Well, my latte machine kicked the bucket this morning. Not to be dramatic, but it was a bit hard to get over, and I was grouchy. Not the best of excuses, but its just reality. And the kids were a special breed of fighters today, so it was just a rocky morning. They were pretty cute, though! And yes, they’re back in their fuzzy sleepers. Can’t get enough! Except Dekker, for whatever reason.

This was Dekker’s drawing of what my hair looks like, haha!

Sollys teeth that you’ve been hearing so much about! That last top middle tooth has been working overtime, but hasn’t made an appearance just yet. He’s just going through it, poor boy, but he’s still SO sweet and friendly!!

I got the kids lunch and went to plop down in the living room, to get a break from all of the fighting. And I overheard a super cute conversation between Dekker and Laela that I have to share! Because they’re cute, and I love them, even when they fight. It was a good break for me, and then I had a nice chat on the phone with Brady that added some motivation to my day. Feeling much better now.

Anyway, the convo!!

Laela: Rowan isn’t a baby anymore.
Dekker: He’s a toddler.
Laela: Wait, Rowan is a baby still…
Dekker: Nope, he’s a toddler. A toddler is like, it’s like a baby and a big guy.
Laela: That’s right! I’m a big guy too!
Dekker: That’s right Laela! You’re grown up.
Laela: And baby Solly is a baby.
Dekker: Right. And babies live in jumparoos.

Cute, right?? I know that not everyone finds joy in the things that moms find joy in, but I really thought it was an endearing chat 🙂 It made me smile when I hadn’t done much of that yet today.

Thanks, kids, for doing your best to keep good attitudes, even on hard days. We’ve got this!

Brady and I have been married for eight years! They have been loaded years. Specifically this last year. I think I can safely say its been our most challenging year yet, but with some solid good thrown in there! There were lots of moves, including the one into our HOME. We had a beautiful baby boy, and lost a beautiful baby boy. We had some pretty solid marital roadblocks, and were sick for MONTHS. But we’ve come out on the other side, and there has been no love lost between us. I am entirely enamoured with my husband, and our vows still stand. Through thick and thin, my love. We’ve got this!

Last night, we had the privilege of going on a date. We got all dolled up and headed out for a 5:00pm supper at Cactus Club. It was SO delicious! I tried to take a picture of our pretty drinks…

and that was the last supper picture I took, as it was clear to me they weren’t going to work out how I had in mind. Also, because it was all far too yummy and I wanted to eat rather than snap pictures. Brady had a steak and I had chicken with mushrooms. And then sides and drinks. And then we split a cheesecake for dessert. It was divine, and we were out at the perfect time. Right at 6:00pm.

I know, it seems like an early date, but we had a concert to get to!! Marianas Trench was in town, and in case you didn’t already know, they put on SUCH a great show! I’ll admit to loving their music, but I feel like anyone would enjoy their show, even if the music wasn’t entirely their thing. They’re very entertaining and engaging and funny. And ultra talented, which helps. And I can now speak from experience and say that being in the front row makes it SO MUCH BETTER!!

Maybe I’m just old, but when we discovered there would actually be seats, I was SO excited!!! Being front row meant we could lean on that metal fence and he super duper close, but it also meant no one was pushing us around from behind, and we could actually be comfortable and pain-free!! Also, sitting down between the four acts!!

First was a local band that I actually can’t remember the name of, which is too bad because they were actually pretty decent!! Then was “Virginia to Vegas” who seemed to only sing super dirty songs, and I didn’t find super catchy. But he had good energy. Shawn Hook was the main opener, and he did awesome 🙂 VERY well received by the crowd, and he just genuinely seemed to be enjoying himself, running around on stage, being a bit of a weirdo. It was really good.

Buuuuut Marianas Trench took the cake, as they always do.

Like I said, we were REALLY CLOSE!

We haven’t been to see them in almost four years. I had to look back. It was mid April, 2014, when they were touring with their last album. And that show was INCREDIBLE! It was so theatrical, and entertaining, and I loved every minute of it. But this one was better! It definitely had less production to it, but they were so engaging and chatty and entertaining and GAH! I loved every minute of it.

