Month: January 2019

I Think I Figured it Out: Why Turing 30 Was SO Difficult

I don’t want to beat a dead horse here. Its not really a secret that my birthday was a weird, hard time for me last summer. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to it, but everyone kept telling me it was so great, and how so little changed, and aaaaall the positive perspectives. And they were right, that life kept on moving, and I was really just another day older, and another and another.

However, as a person naturally does from time to time, I reflected on the past decade of my life. And I struggled really hard after that.

WHAT HAVE I BEEN DOING FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS?!?!?!

I talked to a handful of people I love and trust about these feelings, and was reassured over and over that my years have been FULL. And in some ways, I’ve accomplished a lot in them! Clearly, I have five beautiful children! That alone is a full ten years, especially considering I’ve only been having kids for seven out of the ten years.

So I rabbit trailed from that thought, and felt like an IDIOT for feeling like I haven’t done anything with my life. Was I that ungrateful?! Was I that entitled?! I can’t be that awful!! How is that not enough for me??

For a few months after my birthday, I discovered I felt quite worthless. It wasn’t anyone’s fault except my own, but I felt SO unimportant. I pity partied a lot, and my loved ones never fell away from me, even though I was needy and hurting and super annoying. I have amazing people, as I so often say. There have been a few people in my recent past who have gone from my friends to strangers in a matter of minutes. Some were from misunderstandings. Some were from a general clash of personalities. Some, I couldn’t tell you why. They just disappeared. Thats caused me to question all kinds of things. How am I such an easy person to drop? Was I really that “nothing” to those people? But those people have made room for excellent people to come into my life and remind me what true friendship looks like. For that I am SO grateful.

I’ve been thirty for six months now, so some of the shock has worn off, and while I don’t feel like I’m in the thick of an identity crisis anymore, I can tell I definitely was in one, and I’m still coming back from it. Some of you have probably been reading this and thinking I’m all mixed up. I was, but I’m less mixed up now, I promise. I came up with a few conclusions.

Conclusion number one is that I am SO grateful for the children I have! I think the reason I struggle to see them as “accomplishments” is because they’re gifts! They’re my family! They’re what I’ve always wanted, so to have that feels like an enormous gift I’ve been given, not something I’ve in some way worked for or “earned.” People have told me lots that I deserved Waverly after all of our sorrows the year before. But no one “deserves” children, or anything else, really. Thats just my opinion, but I’m confident in it for me and my family.

Conclusion number two is that ambition can take on all different forms. Some people go to university for 10+ years and live their dream doing what they love! I’m living my dream, also doing what I love, but I didn’t go to school for it. Having children and raising them with a deeper, stronger love than I knew existed is an enormous responsibility, and I’d say it requires serious ambition. And its ambition I have! Ambition can wear sweat pants and a messy bun and still get a ton done! It can still love and guide its children in a super powerful way! It can still praise and worship Jesus and share with the world the good news! It just might look different than traditional ambition the way you think of it, or the way I’ve thought of it.

Conclusion number three is the most important one. You’re probably all thinking it. ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE BUT ABOUT WHO YOU ARE. I think this is truly where my struggle was rooted sixish months ago. I didn’t stop loving myself, but I forgot why I did. I knew my titles – wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend. I knew I was decently ok at some of those, and hopefully pretty great at a few. But I wanted to make sure I felt good with myself, body and soul. Like, the bones, haha! People can look at an old beater house and say “but the bones are good” and you know its structurally sound. I didn’t remember if my bones were good or not.

Guys. I think they are. They’re not perfect, obviously, but not even the newest of bones are without flaws and in need of occasional repair, am I right?

This brings me to my “resolution” for this year. You guys know I keep these suckers super vague every year, and this year is no different. In fact, I’d say its more vague than usual. My word of the year is “searching.” All those things that we all know we should do but don’t wanna do – I’m going to start doing those things. Super low pressure, though. None of this business of trying to do something every single day. Its just not feasible. The goal is to keep the “bones” strong. That means making better food choices, better financial choices, being active more often, going to church more often, getting involved in things that take extra work without making excuses. It won’t be everything, and it won’t be always, but this girl needs to remember what is actually important, and nurture those things. Please, friends, stand by me as I try. Its not going to perfect, but the longing is there. I’m in constant search mode.

