In my quest to figure out what my family is going to look like and how we’re going to build it and raise our children, I’ve learned that other peoples opinions shouldn’t matter. More and more, I’ve been told not to worry about what other people think or say, but to do as we feel we’re meant to. Whether popular or unpopular, our choices are our own.

I thought I’d have to learn to let things go more, or to let rude comments roll off my back, and sure, there is some of that. But mostly, through my searching and figuring, I’ve more learned to be confident in my choices. I hold no bitterness towards people who wouldn’t do as we do, or who think we’re just nuts. I honestly don’t! There are the occasional comments thrown my way that could be taken as rude, but I think its often just a miscommunication, or people saying something wrong. We don’t always ace everything. I know I sure don’t. I’m sure I’ve been offensive when I’m actually just interested or uneducated. So when people approach me with “So…why did you have so many kids?” I respond with something along the lines of “We’re trying to take over the world.” We have a good laugh and keep on moving. “You’ve got your hands full!” I do, indeed, but I love it! They’re truly amazing kids. “Do these kids all have the same mama??” YES! Its SO much fun! People have a harder time being rude when you approach those comments positively 🙂 I have yet to have someone reply to my answer with “Well, I think you made a huge mistake.”

Aaaaall of this aside, its really true that other people’s opinions shouldn’t matter. But in reality, sometimes, they just do. Even if you don’t want to care, when you know someone isn’t directly FOR you, it quickly feels like they are AGAINST you, and its easy to jump on the defence. Trust me, I know this, too. That mama bear (or papa bear) mentality is all too real, and its ok to feel protective of your family!

I ended up on a tangent I wasn’t expecting, so I’ll stop that here. But I’ll get to the point of what I actually wanted to boil this down to.

Your loving comments over the last two days have been beautiful and encouraging and warm. You’ve all expressed excitement, support, love, understanding, and that we should keep doing what we’re doing 🙂 You can’t know how this makes me feel. While I’m sure there are people out there, even in my very own personal Facebook land, who don’t agree with our choices, they’ve kept it to themselves, which I am truly grateful for. To ONLY have supportive friends speak up has been an immense gift. While your opinions shouldn’t matter too much to me, they do, and I’m so thankful for everyone who is rooting for us.

A little sideways lesson I’m learning through this is to remember to really really NOT judge other people. Even though it shouldn’t matter what I think of really anyone, it might matter to them. I don’t want to be a sore spot for anyone. I don’t know. Just something to think more about, I suppose.

Seriously, thank you all for your love and support as we take the plunge into growing our family further still. I’m so thankful to have so many amaaazing people in our corner through these times.

Since I’ve finally come to believe that I am in fact pregnant, its like the symptoms are laying on me like a ton of bricks. I won’t get into all of the gory details, but I have felt SO nauseous for probably 3-4 days. Not much before then, but quite gross recently. Yesterday, I heaved like craaazy over a pail, but it resorted in a disgusting taste in my mouth and sore throat only. Which is good, I guess. Its good to not vomit constantly. But my gag reflex is on HIGH alert. Standing makes it all SO much worse. Which is fine, because who stands?? Oh right. I do.

With that, as is my usual, I’m not nauseous at the thought of food, specifically, but I am VERY picky. I’m not a picky eater on a regular day. I’m an adult. We eat what we’re given, haha! But these days, I don’t want to risk eating something I’m not hungry for, because forcing it is what makes my body angry. So far, the only smell that really bothers me is brewing coffee 🙁 Isn’t that sad? But ready-made coffee is ok. So Brady leaves me some in the pot in the morning, and I heat it up and drink it that way. It actually works, though I look forward to being able to be around the smell of coffee again. I’m feeling very fortunate, though, that this is my only aversion so far.

So naturally, because I’m feeling this sick, my little boys spent the morning pooping, over and over and over again. Laela spent the morning arguing with me and teasing. Dekker, by default, spent the morning crying. Partaaaaay!

Doesn’t everyone want to come hang at our house?? If you do, I may pass off one of the poopy diapers your way, though. So. Much. Poop.

