Believe it or not, after our amazing trip to the lake, I had a cry on the drive home. I’m sure part of it was just coming off of our trip, and my body and mind kind of letting down. But part of it was based around a fear I didn’t realize I had quite to this extent. I knew I was nervous, but as I put details together, I realized just how nervous.

Remember last year? Do you guys remember just how sick we were for just how long? It was months. Four months, I believe, with no break. Day after day after day of someone vomiting in the middle of the night, to fevers, to rashes, to more barfing, to pouring noses and dry coughs, to dehydration, and aaaaall the way back again. It was exhausting, to say the very least. It was unlike anything I had experienced before. Towards the end of those months, but still in them, I lost our baby. Another hit. The biggest hit. It felt like a beating that just wouldn’t end.

I had a pretty low time coming out of my miscarriage. Its not surprising. I own that low time. There was zero way around it. I mourned hard. Losing him completely pulled the rug out from under me. I haven’t ever gone into full details, but for the sake of this post, I will to a degree. From finding out my baby was lost to his actual delivery was a full week. I had to make the ugly choice to take medication to start “labour” and encourage him to come out of my body. I bled for weeks. It was an unbelievable time where I often went back and forth, wishing I had just asked for the dreaded d&c, to get the whole thing over and done with. But instead, I saw the physical effects of losing him for so so long. Then I waited out two cycles, which felt like torture, when I so desperately wanted to try for another baby. My cycles were abnormally long and painful and awful, and even my loving supportive husband would probably admit that I struggled very hard in those months. When the cycles has finally passed, we could try again. And it took a little while. Not as long as it takes many couples, I know, but it felt like an eternity. They were difficult months.

Now, here we are, pregnant and happy. The kids haven’t had an abundance of sicknesses for a little while, which is a relief. And we are fairly confident that the pregnancy is healthy and moving forward. That being said, I’ve been nauseous with my pregnancy for the last 2+ months, and juuust as I’m thinking the sickness might be lifting, I’m losing stability in my pelvis.

I’m not writing this to complain, for the record. I don’t want to whine. But I’m trying to just give you perspective of where I am and how I’m feeling.

I remember the pain of my past pregnancies. Solly’s was the worst. They’ve only hurt worse each time. With the beginnings of the pain returning so early on, I’m so so nervous. I have been a mess for so long. I don’t know how to convey it more literally. I’ve been a wreck on so many levels for so long, and now here we are, and it appears I won’t get even a small break between these struggles. I’ve never had morning sickness like this, and I’m so relieved to see it potentially wrapping up, but I’m so discouraged that my body is already starting to pop and hurt and complicate my daily life.

As I said, I had a cry about this all as we drove home, and my loving husband encouraged me that he believes I am giving 100% of what I am capable of, and that he’s thankful for that. He understands that pregnancy is a sacrifice. I HATE saying its a sacrifice because I know how many people struggle to have babies and can’t, and how many women would give just about anything to make that sacrifice. I don’t mean “sacrifice” as a bad thing. I am NOT ungrateful. I am THRILLED to be given the opportunity to have children, and I do NOT take it for granted. But it is a big job, and my body does pay. And its starting to wear on me in other ways, it seems. I’m so scared of whats to come. I don’t want to be useless to my family, but for those who haven’t experienced this pain, its nothing to sniff at. Its unreal. And those of you who know, then you know exactly what I’m talking about. How can one be useful when their legs cant hold up their body? When moving only makes the pain worse? When they can’t lift anything at all? I’m scared to be useless.

I felt a bit better having talked to Brady about this all yesterday, but it came to mind first this this morning. I called my physiotherapist’s office this morning to get an appointment, in an effort to keep my body in some kind of shape as long as humanly possible, and God worked a miracle! My amazing physiotherapist who is SO knowledgable in pregnancy, postpartum, and womens health, who regularly books weeks in advance, had a free spot on Monday morning!!! I jumped for it, and I already feel some drops of hope falling on me. Its early enough in the game that I can possibly hold off the worst of my pain for at least a little while longer. At the very very least.