***

I wrote things from an emotional place, and I’m not going to re-read and nitpick over it for fear that I’ll mess it up further, or just chicken out from posting it altogether. So if I’ve worded anything wrong, please take it with a grain of salt and know my motives are pure and honest.

Too Cold to Get Out

Today was back to school for Dekker, but the rest of us were planning to stay home. However, with Brady being home these days, and handy, the church has hired him to do a little bit of finishing work around there. So rather than hiding out at home all morning, the kids and I bundled up and joined Brady on a trip to the city to buy materials. Brady was the only one who actually left the van, but the rest of us listened to music and chatted and got a change of scenery at least.

Picking up materials brought us to four different places, but it was nice to spend the time together! I’m so thankful for my chill group of kids who are happy to sit and wait a bit.

Laela is wearing her toque (backwards, of course) with Waverly’s toque stacked on top. #vogue
Lol

We took our time, and made it home right around lunch. Brady got the three kids lunch, and I took Waverly upstairs for a bottle. She’s the worst for drinking her milk if she feels AT ALL uncomfortable, so we try and feed her in the quietest, more restful distraction-free zone. Didn’t work, though :/ Kid barely drank anything. But hey. I tried.

Now that the kids are napping, Brady is off to the church to get started on his work there. Jerilee will come for the evening, for some Bachelor and appies! The perfect way to wind up a frigid winter day. Have you guys noticed that we’re getting extra sunlight again these days?!? I’m just ITCHING for Spring!! But this stretch of winter tends to be the most unpredictable, so who knows what’s coming.

Let’s Get Caught Up: Pic Dump

Sometimes I find myself with a bunch of cute pictures on my phone that don’t carry enough of a story to be a post on their own, but I don’t want them to get lost either. So that’s how I end up with a bit of a scattered “catch up” post like this one!

Laela made me a crown at school 🙂 Ok, she actually made it for herself, but it didn’t fit. Works for me!

Rowans hair has reached his waist! When its wet, anyway. It definitely shorter when its dry, but when its freshly washed and brushed right down, its at his pants! CRAZY!

I bought a curling wand the other day. It literally takes just as long to curl as it does to straighten, and I like this way more. Except I keep burning my hands!! My gosh, does anyone else have flashbacks of having their foreheads burned as a child when getting their bangs curled?? Tell me its not just me! Lol!

I’ve started harassing Dekker while he does his reading after school. Not in a bad way, but in a way where its more fun, and he’s less concerned with how long it takes. While Dekker reads just fine, its not his thing. I feel with him on that, as I never really cared to waste the day away snuggled up with a book like so many of my friends did. So I tease him and snuggle him and time is less of a worry. I love it.

Wavy cut her top teeth a little while ago, but didn’t show any signs of relief. I took this VERY flattering picture of her (😂) and saw that the teeth right next to them are working hard and fast! No break for her! At least she still looks super cute!

Apparently this perogie looks like a puppy. Just go with it.

When Brady is home and the kids are napping, sometimes we like to tuck into bed and binge watch whatever show we’re working on. These days, its Parks and Recreation. Wavy joined us the other day.

She joins us for everything these days… 😳

I got some special snuggles in with this boy while we watched music videos before bed yesterday. He’s since offered for me to snuggle with him many, many times. I accept.

We’re so so sad about Beard Guy here 😔 I can’t believe he passed away. Neither can Solly.

I saw this online today! I can dream about this kind of thing, haha! If only we could somehow cater to everyone’s specific situation, hey?

The last one is from this morning. I hung out upstairs with Wavy while Brady and the kids went downstairs to “work.” I should clarify, Brady actually worked, haha! These little divas wandered the basement with their pencils and tape measures and dollies and paint rollers, haha! Safety first, right guys?
Meanwhile, Brady sealed off the longest wall with plastic! Only one more smaller wall left before thats DONE! A few other little things left before we can start on drywall! SO ready!

I also recently registered for another craft retreat this spring, so I’m already SUPER looking forward to that!

February brings our anniversary! A long time ago, we decided to go somewhere hot for this anniversary, but it just wasn’t in the cards, and thats ok 😊 I think we’ll try to plan a date at least, and maaaybe even get away for a night in March when Marianas Trench comes to Regina!