💩

That’s very literally all I have to share for today. I feel like poop, my kids feel like pooping, and I can’t stand up without gagging or getting dizzy and sitting right back down. If its any consolation to anyone, though, everyone is freshly diapered and in bed, everyone is fed, and the big kids are playing lego in front of a show. So we’re all alive and well. But this is as high as we’re aiming today, and I’m more than ok with it.

When Brady and I got married, we were kids. We were SO unprepared for spending our lives together. We knew we wanted to, don’t get me wrong, but the topic of children was barely discussed. What did we know? Nothing. I believe the first time the topic came up, Brady said he wanted two kids, and I said I wanted four. That was where the conversation started and ended. We never considered that the family plans we had in mind could possible differ from one another.

I couldn’t be happier with how our life has turned out in this area. Truly, I couldn’t. The day we had Dekker, we looked at each other and both said “We have to do this so many more times!” We just knew. And I thank the Lord that we have the same feelings and goals in the matter. How different our life would look if we didn’t agree, or if we couldn’t conceive. What a life changer either of those would have been.

Not only am I blessed with a man who shares my desire to grow our family, but he is a better dad than I could’ve asked for. He is hands on, involved, and sacrificial. Brady is at work at (or before) 6:00am every morning, just so he can come home a couple of hours early and actually spend quality time with our kids. While I am obviously home with the kids more than he is, he works HARD to continue along with our routine of the day, keep things consistent, and parent alongside me, rather than just playing his way through the evening. He never takes the easy way out, ever.

Even on the sucky, angry, “we just can’t get it together” days, he displays an unconditional love for his family. We all feel it.

Brady, I hope you know how much we love and appreciate you. You know I love you, and that they love you, and that I like you, and that they like you. I knew you’d be a fun dad, but I could never have pictured you like this. You have taken your title of “head of the house” and embraced it with a servant, sacrificial heart. What an amazing man you are!! I’m so happy to call you mine.

 

We love you!!
Hailey, Dekker, Laela, Rowan, Solly, & little papoose ❤️

Our lives have been so busy in the last month. I feel like we’ve been going non-stop, though I know its not true. Just busy for us. From Mother’s Day weekend busyness, to family visiting, to school events, to all the work up leading to our music set at the car show, to appointments, to makeup jobs, to our lake trip, and a whole bunch of other things in between. We have felt SO busy. Yet, on another hand, time has stood still.

About a month ago, our prayers were answered. I am SO happy and relieved and overwhelmed to share with you all that we are, once again, expecting a baby!! So many emotions have come along for the ride this time, both thanks to hormones, and also our past experience, losing Theo.

Getting my positive pregnancy test at a strange time in my cycle, amidst unusual spotting, brought on a lot of nervousness, as one would expect. We had an ultrasound shortly thereafter, and there was almost nothing to see. Even less than we were expecting to see. All that could be seen was the gestational sac, and I measured five days behind. I spent the next week and a half expecting the worst. Waiting to miscarry. Measuring small is often your first indication that things aren’t going smoothly. Not always, of course, but sometimes.

My doctor gifted me a second ultrasound soon thereafter, and God covered us in it. He knew what we needed. We were THRILLED to see that beautiful little flicker of a heartbeat in our teeeeeny tiny little baby’s body!! While we know there is no guarantee with that, it brought significant relief to our hearts. We finally believed I was ACTUALLY PREGNANT!

Guys. I’m pregnant. It feels so surreal now that I can breathe a little bit easier. I’m still nervous, but I don’t anticipate feeling 100% confident for a very long time still, and I wanted to keep you all in the loop 🙂

I used to think, as I had more kids, I’d keep my pregnancies private longer, for fear of judgement. But through our miscarriage, I learned that we have amazing people in our corner who are rooting for us, and I appreciate that SO much! I’m not sure why you’ve all taken such a loving interest in our lives, but I love that you have. I’m so thankful for the support we’ve felt and received.

I am seven weeks along today. I know. Its still very early. But I wanted to share early this time 🙂 We are praying SO hard for our baby to be comfy and sticky in my womb, and that he or she grows strong and healthy and humungous, haha! Please join us in prayer for our little papoose ❤️

And be ready for a blog series!! A very intentional pregnancy blog series, I think on Saturdays. I want so badly to focus on the positives, and I’m hoping this will remind me to expect the best ☺️ I am beyond thrilled!

