I’m not sure I can say todays outing was a pass or fail, but we did make it out to both Walmart and Costco, and we all went in to both places. I know thats only two places, but when the kids are really struggling, one of us waits in the van with them, and today, we didn’t have to. They weren’t the smoothest of shopping trips but we’ve definitely had worse. DEFINITELY!

We did Costco first and got everything we were looking for. The kids were even very polite and got cookies at the bakery. Always a win! The last thing we picked up was a big box of size one diapers for the little mister who is soon on his way <3 That was fun. He got a couple new sleepers as well, and Dekker got a really nice little Quiksilver 3-pack, including a pair of shorts (not swimming shorts), a polo, and a tshirt.

After we paid, we filled up with gas and then headed to Walmart where we had another successful shop. Not as much for groceries, but you could say I am now stocked up with ALL of the padding a new mom could possible as for, lol! I have travel toiletries so I don’t have to pack anything on the fly, we bought baby some socks since the little size obviously got packed in with a larger size of clothing, and we got him some playpen sheets, since his cradle is packed in our storage container, so he’ll spend the first couple of weeks of his life just sleeping in a playpen. (For the record, I am completely aware that there is NOTHING wrong with this! We just LOVE our cradle because its so pretty, and all of our kids have started off in it. But such is life 🙂 Very thankful that we have a beautiful, functional, brand new playpen. Baby officially has everything he needs. He can come anytime now.

We grabbed some fast food and came home. We are all so tired, but it was good to get out. The kids were happy for the change of scenery, but moods were LOW when we got home because they were wiped. Now they’re in bed, and I’m about to head off for a soak because I forgot my pelvic support belt and I am PAYING dearly for it! Off to bed soon for Brady and I too. He’s getting sick again. Pleeeaaase Lord, let round 2 stop with him!!!

Brady has had these silly lulls in his work that have kind of stressed us out. We’re fine financially, but these last few months would have been the ideal time to make as much extra as possible, and we have not been in a position to do so. I praise the Lord for knowing more than us, because it is always during these lulls that it turns out that I really really need him around. This week is no exception. He has a few days off and it seems like my body is taking that as an invitation to try to kill me, because it knows my kids have someone to care for them.

Today, my sore throat has turned into that deep, gross cough that sounds SO bad and feels worse. Its about hacking up something that you have to work SO hard for, and its just super nasty. Because I’m me, and in the position I’m in, every single hacking fit makes me very very dizzy, and then follows up with a contraction. Every. Single. One. Now if you know much about my birthing history, you know I don’t usually have much pain with my contractions, even well into labour. Only once my water breaks do I feel pain, and then BOOM!, do I ever feel it! But that being said, the contractions I’m having now are also not painful per se, but they are still contractions. My stomach becomes hard as a rock, and because I have quite so much stomach now, it makes it hard to breathe. Struggling to breathe motivates, you guessed it!, a coughing fit. Its been a vicious cycle today. I don’t know what I’d do if Brady was at work these days. I’m full on narcoleptic, it seems. I accidentally nap all over the place. I’m dizzy when I stand. Getting to the bathroom is a lot of effort.

I hate feeling this way. I’m SO excited to have this baby in my arms so my heath can start coming back. I really truly think, as crazy as it sounds, that baby #4 being born will bring some very real normalcy to our life again. I cannot WAIT to see him! He will make all of this worth while, I’m positive <3

Today was very strange. I’m not sure how to even really break it down, as my memory is hazy and unreliable at best. I can assure it was filled with a lot of mommy fails, followed by a LOT of apologies directed at my kids. Lots of me being really mean, and then really nice, and struggling to find that nice safe place in the middle that all of us work so hard to find. To always be sweet, and loving, but firm. I really failed at that today.

Praise the Lord, Brady finished his work for the day in time to come get us all and drive us to my prenatal appointment today. Driving might not have been the best idea for me. I was just SO lethargic. We got to our appointment and I managed to unwrap a few snacks I had brought along so my kids would maaaybe sit quietly, but like I’ve said recently, while they’re definitely on the mend, they are pretty temperamental these days, and outings are HARD, even when nothing is expected of them.