In my last pregnancy, I didn’t use physio, and with all of our moving and renting, I wasn’t able to have those regular soaks that kept my body alive in the past. I have access to more helpful resources this time around, and I’m hoping and actively praying that I won’t have to fall apart this time. Feel free to join me in prayer on this. My nerves are shot, and I’m scared, and in pain. I don’t want this to be what ends my baby-having years.

While we LOVED being at the lake, it feels great to be home 🙂 GREAT.

As you likely can all relate to, at least to some degree, coming home always comes with a decent chunk of work. Unpacking takes a lot of time, and brings with it a lot of laundry. Usually, after a trip, I dump everything from all of the suitcases straight into the laundry, because its just easier. This time, though, I set up a new system. It made it WAY easier to pack, to use and store our clothes while we were away, to repack, and now to unpack! My method is suuuper not a method at all, but I recommend it to all! At least everyone with space to pack…

You might already know. We pack in tubs when we go places. I fold and stack everything in the big tubs, and can easily fit all the kids clothes into one big bin. Then Brady and I put our clothes into another, alone with some of the kids bedding or whatever soft extras we need to bring. Its a good system. This time, instead of meticulously folding everything, I stacked pants, shorts, underwear, etc. on the bottoms of the tubs and threw hanging clothes on top, all hangers attached. Upon arrival, I just hung everything up. The kids folded stuff went into drawers, and Brady and I just kept our folded stuff in the tub since we slept in a living room area, not a bedroom. We brought a hamper (though a garbage bag would’ve been fine) and as we wore/messed up clothes, we put all the laundry into the hamper. By the end of our stay, we had a tub filled with clean, unworn clothes that weren’t wrinkled and ruined, and a hamper of laundry. Boom. Done. Easy!! No extra laundry, and the clothes that survived don’t look like they’ve been folded up in a suitcase for a week. Seriously, this is a huge time saver, leaving and returning. Do it up.

Beyond the regular setup and unpack of getting home, our house was being worked on while we were away, so we had pushed all kinds of furniture into the centre of the rooms. Basically, we had to reassemble our house right when we got home. But it was actually ok 🙂 The kids were agreeable and happy, and Brady just hauled in the cooler so that didn’t go bad, and he took on the task of putting our living room and kids rooms back together. It didn’t take too long before things were under control. Our room isn’t put back together yet, but that can easily happen once the kids are in bed. It won’t take long.

Like I said, it feels so nice to be home. I love our home, and nothing will ever compare to it. But I will say that the dream of one day having a cabin by the lake is very much upon us. One day, perhaps…

Be ready for photos sometime soon! Sorry its not today, but it will be in the next couple of days.

Tomorrow, we finish up the unpacking and likely go grocery shopping. Because we have NOTHING fresh in this house! Hahaha! Yikes!

We haven’t had as much actual beach time as we had originally hoped for, but luckily our kids have been thoroughly content to play in the big playground, and haven’t missed the water too much. However, this morning, as I walked to the bakery for breakfast, I could tell it was just the right weather for it. Brady agreed, and as soon as we were done eating, we got the kids into their swim stuff and piled into the bus.

Just you guys wait until I get home! The wifi here is really rough, so I can barely load one picture, much less five days worth, but I’ll make up for it once we’re home 🙂

It was bright and clear and sunny and gorgeous when we arrived at the beach. It was around 10:30 and very few people had made their way to the water yet. We got a primo spot and set up our blankets and umbrella. This time around, we picked a spot right in front of the water, so the kids could easily run to the waters edge without one of us having to follow right behind them. We were like seven steps from the water. It was perfect. Dekker and Laela did laps back and forth with pails full of water, and dumped them into holes Brady and I would dig. Doesn’t sound like much, but it was quite a riot for the kids, haha! Rowan took to standing riiight on the edge of the water and dumping shovels of sand back into the water, hahaha! Again, doesn’t really sound all that great but Ro loved it. Solly stayed mostly on the blanket, but braved up once or twice to go check out large abandoned sandcastles from the day before. Every time we tried to move him into the shade of the umbrella, he snuck out into the sun. Our kids are sooooo white but likely not after today! We loaded them up with sunscreen, so hopefully it did its job! I haven’t found any burns since, but its only been a few hours.