PREGNAAAAANT!!! 🤰

After being completely and utterly bushed yesterday, the kids are considerably more rested and functional. Which is perfectly timed, because Dekker had a field trip today! He assured me at breakfast that he was feeling much better than yesterday, and he even told me he was excited to try some new things. His field trip was compiled of things that he had never done before, so I was wondering how it would go.

He was excited to go to school, and rushed right into his classroom after giving me a kiss goodbye. I wasn’t able to be a parent helper this time around but lucky for me, I had a few friends on the inside who lovingly sent pictures and videos of him playing and having fun. I got lots of updates and people telling me how silly and funny and happy he was. Apparently he’s actually decent at bowling, which is exciting! He really enjoyed that part, and even got a strike! Thats more than I can say for myself!! The second part of his day was spent doing gymnastics, which he will tell you “was the hard part of the day.” But he tried some new things, like he promised he would, and he concurred some fears. Wins for Dekker!

The kids made it back to school in time for last recess, and ended up just spending the remainder of the afternoon outside on the playground. He was happy and sweaty. One of the parents came up to me and pointed him out, saying that they had danced and been silly together and had a lot of fun. It is SO wonderful to see Dekker finding his groove and his feet and his confidence. He genuinely like school, which I am so happy to see. He does still like home more, but I truly think he’ll miss school during the summer.

While he solidly enjoyed today, he is once again, pretty wiped out. And that is just fine 🙂 We have a yummy supper ready and waiting, making our house smell delicious, so I’m going to choose my priorities and go eat. And then snuggle in for some laziness before tucking everyone away for the night. Sounds like a pretty great Friday night to me!!

As promised, I have WAY too many pictures to share from our trip to the lake yesterday! Like an obscene amount. I may whittle them down as I go, but I’m not promising anything 🙂 I love a good photo post, and I think at least a handful of others do, too, so here goes!

Jerilee and Brady sat in the front, and I sat in the first row of seats. With the open console area, it felt very much like we were just all sitting beside each other 🙂 It was a great set up. Plus, I had these two monkeys beside me the whole time.

They were cute, and patient as we drove the 2.5 ish hours to the lake. Once we arrived, we unloaded the kids into the parking lot and grabbed the beach stuff. Dekker and Laela were amped!

I love when they hold hands <3 We didn’t ask them to or anything. They were just ready to go!

Once we set up our blankets and such, the sand castling begun!

Yup, that’s sand in his teeth. He had to try it, I suppose. Just the once.

Bubbles also came out, because whats the beach without bubbles?

We managed to convince a couple of the kids to wade into the water but it was pretty frigid, haha!

Our beach has always had a pretty great little play structure on it, but in the last few years, its put up another one that is for older kids, and its SO much fun! They’ve also gotten baby swings, teeter totters, and all kinds of other things. The kids were THRILLED with the playground. Its definitely where we spent the most time.

The playground was feeling a bit crazy with a handful of school groups on it as well, so we decided to break for lunch. We were heading back to the van to get the snacks we’d brought, and Dekker suggested we picnic on some grass in the parking lot rather than hunting for a picnic table. It was completely quiet and seemed like a good idea 🙂 So we plunked down on a grassy little hill in the parking lot and ate out snacks.

I tried to get a good picture of my best girls and best boys. One picture turned out and the other didn’t, even after MANY tries. Care to wager some guesses?

No lie, this was the very best one I got. Aaaaanyway…

As the kids tummies got full, so did their energy levels. They raced back and forth across the grass along the parking lot while the rest of us sat and chatted and fed Solly a bit more.

Poor baby was pretty wiped out by this point in the day.

We decided to give him the best chance at a nap, so I strapped him into the ergo (which he only tolerates now if he’s tired enough to sleep) and we walked around the little town, showing the kids the shops and restaurants and little places to hike a bit. They loved it 🙂

After we did a solid lap around town, we headed back to the playground so the big kids could play a little bit longer while Solly slept. He woke up halfway through and joined the kids on the playground 🙂 It was a good wrap up to a wonderful lake day!

Dekker was SO good at getting on and off the seesaw carefully so not to drop Laela.