We got in to see our student doctor, and she could tell I was in rough shape. I described to her that we had just finished up a full week of fevers and colds and whatever else with the kids, and now I’m down with it, so I’m in worse shape than usual. She offered if she could possibly dump anything else on me in my pregnancy, and I invited her to just shovel it on, at this point. I can’t imagine what else could possibly join the mix at this point. I feel like she’s going to meet a VERY different person when our baby is earthside and I am no longer struggling quite so hard. There have just been so many extras this time around, that being pregnant has proved to be incredibly difficult. Yes, being pregnant is tiring, and it can be wearing. Totally. Being sick the amount we have been sick since Christmas is also very tiring and will wipe me out. How about moving three times since Christmas, with another one coming? Yup, that is incredibly stressful. Consider now that LOTS of other things go on in our lives that I do NOT make public, many of which are really hard things, that we struggle with. Any one of these things feels like a pretty heavy load. So all of it together is making me start to lose grip, I think. Please pray for us. We just need to get through these next couple of weeks.

Something else that was different about this appointment was that none of my answers to her questions were “good” answers. Hows my body pain? Its worse. MUCH worse. Contractions? MUCH worse, mush more aggressive. Sleep? Sometimes I literally am getting NONE. I mean, true, my feet aren’t swelling (Thank you Lord, for that) and baby is still moving a ton. There are pros. But it was definitely a more “downer” appointment than usual.

I was also the lucky lady who got swabbed for group B strep today. *eye roll* Everyones favorite swab. For those wondering, this swab is totally routine, no big deal. I’ve never tested positive, but previous pregnancies don’t matter in this case, and your result could be different anytime. If I’m GBS positive, they’ll just need to know so they can give me and baby some antibiotics right after delivery. Not a big deal. But we shall see.

Speaking of delivery, I STILL don’t know anything about mine 🙁 It feels SO strange being this far into a pregnancy and having no plans!!! But I guess there are different protocols with different clinics, and at my doctors new clinic, they put in a formal requisition for an induction no sooner than two weeks prior to the date we’re looking for. Since that is still a little ways away, we wait. Again. It just feels so strange. I know a date wouldn’t really help with anything, but it might help me just feel slightly more prepared. Right now I feel 110% scatter brained, but I’m trying! I’m starting to gather things together for the big day, because there are certain things I DO have control over, and I’m hoping that taking that control will help me feel better. I’ll mention it all again at our next appointment next week. I’m officially up to weeklies now!

I felt pretty wiped and frustrated coming out of my appointment, so we stopped at Tims for my yummy tea and a cherry cheese danish. Now, I’m safely tucked away in bed, trying to regroup, and Brady is out with the kids, getting supper on the move and taking over things. I have no idea what I’d do if I didn’t have the help I have <3

Tomorrow will be a better day!

I woke up LOTS last night, but thankfully, I was able to fall back to sleep each time! What a relief it was to start my day after an actually somewhat restful night!! Brady and I had coffee and pop tarts in bed before the kids got up, and while I definitely still had to take medication to stay alive throughout the day, I was feeling a bit better than the last couple of days. I think Brady going back to work tomorrow will leave me pretty fatigued, but it will be a lot more doable than Friday was.

Our original plan for today had been to go to church and spend Mothers Day with my parents. I believe Brady and my dad had some plans to cook us ladies some yummy food, and celebrate us. However, we had to back out last minute, so there were no “just our family” Mothers Day plans. I honestly wasn’t worried, though. I love being a mom, and I know my family appreciates me, regardless of gifts or surprises. I am WELL taken care of around here.