I think you’re all officially caught up on everything that’s even remotely going on around here! Any questions? Anything you want to know about or want to see on here? I’m trying to actually plan intentional posts for February so if you want to see something specifically, speak now!

Last Week vs This Week

Brady was home last week, if you had missed it. We began the week with nothing on our plate, and WOW! That week was unceasingly busy! Hahaha! It was kind of great, because Brady feels a little crazy when unproductive. And he did TONS last week!

This week is another week of Brady being home, and he kicked the week of yesterday by getting a cold!! Poor boy. He’s already a little off his game. He may have accidentally drank my coffee instead of his own…

This morning, we sat down together and looked at the calendar and sure enough, the week was pretty open! In the last two hours, we’ve already added a few things to it, and I’m sure that will continue to happen. I hope that Brady gets a bit more of a restful week, however, so he can recover from his cold and keep on keeping on!

So wish us all luck! Last night was one of those special ones where I woke up in the middle of the night to my husband mouth breathing directly into my face from mere inches away, sooooo its possible I’m not far behind in the business of colds. And with the kids not having school tomorrow (weird, right?) we all have the pleasure of being trapped inside all day together, stewing in each others sickness. Does it have to be SO cold tomorrow?? Yikes yikes yikes!

Remember When Wavy Liked Baths?

Wavy is probably our first baby who likes baths at a young age. She doesn’t love them, but she handles them super well, and often gets through them without even crying.

Yesterday’s bath was an exception…

When I lay her in the tub, she was a bit on the hesitant side, but she was pretty ok with it. Like usual, she just watched me and I smiled at her, and she was content and trusting and totally fine.

Until she splashed. She got excited and kicked her feet, and scared her poor self half to death! And as one might expect, her reaction from fear was to flail and kick. So she continued to freak herself right out! Poor dear was SO upset! I couldn’t talk her down from it, so it became a situation of washing her as fast as possible so I could rescue her from herself.

The funny issue with having a baby with quite so much hair is that there is NO way around sitting her up to get the black cleaned. And on top of that, she has enough hair that an all-in-one baby shampoo doesn’t cut it, so I have to rinse her and sit her up a second time for conditioner. Really, its a great problem to have, because I love how much hair she has, but she absolutely refused! I sat her up and she’s launch herself backwards. I’d let her stand, and she’s bail down. FULL fight or flight mode. We have a bath mat in the bottom of the tub to make it less slippery but it was not doing its job last night, so siree!

I was bathing her while Brady was putting the finishing touches on the other kids bedtimes, but I finally had to call him away for a minute so he could just hold Wavy up in one spot so I could actually condition her hair. It only took a couple of seconds. Then I lay her back down and rinsed her hair and her still panicking little body before pulling her out and wrapping her in her towel. It wasn’t even closed around her body before she was smiling like a fool. Silly little girl.

She did survive her bath, as you can imagine, but it wasn’t a smooth one. It’ll be so much more fun when she’s more stable sitting 🙂 They she can actually play and feel less vulnerable and under water. Hopefully she soon learns that splashing can be fun!

Not Our Best, but We had No Other Options

Today had to be an errand day for a handful of reasons.

  1. We were out of basically everything.
  2. A couple of things were under a time crunch.
  3. There’s an impending snowstorm.

We took our time this morning, but left for the city after everyone was dressed and fed. We were bundled up and gone around 10:00am.

Our first stop was pretty unsuccessful. We unloaded everyone and dragged them into Canadian Tire, only to leave with a single thing. Merp. But we grabbed some coffee and continued on. We dropped by Lawson and got my screen protector replaced under warranty by a really helpful employee. Then lunch, and the Walmart.

We needed such a wide variety of things at Walmart, and while we didn’t get them all, we did ok. We got the big kids new helmets, because with skating at school and a quad ride or two, it was clear they needed the next size up. We got some groceries. We got the school kids valentines, and got Laela a new water bottle since she lost hers a couple of weeks ago, and the one she’s using in its place is leaky. We did not find antifreeze, nor a comfy sports bra for myself. Or a new phone case. Possibly most disappointing, I inquired at the pharmacy about those little over the counter skin tag remover kits, and learned I can’t use them. I have a small skin tag that grew right under my eye, of all places, and I can’t remove it myself there. So that was discouraging. But, small potatoes in the big picture.

