Did anyone else have a super strange night last night?? To be fair, there were tornado warnings left and right, and the city just twenty minutes from us was experiencing hail and flooding and all kinds of crazy. Here at home, he got one brief but serious downpour, with lots of lightening long afterwards. The lightening was convenient, because we lost power for a decent chunk of time. So obviously, the sky and weather were off, so I was, too.

Too bad the kids were off too :/ Dekker woke up randomly around 10:00 and was talking super loudly. We went in and he was complaining that his water bottle was empty. He was loud enough that he woke Laela and lulled Rowan, too. Thankfully Solly slept through it. Dekker also mentioned he had gotten up to pee but the light wouldn’t turn on. By that point, I had lit a candle, and set it in the bathroom, so both he and Laela took a bathroom break and went back down to bed. Not before Laela terrorized him for a little while, though, knocking his water bottle over constantly and pestering him. We managed to shut them down and eventually they fell back to sleep.

We played a bit of SkipBo on the floor by candle light, and watched the lightening light the sky up in the open fields just across the street from us. It was relaxing, and beautiful, but it was getting so late.

I usually feel kind of strange going to bed when the power is out. I don’t know why, necessarily. I like to know when it comes back on, which is part of it. I also don’t like waking up to the obnoxious beeping that happens when the appliances all gain power again. I just don’t like not knowing, if I can help it. But unfortunately, we couldn’t help it last night.

I don’t even know when we went to bed, but I took my pill and was out like a light. Until around 1:30, that is, when I lulled awake and noticed a light was on somewhere in the house. I woke Brady (aren’t I nice?) and told him there was a light on somewhere. He rolled out of bed and went to find it and turn it off. It was the main bathroom light, likely from before when Dekker had tried to use the washroom, so we didn’t think to check it before we went to bed. As Brady went to turn the light off, he heard a big thump, which turned out to be Laela falling out of bed! Don’t ask me why, but she bit it right when Brady was walking down towards their rooms. So he went in and helped her back into bed, and told her goodnight again. SO weird.

I woke around 6:30, which is not at all my normal. I heard Solly give a couple of good wails, but stopped pretty quickly on his own. I checked the monitor to confirm that he wasn’t stuck between the bars again, which thank goodness, he wasn’t. And then I lay still and tried desperately to fall back to sleep. No dice. Finally, around 7:30, Brady woke up and offered to make coffee for my poor zombie self. Then, we settled in for some Netflix, and within a half hour ish, I was asleep. I think. I woke up again, this time for good, around 8:30, so my last stretch of sleep was short, and weird, and filled with unsettling, frustrating dreams. You know how sometimes that extra ten minutes actually makes things worse? Yup. Me too.

So obviously, I rocked my morning in a pretty overtired manner. I did my best, but I felt so so sick, and grumpy, and so did the kids, my gosh!! No one had slept well, and it showed.

Our very unexciting plan of the day was that Brady was going to take the van in to have a tire patched, and he had offered to bring the big kids with him and to go during nap time, so I could lay in bed and rest a little bit. However, the little miss was having a terrible time of it over lunch and ended up napping today. She fell asleep before both of the little boys!! She was shot. So Brady and Dekker are having a special date together over a coffee and a smoothie at the tire shop, and I’m having a date with myself over a plastic bucket of chocolate eggs. Don’t judge me, hahaha! Its a great date!

I hope some of you got a tad more rest than I did, but I’m sure a handful of you got even less :/ If you have even a moment of opportunity, put those feet up!! Take care of yourselves!!

My mind is seemingly lost much further on the days when I haven’t slept well, and unfortunately, that’s been most days. Including today. So I’m pretty used to writing lists to make sure I don’t forget anything. I’m ok with that being my normal. I like lists. I liked them before I had children and lost my mind.

Today, though, my mind is positively buzzing!! Its still wildly disorganized, but its just going a mile a minute! I have constant chills, haha! I have TONS of things to think about! From the notice of our property taxes, to positive things happening in the lives of my extended family, to all of my appointments this week, to planning our basement project, to my anxiety around my pregnancy, to being hungry, to our upcoming lake trip, to not being ready to age at the end of the month, to stories in the news, to plans we still have to make and map out for summer, to our grocery list, to EVERYTHING ELSE. And thanks to my general brain fog, I’ve likely already forgotten half of the things that my mind has been rolling over all morning long. Lots of nerve wracking stuff, but lots of positives too! And it makes no sense to make a list, because none of it really needs recording, and no one thing goes with another, it seems, haha! The only thing on my mind that really requires any action is planning out the rest of our summer, which is hard without knowing much of Brady’s work schedule for August. The rest of it is either waiting, processing, or daydreaming. Haha! Yet even with such low pressure, I still feel crazy in the head. And sick and tired beside.