Rowan was napping in the afternoon, and the rest of us watched Tangled and relaxed. Once that was over, I was feeling pretty rough, and decided to go lay in bed. Brady told me he was going to duck out to Starbucks with the big kids and bring me home a frappuccino. Frappy Hour is on these days, everyone! Don’t forget! So he got the kids dressed and took them out, and I instantly fell asleep. I had planned on watching some YouTube and resting my head, but apparently, my body had other plans. I slept the entire time they were gone, and I woke up to Dekker and Laela climbing onto my bed waving new lipsticks in my face 🙂 They’re terribly sweet, really. Not only had Brady bought me an enormous frapp, but the mission to buy me presents had lead them to the new liquid lipstick line of one of my fave makeup brands! Brady knows I basically want every color, and he knew which ones I had, so he let the kids pick me some colors. It was a VERY nice wakeup call. I love my gifts. Thank you, my dears.

Beyond that, it was a nice quiet day. We didn’t do too much. Folded some laundry, Brady did the dishes, the kids played really nicely, Rowan napped a lot, we all just rested.

With it being Mother’s Day and all, I always find myself thinking about the women in the uncomfortable position of not having a baby to show for their efforts to become a mom. I hope I’m wording this all appropriately. I always carry an ache in my heart, specifically on this day, for women who are unable to conceive, or who have lost their babies. I can’t imagine my life without my kids, and likely, neither can those women. My heart just breaks for you, my friends. Please know, I do NOT take my fertility lightly, or my kids for granted. And especially today, I pray extra for those of you who I know about who are struggling in this particular walk of life. I’d also like to mention the women who desire children, but are yet to be at that place in their life. Those who aren’t in relationships or appropriate life circumstance to have children. Your time will come, my dears. God knows the desires of our hearts. Keep praying, and listening, and don’t give up!!

But if I can be so bold, I do want to be very clear, and say that I absolutely ADORE these little gems that make me a mom, and they make it SO easy to LOVE being a mom! My beautiful Dekker Thomas, Laela Hazel, Rowan Toby, and Baby #4 whose name I am SOOOOO eager to share with you!!! They are exceptional children. Thank you, Lord, for blessing me with them. <3

So after ANOTHER night of barely sleeping, I loaded up on Tylenol and cough drops, and we headed to my hometowns garage sale day! I was SO hoping to go, and the Tylenol helps a lot, so we decided to go for it. The kids were happy for an outing too. We stopped at Tim Hortons on our way out of the city, and everyone got some breakfast, which is a special treat. We were all doing good.

We met Hailey first, and got to show her around the house!!! We have been positively ACHING to show our house to our friends, and it just hasn’t worked out time-wise and such before, but she asked to see it and we were MORE than happy to meet her there! Thanks, friend, for being willing to make the drive out and tour it 🙂 I also hadn’t had the chance to see it in person since Brady started cabinets, so it was VERY exciting for me to see them. I feel like, even though they’re not completed, the place just looks more and more like exactly what we wanted, every single time I see it. Beyond the cabinets being completed on Monday, Our furnace is installed, our AC unit is at the house as well, waiting to be installed, and I can only imagine that the rest of the mechanical stuff is right around the corner. Tuesday, flooring begins, which is crazy! I think that will feel ENORMOUS! I truly can’t wait. All of the upcoming steps are big ones, and the house will look more and more like our house. Its already surreal, and I think it’ll only feel crazier.

After we showed Hailey around, she headed back home (she’s a sickie too) and we drove around town, scoping our garage sales. Its funny, really. Usually, we try to walk the whole town, and pop into lots of sales. At this point, when I roll over in bed, I get a contraction. That paired with being sick confirmed that garage sale shopping was going to look different this time around. Also, we were VERY grown up this year, lol, and didn’t just shop for a bunch of fun clutter. We were on a specific mission for certain pieces of furniture, and not a whole lot else. We literally drove all over town, up and down every street, and admitted defeat. Other than that, we popped into two sales that our friends were hosting. We picked up some fresh donuts and a bag of homemade perogies, as well as some stretchy little overall shorts and a sleeper for the new babe. Its funny, but all three boys have been born in different seasons, so they all have had different wardrobe needs. The sleepers should translate, but Dekkers were SO barfed up and stained, and Rowan was just way taller than we expected, and his toenails broke through most of his little sleepers! Thankfully, I like buying new clothes for the babies as they come, so it was fun to be able to shop for him, even just a little bit.