After Walmart, we headed to Costco. Everyone was fed and watered and happy, but there was a throw down, let me tell you. Solly still sits up in the cart seat, and the big kids hold on to the side of the cart when we’re in the parking lot, because we want them to live. However, whichever side Solly sits on seems to be GOLD, and Dekker and Laela fight to the death over who gets to be on that side. Today, we were unloading everyone from the van, and Dekker and Laela were scrapping over who got to be on which side of the cart. And they started flat out yelling at each other, because we’re not already a bit of a side show. Sigh. Brady stopped their argument and reminded them to speak respectfully. And then yelled back! Would not have it. Sooooo everyone got loaded back into the van, amidst tears from the guilty parties. I waited in the van with them while Brady ran in and blitzed Costco on his own. It went surprisingly fast, haha!

We headed home with our tired, emotional bunch, a bit nervous for what was to come of this nap-free day. As soon as we got home, I fed Waverly and put her to bed. Dekker got into the bath, and the middle kids played hide and seek. We decided on and started supper, and I headed upstairs to blog. At one point, Brady came up to talk to me, and upon going back down, he saw these beautiful little beings.

Dekker had finished up his bath and had joined the others. All on their own, they had found something quiet to do as a group!!! These small moments always feel like such a win, but especially after a big day out.

No promises for the rest of the day, but I like what we’ve had so far!

Guilty Pleasures

I thought it might be fun to share some of my guilty pleasures with you guys! To be honest, I was stuck for an idea of what to blog about, and upon looking on lists of ideas, I figured I’d spare my readers a post about my favorite fonts, or sorority recruitment advice. Guilty pleasures, however, I have a lot of. Here are some of mine 🙂

  1. Food court Asian food. They give you a heaping plate full of rice, soggy veggies, and some nondescript meat. Do you guys find that, no matter what mean dish you order, they all kind of taste the same? I do! But seriously, I could eat those veggies aaaaall day long! Its SO yummy!
  2. Lush bath products. Those bath bombs cost SO much but they’re SO good!! When I have one of those on hand, I know I’m in for a goooood bath! If only I could justify them more often!
  3. Pop music. This can’t only be me. I’ve been buying the guilty pleasure songs that I’m embarrassed to like, just because they really make me happy. Probably my most embarrassing guilty pleasure song right now is “What Makes you Beautiful.” Don’t make me regret sharing this with you.
  4. The Bachelor. Yes, the whole trashy franchise. I can’t help it. I haven’t felt especially invested in any of the recent bachelors or bachelorettes, but its still fun.
  5. Dollar Drinks at McDonalds during the summer! Those iced coffees are so good!

I think five guilty pleasures are enough for one day. Anyone care to share one or two of your own? C’mon, don’t leave me hanging!

January Limbo

I’m having this super odd issue right now, where I have some super fun blogs planned for February, but the end of January is lagging sooooo much!

It doesn’t help that January feels like it has about a hundred days in it. Possibly the longest month of the year. That and the final month of pregnancy, right? My gosh. With the cold snap recently, too, I think I can safely say we all feel a bit closed in and over this season.

After our third van breakdown, and second in four days only, Brady finally figured out the root of our vehicle’s issue! He fixed it yesterday and I was able to drive it in to the city today, right downtown, without it stalling it and giving up on me. I warned him in advance, that if it crapped out and left me stranded, I was going to take to the comfort of the mall, and shop some of my angst away. To his relief, the van fired right back up when I needed it to, and brought me home safe and sound. It even hit a nearby Tim Hortons and brought coffee home! Good bus. Good good bus.

Since being out this morning, however, my feet have been chilly, and they refuse to quit. I’m wearing socks and everything! I think I’m going to go for a walk on the treadmill to heat up my insides a little.

Wish me luck! And stay inside if you know whats good for you!!

