The Daily Hailey

Yesterday, we celebrated Brady. My dear one. In many ways, it is completely surreal that he is gone. On another hand, he has felt gone for a while now. Or at least, he has felt “going,” if that makes sense. But death is really final. So. We’re here.

The day was a whirlwind. Getting everyone up and ready without panicking or rushing anyone. Kids needed showers/baths. Clothing was already finalized beforehand at least. But hair needed doing, which I really haven’t done much of for the kids in the past. We got it done, though. Loose waves all around. And then they needed a bit of makeup. Boys who never brush their hair needed their hair brushed. Things like that. Then, of course, the girls needed a little makeup, so we did that.

Finally, it was time for our first outing, ready or not. So to the cemetery we went. We had a really nice time there, and Brady got a BEAUTIFUL spot 💜 Some big tears were shed, but it was really nice and peaceful. Thank you, Carrie, for keeping the babies so we could go free of the little ones.

We went home after that, defrosted our hands, and finished getting ready. I hadn’t put any makeup on myself, and the misty weather had demolished my hair. Caught myself back up and we headed to the church.

We waited in a side room until it was time to go in. Our funeral director and pastor walked in first, and we followed. Our little foster bestie, right in the front, bellowed “HI MOMMY!” the moment I was in their line of vision. It was absolutely adorable and broke the ice beautifully.

So. It was all completely beautiful. It was SO Brady, I can’t even explain it more accurately than that. He would have LOVED his service. It was a healthy mix of deep sorrow and some excellent laughs. That perfect balance you want but is hard to attain. We got it, courtesy of Pastor Dennis, Wyatt Zacharias, and Stefan Krahn, who spoke on behalf of Brady. There was SO much love felt in that room.

I won’t lie. The part where everyone ate treats in the gym is a bit of a blur. I think I talked nonstop for at least an hour and a half. It was quite exhausting but, again, full of love. Of course later, when I flipped through the guestbook I realized just how many people I didn’t get to talk to! What an incredible group of human beings in attendance! Again, he would’ve been HONOURED by the numbers, the people, the tears shed and the laughs shared. He left a mark, that man.

The place cleared out before 5:30 (as per Dennis’s request on our behalf haha!) and my family and I went home. We put on comfy clothes. And we headed back to the now deserted church for pizza and running the day off in the gym. It was really, really nice.

I. Am. Exhausted.

But I am blessed. Beyond measure. There is no way to describe it. And maybe today, I’m just not eloquent enough. Maybe tomorrow.

Thank you to all who attended, whether in person or online. Our family feels incredibly seen, loved, and supported.

Goodness I miss you, Brady. And I’m happy for you 💜

I wore the slippers 💜

More tomorrow. 🥱

I try each year to post the kids in their costumes on Halloween. Some years, I don’t get there until tomorrow. Sometimes, I post way late at night. This year, considering all thats going on around us, I’m taking that pressure off of myself and posting early. Costumes may get posted another day. Maybe they won’t. Tomorrow is a pretty big one for us. So we’ll see.

All I have for you is this dumb cartoon that made me laugh.

Its the censored bits for me. Gave me a laugh.

Tonight, we’ll head out on the town with a really extra special group. It’ll be some of my kids, my sister and her family, and our foster bestie and their family. We will have a full group, and I am here for it. It will be a bit chaotic, of course, but what isn’t as of late? I think it won’t be a very late evening at all, but I think thats important and ideal for us right now. Hopefully our friends and family who join us won’t think we’re buzzkills. But any trick or treating will be a stretch, and I hope my kids can be super grateful.

We won’t be able to hit all of our usual spots this year, so if you usually see us and you don’t this time around, please give us grace, and we’ll see you next Halloween, when we are possibly slightly less under water.

🎃

There aren’t really words. But there’s a sign, so.

I know Zak’s has to tell their customers why they’re closing. I know that is partly why. But to me, it reads love. It is above and beyond what they could have said.

Closing early on Sunday.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

Closing at 1 for funeral.

But they did more. SO much better.

Closed Nov 1st @ 1 to celebrate the life of our team member Brady.

😭

As is the theme lately – I just wish I could show him. He would be SO honoured.

The last week and a half have been long. I’m not sure I’ve ever been quite this tired.

My ongoing list has been only getting longer, its seemed, containing tasks for funeral planning, Halloween, and Laela’s volleyball tournament. What a combination.

Today, the long list got shorter.

I finally took the time to dig up the kids social insurance numbers, as well as our marriage certificate. The funeral home asked for those things to help apply for a few things for us. My mom picked up a couple of enlargements for me. The rest of the halloween candy we needed for Dekker’s trunk or treat was acquired and I no longer have to hunt for it. I talked to the right person about eulogy details, and asked a few questions of the funeral director. Rae brought the urn into the funeral home for me and picked up some prescriptions for us as well. Cher helped me at home first thing in the morning and last thing this evening. Because of the immense help I do receive, I was able to knock some of the things I’ve been avoiding off the list.

The days are still crazy. Laela has some volleyball tomorrow that I hope to watch. Plus people start arriving tomorrow for the weekend ahead. Saturday will be a big mixed up day of volleyball, visiting, setting up, trick or treating, and maybe some sleep before Sunday when it all goes down.