The single downfall of this all happening yesterday was that today, our actual anniversary, life was back to normal.

Except, fun surprise, it isn’t!! Brady got to work, and due to him being given the wrong dates on a house, HE’S HOME!! Lol! Not the best way to kick off the day, but I’m not complaining about having my man at home!!

Isn’t he handsome?? 😍

He brought coffee and breakfast home, as well as a gorgeous bouquet of flowers from Grower Direct!

The little boys are in bed, and Laela is relaxed, watching some Netflix. Dekker is at school, and Brady and I are having some lunch together in just a few minutes. Off to my all day home date I go!!

Have a good “Hailey and Brady’s anniversary” day!!!

I’m sure almost all of you have seen these Carters sleepers before. You know the ones I mean. It seemed that every picture of kids I saw included at least one kid in this sleeper. Because it was festive, and not ugly, and very soft and cozy.

We bought the kids these luxurious sleepers this Christmas, as a fun gift that they could all wear and match. We also bought a little bitty one for them to open together. That was how we told them I was pregnant with another little sibling for them.

Now, we’ve obviously learned of the baby’s passing. Since learning this, Theo’s sleeper has been squished into our 0-6 month rubbermaid tub of kids clothing for whenever its useful to someone. The kids still have their sleepers around, but yesterday, for the first time since Christmas, we put them all in the same jammies, just for fun.

Funny how little things trigger bigger things. I LOVED seeing my beautiful four little soft kids all snuggled up together! And I KNOW that a baby born mid-summer would never have worn that sleeper anyway. But it still brought up all of the feels. YIKES! I wanted that baby. Oy. My heart hurts.

I wish you could all come snuggle these incredibly soft people today, because they are SO comforting and warm. I’m SO grateful to have four beautiful little loves here on earth, and while I will NEVER forget our Theo, I am hopeful that we will have the chance to have more kidlets wearing matching jammies in our future. Not today, and not tomorrow, but hopefully not too terribly far down the road.

Let’s wind this up. I don’t mean to whine. I’m just trying to be straight up about how I’m feeling. And I’m still feeling a lot of feelings. Lots of them are sad, but some are hopeful and peaceful. They’re getting better. But I’m still sad every day. I just want to be honest. But I am SO grateful to God for the kids I DO get to hug and kiss every day. Just look at them! They’re so wonderful…

So many feelings. Just from jammies.

Dekker’s went to a birthday party this afternoon in the city, and the rest of us lurked at Value Village nearby for the two hours that the party took. I haven’t done a shop there with the whole family in a very long time, if I ever even have. I don’t remember. I have a vague memory of going with Brady, Dekker, and Laela.

We dropped Dekker off and headed to the store. Of course we had forgotten to bring a stroller, and Brady and I were both shopping for some clothes, so wearing Solly wasn’t an ideal option. And of course, the carts are small and only have one little spot to sit in them. So Solly rode in the cart and Rowan and Laela walked with us. They actually all did surprisingly well!!

An hour and a half at Value Village got us a greta haul! Brady got four flannel work shirts, I got a shirt and a tshirt dress, Dekker got a pair of jeans, Laela got the next size up in jeans, and a couple of shirts, Rowan got a sweater and a sized up shirt, and Solly got some shoes for summer. Big wins all around, for sure. We still had a half hour to kill before getting Dekker, so we got coffee from Tims and parked for a bit. Poor little boys just couldn’t dose off, and were therefore wiped out and a bit fussy, but they did ok.

Dekker was really happy after the party. I asked him his favorite part, and he responded that he liked everything. He told me his closest friend from school was there, which he was really happy about, and he said the birthday boy had given him a big hug after opening his present. It seemed like he had really enjoyed his time. It wasn’t all that long ago that he would never have accepted us leaving him somewhere unfamiliar, but he was very brave and made the most of it! I’m so glad he’s making friends and gaining confidence 🙂 That was honestly the main thing that I wanted him to take from kindergarten!

Now, we’re home. Solly is sleeping and the others are playing with the tv on in the background. Laundry is humming and Brady cleaned the island top off, which just feels SO much nicer! Its a good way to wind up Sunday. I hope this is all we do for the rest of the day.