Once we had taken our hour or so to drive around, the kids were crying pretty consistently, and I was starting to feel very shivery and faint. So we headed back to our place for a quick light lunch. Even though it was already into the afternoon, we napped all three kids, because they all NEEDED it. So did I, and Brady and I lay in bed and watched some Netflix for a while. It was relaxed and comfy, and a good distraction while we waited for my meds to kick in.

Now, the kids are up and still pretty done, so we watch Paw Patrol and hope for a low key evening. I’m very sad to learn how much a very basic outings takes out of the kids, because it means our Mothers Day plans are out the window 🙁 These sicknesses have taken so many occasions away from us this year, but this will not always be our life, so we’re trying to just look past the hard stuff and know that one day soon, we will be settled into OUR house, I won’t be ridiculously pregnant, and we’ll strike up a bit of a routine.I know other things will always come up, and I don’t beg for perfection, but I think feeling like nomads has been really hard on all of us. It’ll be good to settle soon.

So. I am pleased to report that the kids are doing better today!! Dekker was really upbeat this morning, and Laela has usually been telling me she feeling “not gook” but today she said she was “okee” so I’m calling it progress. Rowan is still sleeping a TON, and is quite irritable, but no one has fevered yet!! None of the kids anyway.

I, on the other hand, did not sleep last night. Like not at all, I don’t think. I realized in the night that I was reaching a point of irrationality and just being not “with it” in general. And I was FROZEN, yet my skin was very toasty. It wasn’t looking good. I woke Brady up and he got me some Tylenol and took care of me, but sadly, I still didn’t sleep. It was a rough nice, followed by an equally rough morning. It was a HUGE deal that the kids were feeling so much better, because if they were all crying all day today, I’m not sure we would have made it. Even so, Brady ended up coming home early to take care of us. He found us all in a pretty pathetic state. Rowan was napping, Dekker and Laela were watching TV, and I was huddled in a chair in the living room, wrapped in a blanket. It was over my face and everything. He basically walked in the door and I went to bed. I took my Tylenol and basically made a fort in my pregnancy pillow that I sleep in. I slept for just about an hour and a half before I woke up feeling a bit better. I’m definitely still sick, but I was heated up and finally had some sleep to my name, which made a world of a difference. I don’t exactly feel like a new woman, lol, but I feel less like a zombie.

All of this being said, I REALLY want to go to some garage sales tomorrow! I anticipate garage sale day in my hometown every year, and I haven’t missed it in so long. I’m going to be SO disappointed if we can’t get there, but I’m sure hoping! Even if I’m running on Tylenol, I think we’re going to try 🙂 We’ve missed out on too many fun days/holidays thanks to illness. We didn’t get to celebrate Rowans birthday until over a month later, we missed our anniversary and Valentine’s Day, and now I REALLY just want to participate in garage sale day and Mother’s Day at our church!!! Say a prayer that we can all just be rid of this mess, and soon!!! We don’t have another six weeks to waste on being sick.

I left a message in with Dr. Guselle yesterday, because she is SO good at squeezing us in somewhere short notice. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to take us this week, but she had consulted with an available resident who had agreed to see us all at once, which they don’t care to do at this new clinic. So we were very grateful to get the kids in to see someone yesterday afternoon!

I’ll admit, I missed the doctors name when he introduced himself, but I felt bad for the guy! Our kids were just trashed. Laela hadn’t napped, and while she doesn’t much anymore these days, she has been VERY dependant on them since getting sick. Everyone was overtired, and sick, and scared, and emotional. The last time we all got so sick for so long, they had all ended up with whooping cough swabs, which go up your nose and down into your throats. I think that memory was in the back of their minds. So I won’t mince words. All three kids cried from the moment the appointment started until the moment it ended. They started before the appointment, actually. They all cried through being weighed and having their temperatures taken.

When the doctors came in, he tried SO hard to make friends with the kids first, but they were not having it. We talked symptoms, and he asked the kids if he could just check them for a few things. And they all bawled. He tried SO hard! He “listened to their shirts” and “looked for bunnies in their ears” and all kinds of things, but when all three were crying overtop of him, there wasn’t much he could do beyond just getting on with things. But he was gentle and soft and loving the entire time.

