First off, I am SO pleased to say that we had a really good night last night!! By “good,” I mean that Rowan woke up only twice, which is better than our usual these days. He woke up at midnight and then again at 5:30. Usually, he thinks its time to get up during his second wakeup, but thankfully, he went right back down afterwards! So we all slept until just shortly before 8:00. We felt refreshed for sure!

So Ro had his first dose of his medication last night, and again this morning. I know its supposed to take a while to build up in his system before anything works in a huge way, but he doesn’t fight it too hard. Tho I can smell it and it doesn’t smell particularly pleasant. But I’m ok with that, and he is too.

As I said, Rowan woke up to eat around 5:30 this morning. Once we were up for the day, we began the transition onto new bottles. And it is for that reason that we are the end of the day and have managed to sneak a mere eight ounces into this boy He is unimpressed. But the nipples on the new bottles are SO different, and he has to open his mouth quite a bit wider to accommodate for them. He’s slowly figuring it out. Slowly. But if you think of us, pray for our night! He’s hardly eaten and he is not a fan of the change of bottle just yet. I know we could always switch back to the familiar bottles for night, just for now, but then he’s REALLY not going to eat in the day. So we’re persisting.

Ro has had his nightly dose of meds and is very slowly drinking some milk. Here’s hoping!!

I really had a lovely day, but in a very strange way. I’m thrilled to share with you guys that there are FABULOUS health care providers in this city, and I felt SO cared for today!

Lots of you don’t know, but we’ve had this constant battle with Rowan to get him to eat. I know. If you’ve ever seen the kid, he’s a tank. A TANK. So I haven’t talked too much about this to a lot of people, because it sounds like I’m making it up. But we struggle very hard getting him to eat in the daytime. He will eat very small amounts before getting very upset and almost seems to panic when we try to get him to eat more. Yet, at night, when he’s all dozy and unaware, he eats HUGE feedings. We’ve come to the tipping point now, as he’s getting older, where he’s getting up more and more in the night, because he’s so hungry, but we CANNOT get him to eat in the day. He cries and cries and cries after maybe 2-3 ounces, where he’ll eat 8 at night. We’re finally past thinking its just an attitude thing, and I called my doctor yesterday.

Unfortunately, she was out yesterday afternoon, so she didn’t get my message. I know her new clinic offers a few same day appointment slots, so I called the clinic literally seven minutes after it opened, and they were gone already. I was pretty discouraged. But my message was still in to her, and she would arrive for her day at noon.

Lo and behold, at 12:30, I received a call saying she wanted to see us if we could make it in by 4:00. Brady had today off, so we were already actually on our way in for some grocery shopping and such when we got the call!

When it was 4:00, Brady hung out with the kids and got them a really early supper, and I took Rowan in. We usually all go in together, but I knew Dr. Guselle had just squeezed us in at the end of her day, so if she was running behind at all, we would have to wait.

Lucky for us, we were taken back to weigh him within just a few minutes. The nurse who took us back asked “So he’s not eating well?” Then said she’d like to weigh him first. I laughed and said “You’re going to think I’m crazy when you weigh him because he’s so big.” And she responded with a very straight forward “No, I won’t. A mother knows better than anyone if something is up.” I loved that.

We were put in a room right away, and saw a first year intern first. He asked lots of questions, and didn’t make me feel like an idiot. When we just had Dekker, I was knocked down very easily by anyone would would suggest I was doing a bad job with my kids, or that I was being over the top. I’ve become much less concerned with that, but I didn’t even have to brush anything off. He took in everything I said, wrote a lot of stuff down, and even played with him a bit to help Ro get comfortable. He makes strange right now, but never with this doctor. That always makes things easier.

As it works in the clinic now, with the teaching and such, he came in and out with a few other questions before Dr. Guselle joined us. I love how she teaches and informs. She walked all of us through the possibilities and how we could rule certain things out. Lots of the bigger possibilities would have him be much much sicker, and not thriving. We all agreed that he was obviously thriving, but that there was an issue that was more than him just wanting to be up all night. I’d also like to say, for the record, that this isn’t about Brady and I wanting a full nights sleep. Sure, it would be great, but the issue is bigger. We’ll do what we have to do to keep our boy healthy and fed, but as he is getting older, he is hungrier, and he is waking up WAY more each night. But we can’t in good conscience let him just get himself back to sleep, because we know its because he’s hungry. I know crying it out in controversial, but we reasonably let our kids cry themselves to sleep. Rowan, however, wakes up and wails for milk. He’s struggling. And we need to figure it out.