I looked back. On January 12th, Rowan popped a two year molar that he’s been working hard for. Molars seem to take FOREVER because they have so many edges to pop through. Then, on the 23rd, Solly popped a top tooth. He’s been working hard on teething as well, and it was SUCH a relief to finally see some progress! Then, just a few days ago, he popped TWO more teeth!!! He still has one to go before I think this stint of teething is over. At least, for him.

This morning, I discovered that Rowan cracked another molar!! Cracked. As in one tiny little point has made its way through his gums. Which means he will be in teething pain until its all through, and for some reason, his molars seem to take WAY longer than the took the other kids! Ack!

So much fun having my kids go through these stages together 😜

On a separate note, I really had a nice, full day yesterday. My mood did drop a little bit in the evening, like I expected it might, but it was worth it. I got some things done, got out of the house, got the side of my hair re-shaved, and got to hold a beautiful new baby, which both broke and melted my heart ❤️️💔 I’m SO glad I got to snuggle him, though. Was a bit healing, I think.

Brady is working today, but its ok, because he’s going to have Sunday and Monday off 🙂 I’m glad its working out that way, but I do still wish he could be here with us, too. I kind of like my husband…

After a handful of low days, where I’ve been VERY well taken care of, I find myself in the midst of a busier day than I’ve had recently. Its not an especially busy day to others, I’m sure, but its fuller for me. But in lots of really good ways! Lots going on, and lots to remember.

First thing was first. I pulled out some chicken and put it in the sink to thaw. I’ve fallen pretty far behind in housework, so while the kids ate breakfast, I got a load of dishes done. I also started doing dome supper prep for a couple in our town. The crock pot is full and fresh stuff is chopped. While I was working at the island, Dekker slid a chair over to me. He said it was because he knew I’ve been tired and sad, so sitting might be easier. 💙 How lovely is he?? Then, almost immediately after, each kid dragged a chair over and joined me on my side of the island. It was adorable, even though it effectively sucked up all of the open space, haha! Just more motivation to tidy it up, I guess!

It was SO nice to have company!! And honestly, it felt great to prepare something for someone else. We’ve been on the receiving end of help SO MUCH recently. As recently as last night even, as our supper was once again brought to our door. So I feel nice and accomplished. Yay!

Also this morning, I’ve been doing a bit of calling around, making appointments. Brady and I have a date next week, which I believe I’ve talked about on here before. We’re going to a concert, and while I LOVE the band and haven’t seen them in a few years, I’m feeling a bit less excited about it, and have almost called our date off a couple of times. But recently we decided we should go, so we spoke to my parents, and they agreed to put the kids down and hang out while we were out. Last night, a friend of ours volunteered to come over even earlier and “fill the gap” so we could get an evening longer date!! Brady and I feel so excited for our date, and I’m realizing just how long I’ve been wallowing. So I booked a leg wax for Monday and a short appointment to get the side of my hair touched up. Time to feel like a human again!! THANK YOU, Mom, Dad, and Carrie for making it possible for us to get out and have something exciting to anticipate!!!

So I made calls to book appointments, and Brady called a restaurant and made us a reservation. He and I chatted and discussed a few things, so I was on the phone a decent amount this morning between supper prep and washing my hair.

Now, as I look around at my house, I’m seeing how much laundry needs folding, how much more laundry needs doing, and that my first load of dishes has already finished and there is lots more to do! With that, I actually have my shorty hair appointment this afternoon, so I have a bit of a timeline there.

I’m thinking that, even though there are still lots of hours left in a day, I can tell my anxiety amps when I do a bit too much, even if it really isn’t too much. So I think the bulk of my work is already done for the day. I’ll hopefully get another load of dishes in, but laundry will wait for tomorrow, and thats ok. Now, we feed the kids, I’ll get dressed, little ones need to nap, and I need to do a bit more food prep. And I really really want to save some more blog posts! I’m scared to lose momentum on that project. In the last week, I’ve saved almost six months, which feels huge.