Look at his happy face!!! <3 He LOVED the swings!

And this was one of my favorite things! Teeter totters are tricky when the people on them are the exact same size!! Laela and Rowan would level out so easily if they didn’t really kick off. Ro didn’t have quite enough strength for it. He’d kick and kick and they’re just float there 🙂 It was hilarious.

This was our last stop before we decided to head out for the day. We were planning on taking them to one of the restaurants for supper but I didn’t think ahead, and the one we wanted to hit was closed still. But really, it would’ve been a bit of a wait, and the kids were quite overtired at this point. No one had melted down, but I knew it wasn’t far off. The promise of McDonalds for supper made them happy, and we left the lake without any devastation.

The drive to supper was VERY quiet.

Not flawlessly quiet, though. I fed the littlest monkey Cheerios and he stayed quiet 🙂

Everyone had a GOOD long sleep, but at least some of them were still pretty bushed by the time we stopped for food.

Tired and SO dirty!

Food perked the kids up a bit, and thankfully, no one slept the last stretch of driving home, so they still fell asleep quite well 🙂 We were smart and planned ahead, and got all of the kids in sweats, fresh shirts, and fresh socks for that last leg. Then, we loaded them from the van into the house and right into bed. It was seamless and good.

What a FABULOUS day! Rowan and Solly both just woke up for the day, around 11:30-ish, and Laela is dragging pretty noticeably. But she keeps asking to go back to the lake 🙂 I’m right there with her. I can’t wait to go again!

I am SO pleased about how our day wound up! We ventured into the city this morning to run an errand, pick up Jerilee, and grab some breakfast before heading to our favorite lake! We wanted to get the kids excited and prepared for our lake vacay this summer, so regardless of the forecast’s promise for crummy weather, we braved it and headed out.

I am so glad we did 🙂 While it was overcast and not exactly balmy, it didn’t rain a single drop! The kids ran around in shorts and hoodies without complaint. We built sand castles, played on the playground, waded in the water a little, met a few other kids, and blew bubbles. We had a picnic for lunch, which was comfy and quiet.

Soon after lunch, Solly decided it was time for a nap, so I tucked him into the ergo and he has a delicious nap on me while we did a lap around the town and showed the kids a few of the places that we’ll visit the next time we come. They were all such good sports.

Post lunch and walk, we wandered back over to the playground. There had been at least two bus loads of kids playing earlier today, but they had all gone away, and it was just us and the occasional other kid or two. It was SO quiet, and really a treat to have the place to ourselves.

Turns out that all of the restaurants were still closed, so we ended up leaving a bit earlier than expected and getting supper in a nearby city. No problem 🙂 The promise of McDonalds softened the blow of leaving the lake. The kids loved it there, which felt great. But they also love it at McDonalds, haha! Crisis averted 😉

We made it home just shortly after their usual bedtime, and the process went very smoothly. It was SUCH a good day, and the evening has already been SO lovely too. I’m very happy with today. SO glad we came. And really, guys, this should be a photo post. I have well over 100 pictures of today. But I want to sort through them a bit before just dumping them on here haphazardly. Hopefully tomorrow, you’ll get a better picture. Literally.

I don’t need the sun to feel summer coming.

Its been a really really lovely day. Dekker was happy to jet off to school in the morning, which is something I am always thankful for. I reminisced the other day about how difficult school was that first day, and how thrilled I am that Dekker never really missed a beat after that, embracing school full force. I love my happy kindergartener!

The other kids had a fairly rough start, with some mysterious screaming that no one would explain to me, resulting in some punishments and a baby being woken up sooner than usual. I was pretty upset, but managed to bring myself down and enjoy the morning very much 🙂 My mom came to watch the kids while I took Dekker to school, and she spent the morning and lunch with me. We caught up on life over the past few days, since she was away on a trip and we hadn’t been in touch. It was so relaxing and positive and nice. I love my mom. I miss her when she’s not around.

Its nap time, but Solly isn’t really sleeping :/ He dozed a bit this morning and now he’s a bit too awake for his own good. Luckily, he’s just chatting away in his crib, not at all upset or sad, so I think he’ll get there soon. Rowan is fast asleep, and Laela is resting on the couch. We have a cold brewing in a couple of our kids, and Laela is just pouring snot 🙁 Not ideal, but she’s been a trooper since this morning where she turned her attitude around. Its going to be ok, guys. Its just a cold. We can do colds. Just no more midnight vomit, pleeeaaase!!