So today’s post is just rambly, but that’s really all I have to offer at this point! I keep getting goosebumps because I keep having thoughts and ideas that either freak me out or make me excited. Also, Brady is going to be home fairly soon, so I can explode some of my conversations onto him, haha!

Or maybe when he gets home, I’ll sleep. Hmmm. Both options sound so good…

I’ve mentioned once or twice that we really don’t have a long list of things to buy for the next baby. We’ve had a good handful of kids already, so we have the bulk of what we need. However, yesterday, Rowan BROKE his crib.

To be fair, both of our cribs we bought second hand. The one Rowan is in went through three kids before we got it, and then Dekker was in it for a pretty decent stretch of time. I don’t even remember how long. Maybe he was 2.5 ish when we turned it into a day bed? I’m iffy on dates. But he was still using it when Laela came along. They were both in cribs/daybeds when we got pregnant with Rowan, and changed things up with Dekker so Rowan would eventually have a crib. So Laela never used that crib. Long explanation long (haha) Rowan is the fifth kid to actively use this crib.

Yesterday, when I went to get the kids up in the morning, Dekker and Laela told me right away that Rowan mattress was “sticking out” on one side. Sure enough, one corner was drooped down to the floor. I figured the screw had wiggled loose or maybe even broken off, and said that I’d get Brady to fix it once he was home in the afternoon. No big loss.

However, when he did come home and lift the mattress out, the steel bracket holding the board in was broken clean in half. There was no easy repair, beyond contacting the company and seeing if they could offer us a replacement part. For the time being, however, it works to just remove the support board entirely, and Rowan is basically sleeping on a mattress on the floor, but with the crib walls around him, haha! Its a tad cage-ish, but thats not that different than a normal crib 😉 So we’ll keep it this way as long as we need, and when the time comes for Rowan to upgrade his way out of a crib, we’ll likely junk whats left of it and buy a new crib for little papoose!!! We’re in no real rush, because let’s be real. Baby will live in a playpen in our room for quite some time first. Still, though, its in the future.

I’m SO excited to buy a new crib!! New or new-to-us doesn’t matter, but I’m excited to find another one and add to it our furniture 🙂 To get to choose a style or find a deal or whatever other details play into it at the time. I just feel like I haven’t gotten to even consider purchasing much more than baby clothes for a good few years, since we have all of the bigger things we need for a new little one. But this will be SO fun!!

I have a pretty long time to wait and search, but its something fun to look forward to 🙂 Along will all the other AMAZING things I’m looking forward to!

Thanks for breaking your crib, Ro. Seriously. I appreciate it.

The time has come, once again! To be honest, I love doing this series, and part of that is not having to be too creative on a Saturday, to have the layout of my post all organized for me in advance, and then I can just babble about my baby to my hearts content 🙂 Its my favorite day to post. So we begin.

Comparison/Size: This is my favourite comparison yet 🙂 The baby is roughly as big as a Lego guy!! I told the kids and they thought it was hilarious. Which I like, because they’re putting things together and actually picturing a baby as tiny as a Lego guy. Dekker made a joke about taking the baby out and playing with it in his Lego… I told him the baby wasn’t ready to come out yet, but that it was nice that he wanted to play with the baby already. Haha! Oy. Kids. Its usually around this time that I can start to feel the bump of my uterus just above my pubic bone, and unfortunately, I still can’t. The only other time I couldn’t feel it at this point was last time, with Theo, when he had already stopped growing a couple weeks before. So this isn’t the most comfortable I’ve ever felt. I admit that I’ve had my moment of “Why did I share this so early? What if this baby dies too? Why would I start a blog series?!” but I have to bring myself back to the actual answers, which are “I want to share this baby’s life! I want as much support and prayer as I can get! And if something happens and this baby dies, I’ll need just as much, if not more, support.” So we’re rolling with it 🙂 But please do pray that my grapefruiterus (see what I did there?) makes an appearance very soon!

How am I feeling mentally: Well I’d be feeling better if I could feel my uterus!! Haha! I’m anxiously awaiting some kind of milestone to pass. Something. Anything! My little uterus bump. Baby movement. (I know thats still a ways off, don’t worry) Hearing its heartbeat on a doppler. ANYTHING would make me feel a bit less anxious, really. But we wait. I can honestly say I’m not wasting hours worrying and worrying that our baby has died, but I am anxiously waiting for some time to pass so I can feel a bit more comfort.

