Did you guys know October is considered “pregnancy and infant loss awareness month?” I think there are a number of different causes that hold October’s attention, but obviously, this one sits quite closely to me.

I had a post planned for today, but then my day shifted and instead of sitting at home and trying to properly write out my post about losing my babies and how its changed me, I put on real clothes, threw an entire box of Kleenex into my purse (no joke) and I went Christmas shopping with Jerilee. I know, I know, there are some opinions there. Eat me. I can Christmas shop whenever I want.

It was such an uplifting time away, drinking Starbucks and mall walking with my bestie. It was light and fun and chatty and normal.

I assure you all that while I don’t talk about my struggle each and every day on here, it is still very much at the front of my my mind. My little babies that I lost this year haven’t been forgotten. Theo should’ve been present for Laela’s birthday yesterday. If he couldn’t, I should’ve at least been solidly pregnant with Jamin. But nope. We don’t get either of those boys. And it sucks.

But on a day when I was given the opportunity to get out and focus on some light positive things, I am not going to post about my grief. I choose to focus on the good today, and there was a lot of it.

I am feeling a bit better today, thank goodness, and I very much enjoyed being out with a friend and planning for Christmas. I hope you’ve all found some joy today.