Solly’s Powy Button

I’m sure many people with children can relate to the inventing of words. I know it goes against all the rules of speech therapy, but I just love the words my children mispronounce, and we tend to start using them rather than correcting them. Whoops! Don’t worry, they’re all running their course and being corrected over time. Some of my personal favorites are as follows:

Rockaronie
Ambliance
Hallayyoola
Pokies
Blotter

There are far too many to list. Any guesses on these?

A while back, Solly said something about his belly button, but as a two year old might, he pronounced it more like “bowy” rather than “belly.”

“Powy button?” I questioned, and promptly poked it and yelled “POW!” The entire family laughed SO hard! It instantly became a game. If a belly was ever left unprotected, it was vulnerable to a pow. In all fairness, in the very beginning, Solly was kind of hot and cold on the game. Usually he’d laugh. Sometimes he’d burst out crying. Again, he’s two. Not unheard of that he’d change his mind a couple of times. To be clear, he’s settled on thinking its hilarious.

This morning hasn’t been our best, and it showed that the kids were really feeling it. I made a point to go around mid-morning and have a few minutes of a snuggle with each kid. While they played or colored, I just hugged them and kissed them and told them I loved them. When I went over to Solly, I snuggled him for a minute, and then poked his powy button.

And guys, it was as though we had never played that game before!

He squealed and threw himself into me, seconds later requesting “Again! Again!” So I obliged, and we had a total riot, just he and I, sitting on the floor in a pile of his now-rejected duplo.

After a while, I headed back to have a seat and some coffee, and he followed. He’d stand a few feet away from me, fully out of my reach, and quietly say “Poke my powy button?”

I told him I couldn’t when he was so far away. So sometimes, he’d creep up to me and I’d have the chance to poke him in the belly.

Brady was coming in and out of the house, working on yet MORE vehicle issues (such a fun season of life we’re in…) and at one point, while he and I were discussing his next move, Solly lifted his shirt and placed his belly on my knee where my hand was resting. He was desperate to be tickled!! It was SO funny!

We played a lot this morning, and that may just continue, considering we couldn’t leave if we wanted to. Sigh. Being an adult is SO fun.

The moral of the story is “Pow your kids in their belly buttons! The element of surprise is everything!” Take it or leave it.

Rowan’s Name

A while back now, I posted the story of how we chose Dekker’s name and Laela’s name. I haven’t continued with the rest of the kids names because frankly, they don’t have as exciting of stories behind them. Buuuuut I’ve had the story of choosing Wavy’s name written for a while now, and I don’t want to just completely skip over the little boys and tell her story rather. So, here’s the story of how we chose Rowan’s name!

When we conceived Rowan, we were still living in Radisson. We spent much of that pregnancy getting our house in good shape, painting and purging and everything in between. It was a super busy time of our life! Oftentimes, I have a specific time in my memory of where we were or what we were doing when we decided on the baby’s name, but really, we were just home for this one.

Rowan was our only boys name at the time. My ideal was Ren, but I let that one go for one main reason, take it or leave it. No burn on anyone else’s name, but I feel like we can’t have a one syllable first name with our one syllable last name. Of course, a name thats shortened, or a nickname, thats fine! NO BURN on anyone with one syllable names! I personally love one syllable names, and feel kind of sad that I won’t be able to use them for my kids. It just doesn’t sound right in my head. Too abrupt. So, sadly, I gave up my “Ren” and lovingly accepted “Rowan” in its place.

Toby is Rowan’s middle name. That was the name that took work to pin down. We WORKED to find a middle name that fit with “Rowan.” If you’ve ever talked baby names with us, you know how we pour over names, hundreds of names, and veto and veto and veto. There was a long time there where we figured we’d name our third baby Rowan Patrick. It sounds nice together, right? However, “Patrick” was popping up more and more, and I didn’t want to just choose something trendy in the moment. But we kept it as our first place middle name and waited for something better to come along. And it did 🙂 Toby was my grandpa’s name. Tobias, actually, but everyone called him Toby. We’ve never specifically named our children after anyone, but it was a nice little nod towards a great man!! Rowan Toby sounded perfect!!

And it fit perfectly 😍

😚

We figured we’d call him Roro. But if you’re around our life now, you know we almost always call him Ro. Just Ro. Though sometimes I wonder/wish we had gone with Row?? Thoughts, anyone?