Brady took it upon himself to make his second attempt at digging a small tunnel in the sand, but it was foiled when he came upon an enormous rock and we decided to dig it out instead. It took a long time, and wiped Brady right out, but it finally worked! It became a popular spot to sit, and the hole was quickly filled in with buckets of water run back and forth from the lake.

We had a nice break for lunch right around noon, where we feasted on crispy minis, bananas, granola bars, etc. The kids have LOVED all the snacky foods, and really, so have I. We ate lots, drank lots of water, and Solly FINALLY figured out how to drink from a water bottle!! Its been a small scale nightmare getting fluids into this kid recently because, as a 14 month old, he is pretty over being bottle fed, but he has zero patience for drinking from a cup, and for whatever reason, he was just not figuring out any kind of sippy cup! Not the traditional kind, not a straw, nothing. But today, it FINALLY happened, and he is SO pleased with his discovery. His parents are also THRILLED because we are, too, ready for bottles to be done. He hates them, we hate forcing them, and we all feel sad when the kid isn’t pooping. So this wins. Period. Highlight of the day.

Shortly after the kids’ beach lunch, we packed it in and headed back to our place so the little boys could nap. Laela, however, disintegrated while getting out of her swimsuit, and there was no getting her back. She had hit a wall. It was clear she also needed a rest. So 3/4 went down for naps and Dekker snuggled up on a chair and watched a bit of tv, as did Brady and I. It was a lovely afternoon.

The kids all slept a LONG time, and I am very much looking forward to pizza for supper! With the nice long naps, I’m hoping we can do another evening walk with ice cream for everyone. We did that a couple of nights ago and it was such a win. I have so many great pictures from it, and I’m sure we’ll get some more today, too 🙂

Seriously. Today has been a wonderful day. And pizza and ice cream can only add to it. 🍕🍨 It is the perfect way to wrap up our last full day here at the lake. Laela says she likes it here better than she likes our “regular” house. I get what she means, because I LOVE being at the lake, too. But I miss my bathtub, so I guess leaving won’t be a COMPLETE bummer 😜

Thanks for being patient with me skipping my series post yesterday. It was important for me. When I was making my plan before I left for the lake, I knew it was more important to bump this post than to bump Theo’s due date post. We can talk about my pregnancy updates anytime. One day won’t make a big difference. But Theo only had one due date. So again, thanks for being patient. And thanks for the love on that post. I know many of you read it and contacted me one way or another. I really really appreciate the support and understanding. I hope its not too forward or insensitive (its SO easy to offend these days) but so many of you have experienced losses recently, and I often say prayers for you guys, every time you come to mind, that you would be given another baby to carry in your womb when the time is right. Or those of you who have ached to conceive and haven’t been able to. I pray that it happens. I know the pain, and I know the relief, and I know the joy. I pray that you can all find God’s peace in your unique situations, because no matter what way you do family, they’re all loaded with emotion. Even if you and I aren’t close, and even if you read this and I never ever know, you are always welcome to come to me to chat with, relate to, and pray with.

Its been a loaded week, obviously. But onto the latest about little papoose!

Size/Comparison: The baby is the size of an avocado, or so I hear! I keep having these moments of “how am I showing this much already?” but then I consider that the baby is, in fact, growing, which causes me in turn to grow. And I’m thrilled about that!! I can definitely feel my little uterus bump each and every day, and I feel like I’m starting to actually look pregnant. Not like “Wow, that lady over there is pregnant” but people who know me would likely notice. Woot!

How am I feeling mentally: You guys know this week has been big for me. My due date for Theo was yesterday, and it was an interesting week leading up to it, as I would’ve had him likely on either July 31 or August 1. There was a lot of emotion this week, and I’ve had some days of mourning, but I am feeling more confident as the weeks wear on regarding my current pregnancy. I know the feeling of having that rug pulled out from under you, and I doubt I’ll ever forget that moment of finding out my baby had died, so I can’t not think about it ever, but its not lingering at the top of my mind each and every day. I have some peace, and I’m holding tightly to it.