How am I feeling physically: My nausea is ok. Its somewhat under control, as long as I snack a lot, which isn’t especially normal for me. But I can be abnormal 😉 You guys know that. My biggest beef with my physical health is that I’m not sleeping well AT ALL. My nausea medication is really nice and drowsy, so I don’t struggle at all to fall asleep, but I lull constantly and am so disoriented and wakeful in the nights. I can’t imagine what else I can do for my sleep, but its on my list to speak to my doctor about. That, and my boobs STILL hurt!! SO bad!!

Appointments: I have a doctors appointment next week!! I’m actually kind of unsure how to post about it though. Normally, I’d write that days post about it, but do I save it for Saturday so I can add it to the series? I don’t know. Opinions? I also have an ultrasound next week. Yup, I bit the bullet and booked it. Its time to get some reassurance. I’m ready.

Buys/Wish List: I did it. I bought a baby thing. Its a blanket. I am both excited and embarrassed that I ALREADY bought a baby thing, hahaha! I’m still keeping my eye on that pair of maternity jeans at the Gap, but no good sales. Where are those “no exceptions” sales when you need them? The deals never include denim!! Grrrrr.

How are the kids feeling: They’re VERY curious to SEE the baby. Rowan has taken to lifting up the bottom of my shirt and asking to see the baby. If only it were so simple, lol! They’ve noticed the ultrasound pictures on the fridge, and have asked if they’ll get to come to an ultrasound. Honestly, they could. Selfishly, I kind of would prefer them not to, so Brady and I could just focus and see our little baby, but I know it would be so special for them. So we’ll see. Maybe we’ll bite the bullet and do another one of those fun 3D ones down the road that they could come to.

The BEST thing about being pregnant this week: The best thing about being pregnant this week has been hard to nail down. Honestly, my mind has been so preoccupied with other things. When I do end up thinking about being pregnant, and adding another baby, and all of those things, this week I’ve been left feeling more anxious than excited :/ I guess I can say that the best part of being pregnant this week was thinking ahead and realizing HOW MANY PEOPLE are having a baby around the same time as I hope to!! Because I came out with my news so early, its been so different and funny to be seeing more and more pregnancy announcements, but they’re all due before me, haha! Almost everyone I know who is pregnant is due in December, and I’ll be over here, having my baby in January. Soooo if anyone wants to share secret January pregnancy news with me, I’m ready and waiting, hahaha! Its fun to think about all of the people who I’m pregnant with!

Anything else: We still have Theo’s ultrasound picture on the fridge, along with the ultrasound picture of the new little papoose. The question “which one is the dead baby?” is a tough one to swallow, but I know what they kids are trying to say. I’m actually really happy that they haven’t forgotten their other sibling in Heaven. It gets a little confusing to talk to them about our fifth baby, or our sixth baby, because Theo is their sibling, but we can’t go around telling people we’re expecting our sixth, because that gets ultra confusing. While I’m not shy to share with other people, not every stranger wants or needs to know about our recent miscarriage. So the kids know we had Theo, he’s around, but he’s not like with us, here, physically, in our house. So that explanation is fine with them, and its fine with me. He’s a member of our family, but in a different way. We are expecting our fifth baby to hopefully join us here, in our house. Its good enough for them, and for me.

Another “anything else” is that I’m thinking ahead to the rest of the blog series, and I’m SO excited to do some of those old wives tales that hypothetically (but not actually accurately at all) predict the baby’s gender. When is a good time to do that? I feel like its still too early for lots of them, but some of them won’t make ANY sense until basically almost the end of pregnancy, which will be moot, because we really hope to find out the gender at the halfway point. Sooooo any opinions on that? When’s a good time?

Pictures: My bumpity bump…

Still just bloaty, nothing else really. Not too different. But good to keep a record, I suppose.

Thats it, thats all, folks! If you have a thought on when to do the gender predictions, let me know! Otherwise, I’ll just make up a time and go for it, but I don’t know the rules 🙂 I hope you’ve all enjoyed your Saturday! Brady was gone for the morning, but Jerilee came to help me keep the kids alive, so we’ve all had a super lovely day!

I wonder this every single time it happens, but I never ask. It can’t just be us!!

Does everyone else’s kids get their legs stuck between their crib bars? Its only just for a short time. They’ve all seemed to learn pretty quickly, after a few tries. But its happened to each kid so far where, they’ve clearly had their leg in the air, slipped it through the bars, and then lowered it all the way down. Then they scream and scream until we come running, and find them this way. We have to twist their body around lift their leg all the way back up to free them from their entrapment.

