Guys.

I have a seven year old.

I can’t even believe it.

My very first baby – the one who made me a mommy – is seven. Peek back at his birth story if you’re interested. I wasn’t as long winded back in those days 😉 Though it appears the pictures from that post are almost all broken. Ah well. Can’t win them all.

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times. Its been a BIG year. In some ways, Dekker has changed immensely, and in others, he looks exactly the same as he did one year ago.

One year ago, he was turning six, and his broken mommy and daddy couldn’t pull it together and make him a party. There was just no way. Grief was too deep. My amazing mom took initiative, confirmed a couple of things with us, and made a party at her house. We all played in the backyard, roasted hot dogs over the fire, ate cake, and opened presents. Balloons were tied to the deck, even. Over and over, Dekker gushed that it was the best day of his life. He knew how hard we were struggling, and while I know he genuinely LOVED his party, I also think he was so enthusiastic to somehow reassure our aching hearts that he was content and felt loved. He still talks about that party to this day as a happy time for him.

In the last year, he’s crushed grade one, lost a couple of teeth, has braved up in terms of really any kind of appointment, and has learned way better how to play with others. Especially the little ones! He LOVES the young ones, and is so patient with them. His heart is soft and warm. When he was younger, we had a pretty hard time with how sensitive he was to everything. I remember telling myself that, one day, his sensitivity was going to be a WONDERFUL quality, not one that limited him. And folks, we’re there. He is just one of the very best people I know, and its SO exciting watching him slowly grow into himself and find his feet. I fear he already looks like a teenager…

Dekker Thomas, I love you from the bottom of my heart aaaaall the way to the top. I love your silliness and your confidence. I love your sweetness and your softness. I love your love for your family, and your wonder towards new things. I love your willingness and your work ethic. I love your contentedness and your peacefulness. I love when you color and when you sing along to music in the van. I love your kisses and your tolerance of my gently squashing you with hugs. I love your jokes and when you read.

You. Are. Amazing. Don’t be too grown up too fast!

On Friday afternoon, I took Wavy to the doctor for our six week check up. We’re actually 6.5 weeks out, but our appointment days have always been on Fridays, so we’re sticking with that. She and I got there a little bit early, and I got to have a little chat with one of the receptionists who we’ve known for years, back from the previous clinic Dr. Guselle worked in. She hadn’t had a chance to see Wavy yet, and was super lovely and interested in her. We sat and waited for only a few minutes, but the little miss took it upon herself to fart and grunt like crazy in the quiet waiting room. In case you couldn’t already tell what she was up to, she kind of wears her emotions on her sleeve…

We were called back pretty quickly, and the girl who usually calls us back was there this time. She hadn’t been around for our two week check, and was SO excited to see Wavy! She just gushed and baby talked and couldn’t seem to get enough of her. She did confirm, however, that Wavy stunk, haha! I changed her diaper quickly and then we weighed her. She has gained just over two pounds in the last four weeks. She’s now 10 lbs 5 oz! That is almost as big as Dekker and Solly at birth, lol! She’s still so dainty, but her chins are working hard. I’m so smitten.

When we were walked back to our room, the girl who came along with us just hung around and chatted for a bit. We talked about her experience having her son, and some of the tough stuff she came across, and how we could relate on a handful of levels. It went on probably longer than it felt, but suddenly there was a knock on the door. It was Dr. Khatra, ready for our appointment, and we had just been doddling. He was in no rush, though. She commented to him how pretty Wavy was, and he jumped right in and went on and on about how she had been pretty right from the start 🙂 He’s not wrong. I ducked back out of the room for a second to get weighed and such. That all looked fine, and Wavy and I made our way back to our appointment.

It was a really good one, honestly. I like Dr. Khatra. He’s comfortable and knowledgeable, and I can tell he’s really implementing what Dr. Guselle is teaching, because the little things that I’ve always really liked about her are showing up in him as well. We talked about a lot of things. I’ve had a lot of low days this summer, and this is the first time I’ve gone into this type of appointment without a confident answer to the inevitable questions about postpartum depression. Its so hard to know whether my feelings have been based on having Wavy or just life circumstance. He gave me some advice on where to start and what I could be doing to help my body level out naturally, and see where that takes me. That was the big question for me today. My iron is up, I’m sleeping enough to function, and my mood is at the very least ok, and I’m working on a new plan for that.

