into. My heart is tired. Timing of busyness is a funny thing, but I’ve not had to feel alone.

Thank you, Lord, for helping my body do what it needed to do without outside help. I’m sad, but I’m grateful.