Lord protect us. Give us peace and rest.

Hey Brady.

It snowed last night.

You always loved the snow.

Today, you would love how it looked, and I’m sure you’d be frustratingly eager to get out and drive in it. I’d say we needed winter tires on, and you’d tell me the snow wouldn’t stay. But, being you, you would likely diligently get in touch with our lovely mechanic and get the tires on the books. You were always so willing to help with whatever made me feel most comfortable.

Not only the tires, but the kids. I would likely text you this morning and panic that every kid needed something for winter, whether their boots were too small or they lost their mitts. You’d check to see what work had, and then we’d commiserate via text while I spent a small fortune online beefing up their wardrobes for the season. This year, though, its not to worry. I know we have some packed away, I just have to find it. Plus, it seems like there is sunshine to come, so maybe I’ll be able to get to Value Village and grab some boots for everyone. Is every kid as hard on their footwear as ours? Goodness. Dekker is wearing your beautiful Keens today, by the way, and your handsome black winter coat. He looks so much like you in all your stuff.

Speaking of winter weather, I don’t know what temperature to keep the house. I don’t like deciding those things without you. Your opinion always mattered to me. I don’t like that its up to me now. I don’t know what people like. I really only care how you like it.

Anyway. I miss you. And I love you.

Love Hailey

PS: If I can’t find cute ankle boots before Sunday, I’m wearing mukluks to your funeral. It’ll look stupid, but I know if you were here to ask, you’d say go for it. So. I might.

PPS: I love you again.

The kids are going to school today. Some are readier than others. But most want to go. They want the change of scenery. I may or may not have one or two come home at lunch. If I do, thats completely ok with me. I am happy for them to have a say on what they’re ready and not ready for. But. Today is a school day.

The high schoolers rock a six day cycle at school, and the discussion over breakfast was what day in the cycle it is today. Did yesterday count as a day if it wasn’t a stat, but was still a prep day? Who knows. Not me. I mentioned that I haven’t operated on a six day cycle since I was 17. And I am now 38.

The kids: WOOOOOOAH!! Two decades, since you were in high school!!! Mom you’re almost FOUR DECADES!!!

Don’t remind me. I feel VERY old already. I’ve aged HARD this year.

Rowan reached over and rubbed my knee, and tried to reassure me.

Rowan: Mom, don’t worry, I’m a whole decade, too. (He’s eleven, but you get it)

And Laela howled and said THAT MAKES IT WORSE!!!

She was right, lol

*sigh*

Anyway. Happy school day, friends. Back to the “norm,” whatever that is now.

My kids weren’t in school last week, for obvious reasons. However, some of them seemed like they were ready to go back towards the end. Distraction goes a long way. So does routine. So do friends. I get it. So a few went back for a school movie on Friday, and it was a success. They’ve all dipped their toes back into normalcy. Hung out with friends. Went out a time or two. I am NOT pushing anyone to reintegrate anywhere before they’re ready, but they’re getting there on their own.

Today, however, there is no school. So the day started with this – a game of chess, thanks to a Value Village trip yesterday.

As love would have it, Rae came over and snagged a handful of the kids this morning 💜 Thank you, Rae!! I’ve been able to finish up a lengthy email to our funeral directors with some questions as well as some answers. They’re going to be pretty sick of me by the end of this.

Now I’m going to try to punch out a bit more paperworky things before I lose gumption.

Brady, how about you jump on the accounts and I’ll fill in all the forms. Deal?

It was an odd weekend without my boy 💜 Welcome home, Dekker.

Dekker went to Youth Edge this weekend. If not for that retreat, we would’ve aimed to have Brady’s memorial this weekend. But I do believe this weekend was very important to Dekker’s grieving process, so it was a no brainer to keep this weekend free for him.

It’s been odd, though, to have him away. I’m really happy he’s home 💜

I’m exhausted. Words are hard today. Try again tomorrow.

Todays blog is for Cher 💜

I’m not great at words these days, though, so nothing eloquent will follow.

Today marks another birthday for her brother, Scott, that he is not here to celebrate. We try to mark the day with an iced capp in his honour. Usually Cher and I would drive to Warman, pick three up, and drop one off to Brady at Zaks.

This year felt different, though.

We didn’t go for iced capps. I did some memorial planning/organizing this morning. Had some lovely people pop into the house for a little bit. We played hard with our foster bestie who gave absolutely the BEST hugs this weekend, WOW!

But it was unfortunate that we didn’t go for iced capps because this year had extra grief.

Maybe you heard, but my husband died this week.

Maybe you heard, but Cher and Brady had a very real loving brother/sister relationship. Not the kind where, she’s my best friend, so we all politely say they’re family. They were family! They ARE family 💜

So today, Cher mourned both of her brothers. And I wasn’t of much use to her, as I mourned my husband.

We did visit over Dole whip briefly, which was better than nothing, for sure. I’m just sorry, sweet Cherice, that it wasn’t iced capps this year.

I’m SO glad you still got one 💜

They were Brady’s guilty pleasure this summer, too.

Happy birthday, Scott.

Happy first weekend in heaven, Brady.

💜