Wavy was next, and she also passed all the test with flying colors. Not “tests,” obviously, but just everything. She’s eating great and growing great. She’s nice and alert, sleeping well, has the right reflexes, with a straight aligned body. At one point, Dr. Khatra commented “She’s just so perfect, she doesn’t even need me. Aw. I feel kind of left out…” He’s sweet to her. She stayed very still for her exam, only flinching a bit with the cold stethoscope. She’s lovely.

We talked about another appointment, vaccines, etc., and then closed off the appointment with the dreaded pelvic exam. I got myself all prepped and as you’d expect, as soon as I was less than dressed and laying on the exam table, Wavy started crying. Dr. Khatra, as well as the lovely girl from before, came back in. She held and bounced Wavy while Dr. Khatra checked everything over and gave me the all clear. Everything is healed and happy! Woot for me!

I always love to see Dr. Guselle. She will never be replaced. I may just keel the day she retires, which I hope will not be aaaaanytime soon. But I felt really good at this appointment. Really comfortable. Like they really like Waverly, and are happy to have us. Not everyone can say their doctor compliments their baby’s beautiful bright blue eyes, or says they’re happy to see the whole group once in a while, or that their staff smell their baby’s hair, or that you can shoot the breeze about life for a bit without feeling like you’re setting their day back. And the fact that we all came out healthy doesn’t hurt either.

Yesterday was an odd day. Memories floated around in my mind all day, though I didn’t talk about them too much. I waffled constantly between feeling a great heaviness, and feeling peace. I’ve come to terms with the fact that things will never look or feel quite “right,” because regardless of how hard I try or how long I wrack my brain over the details, people are just not supposed to lose babies. No matter where Jamin’s ashes are, or how his few little things are displayed, it won’t matter, because he’s not here with us. And thats just life. I can have some peace about his life in heaven, but the little details here will never feel fully ironed out. And maybe thats ok.

After yesterday’s post, I figured I should address another “frequently asked question,” if I can flatter myself enough to suggest that people actually want to know, haha! Do we want more kids? That is the question.

Short answer?

Yes.

We absolutely hope very much for more kids. Its a funny thing to explain. My views have changed SO MUCH since losing our boys last year, but I don’t know how to express it all smoothly. Bear with me for the long answer.

Simply put, we want all of the babies that are supposed to be ours, however that looks. Our hearts and arms are wide open. Are we just going to keep pumping out kids until we can’t anymore? Nope. Not doing that. Our decision on whether or not to have another baby has always been discussed and prayed over. We haven’t just thrown caution to the wind. I regularly ask for God to reveal to me a clear point where we are to be done having babies. I just don’t feel that push yet. Have we used birth control? Sure have. Do we think birth control is wrong now? Absolutely NOT. Are we planning to use it anytime soon? Beats me. No big plans one way or the other. We just so very strongly hope for more children. The answer is YES.

Laela has already begun colouring pictures for “the next baby. And it will be a boy.” So to answer that question, yes, the kids are VERY much hoping for more siblings as well.

I want to put this out there, too. This is the first time I’ve talked about future children where I’ve been worried about judgement, which feels silly, because we have had nothing but support from SO MANY of you! Yet, with all the lead up to Wavy’s birth, I fear people will think she’s being overshadowed, or that we’re taking her for granted if we conceive anytime in the near-ish future. This is simply not the case. Let me try and reassure you this way.

When we conceived Waverly, I was unsure how it would look to mourn the loss of Jamin while celebrating another baby. It was an interesting thing to navigate, and it wasn’t perfect, but it worked. In the possible scenario of another pregnancy, I would be loving my children, including Waverly, while anticipating another baby. That should be easier, right? Am I making sense? I hope so.

I respect that not everyone will agree with our lifestyle, or that some people think we’re “crazy.” Thats totally fine 🙂 I ask that you keep those opinions to yourself. Trust me, I’ve thought of all the same “what ifs” that you have. Probably more. We’re working hard to follow where we feel led, whether its a popular choice or not. We are confident in our decision to grow our family further, and LOVE our houseful of children!