How am I feeling physically: Ugh. Sad news about physical feelings. While I feel like my nausea might be coming to a close-ish (not willing to risk it here at the lake, but I’m going to try to get off my meds once we’re home) I’m starting to have that dreaded right leg pain 🙁 If you’ve followed my blog through a pregnancy before, you know that my right leg and the right side of my butt give me a lot of grief, and leave me in amazing amounts of pain for a good chunk of my pregnancy. I used to think it was a sciatica thing but I’ve learned over the years that its actually 110% my pelvis loosening up on me too early in the game. This is a “normal” pregnancy symptom for me at this point, but I dread it so much. My pregnancy with Solly was the most painful one, easily. I was at the point of debating whether or not to grocery shop while driving one of those scooters. I was crawling to places in the house. I also asked for a temporary handicapped parking pass because I just couldn’t walk without immense pain. So its a gross understatement to say that I’m nervous. But I have a wonderful physiotherapist that I’ll be calling very quickly upon arriving home, and I’m hopeful that she’ll be able to treat me and teach me how to care for myself.

Appointments: I’ll see my doctor next week! I’m very interested to talk to her about this pelvic/leg/butt pain and see if we can actually put a name to it. In the little bits of research I’ve done, I think this is undeniably SPD (Symphysis Pubis Dysfunction, not sensory processing disorder) but we’ve never really given it a title before and I think it would help me feel a bit more sane. I also really need to talk to her about sleep, because the quality of mine suuuuucks, and I think I’ll function so much better if I can just get some actual rest. Maybe she has tips for me, because I have never had this problem to this level before.

Buys/Wish List: I ordered a harmony ball necklace!! Jerilee gave it to me for my birthday, so I’m just anxiously awaiting its arrival 🙂 Woot woot!

How are the kids feeling: Maybe you saw (or maybe you didn’t see) my post earlier last week about the kids being in full baby mode. I gave them some bottles to play with and they’re regularly feeding their babies and stuffed toys and such. Its still cute. Doesn’t get old for me. Probably won’t ever.

The BEST thing about being pregnant this week: I’ve really really enjoyed being pregnant at the lake, watching my children play on the playground and in the sand, and just picturing what our next summer will look like with a fifth child here in my arms. Baby would be roughly six months old in the mid-summer, so likely more of a bump on a log type of beach dweller, which his/her siblings build sandcastles, blow bubbles, and draw in the sand with feathers all around our blanket 🙂 I love the picture, and I can’t wait for it to be a reality.

Anything else: Hahaha! This is pretty random, but thinking ahead, lol! Rowan is long done cutting his two year molars, which is handy because Solly is a total disaster pushing his molars right now. With the space between Solly and the little papoose, its possible they won’t teethe too terribly much at the same time! I hope not, anyway, haha! The first few teeth are never a big deal for our babies, since they’re the incisors, and the amber necklaces have worked so well for our babies in the past. Hopefully Solly will be done his two year molars before little papoose starts any extreme teething!! There it is! A small pro! I’ve been so sad about the wider age gap between the two youngest, and its nice to find a thin silver lining. Unrelated, but another “anything else,” I ate eggs today for the first time in several weeks. Probably more like two months. And I didn’t vomit! So I’m hopeful about that whole sickness thing.

Pictures: Just the bumpily bump, as always. That sucker is getting round! I’ve given up sucking it in. Let ‘er go.

I’ve really been enjoying lake life. The vibe is good here. While its not as relaxing as it would be without kids (vacations never are, haha!) it just feels like special family time away from our usual. A good change of scenery is good for the soul. I feel a bit fresher, and I think the others do too.

Its possible I’m gaining a ton of weight out here. Not baby weight. Unless you count danishes as babies…..

Today is the day. August 7th, 2017. My due date for my baby that left our family far too early. With my history being what it is, I would have for sure had him by now. He’d have been home for a handful of days at least. But instead, he’s in Heaven. Which is better, I know, but feels much sadder for my still ultra-broken mama heart. Yikes, how I have longed for that little one.