This post has turned out kind of strange. I feel like my day is nice and full but just enough. And I’m SO anticipating Monday!! Brady works tomorrow, which is a bummer, but is a REALLY good move in the long run, as he’s sacrificing his Saturday to take ALL of Monday off!! Its good to post earlier in the day when I’m feeling more positive. Lots of good days to come 🙂

I spent a lovely morning and afternoon with my dear mama. It was going to just be a morning visit, which would also have been lovely, but I managed to weasel her into staying through lunch, and into the afternoon. Ok, I make myself sound pretty stealthy, but quite likely she knew what I was up to, and was happy to stay 😉 Also, being that she’s a mom, I’m thinking she read her daughter pretty well.

I’ve been having some low days. From finding out the baby had stopped growing, I had a really really hard week. Then, the shock had worn off a little bit, and I felt at least a little bit stronger. Still very sad, but better-ish. The last few days have been weird, and harder than I expected. Little things are setting me off, and I’m feeling sad about the smaller, less important aspects of losing my baby. I’m nervous to get into them on here, because I don’t want people to think I’m petty. I don’t want to think I’m petty, either. But I’m really sad about a lot of things, and it feels different than the initial shock of finding out that our baby wasn’t going to come home with us after all.

As a fun twist on my day, Solly has been teething like a bad monkey, and today especially, he’s been eating really badly. Just uninterested. And I should have picked up on it! Solly cut TWO TEETH!!! I’ve been waiting and watching since he popped that weird top tooth out of order, haha! Today he popped two more on the top, leaving one top middle tooth to go before that’ll all be filled it. Then he’ll have two on the bottom and four on the top. We’re getting there, and I’m SO glad he’s making some progress in the whole teething process!!! Maybe he’ll get some relief soon. Go Solly go!!!

I know, the title is deceiving, since February is actually the shortest month of the year. But February holds a few big days for us.

In order…

February 7th is our anniversary! Brady and I will have been married for EIGHT YEARS! What exceptional years they have been! I love him more than I ever have before, and I am not just saying that. But I’ll talk about that more on the day.

February 11th isn’t exactly an occasion we do anything special for, but it was the date of Dekker’s eye surgery. Something I always remember, and feel grateful for. Significant, but not in a “let’s have a celebration” kind of way.

February 14th is Valentine’s Day!! I know I have some vday boycotters out there, and its fine if you don’t care for the holiday. I do like it, however 🙂 I have a husband who shows me amazing amounts of love every single day, and on Valentine’s Day, we just get a little bit sappier, haha!

February 23rd is Rowan’s birthday! He’ll be two, which is NUTS, but also pretty accurate. Just before Christmas, I couldn’t fathom Rowan turning two, but since Christmas he has gotten SO verbal, and his comprehension has jumped unbelievably high! He is definitely turning two!!!

I’ve looked back on the blog and on Facebook, and we haven’t really been able to celebrate our lovey holidays the last couple of years. Last year, we were sick as dogs all February (story of our lives) and the year before that, I was MASSIVELY pregnant with Rowan, lol, and not doing too much. I’m pleased that Brady and I have an evening away on February 6th this month, to go to a concert! It was supposed to be late last year but got postponed, and now is the time! I’ve been anticipating it, until recently when the wind was swept from my sails, and now to be honest, I don’t feel like going :/ BUT I think we should. I don’t want to sit at home and sulk. I want to go out with my husband and breathe some fresh air. So I will 🙂 I’m hoping to go on more dates this year. Its a resolution I’ve added to my short list a little bit late in the game. More dates. I don’t want to wait until we don’t like each other anymore to try to fall back in love. I want to roll with being very much in love, and keep going on dates and making special efforts. I have a VERY wonderful husband, and I’d like to take that man out and show him off once in a while 😉

Brady kicked off our full month by getting me a VERY exciting present! It arrived at our door this morning.

I KNOW! AN IPAD PRO!!!

I’ve been teasing and pestering him about this recently. I’m excited to take on more of a role in the officey side of his business this year, and I’ve been telling him I should obviously have my own “work device.” Call me crazy, but this is the most fun item I will ever get to write off at tax time! Hahaha!

Thank you, Brady, for the beautiful new rosey iPad, and trusting me to not mess up your financial reports. Thanks for accepting my weird bouts of weeping this afternoon, even when you surprised me with such a beautiful gift this morning. You get me, and I’m THRILLED I have you!