What we all settled on was that he likely has a form of reflux that is bigger than what the average baby has. Rowan feeds better in certain positions, so thats part of the suspicion. Yet, after a night feeding, we lay him flat on his back, and if he had some awful severe reflux, that would hurt him so badly, which is doesn’t. While some of you are probably thinking that barfing comes with reflux, it often does, but there is a condition called silent reflux that feels exactly the same to babies s full blown reflux, but it doesn’t show itself in ways like that. Its just that. Silent. However, we can’t really know! Its all based on symptoms, and while this is the closest we can get to a diagnosis, there are holes it in.

I left feeling TOTALLY validated, to be honest. My doctor is exceptional. I also left with a prescription for liquid zantac and a few new ideas to try out in the next few weeks. I’m so pleased to have a direction now, at least. When the intern asked me what I hoped to gain from the appointment, firstly, I laughed, and then I told him totally honestly. I said I wanted to basically bounce ideas off of a professional rather than google or my friends who hadn’t experienced something like this before. I wasn’t coming in for a concrete answer, because I know there isn’t one, but I needed to toss ideas around with someone who knows way more than me, which Dr. Guselle definitely does. And I got exactly what I wanted. While we talked, Rowan clapped and shook his head, and screeched like a maniac. He’s such a ham. A loud ham.

So. We have some medicine for Ro, new bottles that should kiiinda work more like sippy cups, or better in a sitting position at least, and honestly, renewed motivation that we can figure this whole thing out.

Wish us luck, though! These rough nights are taking a bit of a toll. We’re trying to stay positive, but if you see us, and we look like garbage, be kind. We’re trying!

Look at that mug <3

It was SO nice to spend some quality time with Jerilee again today. She leads one of the busiest lives I’ve seen, and I always feel special when she makes time to come spend a few hours with us.

After some good visiting with her, a few shows, and a delicious supper of perogies and bacon, she headed home. I hate this part of the year when it gets so dark and people have to leave early 🙁 I TOTALLY understand it, a thousand percent. No one wants to hit deer on the highway. But its sad to lose our company early. But I’m VERY thankful she came out and stayed as long as she did. All of us, the kids very much included, really love having her around.

I haven’t talked too much about it, but we’re sort of going through a rocky time with Rowan these days, and as a result of that, we are getting WAY less sleep than usual, leaving us both pretty exhausted and sick feeling. For that reason, the last week or two, I’ve been asleep before this time pretty much every day. So. Tired. So I am off to bed! Sleep well, all!

It was SUCH a lovely day, spending time with my mom. I feel like our visits in the last few months have been fewer, and shorter than we’d like, so it was really nice to see her from the late morning well into the afternoon. We shared a really yummy lunch, and the kids were super happy to have their grandma sharing her food with them, playing toys on the floor with them, laughing at their funny faces, and listening to their many stories. Lots to do, but with a bit of a longer visit, it didn’t feel as much like I was competing with them for time with her. We actually got some visiting in, which was the biggest treat for me. I miss her.

We had a very simple meal for supper – breakfast. Rowan ate SO much, which kind of blew me away. He’s not eating too much solid food yet. He’s only eight months yet, so I’m not in the least bit worried, but he’s still pretty gaggy. But he ate lots of eggs, and even did pretty great on toast! I SO much prefer this method of feeding solid foods over purees. But to each their own! No judgement here!

The kids are now tucked away, and Laela didn’t nap this afternoon so I’m thinking the big kids will be silent in just a few minutes. Rowan, on the other hand, has been giving us a run for our money these days. I’m not sure if the full moon was last night or tonight, but I really see a change in my kids sleep when it comes around, and last night SUCKED. Rowan was up more than usual, and Brady and I tossed and turned all night. Anyone else? Not great. But hopefully tonight will be better??

The highlight of my day today was supper. I was SO hungry, and as soon as I knew Brady was maybe a half hour away from leaving work, it suddenly came to me. Subway. Subway would be SO good today! So I texted Brady and he agreed that would be a delicious supper. Thankfully, a meal from Subway is about the same price for us as a meal from Wendys. Brady and I both get the subs we want, and then we get a full sized ham and cheese sub with honey mustard, and Dekker and Laela share it. And they love it!

We always eat supper upstairs with the kids. ALWAYS. But today, we laid out a blanket in the basement, picnic style, and gave them their sandwiches and water bottles on the floor. And weirdly enough, they were thrilled! They sat on the blanket and watched some tv while they ate, and didn’t once get up or try to get toys or really do anything that required correction. They loved the low key meal, as did I, and as did Brady. Even Rowan say quietly in his bumbo chair and observed everyone around him.

I love my family, and how easy everyone is to please. At least today, lol! We are so far from perfect, but I sure like them A LOT.

Laela’s party has come and gone, and while it was so sweet and low key and exactly what i wanted it to be, we’re all still pretty tired. Its nice to know we’ll have a quieter week with less to gear up for. That being said, I know Halloween is this coming weekend, and as per usual, we’ll be taking the kids trick or treating.