So obviously I’m bringing this up because once again, this has happened to Solly. Its his second go at it in the last three days. And the little punk lodges his leg between the bars on the side of his crib that is against the wall. So its not as easy as just lifting his leg back up, but I have to try and bend his knee the right way at the same time, and when he’s in so much pain, he’s not the worlds most cooperative, I’m sure you can imagine.

So this morning, I freed him amidst his screaming, and then tried to comfort him through breakfast, which seemed to work. During breakfast, he poured milk all over himself and his sleeper was soaked. So I changed his diaper and got him out of his wet clothes, and he took off, so I let him just hang in his diaper.

Over an hour AFTER THAT, he still has this big ole dent in his chubby little thigh 🙁

I remember, when this happened to Dekker, he would have dents on the inside of his thighs too, and they’d stay all day 🙁 Solly’s wasn’t even swollen at this point, but MAN! These chubby kids and their chubby legs!!

This cannot be just us!! Is it? There’s no real remedy beyond them figuring it out and just not doing it anymore, right? Some people have said in the past to use bumper pads, but Laela still stuck her legs past them. And then some people think bumpers are totally dangerous. So I have no idea what “the right answer” is on this!!

Help me feel normal here, just for a minute. Please!

Food is hard these days, that isn’t a secret. Its SO hard for me to figure out what I’m hungry for, or what I can stomach, and sometimes its just trial and error, which isn’t fun. But this week, for whatever strange reason, I’ve been hungry for fuller, meatier meals, which was NOT the case in the weeks leading up to this one. Strange, strange changes, all the time.

Leftovers are the easiest lunch for me, because I don’t have to actually prepare anything, and they keep me fuller (and healthier, obviously) than the general snacky crap I end up eating otherwise.

Today, for lunch, I served myself up a decent sized bowl of leftovers from last nights supper. It was about half of what was left. I heated it up and it was gone waaay too fast. I hemmed and hawed and finally decided to bite the bullet and go back for round two. It was just so so good.

And then I lost my mind, and began microwaving my empty bowl. It only happened for a few seconds, thank goodness, before I clued in. My exact thought was “Wow, I loaded up that second serving fast! Or did I?” I did not, and stopped the microwave immediately. And nothing exploded!!! Win!

This is just one example of how I’ve been losing my mind the last few days. But hey, at least I didn’t lose my lunch!

I’m so looking forward to this afternoon. When Brady found out he was going to have a very short day at work, I called my hair girl and scheduled a quick touch up of the shaved side of my head for the afternoon. My morning was so weird and shivery and sick, and while I feel super wiped out, and going out isn’t ideal for me when I feel like this, I’m hopeful that a change of scenery will be good, even if I pay for it with exhaustion a bit later. It’ll be worth it.

When Brady got home, I grabbed a shower and had some lunch. Food is weird. I assume that my shakes are a result from blood sugar and whatever that all is. I’ve been advised to eat every few hours to help with it. But the thing is, I DO! And I’m STILL SHAKY! Its very frustrating, honestly, but I can’t keep a steady hand to save my life. Makes me feel a bit crazy, but I’ll get to talk to my doctor a bit about it next week.

The shakes paired with my constant chill (because whenever I feel sick, I feel cold) makes me just feel a bit on the unstable side, though I know its just the physical feeling of being out of control. If that makes any sense. I’m not explaining myself well, but typing is hard when my hands are so dang shaky!!! It’ll be good to get outside in the blazing heat and force myself to calm down and warm up.

Yikes! Time to get some makeup on and get ready to go! Fresh hair is worth getting up for 😉

I’m aware my posts are sort of slipping these days. I promise you all, its only for a time. With my current state of legit exhaustion, I’ve been finding regular days pretty hard to get through. And that doesn’t make for enjoyable blog content. So far today, I’ve acted more like a drill sergeant than a mom, accomplished nothing worth mentioning, cleaned up countless spills that I have made myself with my lazy hands, while leaving the soaked cloths and towels in the kitchen sink, next to the dirty dishes. That being said, the kids are alive, fairly happy (which is pretty wondrous actually), and fed. Now that the little boys are sleeping, a show is on and the big kids are relaxing for a bit. Now is usually my chance to blog.

I have a list of blog ideas that are somehow family/pregnancy related that I made for moments like these, but they are on my laptop, and that’s up in my room. And I literally CANNOT will myself to stand and get there. Instead, you’re getting yet another whiny post. It WILL get better, I promise it will.