Brady is already done work for the day, but he’s off getting his tires rotated and balanced. He should still be home at a good time, and hopefully that’ll give us lots of time to get ready for tomorrow! While the forecast doesn’t instill much confidence, we are driving to the lake tomorrow morning!! Its supposed to be kind of crummy and rainy and grey tomorrow, but regardless, we have been telling the kids all about our lake trip coming up, and we want to give them a preview of what they’re anticipating 🙂 Even if that just means driving around the town a bit, stopping for food, showing them where we’ll stay, etc., it’ll be worth it. I’m so looking forward to tomorrow. Its fun to have things to anticipate, right?

I hope you are all able to find something positive to focus on today, despite the grey weather <3

Our day at home turned into a morning out with friends. What a happy surprise 🙂 It was SO nice to be spontaneously invited out on the one day that we really had nothing up. While they were still eating breakfast, I got a text invite, and we just rolled with it. The kids were thrilled, as they were already whining that they wanted to go somewhere today. I stayed in my frumpy clothes, dressed them, and out we went. Pre-coffee, even!

There were three of us with our kids gathered together this morning, sitting in the sun watching our kids play together. It was just exactly right 🙂 The morning sun is the best sun.

It was around lunch time that we parted ways, and I took my little dirt faces home.

They were pretty happy dirt faces, though. There may have been some other factors contributing. Freezie faces, chocolate faces, melon faces, etc. Stir it all together with water from the lap pool and you’ve got a great mix of mud 🙂 What a fun morning! (I feel like I should clarify here that Carrie is not a dirt face.)

The kids were sad to leave, obviously, but the promise of popcorn and a tv show helped. Thats the current setup for the big kids, anyway. I gave Rowan a little bit more to eat and he then requested a nap. Solly fell asleep having some milk on my lap.

Look at that little pooched face!!

It was such a nice way to break the day up! Hopefully Brady’s day doesn’t go too long, and we can have a super enjoyable evening together as a family as well. It just feels like these days should be holidays! Haha! Ours will come soon enough 🙂 Or thats what I keep telling myself!

Once again, our plans to go to church were dashed. I was up for hours in the middle of the night, completely anxious and overwhelmed. I ended up waking Brady up, and he had also been sleeping very lightly and not well. We watched a bit of tv together and fell back to sleep finally. But thanks to that, we decided to stay home. Yes, we could have pushed through, but honestly, after getting the kids up, it felt like we made the right call.

Everyone was SO happy to stay tucked in for the day while the grey day blew away outside. We made a yummy feed of waffles and breakfast sausage for brunch, and the kids played for the rest of the morning. Rowan had a weird, fat hand today, and I’m not entirely sure why. Its puffy all the way up to his elbow! I pulled his arm out of his sleeve so I could note how high up his arm was swollen, and he opted to slip out of his shirt for the remainder of the morning. I was fine with that. It was easier to keep an eye on his arm and make sure it wasn’t growing, and also, shirtless Ro is also ultra-soft Ro. The rest of the kids took this as their cue to join the shirtless parade, so we’ve enjoyed that immensely 🙂

It goes without saying, but we’ll be watching that chubby hand and arm, and hopefully it’ll go down soon. Ro is our kid who swells like crazy when he gets a bug bite of any kind, much much more than the other kids. He’s been using his hand fine and has reassured me over and over that he’s ok 🙂 So we just watch.

While the little boys napped, Dekker and Laela watched the Peanuts movie, and Brady and I played SkipBo. It was a very relaxing afternoon!

Brady opted to take the big kids out to the garage to bike around a bit while he did a bit of work on his bike, so I’m cuddled up in bed trying to warm my body up! Brrr! Does anyone else get chilled super easily when they’re overtired? I do! And the weather isn’t helping! But my bed will. Can’t complain about that!

I hope you all had a nice, relaxing weekend 🙂 Reality begins once again tomorrow, on the ONE day this week where we have nothing booked! Woot for an easy Monday!