Our little baby boy, Jamin, was born one year ago today. Its been a full year since I held him or kissed him. I was recently scrolling through some old blog posts looking for some unrelated information when I came across his birth story. Part of me didn’t want to read it, but the bigger part of me hated that I didn’t want to read it. So I did. I read them, part one and part two, by myself.

I had a good cry while I read. The details just poured back on me. Not that I had forgotten them, but re-reading it made it all real again. It made me remember that I did go through that experience. It wasn’t a dream. I wish it were.

Its been a bizarre year and a half of learning to navigate grief. Losing Theo in January was the thickest grief I had ever known. The deepest waters. But then losing Jamin was being held under those waters as I struggled to reach the surface or take a breath. As time has passed, I wouldn’t say my grief has gone away or even gotten better, but the things I experienced feel more normal. They’re not new or shocking anymore. They’re just my life. They’re just what happened.

A tricky thing happened when we had Waverly. We had our seventh kid, but actually our fifth, but actually our seventh. The babies I lost are just as precious as the ones I have here at home. I know that, and you know that. I haven’t had to convince anyone. Yet they do feel different, and thats felt bad to me. Any parents who have experienced any form of baby loss know how hard the “how many kids do you have” question is to answer. Through some recent contemplation, I’ve come to realize what makes them different.

I carried Theo for 11.5 weeks. I carried Jamin for 16.5 weeks. I gave them love, and a place to grow and develop for those months, but that was it. That was all I gave them. I never had a chance to raise them, or take care of them, or comfort them. I was never responsible for them. Ever. I will NEVER discount them as my children, but realizing this has helped me understand why they’re different from my other kids. I would have LOVED to have been given the opportunity to care for Theo and Jamin, but I was not. Rather, I have their older siblings to care for and raise, as well as our latest addition, Wavy. One is not better than the other, nor more important, but circumstances have not allowed me access to a couple my children. It was out of my control.

I will forever love the little boys I miscarried in 2017, but they are 100% taken care of. God has all of my children in His hands, for which I am forever grateful. Lucky for me, I’m still on the hook for raising these five and walking them through life. I’m responsible for my children here on earth, but not the ones in heaven. Its just different, and maybe thats ok.

Happy birthday, Jamin! I’ll see you later ❤️ 

Isn’t Brady a fabulous blogger? While I was wracking my brain over what I could pre-write and post on the day I was away with Jerilee, he offered to write for me! I took him up on it, obviously! Win for everyone.

Jerilee had a birthday plan in mind for me, and it took until now to actually make it happen, since we were waiting for Brady to have a day off. Yesterday was the day! She drove to pick me up in the morning, where I said goodbye to my family, grabbed my little backpack, and didn’t look back. I kind of really needed the day away.

We listened to good music, drank coffee, and chatted the time away. It wasn’t long before we arrived in Regina. We drove all the way there solely for Pizza Hut buffet! Yes, a few locations still exist that serve a buffet for lunch. We proceeded to eat our body weight in pizza and breadsticks. We both grabbed a bit of salad, but who were we kidding? Pizza pizza pizza. Pizza Hut always wins!

Who doesn’t want to eat far too much pizza and follow it up by putting a bathing suit? We did!! ✋✋

We backtracked to Moose Jaw and headed to the spa. I had never been there before, and was so ready to soak my worries away in a nice warm mineral spa.

I should have pictures or more stories. We chatted goals and reflection and what the next year could/should hold. Work, school, family, friends, etc. We covered a lot of basics, but we literally bobbed around the pool for four hours. It. Was. Awesome. We waited until we were solidly pruny and somewhat dehydrated before finally calling it quits.

THANK YOU JERILEE FOR THIS LATE ADDITION OF PICTURES!!!

Don’t we look great?

We were both solidly loopy trying to get out of the pool, haha! Slow moving, a bit light on our feet, etc. But we made it to the change rooms and got our bearings back. We meandered our way out to the car and checked the time. It was supper time. Based on the fact that we ate SO MUCH lunch, and the lazy afternoon spent in the pool, neither of us were even a shred hungry. We opted for slurpees and made our way back home. We tried to stop and eat some supper partway through but neither of us were hungry at all, so we skipped it.