Just think. In my past pregnancies, on days like this, I had to basically lie through it on here. I couldn’t just be straight up with you guys about how I was feeling. It was so hard. I hoped that, by being open sooner, I would have an easier time during the first trimester struggles. I do feel somewhat better about it, because at least I can talk about whats going on, but its not a whole lot easier :/ I still feel like a total downer. I assure you, I am trying.

I’m so thankful that Brady isn’t going to work a long day today. Help will be on the way in a couple of hours. Until then, we rest and relax and zone a little. It could be a tad bit more relaxing, if not for the jackhammering outside and the new awareness of Laela sniffling every five seconds. Remind me to stay as far away from her as possible! I do not want a cold right now. But likely, neither does she.

We’ll all make it through this weird, hard, tired time. I promise, next time I manage my way upstairs, I’ll look at my list of blog ideas, so we can avoid too many more posts like this 😉

We’ve got this. I’ve got this. Or at least thats what I’m telling myself.

Guys. I am tired today. Wiped. Out.

Brady made me lunch, and I could barely press my fork thru through the food. Today is apparently a day to draaaaag. Good thing we did the tail end of our grocery shopping yesterday, because today would not have been the day, and Brady is back to work tomorrow for the week. It had to be yesterday.

Once the little boys went down for their nap, Brady sent me upstairs to hide and rest. I’m currently watching a rerun of one of the Duggars having a baby on YouTube. I would’ve blogged earlier, but my arms were SO tired, I couldn’t imagine lifting them up to the keyboard.

I’m not making this up. Today, I am physically exhausted. I can’t imagine doing anything extra today. And I’m thankful I don’t have to 🙂 With that being said, though, typing feels like “extra” right now, so back to my show I go!

Praying for more energy tomorrow!!

I texted Jerilee yesterday, just to chat and see what she was busy with that day, like every other day. The conversation began completely innocently, and ended with unexpected evening plans. Jerilee lovingly offered to come hang in our house and care for the sleeping littles so Brady and I could go on a date, and go watch the fireworks! While seeing the fireworks doesn’t make or break my year, it was SO FUN to get out of the house just Brady and I, and go be part of an event that only comes along once a year. We jumped at the offer, obviously.

First, we spent our evening with my parents. They had invited us over for a wiener roast, so we headed over in the late afternoon. The kids played in the yard and spread out the toys VERY well while the rest of us visited and got some food together for supper. It was a total success!

Just for reference, Solomon ate a whole hot dog (as in a wiener and a bun), a good sized bowl of strawberries, and a cookie. The only kid who out-ate him was Dekker. Laela and Rowan stopped at half a hot dog. Crazy kids. Solly also ate a large handful of dirt out of a flowerbed, so even more protein!

We got the kids home pretty close to their usual bedtime, and everyone was nice and tired, and went down fairly smoothly. Jerilee showed up right around 8:00pm and we left shortly thereafter. We stopped to 7eleven and bought bad snacks to bring along with us. I’ve got to say, to anyone who likes to buy the bottles iced teas, the Pure Leaf raspberry one is unbelievable. It genuinely tastes like fresh raspberries as opposed to frozen or candied or whatever else. It was amazing.

We got a pretty decent parking spot, considering the size of our vehicle, and hauled our blanket and snacks to the park. We chose a spot on the hill, snuggled up in our blanket, and read all of the pregnancy apps on Brady’s phone to pass the time. I took them all off of my phone after my miscarriage, but I don’t think Brady did. He was perhaps a tad more level headed than I was. Either way, we like to read them together anyway.

Finally, the fireworks began! They went for a solid half hour, complete with the kid beside us screaming “Canada rocks!” over and over, and the guy in front of us who yelled “Ho!” every time a new firework showed up or surprised him. Haha! You’ve got to have those people, right?

It was a great show! The finale pounded in my chest LOUDLY, and really closed it off with a bang!

We followed the crowd out of the park and slowly made our way to the van. Leaving is always the most chaotic part of the evening, but we intentionally parked somewhat far away so it wouldn’t be as bad leaving. And it wasn’t. All was well.

It was SUCH a lovely night away. We could hold hands, and take our time, and eat candy without having to share! We could sit quietly and just rest with each other, and didn’t have to entertain anyone else. It was freeing and special. While I really love to be with my kids, and I don’t feel like we’re suffering hard without ample amounts of dates, I am so thankful we got an evening away.

Thank you, Jerilee, ever so much for offering us a date 💗 It was SUCH an amazing gift!