We’ve had the holiday in the back of our minds for a while now, so we have planned out the kids costumes pretty much down to the detail. Dekker’s is already totally assembled, Rowans is all put together out of stuff he already has, and Laelas is just missing one or two little details. I might quickly try and crochet Rowan a toque that matches, but we’ll see. There is very little left to do to have the kids totally ready for trick or treating Saturday!! Although, I suppose I’ll spend some time this week trying to teach Laela to say “trick or treat,” which I had put zero thought into until this very second. Hmmm. So thats a thing we need to do.

But otherwise, its a nice low key week, which is much needed. We’ve spent today catching up on laundry and doing a bit of final tidying around what was Laela’s party, so there won’t be much to do around here work wise this week. I’m looking forward to having less demands and more time to hang with the kiddos, all of whom I am quite fond of. I feel like my mood is rubbing off on them, and its time to come out of my glass case of emotion and be more available and happy again. It can be done. I don’t want my kids to think they have to take care of me, though its lovely that they try. They’re kids. I’m their mom. Proudly. I’m on top of it <3

I don’t have as many pictures from today as I had hoped to take, but it was a lovely, full, bustling day of celebration of our beautiful little lady, Laela Hazel.

We worked like crazy the night before…

And got up early this morning to make a plan and carry out the rest of what needed doing. I was SO looking forward to making pretzel bites, and they flopped last night. We had left the option open about whether or not to try and make them again this morning, but I just made the decision that it would be too much. Looking back, we had so much to do, it really would have been MUCH too much, and I’m ok with the fact that we didn’t make them. Next time, maybe 🙂

We had a fabulous turnout of 16 people in total. Laela loved being the centre of attention in her little black dress and string of pearls. The kids were rowdy and ran circles around the house. They played hard! Finally, people moseyed over to the food, and while I had been so worried we wouldn’t have enough, we had a great variety and didn’t run out of anything. We had pink popcorn, as well as the plain boom chicka pop from Costco. We had pink jello, little cupcakes, brownies, turnovers, carrot muffins, chocolate dipped strawberries, cheese rolls, and crackers with cream cheese and cucumbers. For drinks, we served Shirley Temples, which I thought was really cute, if I can be honest. Very sweet and girly, like Laela.

As per our usual kid birthday party, it was a lovely free for all where the kids played and the adults visited and had a lovely time doing it. I love seeing all of my friends get along so very well after really not knowing each other at all. Some have crossed paths, but only ever through Brady and I. My parents know everyone to some capacity, and the rest are from all different places! We don’t know any two of our friends from the same place. Its fun to see everyone come together.

While I’m always pretty wiped out at the end of things like this, I feel like I’m up for throwing more parties in my future. Since it appears that we’ll be living here longer than expected, maybe my big butt kicking Christmas party will just have to be here 🙂 I think we can handle that. If we have to, lol!

My pride and joy <3

Laela turned two last month, and her party is FINALLY here! Tomorrow, we’re having a tea party for her. Somehow, in the midst of all of the crazy thats been going on around here, her little birthday party has grown in my mind into some enormous task. Which is silly. Because we want to celebrate beautiful Laela, not judge whether or not I can make good food, or how nice the house is, or who has the cutest party clothes. It’ll be a great time to hanging out with some of our closest friends, eating snacks, and making Laela feel like the very big deal that she is.

So today, Kim came by for the morning, bearing some treats she had baked for the party. While she was over, she secretly snuck away and managed to unpack and reload my dishwasher, AND wash Rowans bottles! Thank you, Kim!! We enjoyed her company, and her boys’, of course, for the morning, but they left shortly after lunch, and I had some nice quiet cuddly time with the kids. It wasn’t too long before Brady was off work and running some last minute errands, and Jerilee was on her way out. Once we were all assembled, we ate quickly, and it was pretty much the kids bedtime. Brady took them downstairs to begin our nightly routine of the kids tidying up their toys, and Jerilee jumped on the kitchen. We quickly wiped everything up, and she swept the dining room while I got the dishwasher unpacked and reloaded again. My biggest struggle in the kitchen these days is motivation, and she was great it amping mine up! She took initiative and wasn’t afraid to just pick a job and dig in. SHe’s even staying overnight so she can help in the morning 🙂 Thank you, Jerilee!!! We had a few wins and unfortunately, a big bummer 🙁 I decided to give that up for the day and we’ll either just not do it, or we’ll try again in the morning. It’ll be fine, tho. We have lots of treats and a very low pressure crowd. Its going to be great, regardless.

Brady has been on top of everything today, picking up everything I needed from the city, and running up and down the stairs so many times, just for little mindless things that I forgot. He’s done any job I’ve handed his way with a willing and loving heart. And in between, he’s found time to hug me and encourage me. Thank you, Brady. You’re the best partner in life I could ask for.