We were way quieter on the drive home. Just sleepy and content and squishy. It had been SUCH a nice day away, and I wasn’t entirely ready to go home at the end of the day. Not quite ready for reality again. But Brady greeted me with a baby girl who hadn’t slept longer than 45 minutes at a time for the whole day. She felt SO good in my arms, and once with me, she settled so beautifully. I’m flattering myself, but I’m choosing to believe she missed me. I missed her, too! But the break was good 😉

WHAT a great day! I felt loved and celebrated and appreciated, and that day, being 30 didn’t feel as rough. Let’s hold on to that feeling!

Her husband blogs.

GUEST POST!

So Hailey is away for the day celebrating the 10 year anniversary of her 20th birthday and I agreed to write this for her today so she wouldn’t have to worry about blogging. I dug deep down into the hidden recesses of my brain for something to write about and came up with nothing. 🤦

Then Hailey told me that some of her readers have expressed interest in what I do for a living. So here goes.

I am a finish/finishing/trim carpenter. I have no idea which one to call myself because everyone has a different label for it. And everyone has a slightly different idea of what a finish carpenter does. I feel like a general handyman a lot of the time. Finishing (see what I did there) the little jobs that need to be done to make a house look pretty. So I’m going to give you a run down of what I do. I’m using the pictures from our house build 2 years ago, sorry if some of them aren’t the greatest quality.

I like to call myself a trim carpenter these days because most of what I do is installing doors and trim in a house. I’ve been doing this for a solid 8 years now, being that I had a longtime carpenter friend of Hailey and myself offer me a job learning under him just a year after Hailey and I hitched our cabooses to each other.

I am lucky to have a contract with a fairly well known home builder who has now expanded to 8 western Canadian cities. I have been working with them since they started in our area over 5 years ago. It’s a good setup for me. I have dibs on the majority of the houses they build so for the most part I can dictate how much work I want. However, there are always slumps in the home building industry so I can’t say it’s a flawless setup.

Basically I take a house from freshly finished drywall and some bare framing to operational doors, trim, and closets.

From this…

To this…

And this…

I call this my ‘Stage 1’. So once I’ve installed the doors, trim, and whatever other custom woodwork needs to be done such as a fireplace mantle or basic handrails, then everything gets painted.

Once painting is done and flooring is installed I come back to install baseboards and any hardware required in the house that isn’t plumbing or electrical fixtures. Not much special to see there. Once I’ve installed baseboards and hardware I call it a day for that house. I may be required to go back to fix something but for the most part I’m finished with that house.

I do, however, occasionally do other carpentry related things such as kitchens…

By the way I also made that butcher block countertop.😎

Decks…

Even framing. (Which I do not have a picture for. LOL)

I’ve really tried to round out my field of carpentry knowledge and skills in the last couple years. Pushing myself to take on projects that I would have turned down 5 years ago. I pride myself on doing my job right, leaving no mistakes, and being a respectable/respectful businessman.

So there’s my sales pitch. Thanks for listening. 🙂

 

The last time I bathed Wavy, I noticed that her scalp was pretty dry. I combed through her hair while she was in the sink (yup, don’t judge) and there were some pretty decent flakes. But when her bath was done and her hair dried, there were no flakes left. I figured I had magically solved our “issue” with my quick comb job.

Yesterday, I remembered what had happened and figured I’d run a comb through her hair, since thats what we’re all supposed to do for our babies, and WOW! SO many flakes!!! Upon checking her scalp, I could see just how crazy dry it was. Time to oil that little head of hair up!

I’m not looking for tips on how to rid their head of cradle cap. We’ve dealt with it a handful of times and know our way around. She was suuuuuper oily for the evening, which not only provided entertainment for me, but she also seemed super happy with the result of her new ‘do.

She was not a fan of the bath to follow, but she was fine, and fell asleep the moment she was all dried off, diapered, and dressed.

We’ve still got flakes, so another treatment or two is in her future, but thats fine. A small problem to fix.

THIS is my question.

Waverly has curly hair. I do not, and am somewhat uncertain of the rules. I DO know that you’re not supposed to brush/comb curls out, and I don’t really want to! I love when they’re fresh, defined curls! But then how do I keep the whole dry scalp business at bay? The general rule is to brush baby’s hair every day, but do people do that when they have curly babies too? Help me, guys!! How do people keep their curly babies curly?!