I went for a walk this morning to pick up some breakfast for my crew. Its quite cool out, and very grey. Apparently it rained last night, so the ground was very wet, and the wind was crisp. I took a longer route to the bakery and let myself sink into my grief a little. Not in an unhealthy way, I don’t think. I let myself feel really really sad. I didn’t have to explain myself to anyone, and I didn’t have to excuse my feelings. I didn’t have to say that I know I have amazing kids, and that I’m thrilled to be pregnant once again, and that I know that my baby boy is safe and perfect and I’ll see him one day. I could just be sad because I WANT HIM, and I’m sad that he’s gone.

I’ve said a couple of times on here recently that I have started to see him separately from this pregnancy, and I haven’t known how to really expand on that. It gets complicated in my heart, because I desire him so badly, but I also very much desire this baby in my womb right now, and I know that I can’t have them both. But both people would be amaaazing people. I’m so glad the decision wasn’t mine.

Because of my miscarriage, this whole pregnancy has felt worlds apart different, in both good and bad ways. Sometimes, my anxiety is just so dang high as I wait to miscarry again. And then other days, I’m more excited than I’ve ever been to be pregnant, because I feel as though I’ve been pregnant forever and am just so so ready to meet our baby, finally. Yes, I know its a different baby than I was originally anticipating, but the ache to hold a little person in my arms and welcome them into our loving home is very real. While I have spent time being angry at my body for not successfully keeping my baby alive and safe, I am also incredibly thankful for all that is has done for me, and all of the little babies it has successfully housed for me.

God has taken care of me and my family. Period. That is what this boils down to for me. I don’t know how I could get through these kinds of things without a faith in God. Where else can a person fall?

Theo, I miss you so dearly. I would so love to have you here with us, but I know you are cared for and loved exactly where you are. You have taught me a new kind of love, and changed my whole view on family. I knew you for such a short time but WOW are you an important part of my life. I am so so thankful you came along when you did. I hope to tell you these things one day, but in the meantime, I hope you already know them. ❤️

Lord, please help bring some color into my otherwise grey day.

Haha! I have to laugh. Before I even talk about today, I’ve just been informed that this is the third post that I’ve named “our first day” so apparently its not actually the first. Lol! What can you do? Naming the blog is probably the hardest part of posting for me. Weird problem to have.

Our first day was awesome 🙂 The kids were super happy upon waking up, and I took off to the bakery once they were up and at ’em to pick up some treats for breakfast. Once we had enough sticky buns and danishes on hand, everyone sat down to a yummy feed. I love breakfast at Waskesiu. LOVE it. Once the food was done, we dressed everyone in swim stuff and made our way to the lake. Finally!! I’ve been waiting so long for it!

And it was well worth the wait. It wasn’t blazing hot but the sun was out, it was still and clear, and beautiful beach weather. I convinced all of the kids to come down to the water with me, and got everyone in at least to their knees 😉 Its decently far north here, so the water is colder than average. I walked Solly in with me, until he was about up to his knees. He just giggled and shivered and clung to me so tightly. Which I obviously loved, so I kept him out there for a super long time.

The kids dug in the sand a ton, and everyone ate snacks and played well. We had a couple of other families sitting near us, and they were so sweet to our kids, as they continually walked just right between their blankets to get to and from the water. They talked to us excitedly about wanting to grow their family from three kids to four, and we could easily converse and relate and encourage them a little. It was a fun experience for me. I even wore a bikini, which I haven’t done in a long time. I didn’t think it would take nerve for me, but it kind of did. Once I finally got over myself, I realized how little my belly wrinkles matter to anyone else, and I enjoyed my time in the sun.

It was becoming evident that Solly was needed some meds and a change of scenery, so we packed it in and headed back to our place for a nap. The two little boys went down without issue, and the rest of us watched some quiet tv in a nice dark living room. I even napped. It was glorious. When everyone got up, we decided to head out for an earlier supper, with the hopes of ice cream and a walk later in the evening.

Unfortunately, Laela bucked supper HARD, and Brady had to actually leave the restaurant with her. I finished up with the boys, and even ran into a man I knew from my dad’s work, and his wife. We had a really nice chat before parting ways. Laela and Brady were still going to be a while, so I took the boys to the playground. However, once again, that did not last long for poor Solly. He was SO sad, and wouldn’t even be pacified by me holding him and walking him, which my weird weak dizzy self couldn’t even do too much of. So right as Laela and Brady finally showed up, we packed up and headed back to our place for the evening. No ice cream, sadly. Maybe tomorrow.