I’m so blessed to have so many willing friends. Many other people have offered help and been willing, and that has also blessed me in such a big way. I love my friends and family so dearly. You all know who you are. Thank you all for trying so hard to hold me above water when I’m floundering. God has me, not to worry, but its so nice to have you beside me, hanging on to me at the same time <3

T-15 hours til tea time!

So I’ve been saying A LOT that this week has been a struggle. I can genuinely say that it is NOT just me. This was confirmed by a SIGNIFICANT regression in Dekker’s potty training. I think he had five accidents today, one of which was not a little one, but the whole shebang. Peed everywhere. Not my best day, and a really difficult way to start it out. But I tried hard to roll with it, and did some laundry and made it into a normal day.

After a rough start, it was a relief to have my mom drop by with some groceries to help assemble a few things for Laela’s party snacks. She let me take all the time I needed before helping me get my motivation up to get in the kitchen. We then worked together and baked up a nice batch of mini cupcakes for Laela’s party.

We got all of that done, and that was about where I capped for the day. Brady luckily made it home before mom left, which doesn’t always happen. They tend to just miss each other, so this was SO nice to all be together. However, when she left, Brady sent me away to rest and he got the kids some food and took care of a few things. I couldn’t be more thankful for him, really.

Another small but beautiful point of the day is that, among Dekker’s struggles and attitude today, he is trying to be so sensitive to me. He knows I’m struggling harder than usual right now, and he is very understanding. I surfaced from my room to use the washroom, and as soon as Dekker saw me, he said “Mommy, I’m so sorry that you’re so tired. You had a hard day. You ok?” I just love that sensitivity comes so naturally to him. I have beautiful children.

So really, in the midst of an incredibly hard time for us, there are little upsides to be found everywhere! These days, I feel like I have to look a bit harder for them, but then I do. I know they’re there. And likely, soon enough, they’ll be clearer to me. I just need to remember that they exist, whether I have to work to find them or not. Feel free to remind me if I’m a total downer for too much longer.

So as I said yesterday, it was a rough one. I wasn’t kidding even in the slightest, and I was asleep before 9:30. Though this much sleep was clearly desperately needed, I felt disgusting all night, and woke up unsettled a lot. However, it was great to have so much extra sleep. Rowan woke up much  much earlier than usual, but Brady was able to feed him and lay him back down before heading out for work. Yay! I managed to sleep until right around 8:00 🙂 I still dragged through the morning, but it was hard to come off of yesterday. Whew!

All of this considered, a change of scenery was necessary. After Rowans weirdly scheduled morning, he and Laela went down for naps at the same time, and even managed to wake up at the same time! I took that as my cue to get everyone dressed and go to the city. Brady has been working longer days, and his location has moved to waaay the heck across the city again, so his drive home is way longer than normal. Therefore, we just see him a lot less these days. Today, not only was he going to work later, but he needed to hit Costco on the way home. We decided to meet him at Costco, and maybe grab a quick supper on the way home.

I managed to get all of the kids into Costco on my own, which is NOT an easy thing to do when the baby is too fat for his bucket seat but too tippy to sit in the cart. I had the two big ones sitting in the cart seats, and Rowan in his umbrella stroller, HOOKED onto the carts handlebar. (Handlebar? Is that right? What would you call the pusher bar thing?) I know, not the safest option, but I was very careful and he loved it. We weren’t in Costco too long before Brady caught up. We grabbed our groceries, and didn’t go too overboard, but we did get a few things I’m excited about! Some yummy snacky things. I love new snacks.

We grabbed some Wendys on the way out and then headed home. Unfortunately, Dekker has been struggling HARD with complaining these days, and by the time we arrived home, he had enough second chances, and I had had ENOUGH, period. So the kids went inside, and were immediately sent downstairs to tidy toys. I have to give Dekker credit, tho. I heard him say form the basement that it was dark down there. In my angst, I said “Well, grab a footstool then, and turn the lights on.” I didn’t think about having to go find the footstool in the dark bathroom through the dark basement. But he did it! Went all the way down the dark hall, and dragged his stool out to turn on all of the lights. So they tidied while I got pjs out for everyone and got Rowan changed. He proceeded to wail while I made his bottle, and then dressed Laela once she had brushed her teeth. Dekker came in and got his jammies on as well, and finally it was time for everyone to go down. So much crying and complaining has just about done me in for the day.

Sorry I’m such a downer, guys. I’m trying. There are just lots of adjustments to going back to normal after Brady has had a break from work and has been home. Its a lot all at once when I’ve had backup for two weeks. Deep breaths, deep breaths. I have to stop procrastinating for Laela’s party. No excused, Laela’s mini cupcakes HAVE to happen tomorrow!!!