After a much better night than last night, the morning was much smoother than yesterday. I woke up with Wavy at 7:00am and got the rest of the kids up shortly thereafter. Our friend came and picked up Dekker and Laela for VBS, and I was down to three!

Wavy was more settled today, and Ro and Solly were playing really well together! I got laundry going, did some dishes, and felt like a human. I invited Cher over for coffee, which was a lovely way to spend the morning. She left right around lunchtime, and I fed the little boys. They ate really well, which is not always the case. Woot!

I put the boys down for naps, continued on with laundry, and hung with Wavy until the big kids were dropped back off. They were both, once again, buzzing about their morning away. They ate some lunch, and then settled in to play Lego for their quiet time. Meanwhile, I folded laundry on the island. Its my favorite place to fold and organize the kids clothes. We weren’t overwhelmingly behind on laundry, which is usually when I choose to wash it all, but we were out of a very key item! Wavy’s sleepers!

To be fair, Wavy has TONS of sleepers. Like a full drawer of jammies. We weren’t out of all of them. We’re out of her best sleepers, and I just don’t want to use the other ones. Newborn is getting tight on her, but she’s swimming in the 3 month Carters ones. But guys, I’ve recently hit the jackpot on jammies, and I have to share.

Children’s Place.

Bear with me, here. Let me tell you my reasoning.

1. They fit like those delightful Carter’s “snug fit” sleepers, but those ones only start in bigger sizes. At Children’s Place, the snug fit start at 0-3 month.
2. The 0-3 month size at Children’s Place fits like newborn, only taller and longer in the limbs!
3. Baby’s feet will actually stay in the feet of the sleeper!
4. Children’s Place recently changed their policy, and shipping is always free, no minimum.
5. The price is right! Usually, anyway 😉 Children’s Place is unfortunately a store that I almost always feel is overpriced, but sleepers are so often 50% off, taking them from $20 to $10, therefore making them comparable in price to Carters, if not a little better 🙂

I couldn’t resist sharing this with those of you who have a tiny one to dress in cute, skinny little sleepers! I don’t very often like the designs sold at Children’s Place. In fact, I almost wrote a post the other day based solely around a onesie I saw on their site that I HATED, but I cooled off and decided against it 😉 If you can find a pattern or color that you like, I encourage you to give it a try and a buy!

These are just a few of the ones we have, and I like them all! I highly suggest you consider these things for future baby gifts for your loved ones! They are just SUCH a nice fit!!

My two oldest children tend to butt heads more often than my other kids. Ha! Buttheads. Seriously, thats just SO right some of these days. They can coexist in the same room and be around each other, but most days, it seems that anything one does will bother the other. It can be incredibly exhausting refereeing their little games all day long. Dekker is the oldest, and his personality is that of an oldest child. He’s very responsible, somewhat controlling, and whether its from birth order or just himself, he is very sensitive and easily wounded. Laela is a middle child, but it seems like she just thinks of herself as another oldest. Perhaps the oldest girl. She, however, it a bit more of a go-getter than her cautious older brother, which tends to put them on a pretty level playing field. Dekker was a bit behind on a few things until Laela pulled him along with her as she learned them. They could be a great pair!

I have high hopes for next year, when they’re both in school and have more to relate on. When they both feel more grown up, both have homework, both know some of the same people, both are learning more, etc. I’m excited for them to eventually walk to and from school together, and be pushed to converse and become better friends. Up to this point, they haven’t had much time one on one. Today, however, they did!

A friend offered to take them to a VBS program in a nearby town this week. She was bringing her children, and she knew of another mom or two doing the same. She lovingly texted me a while back and said she’d happily register my kids and drive them each day. What an amazing offer to me, and a great opportunity for my kids! We took her up on her offer, and it all started today!

They were SO excited this morning!! They burst through breakfast, got dressed and brushed quickly, and then waited by the stairs asking “How many minutes until they get here?” It was both annoying and endearing. Thankfully, their ride and their friends showed up shortly thereafter, and off they went. No one even hugged me or said goodbye. They just booted it out the door. Sweeties.