While Brady put the kids down, I walked over the local candy store for fudge (we still needed a treat, haha!) and had a LOVELY visit with a friend from back in the day of high school and camp and such. It was so nice to chat and catch up on the last few years. I love reconnecting with people from years ago, and while I actually love that aspect of Facebook and texting and technology and all that, in person is always better. Was wonderful to see you 😘

Now, I’m back and the kids are in bed. The fudge is resetting in the fridge after I held it for waaay too long while I chatted. Brady is patiently waiting for me to finish blogging (sorry Brady) so we can relax, eat fudge, and watch a show together. We’ve been saving a couple of seasons of Parks and Recreation for this trip, since the wifi is patchy, and its just such a funny show 🙂

Tomorrow might be a heavy one for me :/ I’m hoping to actually post earlier in the day, just to get it done with, but we shall see. I hope you all sleep really well, and that you’re enjoying your long weekend as much as we are. ❤️

It felt like a long day getting here but we have arriiiiived!! We are SO happy to be here, and now that we’re all settled in for the night (I know, we’re party animals) I can tell you about the trek.

First, being suckers for punishment, we left WAY too much packing for this morning, so despite our deep hatred for packing like maniacs the day we leave for a trip, that was exactly what we found ourselves doing. The kids ate breakfast and then happily lent a hand anywhere we asked them to. My ridiculous lists paid off, and it seems like we remembered at least all of the important things. Right around noon, the part owner/site supervisor of our home building company came by and did another quick walk through with us. He and some other trades will be through our house while we’re gone to fix a few warranty “issues.” I put it in quotations because none of it was really unexpected. Mostly, we have a lot of screw pops from the house settling, as all new houses do, and a couple of other small fixes. No biggie. We walked through the house with him while the kids waited surprisingly patiently in the pile of furniture pushed into the centre of our living room. It was cute, and the kids loved being perched on the chairs on top of the couches. It was treacherous but they were happy. Finally, around 12:30, we hauled out.

We had planned to eat at home, but it was all just chaotic and we were ready to get on the road, so we stopped for some fast food and coffee before getting on the highway. The kids were happy with their food, and so were Brady and I. It was really good to finally be moving in the right direction. North!

Solly melted down about 1-1.5 hours into the trip. He finally cracked those bottom two molars, making the current total of half-out teeth FOUR! I repeat, he has four molars that are partially out. For those of you who have had the pleasure to be part of the life of a child pushing molars, you know how hard that is. Molars have so many edges, and have to break through the surface of the gums in multiple places. It is, quite literally, a pain. Poor Solly could not get it together. Thankfully, we had planned for a stop in Prince Albert anyway, to buy all the fresh stuff and some dairy products as well. We weren’t exactly stocking up on perishables at home right before leaving. Solly was thankful to get a break from the van, though he preferred to be held over riding in the cart. My blood pressure blows these days, and I’m so easily dizzy, leaving Brady to carry him the whole time. It worked out, though, and we got everything we needed. Even met a couple of nice people who really oo-ed and aw-ed over our kids, which always feels good. I don’t blame them.

After our grocery shop, Solly seemed to have settled (we gave him more meds before we had headed in, so they likely had kicked in by the end) and we got back on the road. From there, it was only one hour to Waskesiu, and there was NOT ONE “are we there yet” from the back seat. Not. One! It was awesome.

We arrived in a total downpour right around 4:30, and the lovely lady who we’ve usually been in contact with came and let us in. The kids were so stoked, and ran back and forth through the place for a solid ten minutes while Brady hauled in our stuff. We were pleasantly surprised to see that this place has been improved and upgraded!!! We loved it before, and we had never had any issues, but it is just that much better 🙂 In the living room, there used to be a futon that didn’t fold up, and usually an armchair as well. It wasn’t perfect, but there was lots of room to stretch out. Now, there is still a futon laid out and dressed up to be used as a bed, and now there is also a leather (ish) couch and two matching (ish) chairs! And a coffee table. And a newer tv, with cable!! It is so so nice! We also have a full kitchen, a full bathroom, and two bedrooms. There is a fan in each bedroom and one in the living room, too. We managed to go from room to room and find six chairs, so there is room for all of us. Seriously guys, if you remember how amped I was about that amazing hotel we found in Calgary, this isn’t too far down the list from there. Its not every day we find a place that houses our crew quite so comfortably, and this is just such a win. It always feels like a gift when its even better than the great place you remembered it to be 🙂