If you know me, you know I apologized the entire time. He assured me finally that he had a few kids of his own, and this was just what some days sounded like. He said it really wasn’t out of the ordinary at all to have all three cry at once, and don’t I know it!! I really appreciated the calm that he brought, even if the kids didn’t. We found out partway through the appointment that this man works at this clinic literally once day a month, to just add a bit of relief and be an extra set of hands. One. Day. And he got us.

The results were what I was worried about :/ Viral. I kind of deflated when he said that, and he understood. I really really liked his way of doing things, and I genuinely believed him when he said that, if he thought there was anything he could give us to help at all, he would have. But sadly, there wasn’t anything. He did acknowledge that the kids are in rough shape, though. He confirmed there are no ear infections, no strep, and that their lungs are clear, but he said their throats are all in pretty rough shape. He said if they say or do anything that looks like their ears hurt, if their fevers go up, if they wheeze, or if they get any more lethargic than they already are, we are to bring them back in right away.

He walked us out and made sure the kids got stickers and were a bit relieved, which they were. He told them he didn’t like doctors, which I thought was kind of endearing. He got them.

So we left without any real answer or solution, but I’m really glad we went in. So far this morning, Laela is fevered once again, but she’s on her own. Dekker usually fevers later in the day so we’ll wait and see what happens. And Rowan was up for just over an hour before he desperately needed to go back to bed. And they’re all just POURING snot. You guys know how shaggy our kids hair is, and it is just rank, hahaha!! All crusty and vile. Good times.

I’ll leave you with that mental picture, as well as the information that Brady starts our cabinets today!! The kitchen and vanities should be installed by the end of Monday! Eek!

That time when all three young kids are down and out. When they all have fevers, runny noses, and coughs that make them cry. When they’re all still too young to effectively blow their noses.

When your one year old is the most cuddly he’s ever been, and also is crying the most pathetic, sad cry you’ve ever heard, and he’s crying it consistently. When he NEEDS to be held. When the leather couch is too cold on his skin, but he’s too hot for more clothes. When the only answer is to be draped on mommy.

When he cannot get comfortable, no matter how hard he tries, and rather, he thrashes around on your body for a solid half hour, crying, pulling his own hair, wiping snot everywhere, generally miserable. And he’s moving around so much that you’re having painful contractions. When he FINALLY finds a spot that he likes, and lays still for a minute or two.

When the comfy position found by the boy is actually super uncomfortable for you, because you’re reclined, and super pregnant, and having your insides crushed makes it hard to breathe. Impossible to breathe. And you’re dizzy. But you take that hit, for the sake of the miserable baby.

When the inside baby kicks the outside baby in the head. Sigh.

When the outside baby is no longer happy with the inside baby, and all of the constant squirming begins again. When the contractions begin again.

That time when nap time comes VERY early for the miserable one.

What a day. And its only noon! Our 2:00pm doctors appointment can’t come soon enough. Pleeeaaase Lord, let this be something treatable! And FAST!

Is anyone dreading another six weeks of posts like the LAST time we all got sick for what felt like forever?? I promise, we will NOT have a whole six weeks of those posts because we simply CANNOT be sick that long! However, to update on the kids, they are still all fevered, snotty, and now Laela and Rowan specifically have horrendous coughs. The coughs themselves sound normal, but the breath in sounds pretty crazy :/ It was a bit scary to listen to while they were trying to get to sleep last night.

That being said, we had a MUCH smoother night! I felt considerably more rested, personally, and while 2/3 kids woke up with fevers, they were in pretty good spirits. Dekker was unnaturally upbeat, even though he was one of the ones with a fever, and he went and set the table for all of us without being asked while I changed diapers. It was pretty awesome. They all played quite well all morning, but Rowan started to get pretty sad around 11:00am. It was then that I decided we’d go out for a drive and bring Brady an iced capp. Not only are the kids sick, and myself pretty weak and sore, but Brady is LOADED DOWN this week! He has SO much to do, and sadly, I am not much of a help to him, as most of his busyness is around his work schedule. So I figured he could use a pick me up, and the rest of us could use a change of scenery. I loaded the crew into the van (in their jammies) and we drove to see Brady for a few minutes.