I figured, with two less kids, I could be somewhat productive in those few hours, but no dice. Miss Wavy woke up for her breakfast within five minutes of the big kids leaving, and that was that. I had my three little sweeties on hand for the remainder of the morning. It was pretty cute, though vastly unproductive.

We didn’t accomplish much at all this morning, but it was still lovely. The little boys raced cars together, the baby slept on me a lot, and we had a quick drop in visit from a friend bearing a beautiful gift for Waverly. She didn’t even judge my grey on grey on grey stylist outfit. Thats a good friend right there!

I got the little boys fed and down for naps before the big ones made it home, which was actually pretty perfect. They were absolutely amped upon arriving home, eager to share their excitement and stories. They had eaten a snack when they were out, and neither of them were especially hungry for lunch, so they split an apple and we pulled out the lego.

I haven’t seen them play this well together in SO LONG.

They’re just chatting nonstop as they play and build and work together. Once in a while, Laela gets irritated with him, and I’ve been able to talk her down off her ledge pretty quickly, which isn’t always the case. I’m getting such a nice vibe from them right now, and I can tell they’re feeling it, too. Lots of pleases and thank yous and little secretive giggles as they show each other their creations. Just a minute ago, Laela asked Dekker politely for help, and when he tried, he broke what she was making. He apologized and tried to fix it. I heard “Well, its a little different. Is it ok that I changed it a little?” Laela replied completely happily and said it was fine. The good manners are flowing. Even if it just lasts a few minutes, I’m SO happy its happening. These moments keep me alive sometimes. Its IN there! They DO love each other!

I’m excited to see what the rest of the week of VBS brings! And I’m so thankful for friends who reach out and love on my kids on their own.

There are a small handful of reasons why I’m feeling great today, and I want to share them with you lovely people. Here are the top five.

The stormy, windy, rainy weather makes me happy. I don’t know what it is. I’ve always loved a good crasher of a storm, but not as much the gloomy weather. That seems to have changed in the recent year or two. I’m literally only realizing this moment that my view has changed. Perhaps because I’ve seen beautiful things come from my own personal storms. Huh.

Wavy smiled so nice and big at me this afternoon! Her social smiles are juuust starting, and I mean juuust barely. Today, I was smooching her beautiful little lips, which usually annoys her more than pleases her, and when I pulled away a little, her eyes locked on me and she just gave me a beautiful, bright smile. Gosh, I can’t wait until she smiles all the time!!!

We convinced Cher to come over for brunch, and Brady made a delicious breakfast ring thing. Its super easy and ridiculously yummy! No better way to start the day than with good people and good food!

Waverly slept a SEVEN HOUR STRETCH for us last night!!!! From 10pm – 5am! She drank about half of a usual daytime bottle and went back to sleep until about 8:30am. That girl, though. She’s so great.

Thing number five is a big one, and the attaboy goes to you guys! 💜 I wasn’t kidding when I wrote on yesterday’s post that I wished I could turn off comments. I was SO worried about everyone’s reactions, and on such a sensitive topic as this, I didn’t want anyone to end up hurt. But I also wanted to share our backstory and my reasoning behind the choices we’ve made. I actually wrote that post out a while ago and flip flopped about whether or not to actually post it. Sometimes I go back and forth, decide to post, and regret it afterwards. Not often, but its happened. But I’m SO happy I posted yesterday’s post! I posted it, shared it, and then left my house for the rest of the day. And I’ll admit, every time a notification popped up on my phone about another comment on Facebook on the link, I got more and more nervous. You guys know I’m not some big known blogger, so I knew that any conversation in the comments would be between my friends, and I really care about my friends! Reading through the comments, however, just made me love you guys more. No one put anyone down, no one said anything snide or rude, and while I KNOW there were a lot of different people in the comments who feel very different ways, we ALL settled on the same point – that a fed baby is the priority, plain and simple. END THE STUPID MOMMY WARS ALREADY!! I want to be part of that change 🙂 The more women speak to each other the way they did in the comments section yesterday, the less defensive we’ll all have to be, and the less we’ll judge each other. That positivity has me still feeling good today. So THANK YOU for that!!!

Tomorrow begins the new work week! Brady is working the first few days, and the end of the week is busy with good stuff! Its nice to have things to look forward to.