The kids were feeling super wiped from the travel day and the excitement of getting here that they weren’t even very hungry. So they ate a little and headed to bed. Brady and I, on the other hand, ordered take out from the local asian restaurant, and Brady is just to go pick it up now. I’m SO hungry!!!

We are SO happy to have finally made it out here to the lake. Its one of my favorite places, and holds a very special place in my heart. Tomorrow, the real fun begins!! Pray for good weather!!

Today is zero hour. We go to the lake TOMORROW MORNING, and I’m thanking the Lord that Brady is already home from work! He put in 40 hours over the last 3.5 days and positively killed his work so he could get home and help me get us all set up! I love that man.

Timing is also impeccable because I am unusually dizzy this morning and feeling fairly out of it. So having some help is such a relief.

While most things in the way of packing are organized and at least somewhat done, there is a bit of a “to do” list going as well. Thankfully, none of it is ominous, but Brady is tired and I am tired and motivation left so long ago, haha! Stuff has to get done, though, so we push on, with the lake being our end goal!

Whats left to do is actually pack up everything I’ve been compiling for the last few days, to bathe everyone, clear off our phones, charge absolutely everything, call ahead with a couple of questions, organize food and cash, figure out where and how Rowan is going to sleep once we get there, load up the van, clean at least some of the house up in preparation for the people coming to work on it while we’re gone, aaaaand a bunch of other things that are written down about ten steps away from me that I’m not willing to get up for. So like I said, nothing especially ominous, but there’s enough on my mind that I’m positive I’ll forget something, and my mind is wildly unreliable these days. Yikes yikes yikes.

I’m so glad tomorrow is the day, though! No more planning and preparing, just getting there finally. Woohoo! It feels like we’ve been waiting forever.

Our family has been bustling this week more than usual. Its been a big week, but leading up to a great trip makes it totally worth it!

Brady has been working 12 hour days the last two days. It’ll be a shorter work day today, but he has physio after work, so he’ll get home around the same time anyway. I don’t love these super long days, and I know I’ve been spoiled by Brady having a flexible schedule, making it easier for him to be home earlier than the average working person. Still, we miss him around here. But physio cannot be missed if its at all possible. He won’t be able to go in for it while we’re gone at the lake, obviously, but they’re actually making progress on his injury and we aren’t going to stop! I’m feeling hopeful, and I think he is too.

Solly has been teething SO HARD these days, and is SO busy with that, haha! It means his mood can go a number of different ways. Sometimes he’s just plain sad and overtired, crying and crying and crying. Sometimes he is only happy if he’s eating, like yesterday, when he’d wake up from night or nap and want food instantly. And I do mean instantly. Check out his blanket lines! He had JUST woken up.

The other kids have been beautifully busy with being in baby mode!! The prime toys right now are two little dollies that Laela has, plus two little bottles I’ve received in the mail as samples over the last while. They are fully preparing to help with their new sibling, and its really a sweet thing to witness. While they fight over the dolls constantly, I love seeing them take their dolly off to wherever, and hold it properly (sometimes), and feed it, burp it, and then “put it to bed.” Its wonderful.

I’ve been busy with getting ready for the lake! I’ve been making lists, trying to complete jobs around the house, organize a handful of things including a bunch of things that will be going on in our house while we’re away. Yikes, there is just SO much swirling around in my head!! Yesterday and today, I raided the kids closets and grabbed every piece of clothing that we’ll need to bring for the lake, and its all up in my closet, waiting to be packed. If I thought my closet was full before, I had no idea what was to come! Haha! Kids need SO MANY CLOTHES for a lake trip, our closet is just bursting! Its great, though. I feel at least somewhat prepared.