We arrived at his work right around lunch, so he took a few minutes to sit with us and visit. It was a nice rest for everyone. But we didn’t stay long, as Brady has a very tight schedule right now, and we headed home for lunch.

Lunch proved to be a bit of a bust. Dekker ate well, but Laela managed about five goldfish before bursting into tears. I couldn’t coax anything else into her, and therefore, decided it was time for naps for her and her little bro. They both went down tearfully but were quiet instantly. Poor sickies. Dekker is awake and playing quietly in the living room while I do this and try to get some stuff knocked off of our to-do list. Its not looking too promising, but there is still time. Some, anyway. I think I need to rest up these days, to try to stave off this scary sickness that has hit everyone besides me. Knock on wood it stays away!!!

Last thing!!!!! House update from yesterday 😀

I know the one picture is pretty dark, BUT!, the stonework is up!!!!! Eek!!!!! The railings are also stained and finished, but I didn’t attach a picture because they make it look like we’ve had a house fire, which we have not. Its hard to explain. All of the prep work for painting was done yesterday, so I’m sure the first coat of cutting in and rolling will start today, and should finish up by tomorrow! There will be a second stage of painting a little ways down the road, but once there is some color on the walls, I’ll post those pictures too. Its all looking SO purdy!!

It is officially official. Our group is solidly sick again. Its sad, really, because this is a BIG month for us! We both take possession of our house and will be having our baby early next month. This week is a very big week for us, specifically, as Bradys work days are going to be quite long already, and we have important evening things to do as well. Unfortunately, Brady lost quite a bit of time this morning, which only will make his work days longer and his evening work go later. And on days when the kids are this far gone, its SO much easier to have my partner in crime around. Not only is it just a lot of work, and its nice to have my support system with me, but its also less comfortable for the kids to sit with me, as my lap is mostly gone and they can’t snuggle into my body as well. Straight up, mommy isn’t as comfy as daddy right now. Its sad, but logically, its true.

I sure try, though! Our morning started late, thanks to a VERY choppy night, once again. Dekker is feeling better than the others today, no question, but he was fevering earlier this morning. He’s doing good for the moment 🙂

Laela is in the worst shape of everyone, as tends to be the case each time we all get sick. Its not even that she milks it the most. Not at all!! She will look at me through her hair cemented to her face with her own snot, through eyes that are mostly swollen shut, and cough and gag out that she feels “gook,” which means “good” for her. She is a tough cookie.

Rowan slept in until about 10:45 and was also crusted over with snot. He felt very limp in my arms, and lay still during his diaper change. It was actually a little bit nice compared to the usual wrestling match that his diaper changes are usually. He ate pretty well, and it seemed to energize him. He played well with Dekker up in the loft for a good long while.

Laela lurked downstairs, laying with her head on the table for quite some time. She didn’t want to come up and join the fun though, regardless of how much Dekker coaxed her. We all tried, but she wouldn’t have it.

It was a bit unnerving to have her down on the main floor while we were all in the loft. You know that feeling, when you know someone is watching you? I felt it at one point, and sure enough, when I looked down…

She quietly said “Lala poopin.'” I may have almost peed my pants laughing. Almost.

After an incredibly lame lunch (no one was hungry) Rowan and Laela went down for naps and Dekker is sitting on the couch, playing links and watching a bit of tv. He is feeling ok, I can tell, but he can barely breathe. Its that awful mouth breathing that sounds like he’s forgetting to breathe, so he kind of sighs deeply every ten seconds or so. Its unnerving. I hate when the whole house is sick, but such is life! Keep us in your prayers, if you think of it! Brady has a sore throat, so it seems like he’s just a day or two behind, and I haven’t felt a hit yet, but I was last to catch the bug last time too :/ We were all sick for all of February, and I would love for May to NOT be that way. Pray pray pray!!!