Tonight I’ll duck out for a second attempt to get my legs waxed, and any last minute shopping I need to do, though I’m not sure there will even be any! Maybe just a quick in and out trip, but at least my legs will be ready for the lake. And my arms. And my eyebrows. Haha!

So this week has felt really busy, but I think it will all pay off in the end, and we will be as prepared for the lake as anyone really could be. I’m so so looking forward to our time away, to breathe in the fresh air, splash around in the water, blow bubbles, and eat ice cream every day. Being at the lake isn’t just about the actual lake 😉 Lake life, baby!! Two more days!

(As an aside, if you wander past our house and see people in it, they’re probably supposed to be there. Lol!)

You know those things that you work so hard for and sometimes it just feels like you’re the only one listening? Or that you’re just going in circles? Thats sometimes how I feel in my parenting, and I’m sure there are lots of people who can relate to this. I have to remind myself that my kids are kids and they actually do need to be reminded about certain things 500 times before they’ll actually absorb that that particular rule isn’t dependant on anything, and that it is always a rule. But before they actually absorb that, it is a constant run around to drill these things into their heads. It takes a lot of work. Parenting is simply not for the faint of heart. Is there anything that specifically is for the faint of heart? Might be nice to sign up for something like that on the side…

Today, I had not one win, but TWO!!! One win is enough to help me breathe a little easier, and its a good reminder that I’m not just talking for no reason, but that things are absorbing and they actually are listening. They went like this.

Dekker was getting after Rowan about bringing him a toy that he didn’t want. Something like that, anyway. Something super minimal. After two reminders from me to speak politely to Rowan, Dekker was not listening, and was just giving Ro heck. I finally went over to them and I asked Dekker to go take a breather in his room. Not a time out, but a break. A break that he could dictate when he was ready to come out and be friendly again. Just a moment to regroup. Sometimes, they go smoothly, and sometimes he wails out his woes for quite some time. It depends on the day. Today, he came out almost too quickly. As in I almost sent him back in, just to make sure he was for sure ready. But he surfaced beside me in the kitchen and told me he was ready to come out and be with us again. I asked if he was sure, and he said he was. I gave him a hug and said I was glad he was back, and was about to get back to making salad dressings when he piped up, and said “You were right, too.” I asked what I was right about, and he said “I think I really was mean to Rowan. I’ll go ‘pologize.” And he did! They had a hug and Rowan apologized back (because he is more Canadian than the other kids) and playing commenced. I thought that was pretty awesome!!

Laela was bucking the system at lunch. Its not unlike her. She is just not much of an eater unless she is SUPER interested in the food. Otherwise, she could take it or leave it, but most often, she’d leave it. That was lunch. I asked her at one point to take another bite of her food, and she glared at me and basically smacked her food against her mouth, faking a bite. Right away, I reminded her to check her attitude and remember to be respectful. No answer. I asked her again to take a real bite, which was met with “I just caaaaan’t.” I basically told her that if she wasn’t going to eat any lunch, she’d have to take a nap. And again with the smacking of the food against her mouth. So I hauled her into her bed for a taste of naptime. She wailed and wailed. I gave her a few minutes to calm down and stop crying, and then I stuck my head in and asked if she would rather sleep or eat lunch. Lunch, she chose. When she plopped down at her spot, she was smiling happily and told me she was really hungry. She ate without issue or complaint. When she was done, she thanked me and asked to leave the table. As she carried her dishes to the sink, she told me “I was sooo hungry! I’m sorry I fighted with you!” I forgave her, obviously, and our day has continued to roll on.

The last little comments my kids made to me in these scenarios helped me see that they’re actually understanding. I don’t desire to just control my kids, but I want them to learn right from wrong. And I think its working!! They offered up more information than I had asked for, and it confirmed that they knew what they had done. An apology that I don’t have to ask for is the best kind, and a lesson recognized that I don’t have to push down their throats is so much more satisfying.

This part of today just feels like a win. I promise I’m not trying to toot my own horn here, but Dekker and Laela should be allowed to!! They’re exceptional. I mean they ALL are, but this one is specifically about these two. GREAT JOB, DEKKER AND LAELA!